My Path To Somewhere, I Hope...

[abrakamowse]

I was born in Uruguay, South America and I am actually living in New Jersey with my wife and our 9 year old daughter. I am 47 years old.

I was always curious about the unknown. My grandfather was a priest of an adventist church and he was in the military too. He never talked to me too much about religion, he died when I was a kid. But I remember that when we went to have lunch at my grandparents home, he always prayed and he was very thankful to God. I didn’t understand at that moment, but I accepted all that like something natural. Even though my mother and father weren’t very religious.

My father wasn’t much of a believer but I feel that he was curious too. My mother never talked about religion with me. But my father sparked my curiosity talking about stuff he thought about the bible. For example, I remember being like 6 years old and he told me that he thought that to make the animals fit on the Noah’s Ark, that should have been done with some kind of technology we didn’t know, because it was not possible to fit all them on the ark in their natural way, so maybe some more advanced beings helped Noah to get just the embryos (or other unknown technique) of the animals on the ark and then reproduce them some way. But this kind of things made me be very curious.

We talked also about the pyramids and how they were created, and he told me in the bible there were descriptions made by Moises where some things he saw seemed very similar to the idea that we have now of UFO and Aliens. So, I was very curious about all that stuff, and about everything.

Then my father died, he was diabetic. I was 16 when he died. I remember that I found a small bible on my high school that was given for free through the Gideons. And I took it home, it was the new testament and I read it all from the beginning to the end. Then, after many years my mother told me that I was all the time on the my bedroom laying on my bed reading the bible. Maybe that explains why I consider myself Christian, but I don’t share any belief with any official Christian Church. I am still looking for a Christian Church who tell the truth about Jesus.

I liked a lot the things Jesus said, but for me it was weird to think that he died for our sins (in the way the catholic and protestant church view it), and that only by believing he is the messiah you will be saved. It was ridiculous, but at the same time the Bible was very clear in that point. At least what I understood at that moment, so I was a bit interested in Jesus but not sure if the Bible was true, or accurate.

So, I had a friend who was going to a group were some people said they were “contacted” by aliens. The group was called Rama, it doesn’t exist now officially but I know there’s still people who meet and do meditation. The founder of the group was a Peruvian called Sixto Paz, he said he was contacted by Aliens and that he was on a mission to share their message. My friend invited me several times to go to some of those meetings, but I never accepted, because I didn’t know about the meditation they did. I only knew about the aliens stuff.  And I didn’t want to know anything about Aliens, lol. But then he told me they did buddhist meditation, so I became interested about learning how to meditate.

There I learned some meditation techniques but it was done in a manner that everyone gave their opinions about meditations, some knew, others not so much. So the meditations we did weren’t like the mindful meditation or the self-inquiry. No one that I heard of talked about no-self and concepts like that. So, it was useful for me because it introduced me to meditation, but it wasn’t really a deep kind of meditation to find your true self. They played a bit with mental stuff.

One of the things I remember was the first days I was there, we did a relaxation practice to then begin to meditate. When we were meditating we were told to do think whatever came to our minds. But I thought the idea was to let your imagination go wild and then try to look a significance to it , hehehehe… it was not very well guided.

They talked about your true self, they called it your “inner master”, and we made mental visualizations of that master and we asked him about things we wanted to know and we let that deep true self that we visualized to answer us. We really didn’t know  what we were doing hehehe… so funny now that I think about it.

In one of that meditative visualizations I saw a brigde. And in the other side of the bridge there was a native indian, looked like a shaman or something like that. I began to walk over the bridge, the bridge was made of wood and it was really in bad shape. It was like one of those bridges on the Indiana Jones movies.

So, I was walking with difficulty because it was very high, it was like crossing a canyon and the bottom was really deep. And there were some missing parts on the bridge so I had to pay attention to every place I stepped on. And in that moment, I thought…. if this is just my imagination, why can’t I fly over the bridge and cross it more easily?

So, I did that. I began to fly in my weird meditation and I was like flying between the canyon rocks, I felt like superman and suddenly a red light very strong appeared in front of me and everything went black.

I asked to my “inner master” what was that? And I heard like someone saying that something bad was going to happen and I had to defeat.

And this is all for today, my story is a bit long, so I will be posting more tomorrow. All this I said has to do with the next chapter of my boring life hahahaha…

Thanks for reading.

Edited February 22, 2016 by abrakamowse

[Kelley White]

23 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

All this I said has to do with the next chapter of my boring life hahahaha…

Thank you so much for sharing this.  Its actually a very moving and engaging story.  I am looking forward to hearing more.  So, just curious...where did you "land" on the alien matter?

