Feeling Pressure While Talking

[WhiteCongrats]

Hi, I need any pieces of advice or something.

When I'm talking to people(when I have to say anything long - story or something), I feel big pressure. It brings about that I'm starting to speak fastly and cannot build a sentence - I hate it. 

I feel pressure because I feel like people don't want to listen to me(it's the biggest reason) and I don't count, I'm not good enough of a person who deserves to be listened. I feel people's eyes staring at me as I'm speaking and I sometimes stutter.

I've watched so many videos by Leo and figured out many 'problems' (stress, getting angry etc.)

I know that it's a problem with self-esteem and I kind of know that I'm on the same level like everybody, but deep inside I feel like I'm worse.

The reason of that all is because I was bullied psychologically in school from around 8 to 20 years old. So far I have done so much for my psychological health. I've tried to drop my beliefs, find out my childhood vows etc. and in most cases, it helped but in this case, I can't get over it. Something blocks me out.

Do you have any ideas?;[

[ZX_man]

I would say that your unconsciousness is driving your "conversations" so to speak, while your consciousness resides in shameful feelings. Try meditation, contemplation, or other self-discovery tools to get more in tune with your awareness/consciousness. Then you will have more control over what you are focusing on during these times.

[Ryan_047]

I can relate to some of this stuff here.I've got problems with anxiety too,but for me when I'm talking and I'm really nervous,I begin to stutter and quite often my mind just stops and forget what I wanted to say or do.One thing that I am planning to do is to practice mindfulness throughout the day.Like mindfulness breathing whenever I remember.Good luck mate!I understand your pain..

[Guanine]

For me, I try to focus on body sensations, but at times, I can't maintain the awareness of the body. Diaphragmatic breathing is also a plus, but likewise, my focus on breathing dwindles, and it spirals up to conjuring mental narratives. Dealing with anxiety is tough. Essentially, I think it's about not identifying with mental narratives, and expanding awareness. I conceptually understand this stuff, and at times, it works, but it doesn't work long enough. There might be some crucial points that I have failed to mention, but that is my take on the issue of anxiety. Hopefully, we will prevail, and our crippling anxiety will no longer prevent us from living life to the fullest. 

[Gabriel Antonio]

So the "pressure" you are referring to is not physical, right? Like... you don't feel any pain in your body while you're talking. Is that right? 

Have you ever tried affirmations? 

[WhiteCongrats]

1 hour ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

So the "pressure" you are referring to is not physical, right? Like... you don't feel any pain in your body while you're talking. Is that right? 

Have you ever tried affirmations? 

The pressure is mostly both physical and psychical. Then, I'm starting to feel warm on my face etc. It also happens when someone WANTS me to say a story or something and I know that he is gonna listen to me and not interrupt me. I think that it also comes from times when I used to speak very unconfidently, quietly and people tended to interrupt me or completely change the topic. Now I'm afraid that It will come back again.

It's like...I start to speak and I have this deep need to end as fast as possible and then I make different mistakes. I'm not very shy, I can chat up people without being stressed but then when it comes to say several sentences, you know what happens. That's so stupid. I feel stuck.

I havent tried affirmations yet. What do you reccomend?

Thanks for all replies.

Edited November 6, 2017 by WhiteCongrats

[Gabriel Antonio]

@WhiteCongrats I totally related to you. I myself hate telling stories. 

On 11/6/2017 at 9:51 AM, WhiteCongrats said:

WANTS me to say a story or something and I know that he is gonna listen to me and not interrupt me

YES! I know this feeling ahhaha... And I feel like I always break the expectation of the other person because the story never turns out to be so interesting when I say it... 

Well... I don't think I have helped that much hahaha... because I am basically in the same boat as you are. Some things that come to mind: 

 

- When you are telling a story, focus totally on what you are talking about and not the other person in itself. I mean, you can definitely look at the other person and so on, but don't get so distracted by their reaction. 

- Correct technique while talking also helps. If you speak with your neck, shoulders, and jaw tensed the story won't be appealing despite how hard you try to make it look like it. The best speaker is relaxed, just like when you are yawning.

- My intuition tells me that you would benefit from a very unusual Leo's video called "How to Be Funny." The exercises he gives are pretty good, especially the one that you come up with random phrases. I feel like you have to practice spontaneity. You know, one shot, and that's it. Plus, he also gives other exercises such as visualizing yourself talking confidently. Remember: visualize to materialize. But I myself am not a big fan of visualization, but it works... 

