Simple Journal

[ajasatya]

love those graphics! 

[Orange]

On 11/11/2017 at 0:56 PM, Girzo said:

#29 

- My leg hurts, my mood hurts.

MOOD TRACKER UPDATE:

It's hard to overestimate power of psychedlics

Girzo how do you evaluate your happiness points? 

[Girzo]

@Orange I just ask myself how do I feel compared to the day before. Better or worse? By how much? It's totally biased, but fun, so I do it anyways 

[Orange]

46 minutes ago, Girzo said:

@Orange I just ask myself how do I feel compared to the day before. Better or worse? By how much? It's totally biased, but fun, so I do it anyways 

ah ok  

[Girzo]

NEW UPDATE

30.11.17 #48 +

• I drove a car to school today. My twisted ankle is getting better with every day.
• Karolina has been asked on a date by me today. It failed due to logistics on her side. That or she simply rejects me in a nice way, because I am her classmate.
• There's waiting in a queue. There's some irritation. #publichealthcare

29.11.17 #47 =

• I have not slept well.
• Work was being done until 01:00. It was a very messy proccess.
• It was realized that I am self-deceptive quack. Telling myself stories that hurt, although they are not real. And this is just another story.
• During self-inquiry session, there was a feeling of reality getting dissolved. It got as deep as seeing thought wireframes of personal reality. There were thoughtless moments, sadly it didn't dissolve ego completely even for a moment.
• Quality over quantity. This applies to consciousness work very much.
• Work on becoming cool with not being funny, not having anything interesting to say, but on the other-hand improve those qualities. Yet, don't focus on them too much. There are bigger fishes to fry.
• Establish a self-inquiry habit.
• Coffee gives me diarrhea. Avoid it, it works and allows to work on a high gear even without sleep, but is not sustainable and has some strong side effects. Focus on a healthy diet instead.
• Get back to improving your diet. Be consciouss of everything you put into your mouth and see what results you get. Observe your state of mind, bodily sensations, energy levels, awareness capabilities and their correlation with food you ingest.
• I forgot to make an entry this day. It was supplemented on 30.11.17.

28.11.17 #46 +

• Psychedlics were done today.
• It was kind of hard to fall asleep.
• Eyes were dilated for full 8 hours on al-lad.

27.11.17 #45 =

• I have slept alll.. day.

26.11.17 #44 =

• How do I get out of this shithole?
• Invasive thought come and creep inside my head.
• I am unconscious most of the day.
• STOP foucsing on that and making a narration. Don't beat yourself up. Simply start working towards better future. Be patient to a hardcore extent.
• Sleep is important. Don't hesitate to take a nap, don't hesitate to meditate. 

25.11.17 #43 -

• I am spontaneously going deep with my meditation.
• Lack of sleep and my head hurts.
• I continue to work.
• I need to get out of this loop.
• Ate too much today, my stomach hurts. Gyros. Few fruits. Donut. Sandwich with chocolate creme. Some bread and bortsch. Some sweets. Salty breadsticks. Toast. - It's a bad mix. I need to clean myself a little bit after this weekend.

24.11.17 #42 -

• Same story as day before.

23.11.17 #41 -

• I did some work. It went terrible, I was doing it for like 5 hours and ended up around 1 AM.
• I think Capoeira might be interesting.

22.11.17 #40 =

• Ego backlash - day next.
• I hardly can force myself to do anything.
• There were exhaustsing tests at school.
• I have meditated, but it's not what it can be. I can do better.
• I became unaware of egoic structure that was in front of me for a couple of days. It hasn't disappeared, but reinforced itself and now is strong again.

21.11.17 #39 --

• I experience massive unconsciousness backlash.
• I am stressed out by a lot.
• Ate too much meat with veggies and now feel tired from digestion of these foods.
• I am doing maths.
• There's a deep sense of something like a Core inside of me. Something that's sitting there steadily and working non-stop.