[abrakamowse]

I left all that @Kelley White it was helpful to learn that I am not my thoughts, about our higher self and other concepts that now I understand better. It was like the first steps, but the Alien thing, I have friends that are still on that. I think it's a distraction of enlightenment. I am out of that.

[abrakamowse]

@Kelley White  Thank you for reading it. It's incredible but I see  a lot of events that were casual at that moment, but for some reason are stuck on my mind since childhood. Then, after years they began to make sense. For example, I remember my grandmother giving a me a bracelet that it had something written on it

"Truth shall make you free"

Edited February 23, 2016 by abrakamowse

[Kelley White]

@abrakamowseIts interesting, I like the archetype, the metaphor of it.  When it comes to life in the universe?  I think if we have a virtual reality construct this complex...aliens?  Why not.  Drakes Equation.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drake_equation

Thus I consider it in this light...

 

As to the Galactic Federation and like the League of Alien Unions thing?  The I channel Crom from the Cosmos thing?  I'm a skeptic.

 

[Kelley White]

5 minutes ago, abrakamowse said:

@Kelley White  Thank you for reading it. It's incredible but I see  a lot of events that were casual at that moment, but for some reason are stuck on my mind since childhood. Then, after years they began to make sense. For example, I remember my grandmother giving a me a bracelet that it had something written on it

"Truth shall make you free"

@abrakamowse I can appreciate that.   I also like the quote.:)  You are very welcome.  It resonated with me more than you know.

[abrakamowse]

@Kelley White cool, I will watch the video later. Thanks!!!

[Kelley White]

@abrakamowse you are very welcome.   Have a great day!

[abrakamowse]

Journal Part 2

Oki Doki, this is the second part of my journey. Is there a second part? Not sure, but now there it is. The second part just “it is” so it exists. Unlike my ego... 
:-P

Sorry for the bad joke, here I go.

There are things that are like burnt with fire on my mind. Things that for some reason I always remember, even when I was very young. I always thought that these memories that are so stuck on my mind are there for a reason, but right now I am beginning to make sense of them.

When I was a kid, I remember my father explaining me that we were evangelical Christians, so we, differently than catholics, we don’t have images of Christ on our Crosses, because it was written on the bible that you cannot make images of nothing on the earth or in heaven. So, that made me think that there were some churches that had different interpretations of the Bible. But I didn’t analize it at that age, I must have been like 8 or 9, maybe younger. So, I always had like a big suspicion about the Catholic church, and that suspicion began to grow as I learned about the inquisition, and the great crusades, holy wars, etc. Then my father told me about the different churches and their doctrines, probably I asked him what Church were ours, if we were different than Catholics. But I don’t remember frankly, what I remember is that he told me that there were some other evangelical churches with different beliefs, and one of them believed that everything was predetermined. That we are like “robots” directed by God and that our destiny is chosen. He laughed about it. And I was like, that’s weird.

Then I found out (very recently) that my grandfather was adventist, and the adventists believe on free will, they follow the teachings of John Wesley (and others) and Wesley believed on free will. From wikipedia: “ Adventist teaching strongly emphasises free will; each individual is free either to accept or reject God's offer of salvation. Adventists therefore oppose the Calvinistic/Reformed doctrines of predestination (or unconditional election), limited atonement and perseverance of the saints("once saved always saved").”

So, even that my father was not a very religious person he must have believed that we have free will, and so did I. Until now. Then I found out that the christian doctrine my father was talking to me about was Calvinism. But more on that later.

So, at this point I was a teenager, and the first question I asked myself was if we are not our thoughts, and I am not my mind either. So, what are we? If what I am thinking comes from me, why am I always doubting about what choice is best? Why can’t I know exactly what is good for me and chose it? Where does my crazy ideas come from??? Why the crazy thoughts? Why I felt bad if nothing seemed to be bad… too many questions.

I was very curious about knowing what I am, what’s our life purpose, everything. It gave me a lot of excitement knowing about occultism and other stuff, but I was also a bit scared, because I thought some of these teachings could be bad, like black magic and other stuff. So I heard also about Buddha and I remember him talking about the middle way, it made sense to me. So I decided to be safe and I wouldn’t go to extremes. I was an avid reader and curios, and I found about Lobsang Rampa, and his books. And he explained about astral projections, the third eye, the silver cord and more stuff. Right now I see that as nonsense, I don’t say they don’t exist or deny them but at this moment, they are of no use for me. I think of them as a distraction, as I am now focused on enlightenment. But at that moment it catched my imagination and I wanted to do astral projections and crazy stuff. Never could achieve one. I wanted to know about the Tibetan Book of the Dead, etc.

