Am I Cracking Up?

[Charlotte]

I've been working on enlightenment for a short amount of time (around 4 months) everyday though. Meditating everyday. Really doing copious amounts of self inquiry work. 

 

Thing is, I think I can get a small glimpse of the 'true self' (very short) and I cry with realisation and feel sick.

 

I then go on to be confused, it feels as if I'm cracking up. What do I do?

 

 

[Charlotte]

Ok the confusion stage had gone, just to add... When I say glimpse, it was more of a perspective, an awareness. I realised I am no different to a tree. My mind is what makes me indipendent of the tree. I physically felt/saw the nothingness. Tell me I'm going down the right path? I don't want to fall into a trap

[Markus]

You're explaining this in a very confusing way. In any case I will give you advice. If your chosen path is self-inquiry, you keep doing that until you have a direct experience of the Self. At the moment you do have that, there will be no confusion. If you become confused later on, that means you've lost it. Self-inquire more and get it again. 

Love ya,
Markus

[Natasha]

14 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Ok the confusion stage had gone, just to add... When I say glimpse, it was more of a perspective, an awareness. I realised I am no different to a tree. My mind is what makes me indipendent of the tree. I physically felt/saw the nothingness. Tell me I'm going down the right path? I don't want to fall into a trap

You're on the right track 

You might want to read this

 

[Pure Imagination]

Confusion is generally a good indicator that you're on the right track! It's cognitive dissonance in your mind that is rearranging and discarding old opinions of reality that you used to think were true. Just embrace whatever you are feeling with the highest levels of consciousness and love that you can cultivate

[Charlotte]

@Natasha Thank you so much for that link, it's really helped straighten things out in my mind. 

 

@Pure Imagination Will do! Advice noted. Thank you for responding.

[Lynnel]

On 18/10/2017 at 1:42 AM, Pure Imagination said:

Confusion is generally a good indicator that you're on the right track! It's cognitive dissonance in your mind that is rearranging and discarding old opinions of reality that you used to think were true. Just embrace whatever you are feeling with the highest levels of consciousness and love that you can cultivate

I'm not facing the issue she's facing but that's a very deep clever way to put on confusion.

I totaly second this.

[Pure Imagination]

@Lynnel I'm glad what I said resonated with you! Now I just need to get better I taking my own advice 

[Charlotte]

@Pure Imagination I know the feeling all to well ?

 

Believe it or not, since that day, the ego has been very resistant to enlightenment work altogether, trying to pull 'me' in the opposite direction ? 'I' am aware of it, that's all that matters and I am persistent with the work. Tricky tricky mind ??

 

[Pure Imagination]

@Charlotte That resistance you feel is totally normal. That often happens to me after a deep realization. The ego has a hard time making sense of new points of view you are uncovering. And that's the thing, it's impossible to articulate or make sense if it

[Charlotte]

@Pure Imagination Thank you for your input. This week, staying on track, after that day has been ultra ultra hard. Even today. 

 

Not to mention my family around me have been noticing my way of life has significantly changed (no tv, no radio in car etc) they seem to be coming worried about me, saying I'm taking this too seriously. How do you deal with such negativity? Especially when it's your family?

[Natasha]

16 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Not to mention my family around me have been noticing my way of life has significantly changed (no tv, no radio in car etc) they seem to be coming worried about me, saying I'm taking this too seriously. How do you deal with such negativity? Especially when it's your family?

By realizing you're on the hero's journey and that there will be times when you feel lonely and misunderstood. That's all part of growing your cnsciousness in a deeply unconscious scociety. Don't expect most people agree with and support you, just do your work silently and those who're attuned to the Truth, will respond.  

 

[WelcometoReality]

On 2017-10-22 at 1:29 AM, Charlotte said:

Not to mention my family around me have been noticing my way of life has significantly changed (no tv, no radio in car etc) they seem to be coming worried about me, saying I'm taking this too seriously. How do you deal with such negativity? Especially when it's your family?

What a loving and caring family you have. 

[Highest]

The spiritual journey is long and rich, keep on it's a lot to discover, not just the Self/Soul.  

