Do You Consider Sex A Need?

[Naviy]

I am 25, and I've never had sex (I am not 100% sure why this happened so). During my teen years, I suffered a lot because of it, but after 22 or 23 I kind of stopped worrying. Now I think that the mentioned fact is not necessary a bad thing. I can see how some other people are desperate for sex. How they spend their time, energy and crazy amounts of attention on sex.

To me right now sex is some form of activity like football or videogames or riding a bike or whatever - you can, of course, spend a lot of time learning how to get more of it, or how to master it, you can find social acceptance in it. It could be fun, I guess (or boring), or physicaly healthy (or unhealthy), or interesting (or disgusting), or psychologically healthy (or pshychologically harmful), etc.

But when people say something like: "You cannot have a normal life without sex", to me it sounds like when a football fan says: "Football made me the person I am now. It gave me discipline, health and the best fun in my life. You cannot have a normal life without football. Real men are all into football. You all must love and need football".

I believe that it is not such a solid "scientifically proven" fact that we all NEED sex to have a normal and actualized life. It's a matter of belief and personal experience. And of social preassure.

In society, where everybody is persuaded that football is needed for one to have a normal life, a "normal person" (football fan) will totally accept this social message, because on his experience, football gave him everything (he met his wife on a football match, he is socially accepted because he goes to football often, his father is proud of him because he is such a good football player, so overall he feels good because of football).

While some other people, who never tried watching or playing football, look at this football fan and they are very jealous of him, their psychology is broken and their self-esteem is super low, because they believe what the football society said. Football fan is a "normal" person, and they are "outsiders".

But other people, who never tried watching or playing football, look at our football fan and think: "Yeah, football might be fun, but damn... those fans are crazy".

I mean, you cannot say that WE ALL need or do not need sex. It's a matter of personal experience and beliefs of a particular person. A person who never had sex, can whether have a pathetic life because of it, or have a great actualized life, or this could leave his life unaffected. Same with persons, who have sex in their lives.

 

 

 

Edited February 23, 2016 by Naviy

[Sarah Marie]

I genuinely applaud those of you who don't feel that this is a need. I would DIE if I repressed my kink. I can go without sex, but I still have to do something. I would never accomplish anything if I tried to ignore it. 

[xXxXx]

@Naviy

Hey there,

Your opinion hits bullseye.

western society is just oversexed, almost everything is about appearance and shallow attractiveness. I bet people 100 years ago would get instant orgasms while watching commercials on today's television. For many people sex is the pinnacle of happiness in their imagination, i thought of this in the same way: just more sex and everything will fall into place, unfortunately (or luckily) after fucking around for a while it was just empty, i recognized it is nothing which can lift you into happiness, it is just what it is: a fun time, nothing more, if you focus your life on it and you have it often enough, it will only be a trivial activity - with saturation comes indifference. I plead in favor of more quality and less quantity.

 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, kalter000 said:

Some folks here think, that enlightenment is gonna free you from burden of human flesh, lol.

After enlightenment there won't  be you to decide it. Sexual feelings is a part of overall phenomena, and your body and mind would act according it.
I don't know why so many guys are trying to supress this desire, if you are asking this question you already have some problems and just seek justification towards your action, imho.

Sex is certainly a need, not the most important one, but still.  You can choose to manifest it healthy or deny, creating unnecessary suffering.

Osho was enlightened and was fucking like a rockstar.

 Are you suggesting an enlightened person could still suffer from lack of emotional connection? I thought enlightenment was supposed to free you from suffering and help you rise above external circumstances. Sure the body would still do it's thing, but would you really suffer? 

The reason I asked the question is because I actually don't know the answer for myself, and I wanted other people's perspective. I'm trying to understand. Personally, I have no attraction for the vast majority of girls and to be frank, I'm really ugly. I have no desire to lower my standards just to find someone,and working on game for years never managed to compensate for my face. Why not just focus on other things?

[kalter000]

44 minutes ago, Saitama said:

 Are you suggesting an enlightened person could still suffer from lack of emotional connection? I thought enlightenment was supposed to free you from suffering and help you rise above external circumstances. Sure the body would still do it's thing, but would you really suffer? 

The reason I asked the question is because I actually don't know the answer for myself, and I wanted other people's perspective. I'm trying to understand. Personally, I have no attraction for the vast majority of girls and to be frank, I'm really ugly. I have no desire to lower my standards just to find someone,and working on game for years never managed to compensate for my face. Why not just focus on other things?

