Letting The Light Of The Universe Shine Through Me

[Colin]

@phoenix666

 

[Colin]

Also this, one of my faves 


 

 

[phoenix666]

@Colin thank you very much for your suggestions, much appreciated <3 

I've actually read 'meditations' by Marcus Aurelius. so I already intuit that I'll like the daily stoic. I'll look into it on the next opportunity.

[phoenix666]

why I love swimming: repetitive activity, requires attention on the breathing process and little distractions available. it's kind of meditative. two days ago I came to a smaller realization during a 45 min swimming session.

this work has become my first priority (with minor exceptions and a few distractions here and there)

1. enlightenment, inner work, exploring my subconscious, expanding my awareness. tools: meditation, yoga, reading, journaling, forum, videos
2. health (kind of goes hand in hand with enlightenment work) ? it's the pillar, the foundation. taking care of my body and mind. tools: inner work for peace of mind. whole food, plant based diet, hatha yoga and a little bit of sports here and there for my body.
3. becoming a healer. tools: studying, practicing

the third priority in my life is for others. am I being selfish? placing 'my' enlightenment, 'my' health before that? 

sometimes my parents say I am selfish.. self-centered. am I?

[phoenix666]

On 05. Juni 2018 at 8:56 AM, now is forever said:

no, how can you do good to others if you are weak? how can you be a good example if you are weak? a doctor has to cure herself to cure others, has to be strong to give back! if you are not strong how can you withstand the wind that will come in your direction? it's all about swimming against the stream, up the stream!

thank you for assuring me <3

let him who would move the world first move himself always comes to my mind

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 29/05/2018 at 2:00 PM, phoenix666 said:

exactly, feels like hypersensitivity (or maybe it's actual, 'normal' sensitivity...and I've just underrated the contrast from the state of numbness I was in before) 

oh, I'm sorry to hear that. and how did you deal with it? how are you now?

The thing is, I wasn't taking care of more basic needs.

I wasn't sleeping well, nor eating well. I was also isolating myself, so there was no feeling of beloging. 

Basically, I was inverting the hierarchy of needs. I wanted to go straight into self-actualization. 

 

 

[Solace]

We have outgrown the hierarchy of needs. Love can feed your physical body with all of the food and water it needs to thrive, sleep too becomes very short (I personally sleep for about 4 hours). You have no need for security because through love you realize that you are the totality of existence, you have everything you could ever want and more, you are already infinity complete. And that means that you don't desire to be loved by other people because you become the source of that love for yourself, you simply interact with people not out of a need, but out of the joy of communicating. The ego through love fully integrates into the soul, so the need for power is non existent, the desire just dosen't arise when the soul knows it's all powerful. The soul also knows that it is all knowing, so the need for learning becomes more of naturally desiring to explore the forms of this reality.

Through it all love is the answer, it feeds all of these needs. You don't need to look outside for anything, you are already that eternal wellspring. That's why I always encourage people to start with love, and center their awareness in their heart, cause that is their source of love In the old paradigm this was relevant and helpful, but now this pyramid is just obsolete man.

Love you all so much. Thank you Phoenix for sharing your journey for all of our benefit and evolution.

Edited June 7, 2018 by Solace

[jjer94]

19 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

The thing is, I wasn't taking care of more basic needs.

I wasn't sleeping well, nor eating well. I was also isolating myself, so there was no feeling of beloging. 

Basically, I was inverting the hierarchy of needs. I wanted to go straight into self-actualization. 

 

 

Thank you for mentioning this. I think spiritual bypassing is a huge issue for most people on this forum. Spiritual teachers like Leo talk about profoundly deep wisdom that they've directly experienced, and certain people (like me) who haven't experienced those things directly latch onto the teachings and pretend to be spiritual. But in reality, those types of people are typically the most psychologically traumatized and underdeveloped, and are using spirituality to medicate their "lower" unmet emotional needs. 

