Letting The Light Of The Universe Shine Through Me

[phoenix666]

looks like I needed one more life, visceral demonstration of how I create my own problems. all self created, all projected onto neutral, completely meaningless reality. life keeps teaching. thank you  

how did I react ? I got partly sucked in. it's ok. I kept having lucid moments where I could reconnect to peace and calmness. I trust in them. I feel like they are becoming more and more frequent. one day they will extend over my whole day. that's my vision. of me becoming very calm and fully relaxed. being connected to peace and love all day. that's where compassionate actions and words come from. 

I can see there is some ego talking there. part of me wants to sage-like also for being liked, loved, approved of and admired by others. 

but I can also see that that's the best way to help others. 

in the end, there is no me being selfish there. I hope to gain permanent awareness of that one day. or at least to be in that place for the most part of my day.