Share Your Mindfuck Story Here

[Parki]

All mindfucks are welcome however it would be nice if you revalation is tellable.
Things like "I thought that I was a human, but it turn out that I am nothing" are cool,
but it doesn't affect the reader due to black hole effect.

My first mindfuck were when I just started to code(programming),
and I was trying to fix a bug and I was completely stuck.
And then I realized that I am working with a model of the thing,
not with the thing itself, so if the model is wrong somewhere,
I won't be able to find it out through model-inquiry,
so I have to do that in reality.

[Lorcan]

40 minutes ago, Parki said:

All mindfucks are welcome however it would be nice if you revalation is tellable.
Things like "I thought that I was a human, but it turn out that I am nothing" are cool,
but it doesn't affect the reader due to black hole effect.

My first mindfuck were when I just started to code(programming),
and I was trying to fix a bug and I was completely stuck.
And then I realized that I am working with a model of the thing,
not with the thing itself, so if the model is wrong somewhere,
I won't be able to find it out through model-inquiry,
so I have to do that in reality.

40 minutes ago, Parki said:

 

I was contemplating "Who Am I" while I was in a field.

At one point I found myself asking myself "Who is the who asking who am I". This went on to me asking myself "Who is the who asking the who asking the who asking who am I?" And more and more "who" were added until I eventually gave up because I realized that there is a infinite number of the self asking its' self who is the self, asking who the self is.

Basically God asking himself who is the self, asking who the self is.

If I start getting deeply mind-fucked. I surrender to the concept of " I do not know"

There is an odd comfort in just embracing the void.

 

 

[hinawashi]

I had a few of these, but the biggest was to realize that every problem that I have actually starts off somewhere inside me. This opened up a whole wide field of exploration because looking inwards was something that I wasn't aware of. Once I started to tackle the ego problem, things started to make sense very quickly. So now instead of looking outward, I look inward whenever I'm experiencing "technical difficulties" because once I change myself the whole world changes.

Another huge breakthrough I've had was the ability to jump out of my own perspective and look at the world and everything in it in a more holistic way instead of value-scanning everything based on my own needs and wants. This is almost like a superpower which gave me so much more freedom than ever before.

[smd]

Those all sound like mini-fucks.

My first big mind-fuck, probably happens to a lot of people, was that first time you have a gal liking you, you become too needy & then they run away or even send your emails to campus security because they think you're a stalker.  Can you imagine?  One day you have this gal making you a sandwich & she's putting your head on her lap, while she's wearing shorts, or using her leg to stroke yours.  Three short months later, she has nothing to do with you & telling campus security about your emails and making you look like a total stalker.  It was an emotional rollercoaster that lasted for several months after that, with even years where I would still think about her....a constant range of feelings.  Just a complete mind-fuck based on my expectations of what I had expected from reality and what I actually received.  It was all upside down & backwards.

So I turned to work, my career, got a gf, & then forgot about it for a goodly 15-16 years.  The thought process, the problems, everything about the above ordeal with that woman went dormant.  No rhyme or reason..."She's a ding dong." I thought to myself and so I went my merry way into Corporate America.

But then I reach middle-age & the same thing happens again!  This time, I was used by this one gal to fuck up her own marriage because she wanted to dump her husband.  I thought it was so she could be with me, but surprise(!), I was just a theatrical prop that had outlived its usefulness.  Yet again, that full range of emotions & issues came swirling back.  I never figured it out back in college 15-16 years ago & I still hadn't figured it out!!  And now I was in the same obsessive, emotional rollercoaster ride that I thought died in my 20s.  How could this come back & bite me in the ass now??  Unlike the first time, I didn't get myself in trouble.   I turned to some of my friends & they told me that I needed to back-off or she would freak out.  So I followed instruction.

Eventually, I turned to trying to get answers this time, try to figure out women, & why all this shit was happening.  I grabbed a couple of books during this emotionally trying time: The Power of Positive Thinking & The Way of the Superior Man.  Which opened the door for me into self-development.  I'm still friends with this woman, but it took me nearly 2-3 years to get her out of my mind.  She was just stuck in my head for what seemed like forever.  Just an utter & complete, total mind-fuck.  She isn't in my head anymore & even if I willed it, I could not think about her that way again.  I think only the above two times is when I've had a woman stuck in my brain for such a long period of time, punishing myself.  But it's clear now.  I'm not really sure it could happen again.  I know too much about human behavior now...I have better expectations than I did the last two times when I was still blind to the world.

