Being A Nondual Snob

[Forestluv]

Over the past few months, I've had some glimpses of what seem to be described as nondual. My body and mind seem to be moving in this direction. At times, it's been awkward having a nondual perspective around people with a dual perspective. Yet since I've lived my whole life dual, that's my default and where I naturally go when I'm around co-workers, people in the supermarket etc. 

A few weeks ago I started dating a gal who has casual interest in personal development, meditation, yoga etc. I've noticed she is a bit of a "coffee snob". She only drinks high quality coffee. She knows all about different types of coffees and likes to *over-share* her knowledge. In a similar way, I've noticed that I can be a bit of a "nondual snob", in which I *over-share*. Examples:

Her: Look at those clouds. Aren't they beautiful?

Me: When you define them as clouds and beautiful you are saying that they are not something else. That separates them from every-thing. They are not separate, they just are.

Her: I enjoyed spending time with you today. That was fun.

Me: Time is a concept. There is only the present moment. Those thoughts and memories are just a story within a dream. The only reality is right here in this present moment.

Her: I'm interested in learning more about you. Tell me a bit about yourself.

Me: Well, there is the true "me" and the illusionary self. Generally, the term "you" is used in the context of the illusionary self. This self illusion is merely a projection of thoughts and bodily sensations. That "self" doesn't exist through time. The true "me" is within infinite consciousness in this moment in time.

At times, we've had some introspective conversations in which these thoughts seem appropriate. Yet other times, she says a lighthearted comment or question and I ruin the moment by pulling out this nondual snobbery. It just doesn't go with the flow and it's a killjoy. A few times her facial expression is like: "huh??. . . ok, whatever. . . ".

I'd like to connect with someone in the actualization area, yet I'd also like to learn how to express it without forcing it and disrupting the flow of events.

 

Edited November 9, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[vizual]

There is an art to conversation. Like playing improv in a jazz band, one member doesn't suddenly start playing a totally different tempo and key. Even if that member does, he simply can't expect the other band members to just follow along. There has to be a fluidity to tempo changes, some alluring to. The 'feel' of the music piece has to lead in that direction. 

It's not that you are oversharing, it is that you need to build more rapport with her. Get her interested in non-duality. Start simple. Find out here views on life, philosophy etc.

[YaNanNallari]

You seem to want to discuss philosophy. Or teach it. Or be a smartass. Instead of just spending some great time with her which she is more into.

Being a snob is one way to distract yourself. If you expect a person to have no addictions such as her coffee thing then you must have really high expectations. The way to help her with that anyway is acceptance imo. Not telling her a bunch of facts about it.

If she sees that you don't have to always correct her or explain theories she will follow your lead more likely. If she knows how you actually think yet aren't pushing it on her the whole time she will more likely begin to act by it.

Besides, do you actually think telling her clouds are a part of everything actually makes her realize that? I don't mean this too seriously, but haven't you through your own practice seen at all how difficult these things can be to grasp or how irrelevant they are as just concepts in some ways? I suppose if your tone of voice is enthusiastic instead of snobby or arguing then you can sort of show her in the moment but still.

And even if you and clouds are only concepts they can have their uses. Wouldn't it be more accurate to think of yourself as the body anyway? Since that is what everyone means by it. Of course it is only a tiny expression of everything, but when it comes to language and concepts you means your body and mind.

Anyway if you seriously feel those things you're talking about and they're not just concepts to you then you can experiment relationships with people but you'll have a hard time getting a beneficial relationship with people because of your different level in consciousness.

What I would have answered to her about clouds would have been "Yeah, and so are you". About time, I would have told her to maybe see her again. About myself I'd tell whatever I'd find relevant, or even silly stuff about me or my experiences.

[Truth]

@Serotoninluv the conversation becomes more about "you" and reality and not about her or you both, not much of a surprise you're getting that reaction.

[Forestluv]

49 minutes ago, Truth said:

@Serotoninluv the conversation becomes more about "you" and reality and not about her or you both, not much of a surprise you're getting that reaction.

I find it difficult to communicate a nondual perspective. Is it even possible to have a nondual conversation?

