Devastating Desire For Extreme Loneliness

[Forestluv]

Yep, I can conceptualize all day in my office. Yet like you, I also have a desire for meaningful connection. In terms of science, one of my challenges is connecting to students and conveying concepts. I'm also very disorganized which makes it more challenging.

I started off as a business major and changed. In hindsight, very much due to my introverted nature.

Lately, I am becoming aware of my thoughts and behavior during conversation. When it's someone that seems surface, I often just do the standard "small talk". I get bored and I'm not too engaged. When it seems like someone who has depth, I tend to talk a lot. She may share an experience and I jumped in about how I experienced something similar, the insight, and start sharing one of my "deeper" experiences. Then lots of concepts. It's like part of me gets excited to connect at a deeper level and I go overboard. I often leave feeling like I did a lot of expressing and very little connecting.

Edited October 30, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[Dodo]

@egoless if aloneness was ultimately that great we probably wouldn't have this illusion of twoness.

I have this memory of "death" where I was in this white space, completely alone following a life in which I had strived for it so much, it got delivered and it was my biggest nightmare. 

Returning to the ones close to me, this desire, made me suffer undescribably. It was hell. I was alone for eternity as far as I knew. It was worse than hell, at least in hell you'd see other souls with the same fate and you won't feel that excruciating pain.

[Richard Alpert]

is a strong urge to be lonely necessaru bad? I would be more concerned if you cant spent time alone like a lot of people.

I dont think we can ever be free unless we penetrate the loneliness, which we will anyway face when we are going to die.

Most people wait to the deathbed. The sooner it is faced, the better.

[egoless]

28 minutes ago, Richard Alpert said:

is a strong urge to be lonely necessaru bad? I would be more concerned if you cant spent time alone like a lot of people.

I dont think we can ever be free unless we penetrate the loneliness, which we will anyway face when we are going to die.

Most people wait to the deathbed. The sooner it is faced, the better.

It turns bad when you have to live in this materialistic world. It would be awesome if you were self sufficient but as you know it is almost impossible in modern times. Unless you become extremal and go live in Alaska like Leo said.

[Progress]

@egoless This was a fascinating thread. As an Enfp I can hopefully advise or at the very least inform you of a few things. The feeling of being mysterious and hard to communicate is simply immature understand of yourself. Although the communication part is immaturity based on extroversion which you may or may not choose to pursue. As an Enfp, I have many distinct parts of my personality that have relatively morphed seperately as a matter of environment. Some say its masks but some masks show the character rather than hide them! (Think Batman) The way I learned about the many downright contradictory personalities was through interaction with others. Each person magnifies an aspect whether it was insecurity, narcassism, spirituality, business, adventure, philosophy, and childhood. Now you may be thinking, this is more extroverted methods. Most of my understanding of myself yes was extroverted but it was 90% from one on one conversations. Inate in most people is a desire to explore the deepest questions of their lives, even in introverts, this is to a large extent desired through other people. You don't have to learn how to communicate with big groups or lecture, the real question you should ask is "How do I connect with other people's deepest questions about themselves?" I can't say for certain but I don't believe introverts inherently dislike conversation but rather meaningless ones. This is why even amongst introverts, they have one or two friends they pour their hearts out.