First Sober Glimpse At The Truth

[gleb]

Been crying for an hour now. So much needless suffering everyday since my story began. This is not what I expected at all and the perfection of every moment is really apparent. Not even sure if I should write my insights down. Not sure what to do, even writing using "I" is too strange. 

Jesus Christ

[zunnyman]

Would love to hear more about your experience 

[Leo Gura]

 

[WelcometoReality]

Just submerge yourself in that.

Something to read.

Something to watch out for.

 

[Brimstone]

Enjoy @gleb  

Very good posting @WelcometoReality , thank you

[Znep]

 

come, all ye faithful

[zenjen]

@gleb if you can, write your insights down so you remember exactly how this moment feels.

If not, that's ok, too. You created a beautiful life and you can remind yourself of that each day 

Edited October 5, 2017 by zenjen

[gleb]

@WelcometoReality Thank you.

@zunnyman There might be parts in this that don't make sense. I didn't fall sleep till late and woke up early so I'm a bit of a zombie. Ego is back of course dismissing the whole thing kinda waving its hand going "ehhhhh, you were just emotional" but this morning I can still recognize the source a little bit. The only evidence of something happening psychologically is that stuff feels a little out of control this morning even though both my morning and evening ritual were followed. 

It was right before bed and I was dealing with some negative emotions already. Usually I have trouble letting these feelings come and go so I popped some headphones in and started breathing deep and giving up. 

It took a self-inquiry turn. The body tendered up so the holding patterns vanished. My go to inquiry is "I am ...". It's left open ended so that I can search for evidence of a self without language filling in the blank and distracting the inquiry.

So a few rounds of this and then it cracked. Completely out of my control, an accident. No evidence of a self. No history of evidence of a self. Pure lucidity of the present moment. So much silence and emptiness it was overwhelming. I saw arms in my field of vision and had a thought like "what the fuck are these ape hooks". Very peculiar lol. Began sobbing but the emotion wasn't identified with anything. So pure. So liberating haha. It was so it. I hadn't cried like that in years. I was shaking and purging with my mouth wide open. 

The insights came flooding in. My own. These are not adopted beliefs but true realizations. Here are a couple:

- Every act up I've ever done has been with selfish intentions. I like to fool myself and think I'm some kinda nobleman but I'm not. Just a little chimp boy that likes to touch his pee pee and smoke pot. Lots of self-deception uncovered. Still judgmental. Still pervy. Still a big pussy. A prime example of a Zen devil ;). 

- You can't be actually be a victim. All suffering is your doing entirely. Your whole life is suffering. 

- The more information you collect, the seemingly more difficult it will be to reach insight. There's alot of shit you have to sift through.

- When folks say "you're already enlightened" they mean reality has always been there as it is. When you "lift the veil" so to speak you realize you are  the whole thing.

- It's perfect and always has been and will be.  You are perfect my friend!

- You're not separate from the experience, you ARE the experience. YOU ARE FUCKING IT! This won't make sense till you see it! 

- Emotions are greater motivators than thoughts and beliefs. This might be bullshit but I reckon they evolved in conjunction with an identity so they are there to serve in self preservation. Fear being the dominant one, in my case. 

- Your greatest ally in this kind of work is curiosity and you'd better believe it will kill you. You as an ego do not want this experience. You as an ego is fucking terrified of this happening. You as an ego are going against it's sole function by doing this work. Keep fueling that curiosity. Kill that fucking cat!

- Not pushing political views at all, just an insight: Trump is one of the chimpiest of chimps.

- Surrender is highly underrated.

- It's amazing how much energy goes into preserving your identity. 

There are more of course, but these are some of the main ideas.

The whole thing lasted about an hour. I became my whole room and vice versa - lord knows what would have happened if I was outside. Soooooo lucid. Looking in the mirror was quite an adventure. There was still resistance in terms of how broad my awareness was "allowed" to go, a good indicator that this thing goes deeper and that the identity is still very ingrained. The most amusing part of this whole thing was that I haven't been practicing meditation or self inquiry at all and in fact, if you all saw how my daily life has been going these past few months you'd be shocked that a neurotic, caffeine addict like myself caught a glimpse. 

Edited October 5, 2017 by gleb

[zunnyman]

@gleb Just amazing man, didn't know you can learn so much about reality in an hour's glimpse

[Forestluv]

And off we go!. . .

[cetus]

3 hours ago, gleb said:

- Surrender is highly underrated.

@gleb Just this one sentence says it all.  You've learned something that can't be taught by any other means. 

Anything other than true surrender is just more fluff.

[Nahm]

@gleb Thank you for sharing!!! I especially loved this....

- Surrender is highly underrated. YES!  (Ime) It's an art, there's no bottom. 

- It's amazing how much energy goes into preserving your identity. OMG YES!!! 

I'll be honest...I cried a little when I read it. ??❤️

 

[gleb]

@Nahm

[cetus]

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

@gleb Thank you for sharing!!! I especially loved this....

- Surrender is highly underrated. YES!  (Ime) It's an art, there's no bottom. 

- It's amazing how much energy goes into preserving your identity. OMG YES!!! 

I'll be honest...I cried a little when I read it. ??❤️

 

@Nahm The other day I was contemplating how much resistance people carry from day to day. Myself included. Even in times when there is no immediate resistance there still remains the expectation of what may come next that will stir the resistance in us. I guess the answer to that is consciously living a life of total surrender to whatever may arise. Easier said than done though. haha

[Nahm]

@cetus56 for sure. Uncertainty is the ultimate gift. I adopted a practice a little ways back of inhaling from within, expanding the diaphragm, as opposed to air from without with the lungs, and exhaling out, through my entire body. Keeps me empty and flowing. It really shines in the moments I have to wait for my vision to arise to uncertainty. May not translate well in words. Lol. Our man Alan comes to mind........and I’m feeling pretty lucky to have little kids. They really are the masters. 

 

[nexusoflife]

@gleb Man this is beautiful. It makes me happy knowing that you experienced this glimpse of the infinite non-dual nature of reality. For the first time you saw what you truly are and what all of existence is as well. It is indeed a sobering and visceral experience. You gained so many existential insights in just an hour, that's really amazing.