I Don’t Want To Let Go - Toxic Sentimentalism

[kieranperez]

I’ve always been extremely sentimental. Like... to an extremely unhealthy degree. At 22, as embarrassing as this is, I still sleep with what’s the equivalent of my baby blanket. Every time I think of putting it in a drawer and moving on literally makes me cry... like right now. This goes for almost everything about my past. I don’t want to move on and accept the reality that my little brother isn’t little anymore. He’s 16. In yet, I cry because I miss him being little because the fact that that part of him is gone forever just makes me so sad that i start balling. I think I can honestly say that this is why I don’t want to change. I don’t like moving on. I feel bad moving on. I feel like a bad person. I feel so guilty. Like, I’ll get into this train of thoughts and end up honestly hitting myself because I feel bad and feel like a bad person. I want things back. I don’t like change. I’ll have these episodes where I think for example that my dad is finally dead and I’m standing at his grave and I immediately run to my dad crying so hard and hug him and just say that I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to let go of my sense of self I’ve always tied myself to. The pain of simply facing this is just so strong and I feel so upset that I almost don’t want to bear it. It feels like I have to hold on. It’s not okay to let go. How I don’t want to. It’s like this vow that I have that says ‘I will never let go.’ I almost don’t even want to ask for help for this because I dont want to but I know that I kinda have to...

[Epiphany_Inspired]

I have the same problem with emotional connection to material objects....In it's worst manifestation, it's how hoarders live with dead cats squished under all their piles of junk...so be glad you are not there! ...I have improved vastly, purging belongings by keeping only what brings me true joy is really helping....but I have not 100% fully surpassed this either....have optimism... It is possible to distinguish the memory from the object, and hold on to positive reflection, while discarding the junk....it is also possible to transcend even the need to retain the memory (other than for learning from, and moving on)....I'm 40 and although I've given my daughter all of my other toys, I have a teddy bear that I hide from her (made by my childhood best friend's awesome granny)...lol....so I'm just as sentimental (I wish I could snuggle it but she'd see it...lol..)...you did ask for help...so you likely do want to start letting go....you just have to dive in...release is great too...the universe will send you new things or ideas or friends etc...it's totally worth it!

[heisenburger]

@kieranperez

Try this.

 

Edited November 14, 2017 by heisenburger

[Eva]

I recommend checking out works of The Minimalists. Also Zen Habits, Becoming Minimalist and Courtney Carver have been helpful for myself.