Experiencing The Godhead

[Pav]

10th Sep, 2017

I directly experienced God, Him, The Absolute, The Void, The Hole, The Singularity, Nothingness, The Infinite, The Godhead, The Supreme, The Grand Architect, Source, Truth.

Lately I have been longing to get out of the city and away from all of its egoism and to spend some more time in nature. Last week I had a dream where I was driving along a road through a forest. I decided I wanted to get out and ride my bike on the bright green grass. I failed to slow down enough when pulling off the road so my car slid across the grass; I managed to keep control of the car and stop. I drove a little down the road, down a hill and park behind a car at the side of the road. My dad is in the car. I ask him if this is the road that leads back to Melbourne, apparently it was not and that I should have turned onto a road further back. I decided that I was going to continue on this road instead of going back to the city, but first spend some time in the forest around me which made me feel warm, at peace, and nostalgic.

I can remember in the dream looking at a GPS map of my location. It was directly north of Melbourne and on a road that travelled west-east. A few days after the dream I saw a post on Reddit displaying pictures of the snow at Mt Macedon. It looked beautiful and I had only ever seen snow one when I was a kid, so I looked up the location of Mt Macedon, it was north-west of Melbourne and not very far away. It wasn’t in the exact location of the place in my dream, but quiet close.

This Saturday I made the trip out to Mt Macedon, I had set myself two goals for this journey which were to spend some more time in nature, away from the heavily egoic city, and to see the snow (the snow had cleared up by the time I got there).

The road there went along the top of a mountain with a drop and then more mountains on either side. It was a beautiful drive; exactly what I longed for.

I parked at the top of Mt Macedon and decided to take some mushrooms, I ate ten (Psilocybe Subaeruginosa) with many small mushrooms, a few medium sized, and no large, so what was supposed to be a fairly mild to moderate dose.

I was hiking down a trail when I started to come up. I noticed profoundly the silence of the forest and rapidly became more and more aware of The Void. I had never been so enveloped in Nothingness before, I (my ego) was dying; I was scared. Luckily I was quiet educated about ego death and knew not overreact. I turned back and headed toward the top of the mountain. Suddenly I became overwhelmed by symbolism, not only mentally but in the physical environment as well. I felt as if every fundamental question I ever had (ie. Who am I? What is the universe? Why does anything exist at all? What is consciousness?) was leading up to this point. It became clear to me that I was lost; spiritually lost. The fact that I now found myself in a forest with no one else in sight and no trace of civilisation was representative of that. I kept repeating in my mind ‘I’m so lost, I’m so lost’. For the past few years I have found myself on the spiritual path. I was now on a path heading up a mountain which at its peak housed the Memorial Cross; a monument in the form of a massive cross.

I made my way back to the car park trying as hard as I could to hold my consciousness intact; I thought I was about to go hyper-dimensional (the DMT-like hallucinogenic experience) which I was not prepared for. I pleaded ‘I don’t want to go, please don’t take me, I want to stay here’. After a while I realised I wasn’t going anywhere, I took a look around and realised that my ordinary reality was still here and I was in fact not tripping all that strongly (tripping in the usual sense as in visual and auditory hallucination, headspace, ect.).

What had happened was that I had been unveiled. I could see God, the source of all things. I had direct consciousness. I was no longer a person. My reaction was ‘I see. I SEE.’  While I am not a Christian (and was even a militant atheist at one point); the most natural word for what I saw was God.

God is not a person as we think of it in the Christian sense. God is a Singularity yet simultaneously a Void. God is Infinite yet Nothing. I could see that this Singularity was the Source of my existence and of the world I see around me. The world around me was being “spewed out” of this Hole. I saw that I am that Hole. This is my True Self unveiled. Nature, the trees around me, other people, society, my own identity, the fact that I am a person, time and space are all manifestations of The Hole. This life, this reality is just one limitation within the greater Infinity, for The Infinite contains every limitation.

