I've Told My Friend That She Should Cut Her Dreadlocks

[element]

I just wanted to share this story with someone, who can possibly give me some new perspective on this topic. Sorry for my english and i feel that i'm not very good in expressing my thoughts, in this language in particular, but let's go.

A. is my good friend, we get along well. She is an english teacher(we are from Poland).  I consider her as an open minded, hearty, clever person. She doesn's struggle with meeting a new people, however i've noticed, that she has a problem with finding a proper partner. Every of her relationships have been over, because of these guys mental problems (lies, addtictions) - thats my observation. Generally speaking, in my opinion she deserves some mentally healthy person.

I'm asking myself how our male-female friendship can even exist, it's my only friendship like that. But the answer is pretty simple - she doesn't attract me physically(dreadlocks, no make-up). I love spending time with her, we can talk about everything, she understands me like anybody else,but she is just not in my type. 

So my assumpiton is, that whenever she meet a new guy, they can easilly create some kind of friendship, because she is just like a mate, she is just cool person to hanging out with.

Some time ago, she's told me that she has meet some nice man. She was into him, and she was thinking that he is into her as well. But after some time, she has find out that's not  a true (he still want to hang out with her, but he doesn't want anything more from her. The question is - why?

So my hypothesis is that maybe simpy she isn't sexy enough? I've decided to told her about it (reffering to her haircut) in the most gentle way that i could. Her reaction was pretty calm, she was a little bit suprised. She's told, that i'm an only peson who has told her that maybe having dreadlocks at the age of 28 isn't the best idea. I think working on her apperance would be helpful in finding some nice guy in the similar age. 

After one day, I've noticed that this circumstance has created a big problem for her. She has took my word into her hurt and she feels wounded. Her perspective about her appearnce has changed, She is considering cutting these hair, but she is too attached to this haircut. (she has made a  dreads in age of 15 and now she is 28)

So now a question  is coming to my mind: Is it a good idea for her to changing her appearance in order to be closer to some current beauty standards? Would be an egoic action, or maybe it's just pragmatic? would it be authentical? It's just manipulating with appearance, right? Maybe beeing to attached to her current look is egoic and cutting hair and beeing bald for a while would be a sign of maturity? Because in my opinion she just doesn't unleash her potential, she is too less feminine.

Of course she can find a man of her live keeping her look as it is, but maybe she will not and she will suffer beacause of that for rest of her life. So in the name of what all these  dreads, it just doesn't help with beeing attractive for men, isn't it right?

Guys, what do you think about it, should she cut her dreadlocks, or maybe you have no fucking idea because you are not her?  Or maybe dredlocks are actually sexy for you? 

Thank you

 

[SFRL]

You are probably right. 

Making a big change in her appearance like that will probably cause a small revolution/crisis within her which is not necesairly a bad thing, and may lead to significant growth. 

The problem could be more complicated then that though, like the kind of men she is attracted to.

But you got to start somewhere. 

 

[Spiral]

Not a big fan of dreads and I mean if I want someone serious I wouldn't pick someone with dreads. That might just be a stereotype but I think it a very common one.

If you ask yourself why you find her unattractive you might, be able to find more solutions. Or is she so physically unattractive that there is nothing she can do. 

I have a friend in her late 30s that have a similar problem, age is an important aspect. So your friend better find someone soon. 

[YaNanNallari]

If I saw someone with dreadlocks I'd just be interested because it's not something I see often. Anyway if a guy likes her based on her haircut the relationship probably wouldn't last very well anyway, so I think her haircut is very irrelevant, unless it would be something very emo etc odd.

I think it's good to not identify in certain ways too much, so for me hairstyle is something I like to keep quite natural, not trying too hard to be something with it. Personally I have my hair cut but I don't need to do anything to it. It is not really necessary to comment hers though.