And yes, when I try to communicate a nondual perspective, it becomes self-centered. Quite the paradox, yes?

[aurum]

4 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

Her: I enjoyed spending time with you today. That was fun.

Me: Time is a concept. There is only the present moment. Those thoughts and memories are just a story within a dream. The only reality is right here in this present moment.

Damn, you put her in her place .

For real though, you gotta lighten up a bit. You're still locked into the rational, logical mind.

Prescription: go watch some standup comedy, have fun with some friends, have some crazy sex and keeping meditating.

[Spiral]

@Serotoninluv Definitely being way too rational, get in touch with your feminine side.

[Toby]

never gets old

 

[Forestluv]

@Toby omg, I don’t want to become that! ?

@aurum You got it, doc. Some crazy sex on the menu tonight.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

Her: Look at those clouds. Aren't they beautiful?

Me: When you define them as clouds and beautiful you are saying that they are not something else. That separates them every-thing. They are not separate, they just are.

Her: I enjoyed spending time with you today. That was fun.

Me: Time is a concept. There is only the present moment. Those thoughts and memories are just a story within a dream. The only reality is right here in this present moment.

Her: I'm interested in learning more about you. Tell me a bit about yourself.

Me: Well, there is the true "me" and the illusionary self. Generally, the term "you" is used in the context of the illusionary self. This self illusion is merely a projection of thoughts and bodily sensations. That "self" doesn't exist through time. The true "me" is within infinite consciousness in this moment in time.

 

Ahahahaha......

I have created a monster.

[JustinS]

This is for you

 

oops already been posted hehe

Edited November 9, 2017 by JustinS

[Extreme Z7]

10 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

Her: Look at those clouds. Aren't they beautiful?

Me: When you define them as clouds and beautiful you are saying that they are not something else. That separates them every-thing. They are not separate, they just are.

What's stopping you from just saying "Yep. . ."?

[Wind]

2 hours ago, Extreme Z7 said:

What's stopping you from just saying "Yep. . ."?

Or... savoring the moment in silence as you breath in deeply, look at her/your eyes and smile.

[Girzo]

I find your replies to her funny as hell. So I suppose she doesn't react well only because of how you are saying it, not what. Work on that and don't be butthurt.

[Zephyr]

It's nice to see someone becoming 'Non-dual' from time to time, with such 'Non-dual' way of thinking. Probably better if you add references to all these, like according to Swami this Swami that, page 293 blah blah blah 

 

[Sine]

This post remind me so much of my ex.. we a great friends today and I have always enjoyed talking with him about these things, but when It came to the point where we couldn’t have a ‘normal convercation’ it was too much.. Also because i felt like he thought that i was stupid, or like he wanted to be my teatcher instead of my equal.. And that was really annoying. Even though I loved him and still love him very much. 

[ajasatya]

@Serotoninluv you care too much about making a point. you gotta let go of that pride.

when we start the journey we have the beginner's mind. everything is marvelous and we learn from many sources.

the thing is... the beginner's mind is the goal! don't carry intellectual baggage with you because fundamentally you cannot explain Reality anyways. admit it to yourself 24/7 and let your heart bloom through silence instead of being vulnerable to mental concepts about you and Reality.

[Forestluv]

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Ahahahaha......

I have created a monster.

 

[Spiral]

SpiritNazi's are the worst.

[Forestluv]

@Sine Thank you Sine.

She has a very high emotional intelligence with amazing interpersonal skills. She mostly works to resolve conflict and provide support to refugees. 

When I can step out of my analysis, I see she has a sophisticated perspective of life and is so connected. . . The other day, I was going on and on philosophically about neglected diseases and the ethics of resource distribution. She was so patient. Then, she shares about her years of work assisting inner-city poor people with HIV. . . I suddenly realized she KNEW and I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I had been sitting in my office, safe in my head pontificating. I was able to shut up and listen. I learned so much and my perspective changed. 

A couple times she mentioned that she felt “too basic” for me. Yet, I don’t see her like that at all. I’d like to get better at letting go of my tendency to over-intellectualize. In some ways, it gives me a sense of comfort and control.