Edited October 26, 2017 by smd
typos

[pluto]

When i took my first hit of DMT i was shown how i already planned and knew this moment will come in that exact time and place and saw it play out in front of my very vision as time came to a complete stop i saw it all as past/present/future become one and the same.

This was beyond Deja Vu, completely blew my mind away.

[Soulbass]

i had a major paradigm shift aka mind fuck two years ago, it sure teaches humility and our inability to grasp how ignorant we are.

[Parki]

@Soulbass ye but what happened?

[Soulbass]

35 minutes ago, Parki said:

@Soulbass ye but what happened?

i was on phone with someone answering my questions before i ask them, using my own words and expressions. it seemed like he could see my past and future in details, including emotional aspects. i asked "is reality somehow like a dream or...? he described my environment and the way i was sitting on the floor and asked "how real is that?" (i known this person was living in another city).

since that day i try to keep in mind that i know nothing even tho i'm tempted to say "channeling" or "remote viewing".

he also advised me some crystals to work with.

Edited October 26, 2017 by Soulbass

[Highest]

Seeing what we call ''Spirits'', seeing what we call ''Satan'' (that was my full blown psychosis breakdown, or rather my spiritual breakthrough). Not only was it a mind fuck, it was another world altogether. I can't even put this together into a story, it's too difficult to explain.

[smd]

On 10/26/2017 at 6:41 AM, Soulbass said:

i was on phone with someone answering my questions before i ask them, using my own words and expressions. it seemed like he could see my past and future in details, including emotional aspects. i asked "is reality somehow like a dream or...? he described my environment and the way i was sitting on the floor and asked "how real is that?" (i known this person was living in another city).

since that day i try to keep in mind that i know nothing even tho i'm tempted to say "channeling" or "remote viewing".

he also advised me some crystals to work with.

 

You know people can tell when you're smiling over the phone. 

Another mind-fuck for me in this regard is always seeing duplicate numbers 11:11, 2:22, 4:44, and also just numbers in general not always on the clock.  I don't know how or why I do it, but I'll usually look at the clock to see 11:11 multiple times per week.  It used to freak me out, but now I just sort of smile & say "There it is again."  

There were many times over the last couple of years that I would also notice things around me would be standing on their edges instead of lying flat.  Somehow my hands or the way I touched something would put it in just a position that it would be on its side, without me even realizing it & then coming back to see it that way & being startled by it.  I even took a few photographs of them.  I haven't noticed it this year however...it seems to have gone away (or gone unnoticed).

[Sukhpaal]

Well over the past year, I've had quite a few of mind fucks here and there but the biggest one came while I was on LSD. Majority of the beliefs I held, just shattered and I saw the emptiness in them. It was crazy because when that happened, I was so confused, I asked myself: Wtf am I doing? All this hate I didn't know I harbored, and all these other neuroses that were buried deep inside me came to surface. It all felt so pointless... These beliefs I hold so tightly are pointless. I knew that my beliefs were pointless before the LSD, at an intellectual level but to embody that understanding is a whole new thing.  

Edited October 29, 2017 by Sukhpaal

[Nahm]

When I realized that all of the western religion I grew up in was not spirituality. It very opposite. 

When I saw that I am indeed at the root of any suffering.

When I realized that not one person (me too) in the world has ever known anything.

The first time I witnessed another person walking and talking but yet completely asleep at the same time.  literally asleep. Like they had zero memory of this. wtf?

When I realized our thoughts change our genes and dna.

When I learned that amount of visual muscle does not equal amount of physical strength. 

When I learned the statistics of the healthiest weight per one’s height. 

When I learned what false flags are, and that they happened large scale. 

When I learned of the men’s rights movement. First I laughed at it. Then got mindfucked. 

When I learned that I was in a paradigm. Still am of course. Thank you for that little nugget Leo. Mind blown.

When I learned the earth is giving off a measurable MHz frequency, and I am too.

WHen I realized what the lyrics to Fucking Hostile were actually saying, after having listened to that song a hundred times already.

When I realized all there is is what I’m aware of. 

When I realized I am alone. Gripping. 

When I realized Nihilism is part of a process. 

When I realized I had been pointing to nothing at all in terms of evidence that I was my body / brain. 

When I realized that all sound and communication is based on an agreement of meaning by me & the ‘hearer’, and also as me as the sayer and me as the hearer. That meaning is as real as unicorns and fairies.

The first time I saw all the light coming from all ‘living’ things. Total mindfuck.

The first time I saw someone’s aura.

