Anxiety + Introduction

[DanielIssac]

Hello, My name is Daniel. I've been intensely pursuing a lot of issues in my life over the last 2 weeks, mostly through actualized.org videos. I've been in personal therapy as well for a bit over 6 months and just recently joined an anxiety group at my counciling center.

I am just coming off of a breakup after 4 years, we have a son together. So there's a lot of regret and pain there. I know now that I was a very toxic individual. I was very jealous, angry and petty. After I watched Leo's video about getting over a breakup, which wasn't my first video of his, I had made it a purpose to stop being this toxic human being.

I began by working through my emotions first. I had denied my own feelings for most of my life, so there was a lot to go through. I've begun meditating daily, walking daily, taking care of myself daily, trying to clean up my diet, but I'm not ready to quit smoking yet. Though I am getting there, I'm noticing how my body shakes during meditation right after smoking.

I have been putting in that massive action, digging through my childhood traumas and my negative emotions, I'm just starting to get into my self image and there are a lot of negative aspects that I still believe about myself. The one issue I've found is that I can seperate my thoughts and emotions at home now, but when the rubber meets the road, its a completely different story.

Long story short, I had an anxiety attack in my anxiety group. I know, the irony. As I was going through this anxiety, I began trying to watch it, dig through it and figure out the cause. I wasn't able to see it at that moment but it did come to me later. I am terrified to be the center of attention. I'm pretty sure I know where it stems from as well. So I'll be talking with my therapist with it the next time we meet.

The other thing I noted was the self image issues that were tied to this episode. There was a lot of unworthiness and fear of acceptance. So self image has to be my next step. I was intimidated by the thought of being given attention, I want to fix that so I can grow even further. I've put at least 120 hours into developing myself in the last 13 days and I'm not stopping there. To just think that where I am right now is miles away from who I was just 2 weeks ago and this is all because of that breakup.

I am DONE being toxic!

I WANT to be authentic!