Just like any other drug, learning about spirituality and the love train is an excellent way to alter their mood to cover up negative emotions like shame. The same thing goes for personal development - becoming an über schedule-oriented habit-accomplishing beast of a human being allows them to feel superior to their fellow "unconscious" or "sheep-like" humans. Of course, they will deny these statements until something happens in their life to expose their own self-deceptions. As always, reality is the greatest teacher.

@phoenix666 You've got a party going here! 

In all seriousness, I've been silently reading your posts for awhile and they resonate deeply. You seem so sweet and well-meaning. I wish you all the best on your journey 

 

[phoenix666]

wow thank you all for your inputs guys <3 motivates me a lot to keep on walking the path all much appreciated! 

On 08. Juni 2018 at 0:55 AM, Gabriel Antonio said:

I wasn't taking care of more basic needs.

I wasn't sleeping well, nor eating well. I was also isolating myself, so there was no feeling of beloging. 

Basically, I was inverting the hierarchy of needs. I wanted to go straight into self-actualization. 

sounds familiar, I want(ed) to go straight into self actualization as well. but I feel like my basic needs are quite stable right now. I feel a bit of lacking in my social needs. maybe I should work on that..

 

On 08. Juni 2018 at 8:55 PM, jjer94 said:

I think spiritual bypassing is a huge issue for most people on this forum. Spiritual teachers like Leo talk about profoundly deep wisdom that they've directly experienced, and certain people (like me) who haven't experienced those things directly latch onto the teachings and pretend to be spiritual. But in reality, those types of people are typically the most psychologically traumatized and underdeveloped, and are using spirituality to medicate their "lower" unmet emotional needs. 

Just like any other drug, learning about spirituality and the love train is an excellent way to alter their mood to cover up negative emotions like shame. The same thing goes for personal development - becoming an über schedule-oriented habit-accomplishing beast of a human being allows them to feel superior to their fellow "unconscious" or "sheep-like" humans. Of course, they will deny these statements until something happens in their life to expose their own self-deceptions. As always, reality is the greatest teacher.

@phoenix666 You've got a party going here! 

In all seriousness, I've been silently reading your posts for awhile and they resonate deeply. You seem so sweet and well-meaning. I wish you all the best on your journey 

yes, I can see that in myself as well. thanks for pointing out that self deception. but great, you became aware of it! isn't that wonderful? that alone should take some weight off your shoulders. keep that light of awareness shining onto that...and it will heal those 'lacks' <3 

true, I've also been using those things to alter my mood and to cover up negative emotions. I've neglected the negative children...now they rebel, trying desperately to get my attention. it's working... I feel like I can't run away any more. I guess we've just picked out what we liked most there. most teachings actually encourage to pick up those neglected children and to give them what they want: love and attention. I feel like I wasn't ready for that before... maybe now I can handle them, maybe now that I've experienced some glimpses of unconditional love, I can direct that feeling onto them <3

wow, that is very sweet of you, @jjer94  I know exactly what you mean. like minded souls find each other, you know. I've been reading your journal as well because your words resonate deeply. I wish you all the best as well 

On 08. Juni 2018 at 1:26 AM, Solace said:

We have outgrown the hierarchy of needs. Love can feed your physical body with all of the food and water it needs to thrive, sleep too becomes very short (I personally sleep for about 4 hours). You have no need for security because through love you realize that you are the totality of existence, you have everything you could ever want and more, you are already infinity complete. And that means that you don't desire to be loved by other people because you become the source of that love for yourself, you simply interact with people not out of a need, but out of the joy of communicating. The ego through love fully integrates into the soul, so the need for power is non existent, the desire just dosen't arise when the soul knows it's all powerful. The soul also knows that it is all knowing, so the need for learning becomes more of naturally desiring to explore the forms of this reality.

Through it all love is the answer, it feeds all of these needs. You don't need to look outside for anything, you are already that eternal wellspring. That's why I always encourage people to start with love, and center their awareness in their heart, cause that is their source of love In the old paradigm this was relevant and helpful, but now this pyramid is just obsolete man.

