Hypersensitivity

[LaucherJunge]

I am interested in material about hypersensitivity, or maybe your knowledge about it. I wanna learn everything about this condition of mine. It was a curse in the past but became a blessing over time, I want to use it to the fullest.

[egoeimai]

Is this a story that you've made up (your mind)  that makes it more difficult and complex, to deal with?  

What if none of this truly exists? 

 

[LaucherJunge]

18 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Is this a story that you've made up (your mind)  that makes it more difficult and complex, to deal with?  

What if none of this truly exists? 

 

I doubt that i made that already up as a child with like 11 years where i already felt in love so deeply for the first time. Today i actually looked hypersensitivity up on wikipedia and was surprised to see that i literally almost every single one of those symptoms as something that was different about me compared to others. 
And don't get me wrong I don't see it as a problem. I would prefer this a thousand times over being "normal", maybe not in the past where I had issues with the pain it caused me but now i really don't. I have so many methods to deal with pain and already dealt with it to an extended that I am even willing to use it for growth if i just could feel it again, but I resolved my childhood traumas to a large degree so it became very rare.

Edited October 7, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[egoeimai]

1 minute ago, LaucherJunge said:

I doubt that i made that already up as a child with like 11 years where i already felt in love so deeply for the first time. Today i actually looked hypersensitivity up on wikipedia and was surprised to see that i literally see almost every single one of those symptoms as something that was different about me compared to others. 
And don't get me wrong I don't see it as a problem. I would prefer this a thousand times over being "normal", maybe not in the past where I had issues with the pain it caused me but now i really don't. I have so many methods to deal with pain and already dealt with it to an extended that I am even willing to use it for growth if i just could feel it again, but I resolved my childhood traumas to a large degree so it became very rare.

Oh very interesting!  Tell me more about this,  what happened and how you deal with it?  The fact that you mention it btw it means that it uses a lot of your attention, thus it's important?! 

[LaucherJunge]

At my first day in the new grade with 11 years I already fell in love with the most beautiful girl, she already had a boyfriend the only thing i managed to do was writing her a poem I was terrified of any contact with her it was fairly painful and I was with her in the same class for 3 years and never stoped loving her, there I already developed a depression. the next 2 years i had a new class without her but there was a new girl that I felt in love with even more, so it was even more difficult to make any contact with her and again the only thing I managed to do was writing her a poem, I don't even know how I managed to give it to her I was shaking even thinking about it, she made clear that she had a boyfriend later on by talking to my friend about it beside me anyway i was very nerdy and anxious back then so i wouldn't stand a chance anyway with such a beauty. I loved her for the 2 years and I barely managed to graduate even though i was a math genious and smart in other areas, because of all that pain. This was grades 5-10, after those you have 11-13 where i live, then you can study at a university. She was gone at this point and I was really lovesick and depressed all the year so much that I had to repeat it but this time i didn't find a new "love". The next try in grade 11 brought the girl that I loved the most of them all. There happened so much but to go into it in detail would be really too much, I was in love with her more than with those before but she had a boyfriend aswell, I wrote with her alot at first before i even knew she had one and tried my luck with her, she played alot with my feelings after that because she had a kind of on/off relationship with her boyfriend so she kind of played with me troughout the year without anything really happening. I was really obsessed and could not even sleep anymore because my mind wouldn't stop thinking and interpreting what any move that she made could have meant, this thinking was really driving me crazy. One day i would be in heaven because I thought she gave me signs another day was hell again. I could not help it but fell more in love with her everytime she "tricked" me again. I fucked up the school again because of this at the last day of school getting our certificates with over 100 people from our grade sitting there she turned around looked at me and started crying without any shame about the others.
I left school fell in love with the next girl just over chatting. I was literally shaking while writing with her but my emotions where so strong and i kind of fucked it up.
Then i started meditation which got me out of the depressions but the pain was still there. I discovered Teal Swan used her completion process and the pain was gone after 20 Minutes of doing it, I felt like i tricked life I was literally in heaven and kind of still am to this day never felt this deep pain again. I used it on many other occasions for pain that got triggerend and the last thing i wanted to resolve was my problem with getting into a relationship. 
I recently texted the last girl i was just chatting with again after 2 years and now I feel like I am on a good course with her, I also managed to resolve this last big source of pain with the completion process and stopped my mind from going crazy with do nothing meditation. Yet i still have already very deep feelings for her just by writing to her and I don't want it to get it out of control again, that is why it is relevant for me. At the same time it feels so good to love so deep already and not having to be afraid of pain.