What would you do if you were God; an all powerful Singularity that can do anything, be anything? Perhaps you would create a beautiful landscape with nature and trees and animals and set limitations or laws to this little world you’ve created. Perhaps you would create people to amuse you with all sorts of drama and antics. But maybe after a few trillion years you begin to get a little bored and you get the idea ‘maybe it’ll be exciting to forget that I’m God for a while’. This is by far God’s greatest trick; you have actually managed to fool yourself into believing that you’re not God. Amazing. Truly incredible. People are God playing ‘I’m not God’. This is the great cosmic joke.

I was deeply impressed, I could do nothing more than applaud. To be completely convince this whole time that I was just this little ego while in fact being God; truly impressive. I want to see that trick again for sure.

I realised that everything around me was all my doing, I was creating it. The bench I was sitting on, the trees around me were all my manifestations. The birds flew by; I was doing that. When I looked at people all I could see was me, they are all God. You are me. You are God, you are creating it all and you don’t even know it. We are all God and don’t realise it.

A very peculiar shift in approach towards other people occurs when you have this realisation. Seeing that they are all God, it is as if you are role playing with yourself. People are the masks you put on, but underneath the mask you see God; behind the act you feel the underlying connectedness, an underlying love.

I made my way over to the viewing area. The view was sublime. I spent some time basking in the magnificence of what the Singularity has architected. I then headed over to the massive cross monument. The plaque read ‘To the glory of God’. I find it amusing; God pretends He is not God and builds monuments to worship Himself. I inspected the view around this part of the mountain, I could see Melbourne in the distance, it was cloudy where I was, though in the distance there was a break in the clouds so sunrays shone down on the city. I thought to myself ‘what a wonderful little gem’.

The spiritual quest is a search for yourself; a search for God. Many times I have experienced some degree of ego death since embarking on the spiritual path and over time the death got progressively deeper. Now I know that the ego goes much deeper than I initially expected. The ego is your whole life; the mere fact that you’re a human being.

The vast majority of the contents of our lives are distractions from our true selves (including many of the things our egos pretend are spiritual; the ego is remarkably resilient, each time we experience a partial ego death the ego redefines itself, moving up a “spiritual” level, turning your spiritual answers into the new ego). Way back in the furthest recesses of our minds is the sneaking suspicion that there is more to us; this is the catalyst for the spiritual quest. The ego will do anything to distract us from following this intuition. The high ego density of the cities makes distraction inevitable, this is why nature and isolation are important in the spiritual quest; you are further away from the system which is constantly reinforcing your ego, you are cut off from the endless stream of distractions which is keeping you from your true nature.

With this revelation, I no longer had any more questions. All of my spiritual questions had been answered. What is there left to do now? Well, perhaps I could continue being human, live out a human existence and partake in the act.

Birth and Death do not exist. They are nothing. There is nowhere you could possibly go. The Void likes to manifest itself as a personality in a physical world and thoroughly convince itself that it is this identity and that it needs to survive. This has been going on for an eternity. ‘For the time it take for a bird to wear away a mountain by dropping a scarf on it every 10000 years; that’s how long this has been going on for’. Though, even this analogy is inaccurate, since the Singularity is both timeless and spaceless. Everything and Nothing are all contained within an instant.

I must stress that I am trying to speak as literally as I am capable of. There is no metaphor intended in my writing here. Words cannot do justice, for The Absolute is truly ineffable.

A day has already pasted since my revelation and already I am well and truly veiled again. My experience of The Godhead is now a fading memory. I am not sure why a relatively small dose of mushrooms caused me to unveil. I have taken mushrooms dozens of times, often at much higher doses, and have never experienced anything like this. The last time I did mushroom I had a much stronger trip than what would be expected for the does. I became hyper-dimensional on what should have been a strong, but grounded in reality, trip, and so did my friends whom I took them with. I intuit that whatever is happening to me with the mushroom is contagious; that if I take the mushrooms with someone else they too will unveil The Godhead. It’s a shame, I really liked mushrooms but now I don’t believe I can ever use them in the same way I used to. Interestingly, the other psychedelics I have used recently (ie. DMT and 2C-B) have not produced an awakening of this sort.

[Wes Thoughts]

@Mathew Pav Awesome trip report man!

Do you think all of the spiritual / consciousness work you have done prior to this trip is what caused the godhead or was it the correct psychedelic, setting and dose?