[Girzo]

Trip Report - AL-LAD, 150mcg

SET&SETTING: 

After school (15:30), knowing the next day lessons are at 8:00, one tab of AL-LAD (150mcg, untested) was ingested. Parents magically disappeared to do the shopping until 19:45. Empty stomach, one banana eaten during the trip, zero nausea. Eating fatty food and donout at the end of the trip resulted in feeling "tired" in the stomach.

ACTUAL TRIP: 

Started off with music, then dropped it. Without it a lot of dreamy thoughts have appeared. These were resisted and trying to contemplate the substance of reality was choosen, although it didn't go smooth. The main conclusion is that there is no perciever and no perception. 

Some emotional baggage realted to male-female relationships was brought up and mainly ignored. Advice was given to actually understand the situation. Mechanism behind the scenes did exactly what it was supposed to do. Actually appreciate experiences given and enjoy the possibility to grow. All the pain is created in the mind and the story of being hurt reinforces the ego.

What was given during this trip is an ability to see reality as non-existent during self-inquiry.

During this trip there were moments when I was a higher intelligence teaching the ego how it should behave, giving myself insights. It reminds me of a psychological concept of superego, ego and id.

It was choosen not to assume existence of any entities, including myself, so there haven't been any creatures met during this experience.

SIDE NOTES:

Insights from the trip get clearer with every day and somtimes drastically change contradicting the previous thoughts. It's like they are maturing by themselves.

Next trip needs better preparation. In every possible way. It would be better if there was more self-inquiry done prior to the experience. Also less social contact and even less external stimuli. There should be no fear of someone interrupting and no fear of losing mind.

150mcg seems somewhat over-the-top for a party setting, extrapolating from this experience, sticking with a little bit less will probably result in cleaner experience. At the same time effects may get killed with reasoning. It needs to be tested, but it's always better to test with lower dosage.

I get curious about the correlation between realms of experience and Truth. I assume they are a distraction when it comes to pursuing Enlightement, but it's amazing what's possibly possible. Whole reality feels magical for the first time in my life.

Effects on the body were moderate, but they are still there in a mild form three days later. Whole body feels different, but still tensed. There wasn't any energy release throughout this trip.

[Girzo]

BTW, I AM STILL JOURNALING: Currently at the 90th day, consistently, without missing any single day.

 

[Girzo]

Trip Report - AL-LAD, 300mcg

SET&SETTING: 

11.2017 // It was Friday night, 20:30. Drunk people on the lower floor. I was alone in my room. Two tabs ingested spontaneously as an impulse. Swallowed without putting them under a tongue - took a little bit longer to hit, but not too long. I have said to dad that I have been drinking and can't drive today. It didn't matter, because dad was so drunk he was getting stuck in the loop and non-stop forgetting about everything. I have prepared banana and a cup of water.

ACTUAL TRIP: 

I have planned to watch Leo's video about strange loops. I didn't go as deep into the topic as when I was sober. Psychedlic effects has hit during watching and I started to see blue light around character on the screen. I was watching the show on the phone with headphones. It felt different than when watching it for the first time.

The biggest problem with this trip is that I don't remember the juicy parts. I have this feeling like a lot of cool stuff has happened, but I can't recall them, it's all so foggy. I will try to write up what I remember.

Listening to Tycho - Awake, I was trying to contemplate. I had to have music on, because people in the house were too noisy. I have to say it's a great album, visuals it has inspired were off the Earth. Music felt physical, like it had 3D structure, a whole new universe hidden in a song, it was a pure beauty. I was thinking about strange loops and then weird thing happened...

I don't remember the next hour. It's not like I have passed out or something. I was still listening to music and something like melting has happened. I totally forgot about contemplation. From my playlist's history I know I was listening to Glitch Mob's Drink The Sea album. It wasn't profound or anything, I can't recall any thought or feeling other than immense pleasure.

When I have snaped out of it a lot of interesting stuff started to happen. I was conscious enough to turn music off. My sense of self was being ripped in waves. My body was taken away. I was experiencing lives of other beings, like an absolute empathy. I was some girl, some guy, it felt like I really had their bodies, their personalities. It was switching, no-self, some created self, my ego back, some created self, reality at this moment felt really big, but not infinite. Everything was just spacious. There were no walls, just body floating in some kind of energy field, full of fractals.