Edit: Forgot to mention after the pain was gone I went to school again, I am almost done now with an average of 1.3 with 1 being the best 6 the worst, so atleast my future is not totally done for.

Edited October 7, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[Blue is the sea]

@LaucherJunge are you sure it's love, love doesn't hurt and doesn't make you depressed 

Edited October 7, 2017 by Blue is the sea

[LaucherJunge]

5 minutes ago, Blue is the sea said:

@LaucherJunge are you sure it's love, love doesn't hurt and doesn't make you depressed 

No, it is not true love. It is just egoic passion, I know that. Still I don't see a reason not to try it and grow.

Edited October 7, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[egoeimai]

@LaucherJunge yeah, I see this pattern again and again in all of your experiences, but they say, labelling it makes it more difficult for you. But if you don't label it, you kind of treat it like 'just a feeling', whereas labelling it you make it feel like more heavy in your heart, it feels like a big deal, or a problem that needs to be resolved, a thing that you need to define /control,  the mind does it all the time!  But then there is you, awareness, which can leave it just like it is, thus making it easier for you. Dunno. All this big story, well parts of stories that you've of course experienced, is it worth your attention now?  Especially something that you over think, (negative one, repeating the same story about how it happened, when maybe this ain't the case) I think it's better to not identify with it, it haunts you in a way, because think about it, there's that YOU, who did this and reacted in such way, and that happened, it somehow bonds you with the story, which is in fact a perspective and not the truth -so why bother. I don't know what's important for you, but for me it's the truth, I don't know 

[LaucherJunge]

@egoeimai
The thing is I went with this mindset after all my spiritual work into texting her recently but as it went on I now ended up with those feelings again. Also the thing about her is that I can openly speak about this with her, spirituality is still mambo jumbo for her but she really seems to be okay with my feelings although she seems to have been really hurt in the past and it may take a long time to gain her trust.

[egoeimai]

3 minutes ago, LaucherJunge said:

@egoeimai
The thing is I went with this mindset after all my spiritual work into texting her recently but as it went on I now ended up with those feelings again. Also the thing about her is that I can openly speak about this with her, spirituality is still mambo jumbo for her but she really seems to be okay with my feelings although she seems to have been really hurt in the past and it may take a long time to gain her trust.

It doesn't matter what she thinks or what she feels. I mean, it sounds crazy but you know, you can't act according to her reactions or how she feels. You come first and that should be your priority, of course that's just my opinion. 

It's okay to end up with those feelings. They are here for a reason, it's your nervous system trying to protect you. 

But see the bigger picture. It's all this. A mind's creation thing that makes you believe it's the truth +makes you feel a certain way, what if there's nothing wrong with you?  What if there's nothing special in her?  What if all that is just a reason for you to stay unhappy /uncomfortable a little longer?  Just a story /a mechanism, and nothing more?  

[egoeimai]

I'm telling you this just because Ive had experienced similar things (and who doesn't btw?  It's so common)  and as the time passes by you will understand and grow (btw you must be at a very young age so it's normal). 

[Blue is the sea]

11 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

fell in love with the next girl just over chatting

lol the exact thing happened to me about 6 months ago

10 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

Still I don't see a reason not to try it and grow.

well my platonic online relationship is the reason im on enlightenment work so it can definitely help you grow

everything that is going to happen will happen no matter if we like it or hate it. love will happen, break up will happen hopefully even enlightenment will happen

things just happen, we don't do anything.so why being sad when we dont have any control.

