Infinite

Fear, Anxiety, And Doubt During Self Inquiry

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The past 3 days have gone in pretty much the same cycle. I go through the process of trying to locate what I am, then eventually get frustrated because I feel like I'm making no progress. After the frustration, I give up the search entirely and simply rest as awareness. After a certain point of simply resting as awareness, fear/anxiety will suddenly arise for no apparent reason. Then when the fear/anxiety passes, random doubt will intrusively arise in the mind. It could be that this fear, anxiety, and doubt is an unconscious attempt at preventing myself from seeing Truth, but I'm not entirely sure because I feel like I'm not even progressing. If the ego is trying to prevent itself from seeing Truth, wouldn't this imply that I am getting closer to seeing it? Could it be that I am somehow progressing, even though I don't feel like I am? Is this fear, anxiety, and doubt a sign of progress? If not, why else could they be arising? 

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resting as awareness is the goal of self inquiry, fear, anxiety doubt is usually a sign of progress. resting in awareness temporarily gets rid of the mind, maybe the mind is trying to save itself, its hard to tell. stay resting as awareness and the doubts will go away eventually.

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40 minutes ago, Infinite said:

Could it be that I am somehow progressing, even though I don't feel like I am? Is this fear, anxiety, and doubt a sign of progress? If not, why else could they be arising? 

From all I have learned during my journey so far, the most progress is made when you lay crying on the floor, completely shattered, not knowing what is happening, wanting to stop, being out of your mind and thinking you are mentally ill. That's when you make real progress. No kidding here.

See it this way: Depending on how old you are you've been fed years with bullshit social conditioning about who you are and how everything works. Now you are trying to get this out of your system with meditation and contemplation a.k.a. self-inquiry. This has to go out - so it takes the route of thoughts and emotions.

You are progressing like nuts I'd say. Normally, this comes in cycles. So you will feel shitty for some time and then you'll maybe have the greatest time of your life (that's how it works with me). If you have the later just try to remember that feeling so that you can ground yourself in it when you feel shitty as fuck.

From my experience these cycles get longer and more intense with time. So prepare yourself and have a good time. It'll be worth it any ways. :P


They want reality, so I give 'em a fatal dosage.

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1 hour ago, Infinite said:

The past 3 days have gone in pretty much the same cycle. I go through the process of trying to locate what I am, then eventually get frustrated because I feel like I'm making no progress. After the frustration, I give up the search entirely and simply rest as awareness. After a certain point of simply resting as awareness, fear/anxiety will suddenly arise for no apparent reason. Then when the fear/anxiety passes, random doubt will intrusively arise in the mind. It could be that this fear, anxiety, and doubt is an unconscious attempt at preventing myself from seeing Truth, but I'm not entirely sure because I feel like I'm not even progressing. If the ego is trying to prevent itself from seeing Truth, wouldn't this imply that I am getting closer to seeing it? Could it be that I am somehow progressing, even though I don't feel like I am? Is this fear, anxiety, and doubt a sign of progress? If not, why else could they be arising? 

It is progress. The fear, anxiety and doubt is egos attempt to get back in control. Meet it with total acceptance of all these emotions coming up.

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