Do You Consider Sex A Need?

[Ken Lecoq]

On 2/23/2016 at 0:08 AM, Saitama said:

I have considered, that, but I am still paranoid. It might be all the horror stories have just made me irrationally afraid. I haven't actually found a consensus on whether or not masturbation actually deters cancer. More on your perspective though-- how much energy do you attribute to your abstinence? I'm still a virgin,but I masturbate frequently, and am still on the fence about quitting. Are you sure it's not just a misattribution? 

@Saitama ... The results of the studies are very often manipulated by the laboratories in today's world. The big farmaceutical companies are actually financing the studies, and as long as they pay, they obtain the results they want to obtain. A lot of manipulations are going on.

Don't belive those studies, that's stories in your mind, fake stories moreover, that's not even a scientific truth... If yo really do a lot of researchs, you are gonna see that the roots of cancer (prostate and all the other ones, and all diseases in general) are rooted in EMOTIONS and NUTRITION. 

If your act of masturbating is just rooted in this fear of getting prostate cancer, you are mistaken. It you do it in order to me more relaxed, that's already better.

Even if one day you get a cancer, you can leanr that cancer can be healed very well, thanks to a work on your emotions and your nutrition.

I've worked with Josep Pamies in spain (He was my internship supervisor, it was so fun and interesting ^^), in the field of medicinal plants and alternative therapies... I've learned that the alternatives therapies are very ofter much more effective than the drugs you can buy from the conventional medicine.... I I've also learned that you couldn't trust those big farmaceutical laboratories, because they are just companies, they need to make money, life doesn't really matter for them... They wants ill peoples, alive, but addicted to those expensive drugs. We had some visitors and customers who had prostate cancer. There is a very very effective plant for that : Lepidium Latifolium. We had a lot of testimonies from peoples the we knew, who healed themeselves from prostate cancer thanks to an apropriate alimentation and this plant.

Keep in mind that all what I'm saying to you are just stories in the end (even if it could be considered a better than the old paradigm, those are stories in the end), related to our human condition, and the world as we know it today, the ultimate truth is way beyond, and none of what I said is relevant with an enlightened perspective. 

@Saitama Follow the flow, and let you guided by your life... You are still virgin, and if you do a real deep instrospection, you might see that you want to have experiences... Don't reject this part of your life just because of enlightenment... an enlightend being can still have sex I guess, if his life is leading him toward sex. 

Now, if you really that you don't need it, well find. Listen to you, do what you feel is the most right for you, but always keeping in mind enlightenement and the discovery of ultimate truth.

 

 

 

[Guest]

@Ken Lecoq Thanks for the detailed response. Cancer is largely genetic as well. As for the stuff about Big Pharma, I can't comment.

Edited February 25, 2016 by Saitama

[Ken Lecoq]

@Water @Sigma @shouldnt

Well... Thanks to you guys ^^

First time ever doing masturbation for me, age 19 x) 

I know, my name is Ken, so I should already have f***** a couples of barbies at this age, but that's not the cas at all for me ^^

This morning, I woke up, and told to myself... I need to try and see by myself what's that, and to overcome my fear of doing it. I try to force mysel doing while watching porn... but it didn't worked at all, porn just disgusted me. Later during the day, I fely naturally turned on by a youtube video I watched (but it wasn't forced, I was just like following the flow of my feelings) and I did it ;p I forgot the fear and the pride I had, and it worked  

I can tell you that this first time for me just blew my mind  I wasn't expecting that much pleasure... I have to manage that now, thanks x) I see that as a powerfull drug, because I never experienced it before, anf that what it feel like... And indeen, looking at the society today, it is a powerfull drug. My body was asking me more 5 hours later x)

It was just so great... I only spend less that 5 or 10 minutes doing that, and when I finshed I encounter a very new sensation for me that I never really felt before... Amazing, great invention x) It released a lot of tensions out of my body, and I felt like my brain had a pleasure shot... During the all day after, I was felling better than before, and I was able to avoid sugar much more easily than usual (because I'm addicted to sugar for a couple of months now... I'm not fat, but I just eat too much of it, sometimes it can be insane for me). 

I was thinking that in order to do that, you had to spent so much of your time that it was insane, but what I experienced is that, following a natural rise (and not forcing it), it can be just 5 or 10 minutes spend, and the result can be a great relaxation of the body and the mind. 

