Do We Really Need To Socialize?

[Water]

@Sigma  Your not giving yourself a chance. Trust me you will get disappointed, but its a skill. I've gotten good at gauging people but that came with experience because I constantly put my self out there. I can normally tell when this person is a complete waste of time or this conversation might go somewhere. Plus by attempting to have deeper conversations with other people you are planing seeds in their heads. I've influenced people that had no idea any of this existed, now they are coming back for more. People are waking up, be the change you wish to see in the world.

Or you can join @The Alchemist on his couch  (AHHEEM move over)

Edited February 22, 2016 by Water

[Electron]

@Spacious I agree with you. I am completely aware that everything if looked hard enough makes us learn something about ourself. And these interactions can also yield some amazing revelations and insights, but thats what I agreed from the start. I just am not into hanging around with the same people after I've had my share of insights and stay stuck with them, being involved in the stupid bonds of friendships. like for example I would love to hang out with a highly intellectual person and learn things from him about life and stuff but i would not like to be around a cousin of mine from whom I have nothing new to learn. (It doesn't mean I don't love him). 

   Also we can't really use people as a book, learn from them, and then put them aside. At times, we need to play by their rules for them to accept us and feel comfortable around us. Then they do their share of attempts to please us too so that they can feel like this person is accepting me and one needs to give them space to do that. So you see, lots of time and energy is wasted to be on the same grounds to have a quality conversation. Then comes the ego game if the person is not a high conscious being. So you gotta accomodate his ego and avoid hurting it using the proper choice of words. This is the classical obstacles one needs to overcome before interacting and you are not always sure whether its going to result in something valuable or not.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Sigma

[abrakamowse]

Socializing means nature talking to itself.

[Isle of View]

2 hours ago, Sigma said:

Well ofcourse socialization is healthy, its just not in my view important, Also the whole concept of ego in a way revolves around socialising, ego wants to matter, matter among others. Thats what most of the socialization is based upon, so that the ego can feel safe , so that it can feel special. That is also the motivation behind my social interactions I suppose.

Apart from that, being alone I think is highly underrated. I find myself growing spiritually and emotionally. I am getting better at math. Also, I don't regard myself as alone, I have the universe

@Sigma Just one question: do you actually sometimes feel like wanting to share something with the people you're interacting with?

For now you speak only about what you get (from books etc.) that people can't give you. What about you putting something out, giving them something?

Socializing and interaction with people is a two-way-reciprocity...

Chris

Edited February 22, 2016 by Isle of View
(typo)

[Electron]

@Isle of View Why do you think I post things in this forum?

[Isle of View]

Just now, Sigma said:

@Isle of View Why do you think I post things in this forum?

You tell me @Sigma. To get some stimulation? 

[Electron]

@Isle of View Well thats the urge to share things to people, which they might find interesting. But I think that this urge is egoistic.

[Isle of View]

@Sigma What do you mean by "egoistic"?

You share to receive? It's called exchange. Why is it egoistic? 

Please explain.

[Zane]

In my view, it's perfectly fine to be both introverted and extroverted! I dislike obligatory socializing but I vastly prefer to arrange small meetups or join meetup communities. Around people I'm NOT interested in socializing with, I act aloof and distant because I don't want to fake politeness and pretend to be interested in a person. When I meet a person who shares strong mutual interests, I get so excitable and passionate that I meet a new best friend and it feels amazing. I become very attached and fascinated by that person! I'm fascinated by the social misfit who sits alone at lunch but who is unbelievably creative. I love socializing with artists ESPECIALLY writers and theater students! When socializing, I don't care at all about small talk or popularity or fads. I'm deeply interested in people's personalities and their passions and their personal stories. My socializing strategy is to be selectively social where I have freedom to choose my own friends. One of my major pet peeves is small talk that goes nowhere, finding no spark or common ground, or being pressured to socialize with family members I don't enjoy socializing with. 

Edited February 22, 2016 by Zane

[Guest]

Personally, I have decided to work on Enlightenment and getting to the place I want to be in life before resuming a social life. People will come and go anyway, and I think working on oneself/inner game is a critical and over looked aspect of social life. If you have total peace of mind, nothing will bother you and you will be able to truly appreciate a social life instead of using it to validate the ego. Also, if you have self-actualized and built an awesome life, you will have more freedom to be around the type of people you want, because you will have grown into the type of person that you want to be. Sure, some soft skills will still play a role in the mix, but those will be much easier to acquire when the critical stuff is taken care of.

Right now, I'm devoting myself to 10 years of solitude(or however much I need), aside from absolutely necessary socializing(work, family duties, etc.) to create the life and transcend the ego. By then, I should be enlightened and super  successful, ready to socialize if I so desire.  Until then, it's not worth the opportunity cost of doing important inner work.

[Rosie]

I think you must find the balance between being social and simply stupid. My grandma always used to say: surround yourself with people who can't teach you every single day something. Even a hippie or a depressed person can teach you something, especially if  they have different views than you do, you simply need to be open for the possibilities. It does not mean that you need to be social 24/7, but you need to be alert for possibilities. Maybe self help videos, podcasts can teach you many things sometimes more than humans, but I think thats just book knowledge. you must practice it in real life.

[Ajax]

@Sigma I certainly understand your position, I am the same myself. However, the power to influence and seduce lies in social skills. Therefore a wise person can play the role of a charmer when they need to. Perhaps it is not totally necessary depending on what you intend to do with your life. It is an invaluable tool though...

Only recently I have gotten into developing strong conversation skills when someone almost stole my wife away. I was able to immerse myself in the social arena to develop the necessary skills to strengthen my marriage considerably... So I would recommend if you have any meaningful relationships to make some progress in this subject.

