Porn

[Abeo Maria]

Does anyone have any opinions about a loved one or spouse watching excessive amounts of porn?
I am currently dealing with this. I personally don't prefer it, especially when I'm in the house and it's not as my partner and I are long distance or something.
I know this is Ego coming out and that I should just detach from the situation, but I just wanted to know what other people's opinion on the subject were.
Sometimes if I'm searching something on the computer and he hasn't thoroughly deleted the history it'll pop up on the browser if I'm typing in something else.
It affects my intimacy, knowing that he watches it.
Any thoughts on this? Please...
I want to try to detach from the situation while still respecting my "egoic concerncs"

[Aldo Marchand]

12 minutes ago, Abeo Maria said:

Does anyone have any opinions about a loved one or spouse watching excessive amounts of porn?
I am currently dealing with this. I personally don't prefer it, especially when I'm in the house and it's not as my partner and I are long distance or something.
I know this is Ego coming out and that I should just detach from the situation, but I just wanted to know what other people's opinion on the subject were.
Sometimes if I'm searching something on the computer and he hasn't thoroughly deleted the history it'll pop up on the browser if I'm typing in something else.
It affects my intimacy, knowing that he watches it.
Any thoughts on this? Please...
I want to try to detach from the situation while still respecting my "egoic concerncs"

@Abeo Maria

Isn't the end of the world as long as it don't affects your personal abilities to relate and socialize with real world people.

We can learn about of sex there, but it's important to keep the sanity lol.

[ZenMonkey]

Porn can become problematic. Otherwise there would not be such a huge subreddit called NoFap. NoFap is about quiting porn. Also if he goes overboard with porn he can be less turned on by you. Because the brain imagines him having sex while he watches porn. And he can choose thousands of hot women. Who can compete to this?

Now that said he could easily get offended by you telling him to quit porn. You know your situation so you know if you can talk about this. Maybe just wait and see if it has an impact on your relationship or sex life. For further information on the impact of porn google NoFap. Then you can better tell him what concerns you.

But the reason why you want to change this shouldn't be egoic ones. It should be your love to him and your relationship.

But it's really hard. Most men will get angry when you tell them something like that. I think I would just wait if something changes for now.

[Sarah Marie]

@Abeo Maria I watch porn, I do not care if my partner watches porn.

However, if he was watching it for an unreasonable amount of time and/or I thought he had an addiction to it, I would share my concern.

If he was consistently choosing to watch porn over being intament with me it would be something I addressed as well.

 

[milosmajlo]

He needs to stop watching porn as soon as possible because on the long run it will damage both of you. He won't be able to get aroused by you because his brain will be installed and attached to those scenes, girls, sex, and all other fake stuff that is in the porn, and when he gets in contact with a reality he will be confused and you will be frustrated, I think that you must find some way to let him know about this problem and believe me, if he really loves you he will understand this and will take some responsibility for the sake of you both

[Abeo Maria]

@Sarah_Flagg I feel as though it's in the addiction phase. I never minded porn before, but we can be intimate the night before and in the morning he will sneak off to go watch it. So it's not as if he's not receiving intimacy or that it's been a busy week or something. He just watches a lot of porn in addition to our intimate life, which is where the intuitive uncomfortable feeling comes from. We've talked about it before, but nothing has changed.

[Pallero]

I would guess that maybe he has a fear of intimacy. Porn can be very arousing and pleasurable, but really intimate sex with a loved one is a thousand times more pleasurable. It sounds like he is scared of opening up and exploring that intimacy and pleasure with another human being. Also sounds like he really wants it at the same time. He wants it but he's scared of it. That's normal. Maybe he also has some fantasies that he's scared of sharing. Also normal.

You might want to bring this up if you feel like this is the issue.