The Ego Returns Around Family

[Pure Imagination]

I live fairly far away from my parents and siblings. This has been nice for consciousness work because I feel like I'm away from my past and it has been easier to free myself from the ego. However, every time I come back to visit my family my ego reemerges with great intensity. It's like all of my previous memories of growing up start appearing more frequently and it's hard to see through the sense of ego this creates.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I feel like I've been making decent strides with my self inquiry and it's kind of discouraging that the ego has suddenly returns so strongly

[krazzer]

Don't be discouraged. Accept it the way as it is. It sounds like a great opportunity for growth. 

[General 2]

yes this is very true

you've got to keep a certain distance to be develop a different relationship with the world (unlike the one you had growing up).

are you on good terms with your family anyway?

[Saarah]

@Pure Imagination The best testing ground! 

Just notice what issues you have around family and use that to focus your growth efforts 

[Joseph Maynor]

50 minutes ago, General 2 said:

yes this is very true

you've got to keep a certain distance to be develop a different relationship with the world (unlike the one you had growing up).

are you on good terms with your family anyway?

Wow!  This is so true.  

[Nahm]

@Pure Imagination you need some kind of phenomena to be the contrast to the catalyst of your self inquiry and enlightenment. The trouble is you’re pigeon holing certain people as something other than that. They are the bringers of your gift. Go deeper within and they will eventually appear as children, and you will love them with a joyful patience and encouragement, regardless of their paradigms they reveal to you with their words and actions.  

[Blue is the sea]

@Pure Imagination  the exact same thing happens to me
because me and my family have different vibrations/ live in different paradigm
but i see it not as an obstacle but as an opportunity to grow and expand my consciousness

i would highly suggest you to read the book: whatever arises love that by Matt Kahn

Good luck on your journey

[Brimstone]

@Pure Imagination you are going to have to face your past and uproot it eventually, as you will never escape from what you are not while you avoid it.

[Pure Imagination]

@krazzer @Saarah @Nahm @Brimstone  I completely agree. I am definitely more consciousness now with my family than I ever have been, but it is still a step back from when I am on my own. If anything, I guess this will speed up the process of uncovering more aspects of my ego. The key isn't avoiding it, it's facing it.

@General 2 I have a great relationship with my family, but we see the world completely differently. They don't have any knowledge of enlightenment, real spirituality, or consciousness work.

@Blue is the sea Thank you for the book recommendation! I love Matt Kahn's videos on YouTube, and I will look into that book for sure

[sgn]

[Forestluv]

5 hours ago, Pure Imagination said:

I live fairly far away from my parents and siblings. This has been nice for consciousness work because I feel like I'm away from my past and it has been easier to free myself from the ego. However, every time I come back to visit my family my ego reemerges with great intensity. It's like all of my previous memories of growing up start appearing more frequently and it's hard to see through the sense of ego this creates.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I feel like I've been making decent strides with my self inquiry and it's kind of discouraging that the ego has suddenly returns so strongly

Haha You betcha! It’s conditioning. Takes time to break that Pavlonian response!

One thing that helped me was Pema Chodron’s metaphor with bait: After being away a few months we return to a family event. And out comes a hook with a big juicy worm ? wriggling. So tempting!!! We feel the “shempa”, we bite and are hooked. My Dad would throw hooks with big juicy Obama worms and sprinkle on some pixie dust about minorities and “real” racism. Irresistable! ?

Edited October 7, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[Nahm]

@Pure Imagination wise & courageous!

[Joseph Maynor]

I find that the ego returns around people in general.  I am the most enlightened when I am alone.   The ego also returns in full force around any kind of temptations — be it food, entertainment, booze, judgments/moralizations, etc.

The mind will riff off whatever it is fed.  If you keep your feeding tube clean, then the mind has less to riff off.  This is why it is important to watch your inputs in enlightenment work — not just for shit information, but for a much wider net than that.  

The mind will surrender to anything that keeps the illusion of ego alive given the opportunity.  If you can stay away from those kinds of things, you can prevent a lot of egoic reactions from happening by controlling your inputs.  

Edited October 8, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Leo Gura]

@Pure Imagination Family is the hardest. Because there is such a long history of baggage, and they refuse to see or acknowledge any growth you make because they just wanna see the old you.

[Sine]

I struggle a lot with the same issue! When I'm with any one of my parents, it's like all my old patterns come back, and it's hard to control - Even more through the holidays and when I'm here for a longer period.

A thing that I found really helpfull, is to wake up early, so I can be alone for an hour or two before the house awakes. Then I spend some time just being, or meditating/go for a run. When I start the day by sticking to my own routines, and connect with "myself" it is a lot easier to stick with being more mindfull and not fall into too many feelings and discussions (that really doesn't matter in the long run) throughout the day. Even though my family can be a whole lot to handle sometimes!  But when I do this my time with them ends up being a lot more pleasent for everyone I think. 

 

[phoenix666]

I also find that ego comes back around people. and when around family, it comes back hardest, full force. there is so much baggage in family. they co-created your identity right from the beginning. they infused their entire web of beliefs into your baby-mind. if you try, you could probably trace back most of your 'bad' thought patterns to family. 

and yes, the key is not in running away from it, but facing it all. taking it as an opportunity for growth. I still struggle with all of that as well