The Art Of Being Truly Vulnerable

[DanielIssac]

Let me begin by saying this is my opinion.

So one of the main things I often see in videos on how to get over a breakup is to get back out there. To go out there with the intention to have sex. This notion frustrates me because of how dishonest it actually is. You may be thinking "well it's not really that dishonest, I need sex."

To an extent you are right, but its not the action that is maladaptive. It's the idea. Sex isn't just sex. No matter how many times you try to convince yourself that it is. Sex is our most vulnerable state of being. It's very easy to build filters in this area and simply say that it's just an action, but let's be honest with each other. How do you really feel after that one night of fun? Honestly.

I imagine there is a sense of gratification and relief, but when you go back home and the fun is over, you feel even worse don't you? You want to know why? The answer is simple, you allowed yourself to be used and to use another. There are far better ways to blow off steam, especially after a breakup. You really think that going out and distracting yourself with immediate gratification is going to solve anything other than a temporary, physical urge?

Here lies the problem with people who do this, both men and women. You don't give yourself permission to really feel it out. Not only that, but if you're a real "hustler", you are very likely destroying someone else to make yourself feel better. In other words, you are a sexual bully. This type of person goes out after a breakup with the intention of making someone fall in love with them. Using that person for sex, then disappearing. Leaving that person to sit there, completely broken and in women's case, sometimes pregnant. How do you think we have so many single mothers now? Its not coincidence.

To be truly vulnerable in a relationship, you must be vulnerable to yourself first. For myself, this means really opening myself up to all the pain inside. Not just accepting it, knowing it's hopeless, that she is never coming back. To be honest, I don't think sex should occur until there is a commitment to be equally vulnerable. You can be completely independent in your own schedule but when it comes to sex, you are literally giving yourself to your partner.

This isn't something that should be taken lightly. It should be very serious! Not in a physical sense but in an emotional sense. Sex is where you truly get to open up, be your most authentic self, be your most adventurous, be your most humorous. Knowing that at any second, your partner could rip you to shreds and leave you bleeding to death. Trusting that they won't. They know this much about you and trust that you won't either.

Maybe I'm not communicating my point here clear enough.

Think of it this way. The act of sex is the cumulative experience of your entire life. In mere seconds. You move, penetrate, you give. You sway, get penetrated, you take. I'm well aware how much sex has been dumbed down and belittled. But I want you to imagine this for just a moment with me if you will.

Try to imagine what I had described earlier. You are having sex, being the most authentic version of yourself. Your partner is doing the same. You are being the most sexual version of yourself, your partner does the same. You are being the most humorous version of yourself, your partner does the same. You are being the most adventurous version of yourself, your partner does the same. Now I want you to realize something. You cannot be any of these things until you become the most vulnerable version of yourself. You can't be the most vulnerable version of yourself with someone else if you cannot do so with yourself.

I hope I'm painting a clear picture here because this is something that I feel is so misunderstood in our world today. Again, this is just my opinion. Just take a quick scan back, tell me that's not something you'd like to experience? Something you wouldn't love to experience? Now imagine being able to experience that every single day. To be that vulnerable every single day. Honestly, I think that sex is the highest form of self actualization. Because you have to open yourself up in the deepest of ways and if you refuse to, then it will always be "just sex". Thank you.

[Kimasxi]

Quote

you allowed yourself to be used and to use another. 

I believe your perception of what "just sex" is has been skewed by some other beliefs. A psychologically healthy person doesn't see sex as "using" someone, but instead as of creating an experience for both parties, sharing. 

Maybe you held a belief that sex in a love relationship is superior to sex between people who do not love each other, and then you looked for arguments to feed the confirmation bias (pregnant women etc.), which all served to validate your ego.

My point is that "just sex" does not do anything afterwards, as it totally depends on what people make it mean. You do not have to feel worse afterwards. Why? The mere fact that someone accepted you as a sexual partner means that there is a part of you that is acceptable, which for example can give hope to people with poor self-esteem, who believe they'll never be accepted thus won't receive affection etc. I believe many people might be elevated from a low spirit thanks to sex, start feeling more secure and then, if they are ready, start looking for something more meaningful.

[Spiral]

Casual sex is problematic, not just in spiritual terms but also in regards to future long term relationships. This of course applies to both genders. Sex can be abused(and often is) just like drugs or other distractive activities.

In others words if you trying to get past a breakup, sleeping around for instance just delays the pain for later. Now sex can also be a positive thing but its needs to be done in properly and in a healthy way in that case.

[DanielIssac]

7 hours ago, Kimasxi said:

I believe your perception of what "just sex" is has been skewed by some other beliefs. A psychologically healthy person doesn't see sex as "using" someone, but instead as of creating an experience for both parties, sharing. 

Maybe you held a belief that sex in a love relationship is superior to sex between people who do not love each other, and then you looked for arguments to feed the confirmation bias (pregnant women etc.), which all served to validate your ego.

My point is that "just sex" does not do anything afterwards, as it totally depends on what people make it mean. You do not have to feel worse afterwards. Why? The mere fact that someone accepted you as a sexual partner means that there is a part of you that is acceptable, which for example can give hope to people with poor self-esteem, who believe they'll never be accepted thus won't receive affection etc. I believe many people might be elevated from a low spirit thanks to sex, start feeling more secure and then, if they are ready, start looking for something more meaningful.

I'd like to debate this point with you. Perhaps I have some beliefs that impact my view. So let's white wash all the nonsense if we can. The basic, physical act of sex isn't the problem. As I had stated. The problem lies in the fact that we are not purely physical beings.

If you can honestly have sex with someone and not feel some form of emotion afterwards, there's something wrong with your mental state. No matter how you try to pin this, there will always be emotion attached. No one has to like it, but its there. That is undeniable.

Even the most hardcore "hustlers" out there are doing the act for a reason. Not because it feels good, not for a release. Think about it. Like I said, there is a connection that is formed and if someone is too emotionally numb to feel that connection, they really aren't healthy enough to be doing it.

Don't get me wrong, I know people are going to do what they want, when they want, how they want. I'm simply saying that I believe there is a better, healthier option.