Why I Can't Stop Thinking I Am A Loser?

[faith]

I don't know how to strip off the label "loser" out of my head. HELP!

I have this great doubt on my mind all the time. The worst part is I don't know how to shake it off. 

Are there any techniques or exercises?

[egoeimai]

You're not a loser. 

Btw what's new on your no sweets challenge? 

[alea]

How do you describe "loser" ? What means loser? Why do you label yourself as a loser? Let's assume you are not a loser, how would you describe yourself now? What would change in you?  

These questions can help you. 

[vizual]

I think you are too focussed on comparing yourself to other people. Being a "loser" is very much a self fulfilling prophecy, if you think you are a loser you are going to compare yourself to other people who you think are more accomplished in some way or another. Notice that everyone can be a loser. There is always someone richer, more successful, smarter, more accomplished etc. And your mind is very powerful that it can always find faults in the self. So when you think of yourself as a winner; in a fraction of a moment due to some external event, you can become a loser. Just like that. So the key is to break free from the winner/loser mind set.

I think it helps when you try to live your life by your own standards. Not standards that the external world puts on you. Find your own strengths and focus most of your efforts on that. And also focus on your own weaknesses. Don't judge yourself on your strengths and weaknesses by comparing them to other people. But judge yourself on the conscious attention you give yourself on being the best version you can be, regardless what other people think of that version of you. When you do that is when you truly win, not only you, but the world benefits from you being the best version of you.

[Toby]

I can recommend this https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-the-core-wound-of-unworthiness.html to see that unworthiness in whatever forms it manifests is nothing personal.

[heisenburger]

@faith what benefit do you get from thinking this about yourself?

[faith]

9 hours ago, egoeimai said:

You're not a loser. 

Btw what's new on your no sweets challenge? 

Hey, long time no see, a lot has changed. I am at the point where I don't care whether I have sweets or not. I just let the uncertainty take its course. What I noticed is that days where I binge are spreading out. Last time I binged to my heart's content was maybe 3 weeks ago.

9 hours ago, alea said:

How do you describe "loser" ? What means loser? Why do you label yourself as a loser? Let's assume you are not a loser, how would you describe yourself now? What would change in you?  

These questions can help you. 

Loser for me means someone who either doesn't even start things because he is too scared or too lazy, or someone who does start things but doesn't follow through, and even if he does, he still feels like a failure. 

I don't know how to see myself as an accomplished person, I think therein lies the dilemma. 

8 hours ago, vizual said:

I think you are too focussed on comparing yourself to other people. Being a "loser" is very much a self fulfilling prophecy, if you think you are a loser you are going to compare yourself to other people who you think are more accomplished in some way or another. Notice that everyone can be a loser. There is always someone richer, more successful, smarter, more accomplished etc. And your mind is very powerful that it can always find faults in the self. So when you think of yourself as a winner; in a fraction of a moment due to some external event, you can become a loser. Just like that. So the key is to break free from the winner/loser mind set.

I think it helps when you try to live your life by your own standards. Not standards that the external world puts on you. Find your own strengths and focus most of your efforts on that. And also focus on your own weaknesses. Don't judge yourself on your strengths and weaknesses by comparing them to other people. But judge yourself on the conscious attention you give yourself on being the best version you can be, regardless what other people think of that version of you. When you do that is when you truly win, not only you, but the world benefits from you being the best version of you.

Very well said, thank you. Basically, I should always look inwards for values, not in the outside world. However, I sense this force that I can only describe as "doubt" no matter what I do or where I go. It follows me around like a ghost, and I can't seem to get out of the box. If I could stop this process of doubting myself every time I look inwards, perhaps I could get out of the mindset. It's just not happening. I don't know why. 

5 hours ago, Toby said:

I can recommend this https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-the-core-wound-of-unworthiness.html to see that unworthiness in whatever forms it manifests is nothing personal.

Thank you, I will look into it.

4 hours ago, heisenburger said:

@faith what benefit do you get from thinking this about yourself?

Well, sometimes I feel like running away or giving up, and when I feel like a loser, it's almost a relief that I don't have to try anything. So I guess you could say that it makes running away or giving up feel good.

[Scholar]

You can try out many ways to get rid of the label. Self-acceptance, as others have pointed out, can be really helpful. But you are probably uncapable of doing so at this point, so maybe try something else.