The first time I wrote a song, and I as a person, did not write it. Previously, I thought people said that to show humbleness. Solid mindfuckery. Side note, spell check offers nothing for mindfuckery. (Appropriately)

When I first witnessed how I am experiencing the matching ‘frequency’ of me in all things, all the time. That baseline relativity or whatever we’d like to call it. Our ‘vibrational point of attraction’. 

The first time I saw a ufo. Wtf? “There’s really ufo’s?” Wtf?

The first time I saw one with someone else. That was like a double triple mindfuck. We just kept looking at each other saying what the actual fuck. We were speechless otherwise. It just sat there above us. I felt like all three of us where what the fucking really hard.  

My current most cherished mindfuck is when Leo pointed out that I was conflating. I had never heard that word before. I paused my entire life and looked into it for a couple weeks. Psychics, Reiki, solo retreat, shroomed on it, contemplated. Holy. Fucking. Mindfuck. 

When I saw that my wife and kids (and everyone for that matter) are the same entity. That mindfuck lasted for almost a week. When I spent a regular Friday night with my friends and experienced how they are all facets of me / the one. Tears of joy and whatthefuckness nonstop. I had to walk down the street cause I couldn’t stop laughing and crying. 

The first time, in that same respect, a total stranger just checked out and started talking as the one, and then their person ‘came back’ like nothing happened. I’m used to it now, but that first one was a solid two day mindfuck.

In my current paradigm, the king of all my mindfucks, is that I have not yet experienced another human, face to face, who is aware they are me, though I am aware I am them. 

Edited October 29, 2017 by Nahm

[YaNanNallari]

When I learned about energy and how it moves in my body.

When I realized (and more specifically accepted) that everything I feel, see etc is only inside this body. This lead to realization that in the end the only relationship I can have is with myself. I know oneness leads to that solution as well but I feel like this is a bit different approach.

Learning about infinity and seeing how that fits unlikely events.

Realizing that everything, even when we're thinking about future or past, is happening in the moment. There is nothing else but the moment even if our minds creates that separation.

[julienw]

@Nahm Man, that's an amazing list.  Totally mindblowing because I'm really sort of somehow understanding what your talking about although have barely experienced any of it for myself.  I'm curious, what are the details of your life?  What I mean to ask is basically, how did you experience all these mindfucks?  Like how old are you?  What have you done in your life to put you in the internal/external context in which these types of mindfucks are possible?  I'm stuck in the same old, conventional, neurotic mind-trap that 99.99% of people are trapped in, day in and day out, acting out of compulsion and drive, craving and desire, escape and the rest of it.  What you said in that post touched me because, and I hate to say it because I know it's quite backwards, but "I" "want" to essentially have those mindfucks, maybe not those exact ones word for word but I mean on par with them, at that level.  What can you say, what can I do, that will maybe facilitate that process unfolding?

[Nahm]

@julienw Hi. Thank you. An easy way to say it that initially comes to mind is I love everything Leo suggests. Most don’t hear it, some think it’s a chore, but I love it all. My current culmination includes meditation, self inquiry, healthy eating, exercise, diaphramic breathing, loving, playing guitar & singing, read all the different ‘Bible’s’, the history of religions, attended a variety of ‘churches’, read the books of the Eckhart Tolle’s of the world, listened to all the Leo, Abraham Hicks, Spira, Kahn, etc,  Ted Talks, Big Think, In a Nutshell, Asapscience, etc, etc, neurology, biology, quantum physics (The Copenhagen interpretation, quantum erasure, superposition & Schrodinger’s cat worked well for opening my mind up) and of course,  shroom tea ❤️ I’ve been doing that stuff for 20 years. fitness and healthy eating for around 5 years, I’m 42 now. 

Work wise....I starting working full time at age 13, worked basically retail jobs for 15 years, then opened an insurance agency (lived there for 2 years growing it), did consulting, now I’m into realestate (rental houses) and start up companies. I want to be a writer. I’ve written books, but then realized they were crap and I threw them away.  I’ll be satisfied by the book that writes it’s self, I’ve experienced this with songs.  Also, I’ve had ufo’s hover above me lately and I’m wondering where that will lead. They just sit there and I feel like I’m supposed to ‘get it’, but I don’t yet. I know that sounds crazy, but reality is crazy, I’m crazy,  and I love it. Maybe they will ‘write the book’. Who knows.