Well, It's kind of very weird to masturbate for the first time at 19... But I'm glad I didn't do it earlier, because now that I'm really into self actualization, I'm gonna be able to avoid falling into an addiction... 

I was just feeling like a human being without sex before... I I was feeling very good as well. I don't change my poinion, sex isn't a need I'm able to perfectly live without it. Now I understand that if I have this human body, and if I have the desires and feelings, I have first to fully apreciate that, and to live experiences, and only then will I be able to transcend that in order to discover a full enlightenment. 

I see sex and masturbation as... a tool, something pleasurable we can enjoy, similar to good  food, similar to football. I live it as somethong more fulfilling than good food, and fooball actually, but that's the same basis, chemicals in our brain telling us that our body is feeling great.

Like everything in life, there is a middle way with sex... You can blive one extreme (Like I was) and totally forget it, or live the other extreme, being sexaddict for example... But the best way might be the middle one... Just enough, listening to what you feel in the inside, to what you feel is right for you at this moment. I think that having sex (alone or with someone else) something like once every two days for example (depending on what each individual is feeling), in order to relax and enjoy a good pleasure is great  That's what I'm gonna do from now on, and also because I know that it will help me a lot in order to control sugar addiction. 

Now, shouldnt, I wasn't stopping me from having pleasure... well, I wasn't feeling this way at all... Or maybe that I was doing it, but unconsciously, I wasn't aware of it... simply because I didn't know what it felt like... That the first time I had an orgasm today... I didn't even knew this pleasure existed... Great invention, yeah. 

Now that I now that sex is pleasurable and that I can enjoy it, I'm gonna use it wisely, in order to release tension when I too stressed... I'm quiet on the outside, but sometimes, I'm angry in the inside... angry at the world (too blind in the opinion of my ego...) and angry at myself (when I eat too much sugar for example... afterward, I'm like "Why did you just do ? You are gonna be sick ! You're rubbish").

I'm also feeling that I might replace my sugar addiction for that... but the root of the problem wouldn't be resolven I would still feel a lack of something in the inside... That's why I'm reading an interesting book from Peter Ralston (pursuing consciousness) about transformation and enlightenment, in order for me to really transform myself from the deep roots. 

There are so many stuff deeply rooted in us that we are unconscious of... that's crazy... but it's so interesting to do self inquiry.

Sex is a need... untill it isn't (or feel like a need, util it doesn't anymore). I feel that I need to experiment before transcending it, and that's what I'm gonna do. 

Thanks so much to you guys, and to this forum, it's making me self actualizing even more

Edited February 25, 2016 by Ken Lecoq

[Emerald]

It's not a need in the sense that you need it to survive. But I would certainly call it an instinct. 

[Water]

@Ken Lecoq This world is full of surprises, experience everything! you'll have a better understanding and appreciation for reality. 

[dystopia]

@Ken Lecoq Congrats lol.
I have had many problems with addiction (alcohol, tobacco, xanax) and my sugar addiction came back when I quit drinking (I also quit the others). So I know how you feel, I have been trying to control it lately & stop the negative self talk in general. I'm working on unconditional self-love because it's the only way to always be confident and comfortable with yourself. The only reason why I had social anxiety was because of insecurities. When you love and accept yourself regardless of anything, you become your best friend and you feel complete and not care about what people think of you.
Addictions are all a desire to escape from the present moment and feel something different. Since you are aware of that now, I'm sure you can use sex in moderation, as it should be used. It's better than denying yourself something that is so natural.
Anyways, I find a lot of porn kind of gross, too. When I do watch it, I'm very picky. I have to find the person/people attractive and like what they're doing, of course. My favorite non-fetish porn is solo (male or female) maybe because it makes me less bitter about being alone lol.
I'm still surprised you had never tried it before now. I mean, if it was so easy, how did this thread change your mind? I first learned about it at a pretty young age...
Yes, personal development and enlightment requires a lot of Shadow work. Basically finding out the root causes of all your fear, beliefs, limitations, etc & resolving them so you can be more free.
I just figured you may have subconsciously had some sort of shame about your body holding you back because you used to be chubby (I remember you saying?). I also lost weight and despite being fit, I had a lot of hang ups about my body and not really wanting to feel pleasure (like I didn't deserve it). I've learned to stop comparing myself to others, which I found was my main problem there.
 