Someone on the lower floor started arguing, I have heard that and got confused. My everyday ego partially crept back in for a moment to disperse the next second. Now I have become people arguing, was living their perspectives and their emotions. I had total understanding of emotions and mechanism rulling their interactions. At the same time, I couldn't care less about them, I was so understanding that I didn't care about what they do or say at all.

Eating banana was an ecstasy. I ate only one bite to avoid stomach-ache.

I thought my cup of water is empty. With smile on my face, I took it into both of my hands, put them into the air and asked for a miracle to happen, because I didn't want to go and refill it. I tried to take a sip from it and almost drenched myself, because it turns out it wasn't empty. It was funny as fuck moment.

I have tried to do the pen exercise. You take a pen and try to see that it doesn't exsist, you can then see that nothing exists. It went different way than when I had tried it before. When I look at this pen now, after the trip, I feel intense presence taking over me. This task is easier on one tab.

After that I said fuck it all, I am gonna have fun. I have listened to Scooter and Robbie Williams, because for weird reason they feel like evil twin brothers for me and it makes me laugh. Paradoxically it was a very deep and uplifting experience. I had thought a lot about human nature.

Then Modjo - Lady started playing on autoplay. I went deep into this nostalgia trip, emotions were overtaking as I was watching a music video on YouTube.

Later I was sitting on my coach, shifting between different states of consciousness. I realized that every undesired or bad thing in my life is there, because I want it on a deeper level, I can't say no to experiencing it from pure curiosity. 

I am sitting there as this Supervisor, owner of my own reality, it's my favourite element of every trip. Being this wise, totally confident person, that nails bullshit as soon as it appears, very grounded in reality. I thought I would like to feel like this all the time and then it struck me that I can. That psychedelic states of consciousness can be felt 24/7, they are not reserved to any substance, you just need to work your ass off and can attain whatever you desire. 

I have finished off with a walk on the fresh air. For some weird reason I was thinking about alien abduction, but quickly dropped this notion. Starry night sky is one of the most beautiful thing I have seen in my entire life. Everything I saw had this ancient egypt vibe to it. I was like a pharraoh or an ancient priest walking through the night on the desert. Very hard to put it into words. Mind was empty of thoughts almost all the time. Every street lamp has looked like an entire pizza-like shaped universe. I have returned home calmer than ever.

SIDE NOTES:

Overall I am not satisfied with this trip. It has showed me that many things are possible to change in my life, that it doesn't have to be the way it is right now. It was a lot of fun and serious at the time, but I feel like I have wasted the substance, It has a lot more potential and can be used in a much more profound way.

I have liked the previous 150mcg trip much more, it was concise and harmonic. This one is pure chaos, a monkey-mind on a trip to the amusement park. Even this report is chaotic. I can't imagine how people are taking doses as high as 600mcg of this substance and manage to take something out from it. For me 300mcg is more than enough, I will probably stick to 225mcg dose in my next trips. It seems like a sweet-spot. But I haven't tripped enough to be sure.

There are interesting after effects of this trip. For example, when driving a car I have moments of totally dissolving and merging with the car, it's such a cool feeling. I am still me, but everything happens so smoothly and effortlessly, perfect gear shifting, a lot more things get noticed, it last for few minutes.

Another after effect is this being Supervisor feeling. I feel like I own reality and I am much more aware of many things, like for example posture or thought patterns. Clearness of mind is connected to this feeling. When mind clears I start to feel more grounded and everything happens effortlessly. It doesn't last long, but I would like to have it 24/7.

I went on a walk one day and was just amazed with how magical everything feels. Everything was alive, I was contemplating nature and looking with awe at beauty of it. Funny thing with my contemplation is it sometimes goes into off-words-mode. It happens on another level, I catch myself that these words are no longer useful when contemplating such and such matter and start doing a thing that I can't fully describe, but surely something clicks in the mind during that process.

