Cant Stop Chasing This One Girl

[emind]

Ive been chasing this girl for over a year now, and everytime she shows some interest and baits me into asking her out, only to later reject me. Now, Im pretty familiar with all the typical PUA stuff of "go out and meet 10 other girls and you'll forget her", and theres a time and place for that, but here Im looking for an internal, spiritual solution. I feel like I need to let go off her, but just cant, Ive tried meditating on it, and deep inside I feel this weird kind of lack.It is strange, but this thing is consuming half my mental energy during the day, I really need to just let it go. What can I do?

[egoeimai]

You just have to look inside and find what is lacking. Withdraw your attention from the person, she is not what you're looking for, the answer is within you NOT OUTSIDE of you. 

[LaucherJunge]

Try Do Nothing meditation in order to take away the momentum of your thinking, this was for me the main cause of such issues,  always thought it was emotions themself but turned out that thinking is really what plays with you on this egoic passions. After you take the fuel away you can start focusing on other things, now it won't be neccessairly easy but this is the only way I found out in my extreme case.
So basically try watching your thoughts about it and let them appear but don't engage into those thought stories that try to pull you in.

Edited October 17, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[Guest username]

Quit contacting her and try meditating. You need to not seek anything outside of yourself for fulfillment and happiness.

If you have hang-ups about sex, try brahmacharya for a while so you don't feel like you need it.

[Markus]

You're not satisfied with your life. So work on that. Enlightenment is of course the ultimate solution but you can also do other personal development stuff. Leo has a channel full of vids about that. Watch the one on dealing with loneliness for example.

Love ya,
Markus

[Max_V]

This problem of ‘lack’ or ‘emptiness’ has been a big one for me too.

Inquire into who it is that is lacking.

What you’ll find is that one doesn’t exist.

[Sine]

Get away. Physical. As far away from her as you can. Not forever, just some time - for example you could go on a solo retreat - rent a cabin somewhere, or go on a tent trip. Or go on a vacation to another city/country by yourself. Spend time meditating, maybe reading or just doing stuff you like... Then when you go back, maybe decide on not having sex for 6 months or so. This really helped me in a similar situation, and made me change my focus to stuff that is so more important than these feelings of "being in love" - Because.. It think.. You feel like you need her because you feel lonely. Maybe think about what it is that you want from her, where is your "drug" in the relationship, and the reason why it's hard to quit? .. So.. If you face the loneliness.. And it won't be easy but I believe everything is going to be easier afterwards.

[SFRL]

@emind bang some other girls and make sure she knows about it. Then make some moves on her. If you still want her by that time. 

You are going to think this isn't going to work, but trust me it will. 

Edited October 19, 2017 by SFRL

[aurum]

On 10/17/2017 at 1:09 PM, emind said:

Now, Im pretty familiar with all the typical PUA stuff of "go out and meet 10 other girls and you'll forget her", and theres a time and place for that

Why isn't it the time and place for that now?

[phoenix666]

look for the one who is lacking and shower him with love <3  this empty loneliness and lack is a big one form me as well. the only way is to love the one who is feeling this way. no love from others is ever going to satisfy this lacking part in you. only your own love can do that <3

[Max_V]

@SFRL This is surface stuff, it won’t affect the deep inner emptiness one experiences

[Pelin]

@emind "Go on and be with other girls" seems like a very, very bad advice to me. Maybe because I'm female. The reason for chasing this girl could be sexual, or not. Either way, another person will not cover for her.

You need to find the reasons for this crush. Self-contemplation could really work: Why this girl? What is so special about her? Why does your body and mind crave her? What is lacking in you that you think she might complete? 

Also: Why is she manipulating you? It's clear she's manipulating you, and you fall for the bait each time. Maybe you're vulnerable in her eyes, maybe she's not even aware of the signals she's giving. It's happened to me, I had a couple of friends, whom I had no interest other than being a friend, but they thought we might have something special and then got disappointed. Truth is, I never got close to them, we talked about books and music and stuff but their mind completed the empty places in the puzzle, thinking I'm interested in them. 

By the way, do you really know her? My suggestion is, don't invest your time in someone who's not willing to grow, and raise her consciousness. She doesn't seem that type to me. A relationship should lift you in every aspect of your life. With all the drama before even the relationship starts, how can you expect growth out of this relationship?

Identifying your weaknesses, and not falling for the games your mind is playing is the key to freedom.

[SFRL]

3 hours ago, Max_V said:

@SFRL This is surface stuff, it won’t affect the deep inner emptiness one experiences

Yet you struggle with the same problem.

[Max_V]

@SFRL True, that’s why I am working through it with a psychologist 

[egoeimai]

3 hours ago, SFRL said:

Yet you struggle with the same problem.

Wth?  Doesn't mean we don't struggle, we have to accept it if our response is not quite acceptable from everyone. 

[SFRL]

17 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Wth?  Doesn't mean we don't struggle, we have to accept it if our response is not quite acceptable from everyone. 

I don't understand what you are trying to say. 

[egoeimai]

39 minutes ago, SFRL said:

I don't understand what you are trying to say. 

I tried to put it politely but okay, nothings gonna change so bye 

[SFRL]

7 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

I tried to put it politely but okay, nothings gonna change so bye 

Bye

[Emerald]

Perhaps she has become the projection screen for some of your disowned traits. So, the need to feel connected with her comes from your own desire for the parts of yourself that she represents to you. And if this is the case, the attraction will feel so right that you won't want to let it go deep down. Because you know you need these traits back... seemingly from her. So, ignoring the emotions is pointless. However, you must learn to read between the lines of your attraction for what your subconscious is really telling you to make communion with. There must be a reason why this particular girl is giving you this feeling. Try to discover what that is that you actually want from the situation. Then, instead of attaching those ends to achieving your desired relationship to her, try achieving those ends within yourself. What do you admire about her? Feel free to gush poetic about her because this will give you a ton of information about what you want to realize in yourself.

[Sevi]

We can consider detachment as static and dynamic; as if in balance. Both types requires different practices. 

If you just retrieve and meditate, it reminds me of a practice for static balance.

Life is ongoing interactions with everything, internal and external. If we cut off one thing, that's good, sometimes that is what's necessary, but I think we also need to learn to be detached on the very moments of the interactions. Then we can peacefully let the things be, I think..