[kalter000]

@Ken Lecoq I'm sooo proud of you, welcome to the manhood! 

Thank you for sharing your excitement, hopefully your new activity will help you on your self-actualisation path (or at least doesn't distact very much, lol)

[Ken Lecoq]

Thanks for sharing what you think about addictions, @shouldnt,  it's very interesting. Addictions are too deeply rooted, It's difficult to see the original causes. We need to change our self image in order to change our habits. A great book talking about that is "The presence process" by Michael Brown, I'm gonna read it soon.

I never tried before because I wasn't interested about it at all, and because of the conditionning I had about it. I never tried before, and I didn't knew the pleasure and relaxation you experience from it was possible, so I was thinking that masturbation was just a waste of time, just procrastination. I never really questionned myself about sexuality before, and was expecting a girlfriend to teach me that. Your questions helped me questionning myself deeper  Thanks ^^.

Yes I was chubby, the childrens were making fun of me. That might have been a subconscious cause. As I learned about personal developement, I learned to love myself and stopping caring about what other peoples think about me (I did pick-up everyday during one month straight in order to overcome the fear, I got a lot of numbers, but I didn't found a girl that I really love). I just didn't knew I could also love my this way. I need to work more on self love, and stop feeling guilty and angry about myself when I do something Iike too much procrastination or eat too much sugar. 

I hope so as well @kalter000 

 

 

Edited February 26, 2016 by Ken Lecoq

[Flower]

Sex is a need depending on how you define a 'need'. It is not a need in the sense that we need it as we need food or water, but it is a need in order to lead a good overall quality of life and of course for life to even continue!.

Sex is pleasurable and brings happiness. 

But @Ken Lecoq I can understand your experience, because Sex with someone you love and respect (not just someone you find attractive) is very different to just casual sex. 

Sex can be a very spiritual experience if done with the right person and within the right context.  

[appleaurorae]

As an asexual I will add my two cents.

Sexual tension (not sex) is a half-physiological need. You can't live without kidneys, lungs, bowels. But you can without testicles. It's proven (castration/spaying on a lot of pets!) that removal of testicles results in longer lifespan.

But still there's that brain part. So, I some time ago tried to find a way to stop masturbation (just for the sake of it). I found that a plant called chasteberry (Vitex agnus-castus) is a way. I read some topic on some forums where one guy was describing that there are no side-effects and that he even needs less sleep. I bought it and it worked. I didn't masturbate for four months then for two. But it stopped working (probably tolerance have grown). Also I slept usually only 7 hours (compared to 8) to be fully rested. Also, chasteberry is not psychoactive in any way if you ask, it works similar to progesterone (or induces it's production). Chasteberry is a tool for males, women stay away or you may screw up your menstruation.

So there's some evidence that you can override sexual tension and the need for sex.
That's why I consider Freud an idiot.

[Denis]

I don't think it is a need.  You will not die if you don't have sex.  Food is a need, water is a need, sex not so much.  Now I am never in favor of repressing anything especially sexual desire as long as it is healthy and you are not seeking it as an addiction or to relive some childhood sexual trauma.  I do agree with you Ken Lecoq that it is important to have a deep connection with the person you are having sex with.  I never really saw sex as a physical act but a very deep spiritual experience.  During sex I get to be fully present and considering I am not enlightened that is as good as it gets.  I feel it is a glimpse or a visit into what enlightenment is really like.

[Armand]

No it's not a need. A desire, and way to spread my seed.. Yes. 

It's considered "needs", because lots of feel we NEED it in order to be a man. We claim it's a need in our lives so that girls will sleep with us, because it also makes them think that if they don't that we will leave. (which we do)

[Shab-e Ma_araj]

The jury is still out on this one for me, I'm 26. I've slept with about 75 girls. 50 of them came in 2015 because I've literally spent the last two years chasing sex with a relentless fervor. Many of the girls were very attractive. Many were not so much. Growing up I was a total loser, that's probably why I was chasing sex (validation) so hard recently. Now I am celibate and also trying to limit masturbation. It's not that I think sex is bad, it's just that I view CHASING sex or relationships (and putting so much effort into my looks so as to attract women) as big time distractions on my path to enlightenment. Also, I don't want to be dishonest with girls anymore like I used to be. So I will only have sex now if it comes effortlessly and honestly. I'll let you all know how it works out for me

[ArabiaNytes]

37.5% of 80 people say no? LMFAO.....okay, guys, whatever you say.....???

