The Wall I Can't Seem To Breakthrough Psychologically

[kieranperez]

Hey guys. So this is a psychological road block that has me feeling like such a victim. I know and acknowledge that this is an internal obstacle I'm creating. However, that almost makes it feel more impossible to conquer. 

Anyways...

So I've been struggling with working on this real estate license since May of 2015... Yes, 2 1/2 YEARS. To go into more detail, what I really mean is that I'm struggling to get through the work mentally and grind or whatever label you wish to use. 

Before I go on though I want to preface these crucial details before I get back onto the real estate (not in the mood to structure this grammatically "to a T")...

I feel so incompetent right now. I'm really stuck in victim mindset right now. I spend much of my day so frustrated that I'm not doing anything that I literally don't end up doing anything. I half ass training in my sport that I love so much and that's about it. I sit around taking a few 1-2 hour naps at home and just sitting around in the silence literally just being angry, sad, and frustrated at myself. Also keep in mind that I'm still living at home. I don't even go out to parties and hangout with people anymore because I'm tired of people asking what I've been up to, how I've been, and what I'm doing with my life and I just get tongue tied because I legit don't have an answer simply because I do nothing now. When I try to be productive, think positively, get myself motivated and try to be determined, etc. I know it's just some fake pump-up that isn't going to last. Which just leads me to feeling more incompetent because now I don't take any of my positive thinking and determination seriously.

Back onto the real estate - I feel so stuck with it because part of me 1. doesn't want to change, 2. feels like even if I do change, I just have this intuitive defeating feeling inside my gut that tells me I still won't be happy even if I turn everything around, 3. feels like I'm lying and kidding myself, so on and so on. I end up getting so overwhelmed by all of this that I actually end up getting so sleepy and distracted and defeated and lose all my hopefulness that I just can't do any studying for my Final Exam (I literally just need to pass the Final Exam and then I have my license and I've been putting it off since Spring 2016). Keep in mind... this is all in a course of just a couple of minutes.

It's not that I don't believe I can get a real estate license and that what I want in life is impossible. That's the weird and tricky thing... I know I can achieve amazing things. Athletic potential wise, I KNOW  I have the talent to be among those at say an Olympic Trials level of competition. So it's not that I don't believe I'm not capable. I KNOW  I'm incredibly good looking and have a great body and great smile and just a very attractive dude. What I'm experiencing feels like such a deeper issue that I can't seem to get past. It feels like an internal conflict I have no idea how to resolve, much less work through and cope with while I still get shit done in my life and achieve the results I need to achieve right now. I'm not in a luxurious position where I can just sit back all day and introspect either. The more I don't do anything each passing day, the worse this get's. Sometimes I'll get these anxiety attacks and I grab my hair and yell "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!" Which I think is a hint of some sort.

I could really use some help with this... anything helps!

[Elisabeth]

Why do you want to do this licence again?

[BjarkeT]

i am not 100% sure if this is the solution but if its because of productivity maybe check out cal newports deep work and how to become a straigt a student there is an example in deep work that when someone used routines and rituals to minimize willpower and focused as hard as possible with zero distractions 90 minuts a day in the morning he could do in around 3 weeks what normal toke him a year

if not maybe this could be useful

https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-art-of-solving-problems-permanently

Edited October 9, 2017 by BjarkeT

[dorg]

Just look at how you are driving yourself to achieve. The fact that you are not achieving tells you that you do not really want to achieve what you have chosen. So what if you do not become a real estate sales person, or a world class athlete - both of which would be really stressful if you are not really into either - and by your actions, you aren't.

You even go 'to extremes' over contemplation, meditation or time out saying "I'm not in a luxurious position where I can just sit back all day and introspect either." Why all day, why not just an hour a day meditating say?

Spend some time just looking at your drive - and acknowledge it. And also time looking at your other insights and  acknowledge them. The human is not intended to be a machine that just latches onto something and then goes for it. I know some people do that but in my observation - at quite some cost. Learn to appreciate all aspects of life and not just a goal.

After sufficient balance in your life is achieved, you will naturally be doing what you want to do. This may even include sitting exams or running races - and then if you have natural ability that will show without any self imposed drive.

Best wishes for achieving a lovely balanced enjoyable life. And this takes no time to achieve - if you are not into driving yourself to achieve.

Edited October 10, 2017 by dorg

[Forestluv]

From one perspective, I totally understand feeling stuck and frustrated. I've worked long and hard trying to get out of ruts to continue making progress.

From another perspective, this is just one giant complex story you have created and are replaying over and over in your head. I do the same thing.

Not saying one perspective is "better" than the other. For me, I find it helpful to acknowledge both to "put things into perspective".

[kieranperez]

So I've really I rooted out the issue... EXTREMEM low self-esteem. To shortcut though I guess to my question then is... what are some practical techniques to raise self-esteem? I read The Six Pillars of Self-Estesm from @Leo Gura's booklist and am doing the sentence completion but I'm not going to lie... I truly don't see how simply doing free flowing conscious sentence completion work is actually going to be an effective technique that makes a difference in raising my self-esteem...

[eskwire]

@kieranperez I don't think you have low self esteem. 

How old are you?

[Forestluv]

@kieranperez Isn’t the point of consciousness work to lose the self?

[ElenaO]

@Serotoninluv You cannot lose the self before you have a very strong ego. Leo talked about it, and in the book "The road less traveled" Scott Peck talks about the fact that you have to possess something before giving it up.

[Forestluv]

3 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

@Serotoninluv You cannot lose the self before you have a very strong ego. Leo talked about it, and in the book "The road less traveled" Scott Peck talks about the fact that you have to possess something before giving it up.

Gotcha. Perhaps I shouldn’t have assumed the OP had a strong ego.

[Nahm]

@kieranperez hits me like you lack motivation to ‘row’ your life. Possibly because you have not determined where you’re headed. Write out what you want in this life on a piece of paper and hang it on the wall. I wanted to be financially free, my rowing was retail, insurance, investment properties, start up co investments, etc. You can enjoy it all along the way. Know where you’re headed, take everything in as little pieces at a time, and be aware of how you’re putting pieces of a bigger thing together, especially when it’s hard.

[kieranperez]

52 minutes ago, eskwire said:

@kieranperez I don't think you have low self esteem. 

How old are you?

Why do you so confidently assume that about me?

[eskwire]

48 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

Why do you so confidently assume that about me?

It's just a thought through my lens. It seems, to me, that you are motivated by achievement and are forcing yourself to achieve what you don't really want. So, there is backlash. You are fighting with yourself.

This is why I ask about your age. For some people, they need a lot of time to ripen into knowing what they truly want. To know themselves enough to act in alignment. There's nothing wrong with that. I am sorry you are suffering at this time. 

[eskwire]

@kieranperez PS My take on the 6 Pillars sentence stems is that they help your self-esteem by helping you live in alignment. They help you live in alignment by giving a louder and written voice to your "higher self" and intuition. The stuff you write after those sentence stems is usually pretty damn wise and self-aware. This is a great place for your true self to start coming through. And you won't dog your true self. It is beautiful and perfect.