The Dark Side?

[Antonius]

Hi, long time lurker here, hoping to change that but that's another topic.

Anyway I've been meditating consistently for more than a year and recently I made huge progress. I feel my body much more, I'm more mindfull and at peace through the day, I love myself more, less anxiety and so on. That progress came to me very abruptly after months of nothing, I guess all the meditation and other things like sedona method, shadow work, psychedelics, body work are starting to snowball and change is coming effortlessly.

Most recently I started using Holosync audio technology. I was pretty skeptical about it, I didn't think anything that distracts you from sitting is silence could help. But I have time to spare what can I lose. So I start using it before bed, 30min track with ambient sounds and stuff, I use that for 2 weeks and maybe feel little more mindfull but maybe it's placeboo. Then the program instructions are to use the second 30min track immediately after the first one. First day I used it I had the best night of sleep ever, I literally woke up with my whole body vibrating with energy. Next few days were pretty nice too... then things started to get weird. 

I know you can experience some funny things while meditating, I saw lights, felt like I'm floating, body parts mixing up etc. but nothing could throw me off I just focused on my breath and continued. I tought is this the dark side of meditation? LOL EZ. Oh boy. Another night, I load up the first 30min track, everything's smooth, second track, I'm very present and feeling nice, then shit got dark real fast. I started hearing vague sounds outside my headphones. First I thought it's just some noise outside, but the sounds continued and I couldn't pass them off as random noise because I FELT them inside my room. They felt evil and I started to panic like they would harm me in some way. The sounds themselves were not scary, they sounded like someone is humming and whispering. It was the feeling of their presence that got to me. Like someone was standing there in the room staring at me and wanted to kill me while I was sitting with my eyes closed in the dark. But I just stayed sitting there in raw terror until it ended. This continued for the last few days and I even had the most disturbing chain of nightmares I ever experienced one night.

Now I'm getting scared even before I sit to meditate at night, I got so much progress and now my ego is fighting back full-force. It's so much scarier than I thought it would be. Leo's blog post with yoda is so relevant right now. Like I said I'm a lurker and I have a fair amount of problems in my life I could complain about but I never felt like it would help if I talked to strangers about them. This shit got me all opend up and I need some reassurance to continue through this. It feel like I'm going insane while it's happening, like how the fuck can you hear voices that aren't there, it's something I never experienced and it's freaking me out. Should I push through this or am I doing damage to myself? I'm touching my most primal fears here and I don't want to escape and lose my progress. Is this an opportunity for even more growth?

 

[Highest]

The Devil, or Satan, or Ego, is part of ourselves, from my experience it is also an real outside living entity, my spiritual journey took me straight to Him, face to face. Consciousness is powerful, and dark forces exists. The more you dwell and progress in Consciousness, the more you are at risk to meet this dark side of the universe, it can be enlightening but it is also terrifying. Just so you know, spirituality is about finding the truth, it is about discovery, and it's not all just nice.

[Forestluv]

To me, this sounds like an ego trying to maintain control and relevance. When confronted with surrending, one of my ego’s most effective strategies is to tap into anxiety and fear. It’s potent stuff. As my ego loses control, there may be disturbing thoughts or images of what could happen if I surrender to this mysterious “thing”. If it takes control, I could act on harmful impulses. I could run outside screaming profanities! I could send sex images to my boss and coworkers! That would be terrible! I better not surrender control to this awful “thing”.

Yet, my glimpses have indicated the beyond ego is actually quite simple - yet my ego finds it unpalatable and boring - so creates all sorts of distractions and scary shit to discourage going there.

For me, as uncomfortable as they are, I would treat the disturbing thoughts/feelings as another happening and just be with it.

Edited October 16, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[Antonius]

37 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

For me, as uncomfortable as they are, I would treat the disturbing thoughts/feelings as another happening and just be with it.

That's exactly how I wanted to deal with this because I knew some ego backlash would happen eventualy, but when it actually hits you MAN it's more terrifying than you could ever imagine. But I will just stay with it if it keeps happening, nothing more I can do.

[Forestluv]

Just now, Antonius said:

That's exactly how I wanted to deal with this because I knew some ego backlash would happen eventualy, but when it actually hits you MAN it's more terrifying than you could ever imagine. But I will just stay with it if it keeps happening, nothing more I can do.

I know. One of my experiences was so terrifying and I realized the only way I could make it stop would be to kill my self. In the moment, I was thinking of my physical body death and latter thought about ego death. It really is a form of death for me. Over the last year anxiety, terror and insanity has been as much of the path as love, joy and freedom.

[Girzo]

There might be an easy fix for your problems, just stop meditating before sleep. Do it during a time when you are the most awake. This should at least reduce your unpleasant experiences.