My gospel....A big house, money, vacations, success, nice suits, fancy cars, sex, etc, are lovely, but I find the saying ‘money can’t buy happiness’ to be radically true. Inner peace is inner peace, and we all have access to it, right now, if we get our desires& thoughts for those material things out of our own way. Easy for me to say that now, and that is a lux experience in it’s self. I’m kind of a transparent open book guy so if you think I can offer anything useful just ask. 

[julienw]

@Nahm Gotcha Nahm, thanks very much for the detailed response.  I'm 22 myself and currently working my first real job out of college.  One question I have is how to bring your life outside of meditation into your (mindfulness) practice, i.e. your personal interests (for me that would also be music and reading), career things, life things (relationships, fitness, etc.).  In other words, I find myself often approaching these things in a judgmental, ambitious and materially-driven way, and that scares me away from them in some deeper sense because I feel like they actually hinder me from achieving the more significant and important things, like present-moment awareness, self-compassion, expansion of consciousness, etc., however I simultaneously know that these other areas of my life can themselves be sources of development in the deeper sense if I allow them to be. 

The difficulty for me has been allowing them to be that to me, and so I continue to find myself obligating and forcing myself to pursue these interests in a way that feels driven, compulsive, and self-blaming, that limitless (or so it feels) "I am not enough"-ness, or "I'm just not trying hard enough"-ness that subtly yet powerfully pervades almost all aspects of my life and thinking.  So I guess what I'm asking is, how to involve myself in so-called "material" pursuits in a way that's not material at all, but rather reinforces my deeper, heartfelt spiritual practice that albeit I will say seems to ever so slightly begin to permeate my daily life outside of the few minutes a day I spend meditating.  Perhaps a more sincere approach to my meditation practice, continuing to listen and learn from those who have walked the path...I'm not sure exactly, so would love to hear your thoughts.  And if you'd like for me to clarify I would love to.

[pluto]

You guys ever get that feeling when you were a young child fresh into this world that how did you just get here? where was i just before this?

I couldn't of just popped up now? Where was i all these years in history before? Its the earliest memory i can remember, feeling like i just came from somewhere and not remembering who, what, when, where or how i just got here??

It surprises me i thought this was when i was 5-10 years old, eventually i completely forgot about this until i started waking up again.

[Nahm]

@pluto very often

[pluto]

Last weekend i went to this epic psytrance festival for 3 days and almost everyone i saw there seemed like i knew them my whole life or in a past life or a dream, i felt like i created them all somehow, i connected with everyone effortlessly, the more i connected with people the closer to home i felt, so much freedom, everyone was in a complete non-judgemental state, you dress and be as weird as you want, do what you want, even the police strolling around didn't judge you or bother you if you were smoking a bit of weed or tripping balls. In the midst of a candy-flip experience(LSD+MDMA) i was blown through the universe, laying flat on the grass looking at the sky, i was spiraling in and out in euphoria and awe i saw the dream i had as a child, the dream i was living now, the faces and people had been seen decades before it even happened, did i create this dream or was this dream a vision of the future? One way or another, it was an adventure of a lifetime and a mindfuck to be told!

[smd]

On 11/3/2017 at 8:21 PM, K VIL said:

@smd that doesnt sound like a mindfuck though, sounds like you're coasting on a play land of you're own making.

the mindfuck comes when you see you're wasting your fucking life. ahh or it wasnt yours to begin with ahhh or that you were what you needed to figure out not the women lol. but i guess we define mindfucks differently.

so did you ever move on from the first chick or na?

 

Isn't a play land of my own making a complete mindfuck though?  I think it is.  I didn't know what it was & I couldn't turn it off either.  It was a rank amateur move that I thought I had "solved" in my twenties.   Move on from which chick?  The more recent one that turned my world upside down & thrust me into self-development?  I keep in contact with her & think about her on occasion, but we've all moved on.  Everything I've studied about friendships with women I read it, then I experienced it.  What was read from a few of the best love doctors matched the experience I had to a T.  At the start of 2016, I had finally given up, after a few years of mental torture, while at the same time using self-deveopment to get myself out of it.

I currently don't have a powerful lock, as I once had with that one woman, to anyone in particular, so meeting other women or getting my jollies with them doesn't faze me or have any substantial impact to my psyche.  But I also pay closer attention to what I'm feeling & what may be causing it.  For instance, I feel a bit melancholy today & lament some of the past romantic passions.  However, I also know that I didn't get very much sleep last night & when I lack sleep, my mind becomes moody & thinks such thoughts.  If I sleep well tonight, those emotions will be gone tomorrow.  It really makes you appreciate how much a good night's rest is, without it, your mind will push annoying, negative distractions on you...or at least it does for me.