Self-inquiry: What To Expect If You're A Newbie

[Adam M]

Just did my first self inquiry for 30 minutes I'll keep this brief.

Background: I've practiced vipassana for 1 year daily for 1-2 hours and have been on 2 retreats. I've done shrooms alone twice.

Start: I believe that I'm the body...this troubles me immensely because many people that I respect say that I am not the body...If I am not the body, then what the fuck could I be?

- noticing that I can't be a sensation because they are impermanent

- noticing that the body constantly changes 

- noticing that I'm not the thoughts

- it seems like I am the one having the thoughts 

- noticing that the one having the thoughts can't be located in my field

- noticing that the one that is noticing cannot be noticed

- monkey mind focuses all of the attention on the inquiry 

- weird body sensations such as tingling and shivers when I question whether or not I am the body

- lots of time spent trying to "disprove" why I can't be the body...but after I seem to have concluded that I CANNOT be the body I still identify with the body (lol)

- frustration

- very slight headache

- excitement/fear

- "who is the one perceiving?"

- YOURE A COMPLETE IDIOT FOR BELIEVING THAT YOU'RE THE BODY THE BODY ISNT THERE WHEN YOU ARE IN DEEP SLEEP BUT YOU DONT STOP EXISTING (etc.) 

- coming back to the present moment over and over again with a deep breath

Overall a pleasantly challenging experience, I would recommend it after 1 hour after mindfulness with labelling (vipassana in my case)

What do you think? If you're a newbie like me, how did your inquiry go?

 

Edit: I forgot a good one

- What is constant? If everything changes then how can I exist as an experience?  If I'm not an experience then WHAT THE FUCK ....

- I try not to do philosophy, I try to always look for the answer in the present moment 

- "nothing is hidden" 

 

Edited October 30, 2017 by Adam M
Added stuff

[Leo Gura]

@Adam M Good work. Keep it up every day.

[Adam M]

Hey guys, 

I've only done self inquiry for 5 days and I just have a quick question about some of the symptoms I'm getting during my sits...

My sits are VERY intense and I experience lots of body sensations that I can't control...I just would like to know if Self-inquiry is usually this violent...

I experience:

- full body spasms towards the end (like a mini seizure)

- cross-eyes/ blurry vision when I'm trying to focus

- heightened heart rate and heavy breathing

- strong chills in all parts of my body

- clammy hands and sweating

- hyper focus, sometimes it seems as though the inquiry is doing itself...questions just spew out and my body gets extremely rigid and defensive

- seems like a fight or flight response...

 

I just assume that I'm doing a good job because it seems like I am having a physical reaction to my ruthless questioning... I can literally feel my sense of "I" getting very defensive and trying to distract the inquiry with body sensations.

Again, I know that I'm still a n00b but I'm just getting excited because my sits are very intense...

Hopefully this motivates people to start doing self inquiry and also, are these symptoms normal?

Thanks :):):)

[Leo Gura]

@Adam M No, but meditation and yoga commonly gets that way with deep practice.

Whatever happens, the advice almost always is just basically: keep on going, don't get distracted by phenomena, don't quit your practice.

The mind tends to resist this entire process like a hooked fish getting pulled ashore.

[Drum Teacher]

Good morning.  This is my first post, so I've re-written this thing so many times...  I've decided to delete most of it and just ask my question... w/o all the background. I'm a rookie. I have been meditating for 37 days. Before, I would wake up at 5:30 by alarm clock every day.  For the last three weeks, I'd say around two weeks after starting my meditation practice, I wake up from 3:45-4:15am on my own, without alarm clock.  Is that a normal side-effect?

[Nahm]

@Adam M music to my ears! Thanks for sharing the experience. ❤️

 I just assume that I'm doing a good job because it seems like I am having a physical reaction to my ruthless questioning... I can literally feel my sense of "I" getting very defensive and trying to distract the inquiry with body sensations.

I would look into those bold I’s.

[Nahm]

@Drum Teacher congrats on improving your life through the practices! ?.   Are you getting enough sleep? Are you waking up earlier because you’re excited for what the day will bring, or stressed and having trouble sleeping? I find a relationship between letting go & being now, and needing less food & sleep, but I don’t want to assume and project. 

[Drum Teacher]

@Nahm Thank you for asking.  Good question. I think I am getting enough sleep, actually. I have decided from now on, just to get up and start my day when I wake up.  I am definitely not stressed or anxious.  I am SO much better about letting go of all the thoughts that cause the stress and anxiety... it's not that. Weird that you speak of the food too... because I have been eating much less, and better quality food for three months as well, in addition to an exercise plan. I bet it's just my body and mind changing as a result of my new habits, actions and thought patterns.  I also had a career change 6 months ago too.  So... I bet it's just my physical body changing as I've been making new and better habits and a whole different life style, honestly.

 I have two degrees and I think I've learned more from Leo and Alan Watts than I ever did at University.  

[ajasatya]

2 minutes ago, Drum Teacher said:

I have two degrees and I think I've learned more from Leo and Alan Watts than I ever did at University.

it's because only now you're really interested in learning.

the humble attitude is the key. even University can be wonderful. it depends on your thirst to practice what you learn.

[Nahm]

@Drum Teacher All sounds great to me. Keep on keepin on. The humble brag trap teaches us all. Given the variety of traps, it’s a pretty forgiving one. ❤️

[Adam M]

4 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Adam M music to my ears! Thanks for sharing the experience. ❤️

 I just assume that I'm doing a good job because it seems like I am having a physical reaction to my ruthless questioning... I can literally feel my sense of "I" getting very defensive and trying to distract the inquiry with body sensations.

I would look into those bold I’s.

True!  I'm going to inquire again and see how it goes...thanks!

[Adam M]

@Nahm Hey, my last inquiry was hard...there were many distracting thoughts and I was only able to focus for maybe 10-15 minutes... During that time I discovered that my present identification is that I am the body and the thoughts and that reality is outside of me...It is interesting to see that there is still identification with the body and the mind even though I have undermined that possibility many times in a Neti-Neti style of inquiry.  Even though I have no proof that suggests my identification to be correct, I still believe it like a SUCKER! Lol.

 

Going to continue practicing! thank you for me helping me!

 

[Nahm]

@Adam M my pleasure. Maybe a retreat or trip of sorts is in order. You’re blowing my mind right now. Just the sheer expansion of where we all start and where self inquiry takes us. What the actual holy shit man. So vast we have to refer to portions as paradigms just to try to communicate through it. Like flowers indeed. 

[Drum Teacher]

@Nahm Humble brag.. interesting. Shows you how much of a noob I am!  I looked up Humble brag... and definitely not my intention, but I definitely see it when i read those words in my post again.  Thing is... I have only one friend that I can talk to about this stuff who can relate or understand.  So... I think i just threw up all those words as they came to me.  Thanks for pointing that out.  

[Nahm]

@Drum Teacher I hope you laughed at my comment, I meant it in a jest of trendiness. You’re doing great, keep kickin ass.