The Spiritual Journey And Everyday Distractions

[Alenka]

It’s been a while that I have been asking myself, when should I decide to change or let go of external circumstances because they distract me from my spiritual practice? I keep telling myself that the pain and the struggle are a good challenge and help me deal with exactly those situations (I am talking about relationships, friendships and romantic ones, the city environment that I live in, anything that refers to our life situation as opposed to life itself  etc.). How much pain and struggle is constructive, when is it time to let go?

The most recent example I can think of: I keep having the same issues when I am in a romantic relationship with someone, I feel hurt a lot but I stick around to “practice” not to feel hurt, to stop resisting what is and to change my ways. But while trying to figure it out, it significantly disturbes my meditative state and spiritual practice that I would manage to maintain with more ease if I didn’t have this relationship that I was drained by.

I have been asking myself the question about relationships, the city I live in (and the people in it), my job, my friends and more.

 

 

[Nahm]

@Alenka it’s hard because no one has as much data on this as you. Are you meditating daily? Strikes me like you are too into the illusion / life, and need some retreat / love / clarity. Ultimately, that is the only place you can get your answer. It would be all too easy for me or anyone to give the advice of - do what you want / what makes you happy. Don’t stay in a shitty relationship, don’t live where you are not happy

Edited October 28, 2017 by Nahm

[Leo Gura]

@Alenka Suffering is something you create. Spirituality is not about enduring suffering, it's about becoming conscious of how you create all your suffering. So this "enduring of suffering" game you're playing is not real growth, it's neurosis and ego monkey-business.

Apply consciousness and spirituality to your relationships until you learn to stop creating that suffering.

[Alenka]

Yes, I meditate and do yoga everyday, my spiritual practice has become my main priority in my life, which is why I am asking myself this question. I am conscious of the illusion even though I don't fully grasp it, that's why I call those things distractions because it drags me back into the illusion.

My point is, there is no shitty relationship, my experience of the relationship is shitty. I can change my experience of the relationship by going inward. The mind is causing the pain, by going inward and dissociating from it, my experience becomes loving and graceful. But most of the time, the emotional charge is so high that I get too identified with the mind. I know the pain is not real.

I see sticking around those distractions like working out a muscle and the pain that I am feeling is the muscle soreness from working out. If I stop working out, my muscle is going to grow weaker.

I also ask the question because I have observed that since I started my spiritual journey, I have distanced myself from a lot of things, I have become much more solitary for example, so I wonder if I am not going out of way of life, of what is, by shielding myself from those distractions.

edit: @Leo Gura Yes, I agree, but if I am not in a relationship, how can I practice applying consciousness to it ? That is exactly my point

Edited October 28, 2017 by Alenka

[Leo Gura]

@Alenka Both ways are possible: you can stay in the relationship and apply consciousness to it, or you can leave the relationship, isolate yourself, and do some serious consciousness work that way.

Isolating yourself tends to actually be much more effective. Which is why retreats are so important. Spirituality demands lots of uninterrupted focus.

But either way can work. It just depends on your goals and values.

If you seek enlightenment, relationships will be a distraction.

[Alenka]

Yes I agree, they are. 

How do you decide for yourself when it is time to let go ? To step away ?

[Vercingetorix]

@Alenka Staying in the relationship can be the faster way to grow because you are confronting the emotions directly.
BUT you must have the capability to deal with them! if your concentration and insight practices are not strong enough to deal with the emotions the grows will be slow and involve a lot of suffering. (and from the way you describe things there is suffering, so there is something you are not doing right).

 In this case, the advise will be to quite the relationship ASAP, concentrate on developing concentration and deepening your insight practices for some time and then after a few months maybe, or whenever you feel ready you may go back to a relationship, and see how easy it is now to deal with the emotions, you will laugh at yourself at how you clung to your thoughts and suffered, how you created all this misery to yourself

[Alenka]

I actually already left the relationship for exactly those reasons. The relationship is just an example because it's a recent situation that I was confronted with, but I ask myself that question in general (I quit my sports team because I didn't know how to deal with the drama anymore and it was getting too distracting and other instances).

I keep wondering about how strong my spiritual practice can get if I don't confront the situations that create resistance within me. Just like I am not gonna get stronger if I keep bench pressing 5LBS, I am not gonna get stronger "at life" if I keep bench pressing "5LBS situations" if you catch my drift

@Vercingetorix I think the key factor in what you said is to have "the capability", (I would rather say available resources, emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual ?) to deal with those situations.

That is why leaving the relationship was not so hard, because I didn't resist the fact that I am not whole enough, that I don't have the available resources.

Edited October 28, 2017 by Alenka

[Vercingetorix]

@Alenka

IMO resistance is the bread and butter of spirituality. each one is an opportunity to develop wisdom, non-attachment, unconditioning yourself from the resistance.
What is a resistance really? It can be immensely helpful to understand that's its a situation where you, the ego, is confronted with something that you deem as harmful to yourself, a strong sensation that you try hard to avoid because you don't want to feel pain. In order to avoid this "negative" body sensation, you create a story, thoughts that explain the situation in such a way that you don't have to feel the pain. But then every time a similar situation arises the story comes up with resistance which is suffering and not pleasant to us
so to solve this we have to hit the source of the problem which is the pain, the body sensation. We have to locate and feel the pain and accept and surrender to it, concentrate on it and uncondition the thoughts that automatically comes up with it. and then we are free and can enter similar situations without any resistance! (it's the only test to see you really managed the unconditioning).

 

Edited October 28, 2017 by Vercingetorix