If you think you're a loser, maybe you are a loser. Maybe you are even pathetic and worthless. But even if you are, that doesn't mean that you can't improve. Just because you're a loser now doesn't mean that you have to stay a loser forever. You can stay a loser forever, if that's your choice, but it doesn't seem like you want to. If you look at yourself and recognize that you're a loser, it might take pressure off of you. Imagine you were a young, naive child who just started out on the path of becoming a buddhist monk. The child is pathetic, it doesn't know anything, and nobody expects the child to be like a master. It's a child, it needs to start somewhere, even if it's pathetic compared to what the older monks do. If the child works on himself, step by step, then some day he will grow into a master himself. That's all he has to do, make one step after the other. Yes, he's ignorant, arrogant, stupid, but that doesn't mean he'll stay that way forever. Infact, if he focuses on his little goals he will outgrow himself in no time at all. His worthlessness is a gift, because he doesn't need to impress anyone at all, he can just focus on learning.

If you're a loser, you are allowed to lose. And only losing will teach you how to win.

Edited October 23, 2017 by Scholar

[Alexo45]

13 hours ago, faith said:

I don't know how to strip off the label "loser" out of my head. HELP!

I have this great doubt on my mind all the time. The worst part is I don't know how to shake it off. 

Are there any techniques or exercises?

Who exactly is the "i" that thinks he is a loser? also, who is aware of the great doubt all the time?

[K VIL]

Be more creative about your labeling. You're a loser, ok and? What's special about this one loser? really stretch yourself. the more you can imagine, the more you can become. but even if you're in denial, there will always be more to who you are.

[faith]

12 hours ago, Scholar said:

You can try out many ways to get rid of the label. Self-acceptance, as others have pointed out, can be really helpful. But you are probably uncapable of doing so at this point, so maybe try something else.

If you think you're a loser, maybe you are a loser. Maybe you are even pathetic and worthless. But even if you are, that doesn't mean that you can't improve. Just because you're a loser now doesn't mean that you have to stay a loser forever. You can stay a loser forever, if that's your choice, but it doesn't seem like you want to. If you look at yourself and recognize that you're a loser, it might take pressure off of you. Imagine you were a young, naive child who just started out on the path of becoming a buddhist monk. The child is pathetic, it doesn't know anything, and nobody expects the child to be like a master. It's a child, it needs to start somewhere, even if it's pathetic compared to what the older monks do. If the child works on himself, step by step, then some day he will grow into a master himself. That's all he has to do, make one step after the other. Yes, he's ignorant, arrogant, stupid, but that doesn't mean he'll stay that way forever. Infact, if he focuses on his little goals he will outgrow himself in no time at all. His worthlessness is a gift, because he doesn't need to impress anyone at all, he can just focus on learning.

If you're a loser, you are allowed to lose. And only losing will teach you how to win.

Thank you for the words of wisdom. How do I know that this cycle will stop? It hasn't stopped in the past, so who is to say I won't go my whole life disappointing myself at every corner?

9 hours ago, Alexo45 said:

Who exactly is the "i" that thinks he is a loser? also, who is aware of the great doubt all the time?

Me.

3 hours ago, K VIL said:

Be more creative about your labeling. You're a loser, ok and? What's special about this one loser? really stretch yourself. the more you can imagine, the more you can become. but even if you're in denial, there will always be more to who you are.

How can I love myself, and I am not talking about the shower kind of love?

[alea]

15 hours ago, faith said:

Loser for me means someone who either doesn't even start things because he is too scared or too lazy, or someone who does start things but doesn't follow through, and even if he does, he still feels like a failure. 

I don't know how to see myself as an accomplished person, I think therein lies the dilemma. 

It seems you suffer from procrastination. If you take it easy, slow down, you can see you accomplish more in life. You can see meaningless and meaning of life (or accomplishment). Propably you  are not happy or in peace, so you are anxious, you are always in search of somethings. You know, peace comes from inside, you need this in order to deal with advanced issues or to survive. It is very simple for me, having a healthy sleep, chatting with a friend or family member, some fresh air, a delicious meal... 

[Max_V]

Find out who you really are. 

In your current experience where does I reside?

[phoenix666]

don't try to stop, control or get rid of your thoughts. that just builds resistance, it will never work. be caring and gentle with yourself <3 who is the one who thinks you're a loser? get to that part of yourself and love it. love it to death! it will adjust itself with time.. <3 good luck on your journey. you're not a loser, you're a wonderful soul going through a healing process <3

[Ry4n]

Your thoughts are just stories! What helps me with painful thoughts is seeing them as no different from those deluded retarded thoughts you have when you meditate that make absolutely no sense. Why take this one anymore seriously? Don't battle the thoughts, that makes them stronger. Accept and love yourself and welcome those thoughts without believing them. The link above i think is a great one for understanding this from experience. (Also, maybe try loving-kindness meditation as well?).