It was helpful in giving me a first taste of what it was the western philosophy, but Rampa was really more like a buddhist fairy tale, I don’t feel they are really true. And if they are, they are terrible misleading about what enlightenment is. But, at that moment I didn’t know, so it was good to me to make me understand some things. For example, he gave some ideas about how limited are our senses and that there are things that can be happening outside of our sensorial capacities, like the infrared rays and the ultraviolets rays. I also found books of Yogi Ramacharaka, about Hatha Yoga.

I began to meditate, but not really very good meditation. Anyway I had interesting meditations, that gave me some insights about my true self. One of the meditations, I remember clearly, it was me on a kind of war. There were gunshots all bombs all around me, the meditations I did were more like unleashing the fantasy in my mind and observe it. At that moment that’s what I thought it was. The curious thing is that everybody even me, where monkeys. And we were a particular kind of monkeys, we were babooms. Hahaha… at that moment I got the idea, but I remember thinking, what does that monkeys mean? Now I know, and I am pretty sure that’s the meaning. That’s the monkey mind, we were represented as the monkeys (the ego) and that’s why we go to wars, we fight each other, we get angry, etc. Interesting.

Anyway, they weren’t real meditations, mostly mind plays.

After that, I always continue reading about meditation and I believed a lot of stuff that I think is correct but my understanding was not so deep, was superficial. So I began to get disappointed because things were getting difficult. At that moment I was in a relationship, I was living together with my girlfriend and we had an opportunity to come to USA, so we decided to come to New Jersey where we are now, we are married now and we have a 9 year old daughter.

I began to work and I forgot a bit about meditation and all that. I was like out of everything, but I still had some belief, mostly mixed stuff like “The Secret”, and other self help books. My wife bought the book “the power of now” but I didn’t get interested in it. I read the book about Think and Grow Rich from Napoleon Hill. But, my mind-ego was still in control (still is... but less than before), so I didn’t understand the difference. Even when I got the idea that we are not our mind, I didn’t know how to apply that teaching to anything and I didn’t understand what a powerful thing is to keep the mind quiet.

The thing is that my life wasn’t too bad. I was having some economic difficulties like everybody and that gave me stress. The company that I am actually working, was at that time really busy, and their main focus was to do jobs fasts, so to do them faster I began to “multitask”. At that moment I didn’t know multitasking is not possible, so my attention get used to focus in many different things during short periods of time. That made a pattern in my way of thinking, and the pressure at work and others problems drove me crazy.

Some days before that I was like feeling so empty, so depressed that I felt that nothing worked for me spiritually. But because I was a great Jesus believer I began to think “what if I am wrong about the Bible and the Bible is all true?” And I began to ask God to give me some sign, something so I could believe in Jesus. I asked him, “why I can’t believe in nothing?”

I remember I was laying on the bed and I was like twisting to one side and to the other like if I were in great pain (my soul was in pain) and I asked him to make whatever I need to believe in him. At that moment I thought that Catholics were wrong, but I thought that the Evangelical Churches, some of them at least were right. I wasn’t sure, but I was ready to take the leap of faith, so… I decided something crazy.

I was going to brainwash myself into Christianity.
:-P

More later….

[abrakamowse]

I think my journal is crazy. I feel I don't have to write anything more and I don't know why but I just stopped searching again.

Everything we need, we already have.

[abrakamowse]

I am back with my journal.

I stopped meditating for a while, and now I am meditating again. I will try to check the time I am meditating non-stop, at least half hour per day.

Day 1 - Half hour meditation - done.

[abrakamowse]

Day 2 - Half hour meditation - done

Total = 1 hour

 

[abrakamowse]

I need to drop all beliefs.

 

[abrakamowse]

Yesterday night it was:

Day 3 - Half hour mindful meditation and self inquiry

Total = 1 hour and half

[abrakamowse]

I am on vacation in my country, I´ll be back this weekend. I had great experiences and I´ll be more active in the forum next week.

[abrakamowse]

I began to meditate again and it was difficult. It's incredible how easily we lose our routines.

It was 5 minutes of meditation and I was looking at the timer as is it was too much, crazy. And finally I just meditate 20 mins and I have to stop.

I think tonight I will be back to my 30 mins meditation as usual.

So, I am back to

Day 1 - 20 minutes meditation

[All_Around_Me]

@abrakamowse
Thanks for sharing your experience) It was really interesting to read about. Sometimes it`s really strange how some details are getting a meaning much later and than suddenly arise from the depth of your memory. Are you going to write a continuation of your story?

[abrakamowse]

@All_Around_Me  Yes, the crazy part begins after that Lol... I will be posting it soon. Maybe on Sunday. I am working on it.

I'm thinking in adapting it into a comic hehehe... and thanks for reading it.

Edited May 21, 2016 by abrakamowse

[All_Around_Me]

@abrakamowse Great) I`m looking forward to read it!

[abrakamowse]