[Charlotte]

On 22/10/2017 at 5:17 PM, Natasha said:

By realizing you're on the hero's journey and that there will be times when you feel lonely and misunderstood. That's all part of growing your cnsciousness in a deeply unconscious scociety. Don't expect most people agree with and support you, just do your work silently and those who're attuned to the Truth, will respond.  

 

On 23/10/2017 at 5:33 PM, WelcometoReality said:

What a loving and caring family you have. 

 

• On 22/10/2017 at 5:17 PM, Natasha said:

  • I'm sorry I've been trying to get rid of this quote box as I pressed it twice but I can't ? @Natasha your advice is spot on and I can't thank you enough. 

  @WelcometoReality I disagree with your sarcastic comment. They comment because they care. At the same time they respect my decision and back me up. 

[Natasha]

@Charlotte You're welcome  We've all been and are still there. Use it as a tool, not a distraction, to build your consciousness.

Edited October 28, 2017 by Natasha

[Nahm]

On 10/21/2017 at 7:29 PM, Charlotte said:

@Pure Imagination Thank you for your input. This week, staying on track, after that day has been ultra ultra hard. Even today. 

 

Not to mention my family around me have been noticing my way of life has significantly changed (no tv, no radio in car etc) they seem to be coming worried about me, saying I'm taking this too seriously. How do you deal with such negativity? Especially when it's your family?

You can’t deal with their negativity, it’s too contagious, only they can deal with themselves. To the extent you can, maintain your mindfulness and offer love and compassion, often that is silence. Increasing your consciousness is like getting the only brownie in the world. It’s delicious, but then you have to be careful not to think you can take everyone with you when you start noticing the gap. Just enjoy the brownie. 

[Nahm]

@Natasha the consistency of your beauty is inspiring & encouraging to me. 

[Natasha]

@Nahm Thank you for the kind words, means a lot 

[Charlotte]

17 hours ago, Natasha said:

@Charlotte You're welcome  We've all been and are still there. Use it as a tool, not a distraction, to build your consciousness.

@Natasha I certainly am. Excellent way of putting it! Last week, I slowly slipped back I have to admit. I could literally feel the resistance in my mind, it was awful, I've learnt a lot but at the time it was awful. The only way I could describe it was like looking at a white piece of paper and trying to convince my mind it was black, not white. I had to over come the power of the ego, trying everything it had to pull me back, I struggled all week, fell into a little depression spot, some of my frustrations in life came back which then brought anger with it. I was also feeling useless, all the enlightenment and self actualisation work I had put (everyday all day) in was going down the pan, I started to feel sad and guilty, to myself. All this arose from that one day I had a shift in awareness, a massive "Ah ha!" moment so to speak. I persevered, I resisted my own mind, I knew this was a distraction, even listening to video's and podcasts didn't sound the same. Then one night late Thursday night (Thursday just gone) I broke free again from the egos resistance, I literally cried, I had persevered so much that I beat the ego's resistance. 

 

This is so deep to me but it's a proud moment in my life. I didn't want to go back to the 'lower self' , I could see the life planned out already for that state of mind... suffering is the word I would best describe.

14 hours ago, Nahm said:

You can’t deal with their negativity, it’s too contagious, only they can deal with themselves. To the extent you can, maintain your mindfulness and offer love and compassion, often that is silence. Increasing your consciousness is like getting the only brownie in the world. It’s delicious, but then you have to be careful not to think you can take everyone with you when you start noticing the gap. Just enjoy the brownie. 

@Nahm "You cant take everyone with you when you start noticing the gap" wow! This sentence right here resonates with me a lot. 

 

Sometimes I feel so bad for some members of my family and my partner that I try and bring them with me, I feel so bad that they are left unconscious, like a sorrowful feeling. My dad introduced me to this work in my early teens (and has tried to guide me to self actualisation all my life) and my mum has trained to be a counsellor earlier on in her life. They are both very aware of my journey and encourage me. 

 

My partner and some other close members of my family though are so neurotic you can physically see it ?

Edited October 29, 2017 by Charlotte
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