I don't know either  From my perspective and research, you just won't be attached to outcome.  You can go and pursue sex (or connection) just for fun of it, and any result would be fine, you won't make an ego out of it, since you're perfectly content with yourself.

My response was mainly towards guys, who use enlightenment as a escape from building connection and sexual relationships. I see a lot of people saying "I'm too high for this chimpery, I don't have to fulfill this lower need, that's for low conscious plebs", amost like they trying to convince themselves. But in reality they might want it, but insecure or frustrated about this whole thing.

So, to cut it short: enlightened person won't suffer with any decision he'll make on that matter, but he won't bullshit himself, that he doesn't need sex, when he wants it. 

 

Edited February 23, 2016 by kalter000

[Electron]

I am 20, I never had sex, never been in any relationships.

I don't watch porn. I don't masturbate.

Side effects: None.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Sigma

[Avi]

I don't know what the right answer is. 

[dystopia]

I do think sex and masturbating have great health benifits and I get grumpy and more prone to stress when I don't masturbate for a day or two.

@Ken Lecoq  You sound like a demisexual:

"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity."

 

[dystopia]

@Naviy You realize that sex and sexuality and passion go hand in hand. A football fan is a good example. They love it so much, they are passionate about it, and it excited them. Think about a time when you were having a really great time, or the next time you are having great fun or doing something you love that gets your blood pumping. You get excited and turned on. Pay attention to the physiological effects fun and excitement and passion have. It may not be directed at anyone but no doubt you will feel it in your genitals.

@Sigma

I'm not gonna say it's impossible not to feel sexual desire but I do think it's either because of

A. Willful suppression

B. Medication that suppresses it

C. Some sort of physiological disorder or disease that impairs it

A healthy person should at least feel sexual desire and attraction, even if they don't feel it so intensely that they can't help but act on it.

If you have never felt so passionate about something that it actually turned you on, you're doing something wrong.

[Ken Lecoq]

26 minutes ago, shouldnt said:

I do think sex and masturbating have great health benifits and I get grumpy and more prone to stress when I don't masturbate for a day or two.

@Ken Lecoq  You sound like a demisexual:

"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity."

Yes you do get grumpy and prone to stress when you don't masturbate... Does that means that I should get grumpy and stressfull as well ?

I never did masturbation, and I am one of the most quiet and patient person you could possibly imagine. It's like what @Naviy explained. 

3 hours ago, Naviy said:

To me right now sex is some form of activity like football or videogames or riding a bike or whatever - you can, of course, spend a lot of time learning how to get more of it, or how to master it, you can find social acceptance in it. It could be fun, I guess (or boring), or physicaly healthy (or unhealthy), or interesting (or disgusting), or psychologically healthy (or pshychologically harmful), etc.

But when people say something like: "You cannot have a normal life without sex", to me it sounds like when a football fan says: "Football made me the person I am now. It gave me discipline, health and the best fun in my life. You cannot have a normal life without football. Real men are all into football. You all must love and need football".

I believe that it is not such a solid "scientifically proven" fact that we all NEED sex to have a normal and actualized life. It's a matter of belief and personal experience. And of social preassure.

In society, where everybody is persuaded that football is needed for one to have a normal life, a "normal person" (football fan) will totally accept this social message, because on his experience, football gave him everything (he met his wife on a football match, he is socially accepted because he goes to football often, his father is proud of him because he is such a good football player, so overall he feels good because of football).

While some other people, who never tried watching or playing football, look at this football fan and they are very jealous of him, their psychology is broken and their self-esteem is super low, because they believe what the football society said. Football fan is a "normal" person, and they are "outsiders".

But other people, who never tried watching or playing football, look at our football fan and think: "Yeah, football might be fun, but damn... those fans are crazy".

I mean, you cannot say that WE ALL need or do not need sex. It's a matter of personal experience and beliefs of a particular person. A person who never had sex, can whether have a pathetic life because of it, or have a great actualized life, or this could leave his life unaffected. Same with persons, who have sex in their lives.

That's right, I'm attracted to peoples with whom I have an emotional bound. Or other kind of bond, maybe spiritual bond or whatever.

"Demisexuality" looks like another box you put people in... That might be right, and that might be wrong, I really don't know. I never had sex. Maybe I'm gonna be sex addict after trying; Maybe I won't like it, I don't know. I just know that I let life guide me and that I'm on the path toward spiritual enlightenment. 

