I Feel Like I Piss People Off Sometimes

[Claire Verlyn]

well, let me start my story. to be honest, i actually don't really like doing exercises in group, such as volley, soccer, and many more that require teamwork. But, this causes problem because when i am forced to play in a group (actually all the students have to play too), i don't have any joy or excitement in playing so i feel like people think i am just an useless person that is unreliable in the group. but i don't like doing sports that have to be in group of people too. well, it's not only sports, though. sometimes when the teacher tells us to make a group to present a drama, i think people just treat me like i am just a burden to people in my group because i know that i don't like it and therefore, i can't because i don't have passion in doing that. because of that, i feel like i piss people off.  i more like doing things or exercises alone. well, actually i also ever experienced some kind of traumatic event in the past. when i was watching my friends playing chess, suddenly a ball hit my head hard. i also ever ran so fast that i fell and it really hurt. but as i said before that i actually don't like doing sports in a group too. i more like solving math problems alone than doing things in group. is it i who have to change? is it normal if i don't like doing things in group? well it's really hard for me to pretend that i like doing it in groups though...

[Jacobsen]

I remember feelings of being "unnecessary" when around groups of people, back in school and through high school and college. Feels like my thoughts and feelings and desires dont matter. Any one thing i would like to say would remain unsaid because "whats the point".

Its sad and painfull. It got so painfull to the point where i decided i had TRULY enough.

Up to this point what has changed fundamentaly is the "story" i tell myself about myself. Understand tgat who i am is who i am is who i am ad infinitum. You cant escape this person who lives inside of you, litteraly inside you chest as a heart, your higher self. I never changed only the thoughts i carry about myself changed.