Love you all so much. Thank you Phoenix for sharing your journey for all of our benefit and evolution.

that is so wonderful. you know, I can't feel it in my daily life right now. I hope I will one day. but as I read this, I can feel something. as if I somehow know this, deep down. buried under that pile of beliefs and 'lacks'. I guess I'm slowly unraveling that inner knowledge. I feel an inner warmth as I read this, something melting (ego? beliefs?) it clicks! I felt the same as I listened to Matt Kahn and Teal Swan saying the exact same thing.

thank you for spreading that message of love, Solace! 

I can see the power in it. I'm working on that feeling of love.. it's getting stronger. but it's still unstable.. sometimes confusion and emptiness prevails. 

I am happy that my words seem to touch people! enforces my feeling of being connected to you all

[junglove]

H there Phoenix,

I'm new to the forum and have just been reading your journal... I love it! Thanks for your openness and honesty about your challenges, the things that have hurt you, and most of all for your commitment to love... you're an inspiration - keep it up!

Hugs,

Lucas

[phoenix666]

8 hours ago, junglove said:

H there Phoenix,

I'm new to the forum and have just been reading your journal... I love it! Thanks for your openness and honesty about your challenges, the things that have hurt you, and most of all for your commitment to love... you're an inspiration - keep it up!

Hugs,

Lucas

Hi Lucas,

:3 wow that's so sweet my dear! it makes me happy to know that. it's so beautiful that we can feel connection across the universe simply by reading words on the screen. I am not such a big fan of technology as I've used to be, but that's definitively something wonderful. listening, reading about other people's emotional journeys if they share openly can be quite assuring and insightful, I feel it myself on this forum <3 that connection 

I wish you all the best <3 maybe you're inspired to share your journey as well soon <3

[Gabriel Antonio]

Here is a better version of the hierarchy of needs: 

 

On 08/06/2018 at 3:55 PM, jjer94 said:

I think spiritual bypassing is a huge issue for most people on this forum. Spiritual teachers like Leo talk about profoundly deep wisdom that they've directly experienced, and certain people (like me) who haven't experienced those things directly latch onto the teachings and pretend to be spiritual. But in reality, those types of people are typically the most psychologically traumatized and underdeveloped, and are using spirituality to medicate their "lower" unmet emotional needs. 

Totally agreed!

As you said, reality is the best teacher. 

 

On 10/06/2018 at 3:11 AM, phoenix666 said:

I feel a bit of lacking in my social needs. maybe I should work on that..

I'd suggest to work on cultivating close friends. Friends who you can be authentic with. 

 

On 11/06/2018 at 2:08 AM, phoenix666 said:

I am not such a big fan of technology as I've used to be, but that's definitively something wonderful. listening, reading about other people's emotional journeys if they share openly can be quite assuring and insightful, I feel it myself on this forum <3 that connection 

Yes, but remember that face-to-face is much more powerful and healing than online can ever be.
It's hard to find self-actualizing people in real life, though. 

Edited June 14, 2018 by Gabriel Antonio

[phoenix666]

4 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

I'd suggest to work on cultivating close friends. Friends who you can be authentic with. 

funny that you posted this now. I've just reconnected with an old friend. it felt so good and warm. and you know what my first thought was? oh, yes... I can be authentic with her. now I remember why I loved being with her. 

do you believe in coincidence, Gabriel Antonio? 

4 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

Yes, but remember that face-to-face is much more powerful and healing than online can ever be.
It's hard to find self-actualizing people in real life, though. 

you're right. I haven't found many self actualizing people in real life yet. only one spiritually inclined (I love talking to him) and some people where I feel I can really be authentic with. you're so right, but I'm still thankful for this place here. you guys helped me so much <3

[phoenix666]

everything was just so great. I felt like I was walking on clouds... not even walking, more like floating. then the crash. fuck, why does that keep happening?? 

the higher I fly the deeper I fall. I don't know why this keeps coming. maybe it's all self induced?

it really feels like the universe is trying to test me. (again) funny, how things come in circles. feels like reality is a loop, coming with the same challenges again and again, right in the moment where I thought 'I'm over this, I outgrew this stuff.'  BAM! it goes full circle, kicking me in my arrogant ass. it actually makes me laugh  

insight: I'm a moody MF. I must be a quite challenge for most people. no wonder no one seems to stick with me..  this makes me a bit sad. I want to fix those mood swings... I think that's the reason no one wants to be with me for long. I hate myself for it. that's why no one can love me.. because I don't love myself (yet) 

I need to start loving this horrible mood swings of mine. 