Another after effect is disliking of certain foods, mainly fast-foods. I can eat bananas, apples and nuts all day. But eating salty sticks, it just felt terrible on the next day. I have automatically put some in my mouth without too much thinking and I thought I will spit them out. They have tasted like raw wheat and were almost impossible to chew. Pasta with meat - was terrible. Brussels = awesome. Burger from McDonald's was possible to eat, but not as tasty as always. I was farting and burping all the time. I should watch much better what I put into my mouth, after next trip. This time I was just curious how terrible something can taste.

And I have found it. The most terrible, untasty thing in the world. Lech's brand alcohol-free beer. I was on Orgonite concert the next day after the trip and got thirsty. Considering that water in the club costs the same as a beer, I went for the beer. Usually I like it, but this time it felt terrible. Like I was drinking bleach. Dying would be more pleasant than drinking this beer. I have forced myself to sip enough to satiate thirst and got rid of it.

Few days after I also feel mild effects on my body. I became touchy. I like touching stuff. My face feels pleasant, it's delighting to smile. I like touching my hands, holding hands and hugging others. Usually it's not my cup of tea, but now it's extra satisfying. 

Edited April 18, 2018 by Girzo

[Girzo]

The Animalistic Trip - 4-HO-MiPT, 25mg

SET&SETTING: 

12.2017 // Thursday. Skipped lessons and went home. Being alone 25 mg of white powder was weighted and ingested oral route. Using water could have been a bad idea, but I couldn't swallow the paper it was put on in any other way. Next time prepare vodka or distilled water. I was lacking sleep on that day. Prior to the experience I was talking with classmates at school, it has affected a mood of the trip heavily.

PART ONE - QUICK ONSET: 

Bodyload was felt. More intense than on AL-LAD, for sure, but it wasn't not a problem. There was some shaking and feeling cold.

During this phase "The Best of Blackmill" playlist was listened to on headphones. Effects started showing up after 15 minutes. Intensity of psychedelic effects reached it's peak in about hour. It's a very quick acting psychedelic.

It was hard to focus on anything. Very strong OEV and dreamy CEVs. A lot of random stuff happening. Nothing really interesting. I was role-playing a talk with my classmate and imagining prom night. Very photorealistical renditions of humans in winter clothes smiling at me. It felt like watching a movie. In my mind I have also seen some random photo of totally ordinary couple done with a shitty camera at the evening. I will laugh my ass off if I ever see those people in real life.

Chaotic experience. Music didn't really help this time. I was surprised with the quick onset and intensity of it. Yet, I think the dose was too low. Later on everything became more manageable, too much manageable.

PART TWO - NO MUSIC:

I have tried to contemplate nature of reality and failed terribly. Too much thinking. Need to work on it. Went to the bathroom and seen my face in the mirror. Reflection was 3D and I had fun wondering who is more real, reflected or standing me. After that, did some animalistic movements and roared a few times. I still feel blocked and limited inside.

What I did contemplate was social conditioning. How we are setup to live and not really living because of that. I came to conclusion that I haven't started using this life yet. We as the people are mass produced and not really developed, each of us individually. I have to start taking action in the world, enjoy life using body and mind.

Started playing songs from my "Songs to Try on Psychedelics" playlist, cried at "Stereo Sayan 3D", although music enchancing effects started to wear off by the time. 

(self-reflection: I write too much)

PART THREE - THE WALK:

Went on a walk. Thought about how cancer is a feature not a bug. That humanity is gambling as a species with it's fast development. That there's balance to everything. And you know what? It was fucking amazing. I have enjoyed every step made in the snow and danced like a crazy motherfucker. After that did some chores with smile on my face.

COCNLUSIONS:

• More preparation.
• Higher dose.
• Start living your life.
• Learn to let go.
• Everything is simple and easy, you just need to go for it.
• Have a vision of how you want your life to look like.
• There are many levels of understanding, prepare for that so you don't end up dumbfounded.

 

[Girzo]

Looping Through Reality - 4-HO-MiPT, 70mg

"Everything changes to a point that it stops and it turns around."

