The Genetic Potential For Improvement In Social Skills

[Hardkill]

Guys, my parents and psychiatry believe that I have a slight degree of asperger's. What's my genetic potential for improving my social skills? Be brutally honest with me guys. I need to know the answer so that I can make an informed decision on whether or not I should ever DEVOTE my life to improving my social skills dramatic. Otherwise, I could end up hurting my own self-confidence and self-esteem in the long-run and constantly and frustratingly bang my head against a f*cking wall. 

[Hardkill]

Well this sucks. Nobody has an answer to this? How come there's an answer to the genetic potential of people building muscle or other physical abilities, but not for social skills?

[Wind]

You talk with me, you are ok. You will improve if you learn. Biological-perspectives tend to create a limiting illusion of no control. But mind over matter. If a fully paralized dude on the wheelchair can build 1mil company controling desktop coursor with his eyes! then you can improve at anything. The question is how much results would make you fullfilled? You might not need as much as you think. And expanding comfort zone socialiIng, getting rejected, getting intimate with people, observing emotional triggers, creating something beautiful together is an ultimate self-actualization and spiritual journey.

Edited October 23, 2017 by Wind

[Hardkill]

Yeah, but what are the chances that a paralyzed dude will be able to regain full mobility of his entire body? 

[vizual]

Immerse yourself in social situations. Regardless of your "genetic potential", anyone can become at least competent at anything they put their mind to. 

Even if I don't have the natural born ability to become a star athlete. I can still do sports and develop solid motor skills. And by conscious effort, no one would even notice that I have a below average ability to excel in sports. When you feel you have difficulty of getting your act together in a certain area of your life it's very tempting to run away from it. Saying to yourself; Oh what's the point, I just don't have the natural talent for it. Meanwhile you are still suffering because of it. But that's the wrong kind of way to go about it, when something is causing you to suffer you have to work for it. 

Yea, maybe socializing isn't going to come as easy for you as for other people, but so what? I'm sure you have talents that other people don't have.That doesn't excuse you from improving your own life. Well you can use it as an excuse just to justify your own suffering. But it's not going to bring you happiness and fulfillment. 

You say that you are scared that putting effort towards socializing is going to hurt your self-esteem. You couldn't be more wrong. Your self-esteem is already hurt. And you can only fix it by jumping into the water, not avoiding the water totally. Remember, you don't need to become an Olympian level swimmer. But just knowing how to not drown and enjoying yourself in the water can make a massive difference.

[Hardkill]

13 minutes ago, vizual said:

Immerse yourself in social situations. Regardless of your "genetic potential", anyone can become at least competent at anything they put their mind to. 

Even if I don't have the natural born ability to become a star athlete. I can still do sports and develop solid motor skills. And by conscious effort, no one would even notice that I have a below average ability to excel in sports. When you feel you have difficulty of getting your act together in a certain area of your life it's very tempting to run away from it. Saying to yourself; Oh what's the point, I just don't have the natural talent for it. Meanwhile you are still suffering because of it. But that's the wrong kind of way to go about it, when something is causing you to suffer you have to work for it. 

Yea, maybe socializing isn't going to come as easy for you as for other people, but so what? I'm sure you have talents that other people don't have.That doesn't excuse you from improving your own life. Well you can use it as an excuse just to justify your own suffering. But it's not going to bring you happiness and fulfillment. 

You say that you are scared that putting effort towards socializing is going to hurt your self-esteem. You couldn't be more wrong. Your self-esteem is already hurt. And you can only fix it by jumping into the water, not avoiding the water totally. Remember, you don't need to become an Olympian level swimmer. But just knowing how to not drown and enjoying yourself in the water can make a massive difference.

You have a point that I will buy for the most part. I don't ever expect to a social super star by any means, but perhaps I could become a fairly competent in it if I sacrificed my whole life for it. However, I've already failed with over a thousand women I've approached, which much more than 90% of the men in the world have ever done. Also, I've variety a of venues from clubs, meetups, school, gym, etc. to making friends with people I can connect with well. However, I failed with all of those venues.

[vizual]

5 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

You have a point that I will buy for the most part. I don't ever expect to a social super star by any means, but perhaps I could become a fairly competent in it if I sacrificed my whole life for it. However, I've already failed with over a thousand women I've approached, which much more than 90% of the men in the world have ever done. Also, I've variety a of venues from clubs, meetups, school, gym, etc. to making friends with people I can connect with well. However, I failed with all of those venues.

If you truly put in so much effort into it without, seemingly, much improvement. Maybe your intentions are a bit off. Maybe talking to a counselor about your social problems can help.

Exploring your own intentions can be beneficial. I mean, why would anyone approach over a thousand women? Are you looking for validation? If you are a validation seeker, that is your problem right there. Because validation seeking is going to hang over you like a bad stench. Healthy social interaction should be a joyous and mutual beneficial co-creating action. It's not you getting something out of it. It's a 1+1=3 type of thing. But for this to happen you need to relax, let it flow. Anyone can "learn" this, but again, no expectations. 

The only reason I can imagine someone approaching over a thousand women if you are hoping that one day you are going to get all the credits, all the glory, all the validation. It's not going to happen that way.

[Hardkill]

I want sex and I want good friends to hangout with constantly.

[vizual]

@Hardkill You'll figure it out. Don't give up by making excuses. The mind is an incredible problem solving machine when you let it do its magic.

[Hardkill]

Well then I'll hold you to it as a promise, mister.

I don't have much youth left. Also, to be honest I don't know how much longer I have left to live.

Edited October 23, 2017 by Hardkill