I feel unstable, like a reactive oxygen species. toxic. specially for intimate relationships.. 

how do I love this part of me? 

[phoenix666]

12 minutes ago, now is forever said:

i'll stick with u... head up! in those situations - as far as possible to the sun. you can start carefully like, the pinky in cold water.

your heart is what floods the body with warmth. you can make it warmer, slowly.

this is so adorable, thank you from the deepest place in my heart my dear! I'll try to expand that feeling in my chest now <3

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 14/06/2018 at 3:00 AM, phoenix666 said:

I've just reconnected with an old friend. it felt so good and warm. and you know what my first thought was? oh, yes... I can be authentic with her. now I remember why I loved being with her. 

Great!  

Synchronicity (German: Synchronizität) is a concept, first introduced by analytical psychologist Carl Jung, which holds that events are "meaningful coincidences" if they occur with no causal relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related.

[Colin]

I have an insight for you that applies to everybody in the modern world. Anyone that uses a smartphone, computer, tv, modern home led and fluorescent lights. Wanna know what it is?

Circadian disruption. 

This study blows my mind every time I think about it.

http://www.newsweek.com/blue-blocking-glasses-may-help-treat-bipolar-disorder-promote-sleep-484065

These are the answer

[phoenix666]

20 hours ago, now is forever said:

for yourself, too, please! that would help me very much in my wishes for you!  loving yourself is like a mantra to your heart.

ok, I'm glad if I can help you, too <3 

 

9 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

Synchronicity (German: Synchronizität) is a concept, first introduced by analytical psychologist Carl Jung, which holds that events are "meaningful coincidences" if they occur with no causal relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related.

this concept seems to become more and more present in my life <3

 

5 hours ago, Colin said:

I have an insight for you that applies to everybody in the modern world. Anyone that uses a smartphone, computer, tv, modern home led and fluorescent lights. Wanna know what it is?

Circadian disruption. 

This study blows my mind every time I think about it.

http://www.newsweek.com/blue-blocking-glasses-may-help-treat-bipolar-disorder-promote-sleep-484065

These are the answer

talk about synchronicity, you two, @Gabriel Antonio and @Colin  thank you so much for the suggestion..but guess what.. I've been using such glasses after 7pm for the last 2 years now! really improved my sleep 

meaningful coincidences everywhere!

[phoenix666]

music does something with me. it's (another) lesson learned on psychedelics. I've never quite realized before how much influence it has on our body and mind, as it enters our system. I've had several experiences of tones, melody entering my body, flowing through me. as it does that, it leaves something behind: releasing tension in every muscle, releasing all resistance. making my mind light and less prone to cling to anything.

1g of dried shrooms mini report

wow, extremely interesting experience. I didn't think I'd feel that much on 1g. with open eyes I felt quite normal. thoughts a bit more distant and clear than usual, colors more vibrant. just general the world looking more 3D and stronger contrast. 

but as soon as I closed my eyes.. the world.. PUFF, gone. there was no 'me' anymore. I didn't go through a painful process of dying like on other journeys, there was no fighting, no resistance. I was just gone. I wasn't everything either. my boundaries dissolved, 'I' expanded, becoming the whole room. I was the stream of music in the room. it was filled with a lot of things: Leo, Buddha, the forum, my phantasies, friends, books, Matt Kahn, stories ...

very interesting. I wonder what that was. 

[phoenix666]

16 hours ago, now is forever said:

positive presence, i think. values of your life.

sounds like love, light and magic are expanding in my life <3 feels like it's slowly becoming more and more beautiful <3