 

So long as I have what I've got, enlightened or not, I can assure that I could never give it up. ???

[charlie2dogs]

On 2/22/2016 at 8:26 AM, MonikaBcn said:

The way I imagine your friend's experience is: he had sex with some pretty girl, he had an orgasm, she probably didn't and then he felt guilty and dissapointed bcz the whole thing didn't mach his idea and fantasy of sex being 'the act of the ultimate love'. 

I get your explaination, I believe you are perfectly fine doing whatever you are doing, good for you.

I'm only trying to say (for the others who may hold this belief) that this idea of TRUE AND FULFILLING SEX IS ONLY FOR LOVE is just very unrealistic and possibly dangerous. It's basically chasing the fantasy that doesn't necesarily exist. Sex doesn't have to be sacred to be true or fun.

You don't need ultimate love to have good and fulfilling sex. Mutual respect and caring for each other is just enough. 

So, I don't see the reason to feel like a liar bcz of having sex with someone you like, respect and care about.

this is a very intelligent response.

[cly]

It's not exacly like water, for survival, but maybe more like, chocolate, or coffee

I don't need chocolate or coffee, but it's good to have.. 

 

(It's a tiny bit upsetting to me seeing leo's comment about porn. I want him to have pure--naturally generated thoughts, not porn produced thoughts... 

I'm not anti-porn but it is on par with doing drugs or drinking, and I didn't think that was Leo's way...)

[Salaam]

I find that being deeply and richly connected to my sexuality is needed to increase and add on to my health beyond a certain point.

Even if I wasn't having sex though, my body still would be doing sexual things. I'd still be filled with sex hormones, I'd still react to women the way I do and have other motivations that are tied to sex, and my body would still create dreams with sex to facilitate the cycling of old sperm for new.

So yes the ability to sexually function is needed for a base-line level of optimal health and the expression of that sexuality would be needed to experience a certain flavor of emotional satisfaction.

I find that the more I grow and connect with the depths of myself, the more sexually robust I become. Sex is an amazing response by nature to scarcity and the abundance of life. For me at least, getting "good" at life, directly translates to being more sexually attractive and charismatic, plus it makes sex and sexuality that much more satisfying (you see women deeper and better). 

Also, nowadays I find that porn and jerking off sucks compared to real sex. I have to feel the core of a woman and the way tension reverberates between her and me. I'd rather let that energetic charge build and flow through me than release that tension by jerking off to some image empty of feminine presence... there is a difference between jerking off to the allure or image of a woman and connecting with her spirit and body during sex. the allure is nice too of course, but it's secondary to how our core sexuality intertwines and communicates.

But, sex isn't about release for me anymore.

 

Edited May 12, 2016 by Salaam

[Will]

Most people want it.. whether they like to admit it or not.. Some can transcend it ,some can be born without the desire.. allot have some sort of emotional hangup about it...

Some people need it to live healthy, some need it to live unhealthy  

Some people just need to have it to loosen up a bit!!

But those who dont get it as much as they want prolly need it more than others  seems obvious but want that are not met can quickly turn into needs..

 

[ShangRu]

Hi, guys, this is my first post. I am from Asia, so my English might not be authentic.

 

I do want to talk about this issue, because I just started to meditate and do mindfulness work for about one and half month.

 

As many might know, fears and desires are the two main things that pull you out of your present moment. It is so tempting that I found so often I was just obsessed in sexual thoughts without knowing in the meditating process.

 

And it has a "tempting pulling" that needed to be aware of ( even when you are not obsessed in it ), and needed to be let go.

However, it's been pretty hard to do so, because unlike fear,there seems to be something that part of my system resonates with (wanting).

 

To me, it becomes one of the most often seen obstacles in mindfulness work too, (together with food desires and loneliness)

I am practicing to "flatten" them like what Leo says in the "thoughts" video, and by doing so and just standing it for a while , it reduces it power and it go back to sleep, awaiting to emerge next time.

 

I don't know about you guys, but it seems to be a bigger issue to me,

because those images come so often

maybe the power of  sexual desires work  differently to different people.

 

And I guess like all kinds of desires, it's very future-oriented, and for that nature, It's kinda impossible to want to have sex desire ( wanting it so often) and trying to be mindful at the same time.