Thansk for your reply anyway

Edited February 23, 2016 by Ken Lecoq

[kalter000]

@Ken Lecoq I respect your decision, but have you ever wanted to try masturbation at least, just to understand and see what's all this hype about? Just out of curiosity.
Masturbation can be used for good, such as to explore your feelings, sexuality, intimacy within yourself. I believe it's a nice hobby.

[Electron]

@shouldnt I feel sexual desire usually for very short periods, then it vanishes just like that, I just don't feel like masturbating. I used to do it when I was 16 but it wasn't that appealing and eventually I gave up. I noticed some drastic energy changes since then. Also it looks to me like you guys are making it like a rule in your mind that its not healthy or stuff like that to abstain from it. Its just a limiting belief that I think people use as an excuse not to refrain from the pleasure they get. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. And I don't feel like its really that important to live a healthy life. Try to refrain from it yourself over a long period of time and you'll see.

[Guest]

@Sigma Doesn't that predispose you to prostate cancer? Tbh, the main reason I do it is because I'd like to reduce my risk of that.

[Electron]

@Saitama Going out in the sunlight makes us susceptible to skin cancer but it also gives us Vitamin -D. Just like refraining from sexual activities predisposes one to prostate cancer but it also gives us lots and lots of energy and focus and time that we can use for richer fulfillment.

 

[Vaishnavi]

@Leo Gura so leo, you think porn is healthy? 

[SenshiAna]

I stopped being desperate for sex almost a year ago. And by that I mean I stopped looking for casual sex and one night stands. But... by sex do you guys also mean masturbation? Quality solo time [without porn!] is very important, if not more important than sexual intercourse with other people.

[Stef]

 

As far as I know, sex is one of the basic biological urges. So pretty much everyone (except asexual people) needs it.

Now, learning to control or surpress the need is something entirely different. I'd say I've been relatively successful in this department. Well, I was basically a virgin till a few months ago. The thing is, like any other activity, it becomes less important while you are engaging in it frequently/you know it's guaranteed. Transmuting sexual energy is something everyone should learn because it's extremely powerful.

That being said, I would prefer to have sex as much as possible for the next 10-15 years (I'm 25) than find myself one day being 60 and feel like I've missed out on ton of great experiences. I already feel that way actually, so yeah.

 

11 minutes ago, SenshiAna said:

But... by sex do you guys also mean masturbation? Quality solo time [without porn!] is very important, if not more important than sexual intercourse with other people.

Debatable.

@Leo Gura I hope you're trolling

Edited February 23, 2016 by Neuroticon

[Ken Lecoq]

30 minutes ago, Saitama said:

@Sigma Doesn't that predispose you to prostate cancer? Tbh, the main reason I do it is because I'd like to reduce my risk of that.

Saitama, stoping masturbation doesn't necessarily means holding everything always... Well, for me, sometimes, I do ejaculate at night, maybe once every week or two weeks. I don't feel any problem, and I'm healthy. If it's the main reason for what you do it, it's based on fear... Maybe you think about it... If you feel like it's not right for you, stop it... If you feel that you need it, keep doing ^^

44 minutes ago, kalter000 said:

@Ken Lecoq I respect your decision, but have you ever wanted to try masturbation at least, just to understand and see what's all this hype about? Just out of curiosity.
Masturbation can be used for good, such as to explore your feelings, sexuality, intimacy within yourself. I believe it's a nice hobby.

Some of my friends are telling me the same thing "Once you start it, tou won't be able to stop"... But I don't know, I just don't feel any need or desire to masturbate... And sometimes I go watch porn (once a month maybe), but after 10/15minutes, my interest and desire go away... I don't feel any need for now, is it healthy, is it unhealthy, is it good, is it bad, I don't know, I just feel very good the way I am now, and that's all. 

Edited February 23, 2016 by Ken Lecoq

[Electron]

I don't really get it. You guys say its important or healthy or whatever But have you ever fucking tried not doing it for a long period, say an year? If not, How would you know what is healthy and what is not?

[kalter000]

Just now, Ken Lecoq said:

Some of my friends are telling me the same thing "Once you start it, tou won't be able to stop"... But I don't know, I just don't feel any need or desire to masturbate... And sometimes I go watch porn (once a month maybe), but after 10/15minutes, my interest and desire go away... I don't feel any need for now, is it healthy, is it unhealthy, is it good, is it bad, I don't know, I just feel very good the way I am now, and that's all. 

Sexual desire- libido- is based on certain chemicals in your body/brain. You might naturally generate  small amount of them, so it's normal for you to have humble sexual drive.