SET&SETTING: 

01.2018 // Monday, after school. Plan was to take it, pass the peak at home and go on the walk. It failed terribly, parents came back in the middle of the peak, so I had to wait for it to come down a little bit until I could interact with them and even then it was totally bizzare as I was talking with some egyptian gods. I wonder how weird I am on the daily basis that they didn't even say a word when looking at how I behave. Maybe I was acting normally and it's just a drug that made every action look ridiculous in my eyes. Ingestion: emtpy stomach, glass of lemon juice to dissolve powder. Tip for next trip - wait for it to dissolve completly, otherwise some will be left on the glass.

No bodyload throughout the whole trip other than a slight burning caused by vasoconstriction on the come up and off set of the trip.

PART ONE -  TAKES AGES TO LOAD, THEN EVERYTHING TURNS INSIDE OUT:

I have waited for visuals to kick in before drinking water. Turns out I don't take enough of it, because I was thirsty when parents came home. Listening to music, dancing, etc. When it kicked in, then it KICKED IN. I was sitting on the sofa with music turned off when room started to shrink and expand alternately. I felt my body fully, everything was getting heavily distroted. Everything was vibrant and full of life. Cushions on the sofa started flowing and were hypnotising. Just thinking about it makes my heart shiver. 

Then my reality started looping, muliplying, translating. It was a wisdom overload, I was hardly keeping up with the experience. Actually, there was no I for a moment, then it reemerged, then got lost again. I didn't take it beautifully, there was a lot of resistance, the dose took me by surprise, which sounds stupid when I write this now, considering how ridiculously high the dose was. I tried to meditate, which was so absurd considering what was happening, I was aware of that, nevertheless there was an urge to do something, so I was taking meditative posture and getting crushed down to the sofa repeatedly, laughing a lot. There was almost no control over the experience.

KEY INSIGHTS:

• Seeing life as an endless, complete loop.
• Everything is inclusive and complete. 
  • Sort of +- polarity kind of thing. 
• Everything is right just the way it is.
• Death and life is the same thing.

Looking through the window, all the trees felt like a fractal mockup. Like it was an artificial reality. The bathroom was the home of visual patterns crawling up the walls and bathroom utensils, these felt evil and were red-colored. Looking in the mirror my face was resembling a clay frog, emoticon-like symbols of expressions appeared floating in front of my face. Nothing really interesting, I was just passing time and preparing for a walk.

PART TWO - SACRED GEOMETRY OF NIGHT SKY:

I know from where did the notion of astretisms (patterns of stars in the night sky) come from. They were so vivid and unique. I could spin around and looking up into the sky everything got fractalized. I had occasion to do that thanks to deciding to go on the walk. A lot of profound thoughts flooded my mind. On this dose, the comedown was stronger than peak of 25mg trip and lasted for 3 hours. Everything was so wild and obvious at the same time. Very enjoyable experience. I felt urge to rather consume the experience in silence, rather than analyizing it intelectually, which is very encouraged and rewarding on AL-LAD.

I felt other perspectives as bubbles. People in my life, objects, all having a separate bubble of reality. Those bubbles are constantly moving and merging, all affecting each other. I felt a very strong influence of cosmos on how my life looks like. The feeling that everything is right the way it is stayed with me for the whole next day after the trip.

COCNLUSIONS:

• Why would I believe that I exist? That's such a stupid notion. There's no separate I and probably no existing reality, but the second statement needs more proof.
• I should tell parents that I take psychedelic drugs. I live with them.
• Although, I have seen those insights, now they feel distant and unreal. I am figuring a way how to incorporate them in everyday experience.
• Yet, there's a change in how I look at the world, will see if it lasts longer than 2 weeks.

The day after, when I heard lyrics of Infected Mushroom's song "Everything changes to a point that it stops and it turns around.", I instantly knew what they are talking about. A strange loop, which reality is. Those guys know about what they are making music.

 

 

 

[Girzo]

Only One Question - AL-LAD, 225mcg

29.03.18 // Taken when home alone. Sublingually.

SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS:

• There is only one question and one answer.
• No thought =! No mind

COMMON WISDOM:

• If the girl is showing interest, then show interest too. If she's not, then not. But from this position try to make her interested, so you are not only reactive, but also creating a change and oppurtinity for something great to happen.

