My Path To Somewhere, I Hope...

[Natasha]

Just now, abrakamowse said:

Happy 4th of July!!!

Belated now 

[abrakamowse]

I am still meditating everyday. Mostly mindful meditation, trying to be focused on awareness the whole day.

The thing is that for some reason the ego is kicking back harder than usual. My mind becomes agitated. I lose focus and I get involved in the story in my head. So, when I realize I am doing that I just bring my focus back to awareness.

What is bothering me is that is happening more frequently than usual. But I know is a trick of the ego who doesn't want to see what's behind the curtains of his trickery Lol...

So, I am continue working on focusing on awareness more and more than ever before!

[abrakamowse]

I was leaving from work on my way back home and I had an insight.

The mind is telling me the story of what's happening all the time. I always knew that conceptually, but now I could see how it does that.

It's like the body moves to a certain place and the mind begins to "think" I like to walk in this street instead of the other, because blah blah blah blah blah.

And it does it after I took one street instead of other, like saying there's an I who chooses what way I will be going or if I will take this street or other different .

It's funny how we don't notice those things because we are used to be controlled by the thoughts.

[Natasha]

11 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

we are used to be controlled by the thoughts.

And we also identify with thoughts. If you look closer, the sense of self is but a thought. What we think we are is just a mental construct.

[abrakamowse]

3 hours ago, Natasha said:

And we also identify with thoughts. If you look closer, the sense of self is but a thought. What we think we are is just a mental construct.

Yes. In reality is the thoughts who are totally creating reality. My deepest question that I have to do in self inquiry is if the thought is "stealing" the uppercase "I" , that is Reality/Brahman/God/HigherSelf/TrueSelf and taking ownership of it, or in fact there's no such a thing as an "I" and it is all thoughts that create a lowercase "I" or false self and in fact there's nothing.

I also know that from nothing everything is created, but my question is if everything is nothing. The main source of all is nothing. Or is the uppercase "I". One is consciousness, the other one... I don't know.

Edited July 11, 2019 by abrakamowse

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Thoughts are energy forms with illusory content. The illusory content comes from the collective ego-mind. That's how we learn who we are as this body-mind construct through the illusion of separation and conditioning.

The Absolute (our true Self) is a no-mind zone, and since we identify with the thought story of 'me' (the false sense of self) and given our sight gets clouded by this illusion, we can't see what we really are, which is the Absolute.

So I'd say this would be a more accurate self-inquiry

40 minutes ago, abrakamowse said:

the thought is "stealing" the uppercase "I" , that is Reality/Brahman/God/HigherSelf/TrueSelf and taking ownership of it

 

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha  Thanks!!! That's what I was thinking, now I have to "see" it. I always saw the mind/brain as a receptor of all thoughts from the collective ego-mind, not a creator of thoughts.

There's a book I found long time ago online, a pdf in fact that it explain so well what is the personality, how it works, what is reality. Is like a step by step course for enlightenment. And they help a lot with the practice, mostly focusing on the breathing, on the tip of the nose, counting the breath and focusing on that or it can be an object.

I read it long time ago but I never did any practice, I am thinking on working on it again. This is their website.

http://guidestoenlightenment.com/

And this are the links to the pdf, they have 2 books, one for beginners

Beyond the Personality:the beginners guide to enlightenment 

http://guidestoenlightenment.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Beyond-the-Personality-indexed.pdf

and the more advanced one

Towards Effortless Activity: the advanced guide to enlightenment

http://guidestoenlightenment.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Towards-Effortless-Activity-indexed.pdf

 

Take a look at them, I think they have very valuable insights. The books are written by people who walked the path of enlightenment and they share their experiences on those books.

One of the things I always remember from reading those books is that Reality is a process that devours the personality.

They also have the whole book online, in their website, this is the chapter that I always remember and it was really helpful for me.

http://guidestoenlightenment.com/b-1-5-what-does-it-mean-to-say-reality-is-a-process-which-devours-the-personality/

 

 

 

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Cool! I love reading stuff like that. Will definitely look it up. Thanks for sharing

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha Good. Let me know what you think. 

[abrakamowse]

Continue with meditation everyday 30 mins. And I am all day trying to focus on awareness more and more. Trying to be more conscious during the whole day.

 

I was checking the stages of spiral dynamics and I realized that I am stage Blue going to Orange.

I also have some things from green, but I still can't embrace them. Those ideas are in my thoughts but not in my actions.

Edited July 15, 2019 by abrakamowse

[abrakamowse]

I had an insight these past days.

I asked God long time ago, before knowing about non duality that I wanted to be "saved". I was really desperately seeking for some peace in my soul. 

At that moment I didn't even knew that the "separated soul" didn't exist, that only the spirit of God exists and that he is reality. I was blind.

