Neurotic Need For Passing Exams

[Edvard]

Just watched Leo's video "You're Not Happy Because You Don't Really Want To Be", another funny eye-opener. He adressed something that has and still confuses me about motivation. I'm currently attending a univerity studying physics. If I dropped every neurotic motivation, I would play poker all day, maybe do some math that I want to do and do it in my own speed, without needing to pass all those exams. So, the point is that those exams make me neurotic, because I have to guilt myself into working towards them in order to pass them. Otherwise (authentically) I wouldn't care about them. Of course I could drop the need to do it, but without a plan that won't really make things a lot better. Because I'm also thinking that if I'm not happy working hard, then I'm not unconditionally happy either...

What does Leo mean in this sense when he advocates dropping all the motivations to be happy? I like doing math, I just don't like it so much in a university setting. But if this would be my purpose, isn't university a good way to go...? So my question is therefore, should I accept some neurotic pursues for a while until it may get better and thereby enjoy it more? Or is this neurotic need for passing exams a sign that I should do something else?

Of course, I could take some easier classes and have a better foundation to make it easier for me later on (which would be harder economically), and I really haven't ultimately found my life purpose, so I figured I'd try a bachelor in physics to see how that goes...

 

Thanks.

Edited October 13, 2017 by Edvard

[Joseph Maynor]

If you were your authentic self in full awareness you could not do things that would harm you.  This is probably a bit overstated, but it is a cute way to say -- you wouldn't be playing poker all day if you were your authentic self either.  But maybe some things will fall away and be added in this process of discovering your authentic self.  You are probably doing many things now that run counter to your authentic self.  This is because the mind is augmenting reality with a sense of agenda, rules, and control.  You are in your own way so to speak.  This is causing all your concerns.  When you just let go, be aware, and do what the no self does, then you will find out what is natural and what is not.  Be prepared for some stuff to fall away.  It can be rather shocking.

The authentic self is the no self by the way, not any kind of egoic self.

Watch:

 

Edited October 13, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Edvard]

Yeah, letting go is sort of what I contemplate. The problem with that though, is that I then won't give a shit about the exam, because the higher self wouldn't care about that and grades, would it? No, ultimately, taken to it's fullest it would be to just sit down and do nothing. But no one's gonna feed you, so passing some exams seem appropriate, but still not really authentic, because I don't decide for myself exactly what to learn...

[dorg]

 

On 10/14/2017 at 7:37 AM, Edvard said:

Yeah, letting go is sort of what I contemplate. The problem with that though, is that I then won't give a shit about the exam, because the higher self wouldn't care about that and grades, would it? No, ultimately, taken to it's fullest it would be to just sit down and do nothing. But no one's gonna feed you, so passing some exams seem appropriate, but still not really authentic, because I don't decide for myself exactly what to learn...

Be aware that this is only your current mindset, nothing more. If you wish to stay with that, then a bit of mind management is in order. IOW, you have decided to carry on and do physics/math at Uni. That is your decision, so you disregard all thoughts of other alternatives until the course is completed. You need to be ruthless with this.

Once completed, then you could take a 'mind numbing' job which gives you time to contemplate and also undertake meditation and 'spiritual' study outside work hours. Alternatively you could join some organisation that will feed and house you whilst pursuing 'understanding'.

Best wishes,

Edited October 14, 2017 by dorg

[Elton]

@Edvard is there no fear and only guilt?  

[Edvard]

@Elton Not that much fear, because my motivation for going to university is mostly positive, while I could always get a job right now. It's just that while I now have committed to go for university, taken up loan for it, etc., I just don't want to go back now. But I think it's becoming easier after some time, gaining more momentum and working on consciousness, and I do occasionally get the "flow-feeling"/"in the zone", which I think will happen more often as I learn more and become better. If there's any fear, it's the fear of not doing what's best, not fear of going broke or dying, or living on the street. I just want to do what I want... so if there's fear, it is that I don't...