WHAT WENT WELL +++:

• Well, there were no inicidents.
• I have tried, really really hard. But maybe the thing to do was to let go?
• I discovered I love my grandparents. With parents the thing is more tricky.
• I have a good understanding of what has happened and what hasn't happened, sadly.

WHAT NOT SO WELL?:

• There wasn't anything that went terribly bad. Maybe it was boring a little bit. I mean underwhelming, dosage could be higher.

WHAT CAN BE IMPROVED:

• I can articulate my premise even more. Today it was to see the Truth. Spend 20 minutes prior to experience doing that. Or a whole previous day.
• Maybe try gaining some more experience in yoga and then go into the trip.
• Maybe try a different substance. AL-LAD is all fancy, but doesn't seem suited enough for Truth.
• Let go, there is no need to articulate the insights. The deepest Truth is unspeakable anyway.
• Prepare paper and pen to note chronology and write more useful reports.

[Girzo]

UPDATE: I had stopped daily journaling at #121 day.

Now I only write there important events, health problems or weird experiences.

 

What's planned for the future?

Well, I have got 5-MeO-MET in my hands. I am eager to try it, but as it's a novel substance I have to do so with a great caution. I am waiting at least a month from the last AL-LAD trip for tolerance to fully clear.

I prepare myself for a biking trip, collect money, plan for college, look for life purpose and practice Kriya Yoga (it's godlike, as good as psychedelics or better). Trying to find a girlfriend, clean-up my diet and train calisthenics in the meantime.

Seriously considering taking a year off between high school (I am finishing it now, being 20 years old) and college to explore things like workaway.info, attend at least three Vipassana retreats, refine my Life Purpose and earn a little chunk of money. I will start a small online bussiness in a month and then will see how it develops in the coming months.

 

[Girzo]

I have revived the journal as it's one of the most effective practices one can have. Looking in retrospection, I don't know what has made me to stop this habit. It will still be mostly private, but I will try to update it from time to time with some content.

Here's a recent trip report:

Contemplating The Future - 5-MeO-MET, 17 mg

22.11.18 // Taken at night, at home. Oral ROA works flawlessly for this compound. Trip closed in two hours. Easy sleep afterwards.

THE TEST

Took this substance with goal in mind. To try to figure out the next step in life, pushed by growing dissatisfaction with formal education and my personal inability to perform.

Conclusion is to finish the current course I am studying (two months left) and go all into creating marketing bussiness. That is if I succeed at completing the course. If not, then I am not developed enough to succeed at having a bussiness and have to work on myself, by working for people and attending retreats.

THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

Higher inteligence has devaluated my worries and told me to focus on Enlightenment, as this is the real thing. All else in life is just a decoration.

ABOUT THE SUBSTANCE

It's more of a stoning drug than anything. Slight alternation of thinking, bodyload and noticable, pleasant physical buzz. Increased concentration, clarity of vision and depth of sound. No visuals.

It was definitely a light dose.

[Girzo]

Meadows of Heaven - 5-MEO-MET, 25mg

SET&SETTING: 

Lying on a meadow, alone, beautiful sunset and clouds.

ROA & DURATION: 

Insufflated, the substance has a nice fruity smell and is comparably mild in taste. Duration: 2.5 hours, peak around 20-minute mark.

Feels like a toy. Not really what I have expected. It has the same characteristics as 5-MeO-DMT, enormous lucidity, clarity of vision, no visual distortions, slight auditory effects.

Slight body rush, moving becomes hardly possible, no joy, no sadness. On the come-up, I have experienced a burst of energy coming from the bottom of the spine making me erect. What comes next is quite a shock, in terms of how vast awareness gets and how much a field of vision expands. I had asked myself if that Void is really where I want to go, is that a goal in my life? Then I saw that there's really no good alternative. I have looked at how successful/unsuccessful my life is in human terms and concluded that I should really enjoy life more. On the come-down, I had that well-known feeling of rewiring in the front of a brain, between eyes, nice and pleasant.