I remember praying and asking a lot to him to send me the "holy ghost" to baptize me with the holy ghost, because I was looking so much that I read that those who are baptized by the holy ghost were the only ones who will be saved. I asked so much that I got it.

But I didn't know until now. First I had an epiphany, very strong epiphany with a vision too. I saw everything like always but it was different. The same thing but with a different perception from me, I saw that everything was alive. Nothing was dead, the trees were alive, the buildings and the entire planet were alive. Or are alive, to say it better. They are alive, everything is alive.

And I just knew it, then I felt a love in my heart that was so pure like I never felt anything like that before. It made me want to kneel on the floor and pray to the whole consciousness/universe.

I felt love for everyone, it was so strong that I can't describe it with words. And it was so pure, without any purpose or interest, it was there because that's what it is, just love.

But then, one day when I was falling asleep I felt like a panic, like if I were going to die.

 

And just NOW I realized that God was going to give me enlightenment (I know I am talking from a dualistic POV, it was all me). I only had to cross that black void or tunnel and let my ego die to get enlightenment, but I was so terrorized that I went in panic, I woke up yelling like if I saw the devil.

But curiously it was me who was the Devil and I was scared of God, OMG!!! What an idiot!!!

God wanted to show me that I wasn't prepared for enlightenment. I feel sad now because I wasn't prepared to receive God at that moment, I didn't even know what was that, I thought that I was having a panic attack or some mental issue.

 

I just wanted to share this with you. 

 

Blessings!

 

 

 

 

 

[abrakamowse]

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:7

 

I'm working in the not-knowing. When you don't know you open the door to knowing. I was listening to several people on youtube sharing their experiences about the void. 

We are afraid of it because is a place of not knowing. Some may find it blissful while others (like it happened to me) terrifying. That's because I wasn't prepared for that moment. 

I just realized that this is what the book "The Cloud of unknowing" talks about.

Quote

From Wikipedia

"The Cloud of Unknowing (Middle English: The Cloude of Unknowing) is an anonymous work of Christian mysticism written in Middle English in the latter half of the 14th century. The text is a spiritual guide on contemplative prayer in the late Middle Ages. The underlying message of this work suggests that the way to know God is to abandon consideration of God's particular activities and attributes, and be courageous enough to surrender one's mind and ego to the realm of "unknowing", at which point one may begin to glimpse the nature of God."

 

[abrakamowse]

Lost in this dream....

[Natasha]

On ‎10‎/‎30‎/‎2019 at 11:47 PM, abrakamowse said:

Lost in this dream....

As long as you remember it's a dream, you're good

[abrakamowse]

On 11/1/2019 at 4:14 PM, Natasha said:

As long as you remember it's a dream, you're good

hehehe... I know.

The dream is not so bad, the ego doesn't like it... but I am not affected by anything that happens in it.

I feel like in the middle of the two world, not completely awakened and not completely asleep.

Let's see what happens next.

[abrakamowse]

Who am I?

[abrakamowse]

I know what I am. And I have no more questions in reality. 

There's no questions and no answers. It's all a dream.

[abrakamowse]

I am more and more aware of feelings and actions and its reactions. But I feel involved in the moment and then it just passes. And peace is there, there's nothing to be worried.

More and more uninterested in worldly affairs. But somehow something continues working and doing in despite of seeing everything like neutral, not important and important at the same time. Pointless and with a purpose, its a nice place where to be.

Feeling more and more presence in the actions and more direction from intuition (God). But the actions are not mine, they are for my dream character which is becoming more and more clear that I am not the character.

To arrive to this state I had to let all my emotions flow, mostly anger. When I was angry I was trying to stop it and hide it. Until one day I decided to feel that anger, and to manifest it if I was bothered like a little child. And that's when the change happened.

Suddenly when I left the anger act, I could let it go completely. I still feel anger from some events, but I let my body be angry, and I know it will go.

It will flow naturally and it won't come back as before, because now is leaving my body, like the skin of a fruit that is being peeled and thrown in the garbage hehehe...

Funny... all this time trying to hide and repressed the anger and it really was needed to let it just flow.

 

 

 

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Great update. Keep up the good work 

[abrakamowse]

On 3/31/2020 at 9:42 PM, Natasha said:

@abrakamowse Great update. Keep up the good work 

Thanks Natasha. 

How are you doing with all these lockdown thing?

I always had trouble following what the world forces us to do and be, this lockdown is helping me a lot to think more and take a pause.

My life will be completely different when this lockdown finish, I am pretty sure about it. In times of crisis new opportunities arise. Not sure what, but big changes are coming.

I will write about that soon. 

 

Thanks for reading!

:-)