My Path To Somewhere, I Hope...

[abrakamowse]

I am reading the book A Systematic Course in the Ancient Tantric Techniques of Yoga and Kriya

 

Very powerful

[abrakamowse]

Nothing is happening. That's good.

[abrakamowse]

I am back to my journal. Thanks to @Natasha for making me realize that I need to keep doing it.

 

I had many many changes, but there's no one who changes. Change just happens. And everytime the ego observes more and more reality, that idea is more and more integrated. That, what I think I am is integrated with everything. 

I don't do nothing, everything is being done and I don't have to worry about anything. Worry is just a mental construct of an idea of me that thinks there's a person who has control over his life. The good news (the gospel = good news = god spell) are that everything is under control of reality.

Nothing will ever go wrong, so there's no need to be worried. Whatever happens is Ok. Because what IS happening is what reality is RIGHT NOW.

So, no need to be worried, no need to do anything. I am the observer of my ego, and he is doing quite well.

But, I begin to understand what Leo says about actualizing and how actualizing has its importance in the enlightenment path. And the importance of being actualized comes from trying to incorporate or integrate the enlightenment "experience" into the ego. Otherwise you won't know what is happening, why and fear will come and so on, ego backslash, etc.

I learned that the hard way.

Synchronicities are happening more and more. And I am beginning to see how I am creating everything that happens to the ego. The mind also plays its part in this. 

If you are calm, if you mind is clear you will attract the experiences that you need to keep growing and becoming more and more the real you, what you really are. "Becoming" is just a word, because you already are what you are looking for. You can't say that you are becoming anything, because there's nothing that is becoming, it already IS.

A lot of attachments are being abandoned. I don't crave as much as before and it is diminishing more and more.

It comes to my mind what John the Baptist said  "He Must Increase, I Must Decrease" ...

 

Life is becoming easier, there's not so much sadness as before, no more tension (or at least not as much as before) between the idea of me and reality.

There's more happiness appearing but is more like peace, and the sadness is still there. Not sure why, but I think it is like my ego knows what is going to happen or that he is losing its power. But not sure about that, that is thoughts coming to me trying to make sense of whats going on.

 

I have more things to write about, I will be actualizing my journal more frequently, I promise.

 

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse 

Good to see you growing and deepening your awareness. Well, you ARE awareness becoming more self-aware  Awesome!

Have you seen Leo's recent video on his blog bringing new insights into the Absolute?

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha I was looking his blog today and I saw he posted one video but I didn't watch it yet. I'm going to watch it tomorrow.

Thanks Natasha. ?

[abrakamowse]

Ego backslash happening. Big depression, but I managed to keep in observer mode. I were half in awareness and half in the ego.

I was watching a soccer match, which I always was a big fan and now I was thinking "what a boring thing!" Lol

I am beginning to see through the illusion, but I also understand is what it IS. It is necessary to be like that. So I go to a point of total acceptance.

I am sure that this will pass, and it happens. It passes. Awareness is always there.

Thoughts about enlightenment being a silly thing, then at the next moment I can see enlightenment is the only truth. The mind going backwards, forward, anywhere... and I only watch it do its thing.

 

I found an article on internet, very interesting. And reading it I realize it is true.

Non duality tend to bring sudden enlightenment, seeing through the veil of illusion but it brings big ego backslash.

Because is too radical. You need to be prepared, otherwise you can go back to ego or worst.

Vipassana meditation, is more slow and it tends to help more to assimilate insights. IMO is more safe, but more slow... really.

But, we have eternity to reach enlightenment, so why to rush the process???

Blessings!

[abrakamowse]

I am becoming more aware of the emotions, how they change so much and I am observing the impermanence of my personality or ego. I am not the same person, I am all the time changing, I am change. Constant change.

But that I am is the one that I am now identified with, the true I am is unchangeable. It doesn't change, is always there observing how my character change, the character that I play in the movie of life.

Edited June 21, 2019 by abrakamowse
grammar

[Natasha]

That's a beautiful observation. We're also not our body, the cells constantly changing/moving/ being born/dying.

9 minutes ago, abrakamowse said:

the true I am is unchangeable

Yes

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha

 

I discovered that I don't wanna be an actor. I want the real thing.

Edited June 21, 2019 by abrakamowse

[abrakamowse]

These days I feel sadness. Very deep sadness. But I know is not me who is sad, but my character. Not sure why he is sad.

Thoughts arise, some say that it is possible because he is knowing that he is going to die, but I feel that this thought is a bit arrogant because is thinking that the ego will be enlightened soon.

I am changing thoughts, or different thoughts are arising. Thoughts that are contrary to the negative mood my character is now.

Other thing that I am doing more and more frequently is putting my attention on awareness, trying to be more conscious with every act that I do.

Doing thing at a slower pace, makes me work more consciously. Being more attentive to details and by doing that I can remember things easier.

I am also working on cleaning my thoughts and images I create in my mind. Trying to think positively instead of feeling overwhelmed by reality.

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse

All good helpful steps.

Do you meditate?

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha I am meditating but not everyday. I do it on weekends and during the week 2 or 3 days in the night, depending on how tired I am after work.

I am planning to begin a schedule to meditate everyday. The other thing is that I am all day trying to be focused on awareness, I consider that like being in meditation all the time.

Does that count as meditation?

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Yes, I think so. 20 mins sits once day without distractions would still be helpful too.

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha  Cool, I usually do 30 mins. I have to stick to a schedule and do it everyday.

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Try to do a 1 hr Strong Determination Sit sometime. It's when you sit for an hour without moving your body.

 It can be quite intense at first, but it grounds you big time.

The monkey mind can't compete with that one

 

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha Ok, I will try that. I did it once when Leo published the video about meditation and I remember it was hard. Not sure if I did it the whole hour Lol... but I remember that I wanted to scratch my nose, my back, Lol...

hahaha... I will try it definitely.

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse It's ok to scratch your nose/move your body a bit at first. The point is to build endurance for distractions with every sit. Eventually, you'll be able to do the whole hour without moving.

I'm not there yet myself. Mostly because my dog wants my attention of a sudden when I sit down to meditate

[abrakamowse]

On 7/2/2019 at 3:21 PM, Natasha said:

I'm not there yet myself. Mostly because my dog wants my attention of a sudden when I sit down to meditate

Lol... when I meditate my dog is sleeping. But he is pretty quiet. He doesn't interrupt my meditation unless he wants to go out.

hehehe...

 

I am meditating now half hour, I began yesterday. I still have to meditate today.

I began to notice how others act and why. And I am using that to realize how I manipulate people. I want to stop my unconscious actions, not reactions anymore. I need to have more silence in my mind when I want to react to what other people say or do.

It is funny, because when you began to become more conscious, you begin to notice why people react and how they are going to react.

And it's like a clock, it doesn't fail. I know I do the same, I just want to keep focused on awareness to just observe how my mind wants me to react to stay silence and don't react.

I want to perform non-actions more frequently.

 

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Good progress! Staying in the state of continuous presence observing without absorbing or reacting is really powerful. It allows you to stay grounded and centered in Being without monkey-mind.

20 minutes ago, abrakamowse said:

I still have to meditate today

With all the 4th of July fireworks outside... meditation probably not going to happen for me tonight 

[abrakamowse]

3 hours ago, Natasha said:

With all the 4th of July fireworks outside... meditation probably not going to happen for me tonight

Happy 4th of July!!!