[Leo Gura]

Excellent!

Every trip builds on the previous. You have to stop expecting each trip which each substance and dose to be the same. It's not about that. It's about how conscious you are, how open you are, how deep your understanding and questioning is, what your intentions are.

If you give a fool a handful of mushrooms, he will still walk away a fool.

There is still deeper to go.

[Nahm]

@Mathew Pav thank you for posting this. It feels great being able to relate to someone on such a unique experience. Man I love trip reports. The veil is really something man. What. A. Trip. Right? I had almost the word for word same breakthrough just a few months ago. The clarity on the One that I am, and the person / reality  through the veil. I used to see the veil as something on the human, now it’s clear (for now lol)  the veil is on God, imposed voluntarily by God, allowing / creating  the experience of the human, which of course is God, or The One, and not seperate from the human. Last weekend, I went on a trip again, and the veil slipped off like taking off a pair of sunglasses. Like nothing. Effortless. But then I had a new experience. My previous experiences were basically, everything is One, then everything is dual of the One, which is actually me and non-dual. But this new experience was that what is, is, and there are no words or thoughts for it. Nothing to be said. Nothing to be thought upon it. It is.

I get something I didn’t get. The ‘why people don’t talk about it’. It’s because there’s nothing to say. It is. It just is. 

There’s this factor of all this that I want to ask you if you can relate to or have any thoughts on....

It’s been a few days since the last  ‘unveil’, which I’ve experienced a good number of times. But the ‘back in normal reality’ right now, is a new experience. I feel that (and who knows if there’s any “accuracy” at all in my experience)  the veil isn’t there, yet at the same time, here I am. Maybe I just accepted the veil? I don’t know. It’s like, where did all the little emotions about everything go? Or, as if the micro judgements that I wasn’t so aware of are not there anymore. There is everything and nothing at the same time. 

Anyways, thanks again for sharing Mathew! Love you brother!

Side story, two ufo’s hovered about me last Thursday night (while driving. Completely sober) then the same two hovered above me Saturday night. That could really sound crazy. It is crazy. But, it’s true. 

Nonduality is a hell of a drug in it’self. 

❤️

[MarkusR]

Keep going man. On psychedelics these enlightenment's are quite easy to attain and fade even easier into our memories, the path hasn't ended and the cycle of suffering will continue.

So I suggest you continue the spiritual practice, even if in the moment of your enlightenment you felt it was completed.

[RossE]

I like to think of the Godhead as an elephant-person with many arms working simultaneously. There's probably a Buddhist name for such a creature. 

Good work. Sounds like a very cool trip. Try smoking pot. I merged with the Godhead just by sharing ONE joint with a couple of friends a couple of months after my shroom trip. 

[Pav]

On 10/25/2017 at 2:42 AM, Wes Thoughts said:

Do you think all of the spiritual / consciousness work you have done prior to this trip is what caused the godhead or was it the correct psychedelic, setting and dose?

I do believe it was the result the spiritual work I had done previously. Ever since I took my first psychedelic I feel as if there was some sort of opening up in my psyche and ever since then I have found my self heading further down the spiritual path. Psychedelics will almost always induce some degree of ego death, though to have the full unveiling on your first trip would be very rare. After my first trip I found myself rebuilding my ego, while at the same time I could see that there was something profoundly significant to the psychedelic experience.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always had this desire to know, a certain curiosity about the world (ie. how did it all come into existence? what is consciousness? what is death? ect.). It was this curiosity which led me to explore the psychedelic state further, even after the uncomfortable experience I had on my first LSD trip. I have met many people who have a bad experience on a psychedelics (ie. the ego resisting its death) and then commit to never taking a psychedelic ever again. They heard the call to adventure, but refused to leave the house. 

Enlightenment is really not for the majority of people. It is only for those who want to Truth above all else, who are willing to sacrifice everything for it (since it is your ego (ie. you) that is the veil to the Truth; enlightenment = death, most people want survival and ego enhancement, not their own death!). A genuine desire to know is the most important facet to spiritual work, if you are sincere in your search for Truth you will inevitably find yourself down the right path, though psychedelics will massively accelerate your search.