It didn't take me where I wanted to go. This experience stays nowhere close in profundity to a reality-shattering moment induced by 70 mg of 4-HO-MiPT.

There are three options: the dose wasn't enough; the dose was enough, but I am a hard head; this substance is not what I am looking for.

Listened to this on the come-up:

 

[Girzo]

Survival in the Dark - 1P-LSD, 150mcg

09.06.19 // I haven't tripped on LSD for almost exactly a year. Totally forgot what it's like. 150 mcg dose had been unexpectedly potent, which made us a little bit scared. Tripped with a friend in the wild, outside the house with a bike. A funny thing had happened in the beginning, because I accidentally spit the blotter and had to look for it on the ground. 5 seconds rule.

We were constantly trapped in loops, going on a pilgrimage towards the church through the meadows. It was hard to fight gravity when walking up hills. The road seemed endless. The world seemed very uniform, geometrical and divided in chunks. Animals looked funny and were constantly morphing. We were a little bit scared at times and totally unprepared for the intensity.

Body load is a hallmark of this trip. This powerful energy vibration was traveling through the body and didn't give us rest. Not once have I felt pleasurable in my skin. It was a little bit draining. I suppose not having slept had a lot to do with this fact.

Everything in the visual field was simplified and full of neon colors. Nature was bright and rich in detail. It was delightful to look at the world, but on the other hand, the environment constantly had that vibe of cheapness and impermanence.

SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS:

• No solid breakthroughs, but very close.
• I was merging with mind content and getting lost in an absolute perspective.
• I became aware of the relativeness of size. I can now understand how a fly is not different in size from a planet.
• There's no you, just this constantly changing mind-field.
• Language broke every time I have tried to put an insight into words.
• Life is not different from a trip. It's a little bit more dense fragment of the fractal called life, but it's still its part.
• Everything is impermanent.

COMMON WISDOM:

• I do a lot of projection. It's not possible to read someone's mind or emotion, it's always a prediction of what they feel or experience. It's better to assume that I don't know what others are and why they do what they do.
• Fast before the trip for 8-10 hours, or at least be after poop. Having content in the intestines is one more factor that contributes to the body load. Actually, you can fast more not only before tripping but generally in life. It's healthy.
• Take care of your rest and well-being, so they don't become an obstacle to realizing your fullest potential.

[Girzo]

Near to Forest - DPT, 60 mg

12.05.19 // First trip after a few months. Insufflated, 60 mg straight from the bag (not the brightest idea). Lying on a meadow, I got sunburned a little and a headache. The trip started with nausea and fainting-like feeling, so it wasn't too pleasant in the beginning. I will never snort again, it sucks. I don't like unpleasant sensations on the tongue too, but that's the body load.

SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS:

• No breakthroughs.
• I have talked with My Self about good and bad. I can only do Good and nothing bad. I crave the comfort of knowing what is good effortlessly, but setting the rules about what is right is not right in itself. So, I can't do that. So I have to live from my heart and authentically, which is hard. But I like it, I like that it's hard.
• It's a game of setting limitations upon yourself and breaking through them.
• I have tried to see the substance of the universe, but couldn't really wrap my head around it.
• Enlightenment is all about unknowing.
• Conceptualization is the mechanism of creation. But it itself is a concept. So can it be true, or did it just create itself? But if it created itself, isn't it true?
• It's all just one giant mind. The body is but one tiny little figment.
• All is alive. Everything around me (at least in the forest).
• If you want to communicate with God, it won't be on a thought level, but beyond.

COMMON WISDOM:

• I should keep doing Kriya Yoga, it's the most important habit I have at the moment.
• The second thing on the list of growth-potentiators is just living in the world. Having a business, girlfriend, etc. It will grow you a lot. About 1/2 the potential of yoga.
• The third position is taken by books and gathering knowledge. It's too passive to be as effective as previous activities. About 1/4 the potential of yoga.
• People are lazy and love to copy-paste, that's why they create monocultures and boring forests.
• I will put more effort into journaling, it's time-consuming but worth it.
• I will also track my time better.

[herghly]

Good trip report. How will you take in the DPT next time?