[Hardkill]

Man, I also feel worthless too, Faith. People in general don't understand humans like us. Sometimes, I wished I live in another galaxy that had life elsewhere. It's so painful. Everyday I try to put on my game face in front others I am acquainted with or am barely friends with, but in reality I am not handling it great.

Edited October 29, 2017 by Hardkill

[DanielIssac]

One thing that has been helpful to me is to reevaluate your statement of "I am a loser". This is an ingrained self image issue. I won't pretend to know where you are at on the whole spectrum, but I can tell you from my own experience that this is only a partial truth to you.

You may feel you are a loser because you lack motivation to get things done. Accepting that lack of motivation can be a bit trick. I prefer to say that I am laid back, as I often have lazy days where I don't or can't get anything done out in the world. Another thing I can suggest is trying to figure out where this mentality stems from. Maybe you were picked on in school or other forms of childhood trauma that devalued you as an actual person.

The you that is " a loser" is a part of you that you seem to actively be rejecting. This part of you needs love and acceptance as much as you do. It's not easy and it's not going to come naturally. In fact, when you do finally accept this, it's going to hurt like hell. You have to accept it and love it.

These are a few tips I've managed to pick up over my time watching Leo and from my own experience as I've grown. I came from a crumbled foundation almost 3 weeks ago. I now take care of myself, meditate, walk and plan nearly everyday. I've learned to start standing up for myself and the things I believe in. Things can dramatically change, it takes work. I've put in close to 300 hours into improving myself and now I'm starting to feel stunted just staying in. I want to go find some friends and get a good girlfriend, make a family, get married.

Like I said, these things are not comfortable or easy, you are going to have to face this knowing that it's going to be easier in the long run. Instead of beating your head against the wall trying to figure out how to erase it. Trust me, it is worth it so very much and so are you!

[Girzo]

On 23.10.2017 at 6:25 PM, faith said:

Loser for me means someone who either doesn't even start things because he is too scared or too lazy, or someone who does start things but doesn't follow through, and even if he does, he still feels like a failure. 

Are you scared of meditation? Or are you too lazy to do nothing. No? Good.  Then focus on that. It will give you new creative ideas, additional power to make changes in your life and it will auto-correct some of your neurotic behaviours, too. Have faith bro

 

[DanielIssac]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Man, I also feel worthless too, Faith. People in general don't understand humans like us. Sometimes, I wished I live in another galaxy that had life elsewhere. It's so painful. Everyday I try to put on my game face in front others I am acquainted with or am barely friends with, but in reality I am not handling it great.

That mentality of "putting on a game face" is the issue. Trying to hide from your emotions is what is feeding into them. You have to stop yourself from doing that. Stop bottling it up, don't ho!d back the flood. It's going to hurt, yes. It'll hurt like hell! But you have to understand and realize that the pain of acceptance is far less than the pain you continue to generate by running away from your emotions. Think of it as hitting your head against a brick wall. Over and over you try to force those pieces to fit. Over and over, the pieces just fall apart.

Once you allow yourself to truly accept and love those parts of you, things will begin to change. Depending on how much work you are willing to do inside, you can have leaps of personal growth in WEEKS, maybe even DAYS! As you begin to love those parts of yourself, you will slowly see a shift in how you think.

This new shift will feel false or fake, your mind will play tricks on you. Do not let this discourage you, understand that it is your brain's way of trying to go back to those old comfort zones. Don't allow yourself to get sucked back in, or on the contrary, let it suck you back in and study it. Allow yourself to see how your thoughts change and how the physical sensations begin to change. Then love those new changes until they subside.

You will have to do this SEVERAL times. It's not easy and it's not effortless. You have to become conscious of everything inside. Question everything inside. Develop different, more positive ways of viewing your experience, emotions and yourself. You may say you feel worthless or are worthless. A better way of saying this would be "I don't know my own value" or "I've had rough life experiences". If you think of yourself as a loser because of a lack of connection a better way to express that would be " I am a lone wolf" think about it! This would be literally true.

There are several other examples you can use to develop a more positive self image and get to really understand what you want from yourself, from others and from life. These emotional traps don't have to be permanent. You can escape them. But first you have to study them, understand them and love them.

Once you begin to put in that real, honest effort into improving yourself, things will begin to come together. Be patient with it though. As you grow, be proud of yourself. Every step of the way, be proud. You are rebuilding your foundation in which you can build the beautiful life you want and deserve.

[Nahm]

@faith try to realize you are creating your own suffering. No perspective is true. Not mine. Not yours. 

Write what you want to feel you are on a piece of paper, hang it on the wall, read it as many times a day as you can.

A week from now, let me know how sweet the momentum is.

spoiler; it’s very sweet.

❤️