10 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

ended up with those feelings again.

 probably you werent emotionally ready to talk to her again

 

it's not about you gaining her trust but about her solving the issues from her past.

10 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

she seems to have been really hurt in the past and it may take a long time to gain her trust.

[LaucherJunge]

@egoeimai
Exactly I come first and from this perspective there is only growth for me in this relationship, no matter if it works or doesen't, there is nothing i can grow more from than this little issue of mine, it was time to finally face it after so much spiritual work.
I can't imagine this to be just made up for me because i had the symptoms all my life long and i just yesterday looked them up for the first time, they were even more accurate before I started meditation it seems.
Also my step sister who is a psychologist made a test once when i was really at my lowest. A test for emotionality, people who have a score of 0.7-0.8 are already too sensitive and it might cause problems, I had a score she never has seen before 1.7, more than double of what is already too much.
One of the positive things about this is that I can use it as a compass for how attracted I am. Nowadays there are no girls anymore that really make me feel this way, because I never let my mind have so much control over the thinking. She makes me feel this way just by chatting with her so maybe it is just a remainder of the past, so there is even more of a reason to face it.

I don't doubt that people experience similar things, I just doubt that they do it so emotionally. I literally am like a teenage girl in puberty falling in love, just probably twice as bad and for many more years. 
As I already said I want it to be that way because I love it. My intention for this thread was more to gather information about this gift of mine but I appreciate having someone to talk about it.

@Blue is the sea
We seem to have a very similar perspective on this. Thank you.
I am sure that she won't heal the issues from her past anytime soon, not without her trusting me so I can convince her of trying spirituality.
The feelings are still here and I really don't mind to be the one fighting for her trust, her being really hard to get and rejecting me is what makes her really attractive and trustworthy for me. At the same time, she is really beautiful for me like 1 in 10000 and the most important she is very intelligent, I need someone who is atleast on my intellectual level, she might be even above that which makes me also very attracted. It is very hard to find a girl that is beautiful and so intelligent at the same time, I will take any chance I get with her.

 

Edited October 8, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[egoeimai]

I have nothing more to add, I'll just post some videos here for you to watch : 

I hope you do some more work after watching these videos. 

Hope that helps. 

All the best 

xx

[Blue is the sea]

1 hour ago, LaucherJunge said:

ot without her trusting me so I can convince her of trying spirituality.

spirituality comes by itself when one is ready you can convince her but if she's not ready she won't get very much from spirituality

1 hour ago, LaucherJunge said:

her being really hard to get and rejecting me is what makes her really attractive and trustworthy for me. At the same time, she is really beautiful for me like 1 in 10000 and the most important she is very intelligent, I need someone who is atleast on my intellectual level, she might be even above that which makes me also very attracted. It is very hard to find a girl that is beautiful and so intelligent at the same time

that's a common trap ( beautiful, special, intelligent every person on this planet has this qualities we just need to take time and see them )

actually i encourage you to see this qualities on everyone even on those people  you hate. your life will change a lot if you do this.

 

1 hour ago, LaucherJunge said:

I will take any chance I get with her.

i wish you good luck
i've heard a lot of people recommending the highly sensitive person book, i haven't personally read it but maybe you find it useful

[LaucherJunge]

@Blue is the sea
I just watched a talk of the women who wrote that book and it is really amazing information for me, never found something resonating so deeply with me other than videos of spiritual teachers. So i finally have the framework i can research and work on. Thank you alot!

@egoeimai
Thanks for your help. Turns out that it is even genetic so it is not constructed by my mind at all. About 20% of people have this (HSP), just that its probably way more intense for me than most of them, it was discovered already among 100 different species.

Edited October 8, 2017 by LaucherJunge