[Cookiesliyr]

Whenever you have questions like these try to search about the terms online, like what does socialization mean, to learn more about it. you usually get the answer like this, and try not to take the first answer, because usually the first answer that you will accept is what usually what you want to hear, compare results and see if you learned something new or not.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Cookiesliyr

[Thomas]

@Sigma

I could never relate more to what You've said.

I'm a caveman, living in the forest, sitting in my comfy chair with a book or laptop checking the effects of blue light on melatonin production and circadian rhytm.

When it comes to social interaction, especially topics people talk about, like how the girl other girls don't like looked on the party, some facebook drama, how life is hard and they have to get up early and the weather is fucked. I'm like.. ehh.. What's the point?

But...

Since I got into pickup I changed my attitude a little bit.
I'm looking for ways to amuse myself no matter what kind of conversation is going on with what kind of people. Try to literally do and say what I perceive as fun, as long as I'm conscious / empathetic to other people's feelings (It doesn't mean I don't make people angry - just don't reach the point of being sociopathic asshole.)
They are talking shit? So what?! Let's make it interesting, maybe ask a serious question,

You have A LOT of power to influence where the conversation is going if You have the vibe, You're the one who has the most fun - People never want to ruin fun, they wil follow and if they don't - You don't need them anyway, but there will be always some amazing person who can teach You something.
Maybe not literally by giving You information about psychology phenomenon, but people always give feedback in terms of their body language, face mimics, energy they send - You can sense how people feel while being around You and from that point You'll learn to actualize yourself, not put necessarily anyone down, not judge by comparing to Your agenda and world perception.

You will really get outside of Your mind, You will feel like a spirit of pure energy / vibe & it is a very cleansing experience to have genuinely good time & be happy with the people You perceived as shallow, unresourceful.
You can bring and take value from something potentially invaluable, create happiness from such small, mundane acts.

 

[Electron]

@Thomas Maybe I should go with what you guys are suggesting. Also, who am I to say its trivial, after all i never really participated with a faith that it will yield something good for me. I have been a strong manipulator of the talks though, by digressing the topics in concern to what I find appealing. And sometimes, as you say, I learn new things. Also, to clarify, I am not taking about interacting with higher beings, masters and high intellectuals, or maybe someone you resonate with completely. I am just talking about average complacent people. So maybe even you learn something from this person, do you think its really worth your energy and time? Would you rather not walk alone in a forest, or read a book, or contemplate about life or meditate?(As there is a lot yet to learn from life) So more importantly is it relatively more satisfying? Apart from that I would love to socialize with people like you and that on this forum. Its just that I've never encountered one in real life.

[Toasty]

When I'm alone my mood is low. If my circumstances were different and they will be,  i would join several high quality activities like imprav, tennis, golf, toastmaster. Another thing to ponder is why is solitary confinement the worse punishment. I don't think it's good to be alone, however time to yourself is needed too.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Toasty

[ULFBERHT]

@Sigma Well, you're socializing here, aren't you? Claims of complete self-sufficiency, social or economic, are generally crap. Now, I support that you seem to want quality over quantity in terms of social opportunities, but saying that socialization is an indulgence alienates you from people who might otherwise have a positive influence on your life. Sometimes a mundane positive influence is as good as a profound one. There's a reason why people in solitary confinement go insane. There's a reason why people who socialize more have better cognitive health. Hermits are an anomaly. If you're a hermit, I support you, but  don't conflate "hermit" with "introvert". Furthermore, sometimes people are generally asocial. That's cool. Just be careful not to project your ideals onto other people and then wonder why they can't meet them. Talking is good, if you ask me.

[ULFBERHT]

On 2/22/2016 at 7:06 AM, Mad Cat said:

I would say yes, yes, yes people need to socialize! Even when your primary concern in life is learning and growth, without social interaction you are limited to one narrow perspective on the world which stifles your growth potential. Even using this forum is a form of socializing, what is your motivation to interact here? Also it is worth pointing out that there is more to learn in life than intellectual knowledge- feelings strongly effect human behavior whether you acknowledge them or not, and therefore personal growth is also tied to learning healthier ways to process your feelings. This is something you can practice with anybody, even superficial people who never speak of matters with any intellectual meaning. So there is something to learn about yourself, your humanity, from everybody! I'm not saying that you should put heavy focus on people you don't have any common interests with, just that you shouldn't dismiss them as irrelevant and not worth socializing with at all, because our shared human experience gives us a basic common ground with everyone.

I wrote my response before I saw yours lol

Edited February 24, 2016 by ULFBERHT
grammar

[30secs]

@The Alchemist

Same here too, I'm not wasting my time to others which cannot relate on me. It sounds arrogant or selfish but I feel  like it is more practical way to be some kind of being free. If you socialize you need to adjust your real you, like you need to talk to them if your not the way it is, nod your head, chat unimportant things just to maintain conversation, fake smiles etc. But now, after I got a job selling insurance this whole thing backfire on me and I need to start again level one on how to socialize. I realize also that it's not that really bad for me to socialize, it's about the patience to understand them and yes you feel the happiness at the end of the day:)

[TheFrown]

I think it can be very beneficial. I live a life of mostly solitude but i do try to every couple weeks go out to a meetup or attend a social gathering of some kind. I make sure the gathering is one that attracts interesting people or people with a similar interest. IE Not a bar crawl or singles group. I also do my best to talk about myself as little as possible and instead listen to what others are interested in or enjoy doing. People can really surprise you  when given the chance.