 

What am I doing to solve this problem for myself? Theater classes. I know. I hate them. I hate exposing myself, but it is working!! I am for the first time in forever am expressing my emotions truly (I was a complete robot in the past ahahah). It is unpleasant and my ego hates doing that. I have a presentation one month from now, and it will be for freaking children. I don't know how the hell am I going to do to keep those little brats (:P) paying attention to me, so it will be a challenge. 

 

So, in a way, I feel it is a matter of practicing (tell stories despite you not liking to do so) and you can also can get some help from a professional (like a theater teacher). And the How to Be Funny video is also great. 

 

Hope anything helps... I am in this same struggle, but we'll get there  

[Random User]

@WhiteCongrats  You're not alone dude. I think exposure is the way. Try and talk more and more than you usually would in social situations. It's awkward sometimes, but knowing that it's helping and that it's pushing my comfort zone stops me from getting myself in a mess. Like I have done so many times in the past.

Just remember that everyone gets social anxiety to some degree and everyone is more focused on themselves. In the past you've been shamed by people because they're carrying around their own toxic shame. 

Also, if you haven't done already, check out The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem  

Edited November 8, 2017 by Random User

[HII]

On ‎05‎.‎11‎.‎2017 at 6:27 PM, WhiteCongrats said:

because I feel like people don't want to listen to me(it's the biggest reason) and I don't count, I'm not good enough of a person who deserves to be listened.

How did you acquire this narrative about yourself? Since when do you have it and what was the initial cause? You say you've been bullied and already did some work in that area, but did you write down the specific events? And how did the bullying even start in the first place? Was there something before in your family maybe?

Another thing I can think of is to get used to use your voice. Practicing reading out loud might help.

[WhiteCongrats]

Sorry all for so long reply hope we will carry on.

Thanks for your reply.  im getting better by looking into myself very deeply. We will get there.

On 08/11/2017 at 8:30 PM, Random User said:

@WhiteCongrats  You're not alone dude. I think exposure is the way. Try and talk more and more than you usually would in social situations. It's awkward sometimes, but knowing that it's helping and that it's pushing my comfort zone stops me from getting myself in a mess. Like I have done so many times in the past.

Just remember that everyone gets social anxiety to some degree and everyone is more focused on themselves. In the past you've been shamed by people because they're carrying around their own toxic shame. 

Also, if you haven't done already, check out The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem  

Thanks.

 

On 08/11/2017 at 9:04 PM, Shiva said:

I recommend learning two things:

1) Rhetoric

I don't know how you speak, but if you feel like people don't want to listen to you, you might want to improve your speaking skills. Research and practice how to be a good speaker. Rhetoric is a whole field that exists since the ancient greeks and really can be mastered.

 

2) Not to give a shit what people think of you

For many people a huge obstacle when speaking in public is that they worry way to much what people think of them, mostly unjustified. This too can be mastered.

Do some research and then go and practise. But be patient becoming a good speaker isn't easy.

I will definitely check it out. Thanks

 

On 12/11/2017 at 3:07 PM, HII said:

How did you acquire this narrative about yourself? Since when do you have it and what was the initial cause? You say you've been bullied and already did some work in that area, but did you write down the specific events? And how did the bullying even start in the first place? Was there something before in your family maybe?

Another thing I can think of is to get used to use your voice. Practicing reading out loud might help.

For the most part of my life I was very, very negative about myself. I think that the initial cause of this was when my colleague started bullying me when I was around 10. I think he kind of hated me for no reason. His family also - his gradfather has once told me that I am useless slouch. And it then caused that already at that young age I started to doubt about myself etc. Later on, other people saw it and exploited it. Then it only was going worse and worse. And It continued to an age of around 20. At school, there always was someone doing it.

Now I kind of still carry it around with myself. I think I get better everyday but im still looking for a ultimate solution.

[Shin]

Check Martin guide on Shadow Work (my signature), all self-esteem issues and anxiety is tied to past baggage and identification to the ego.

If you meditate everyday, and try to be conscious of your thoughts patterns without judging everyday, and are doing shadow work, then in a year or two it will all drop.

All mental issue are a problem of identification and too much past and future in your head (except clinical one, where the brain is damaged ofc).

[WhiteCongrats]

On 25/11/2017 at 10:33 PM, Shin said:

Check Martin guide on Shadow Work (my signature), all self-esteem issues and anxiety is tied to past baggage and identification to the ego.

If you meditate everyday, and try to be conscious of your thoughts patterns without judging everyday, and are doing shadow work, then in a year or two it will all drop.

All mental issue are a problem of identification and too much past and future in your head (except clinical one, where the brain is damaged ofc).

Ok i will check it.

But what i'd like to point out is that when this problem occurs(when im talking), im not thinking about my past and my failures. I think that it's kind of rooted in my brain and in my way of being.