How Are Problems Beeing Solved

[haai14]

i dont understand how to solve some problems in me, like for example i judge a lot and im mindfull of it and usually i get to the root of it (im judging because im afraid he will damage my ego or something like that) but i dont know how to change it. just being mindfull is enough? or i need to do some action.

[Erlend K]

You can't force the judgement to stop. The mind is not a single, coherent system, but a society of different subsystems. The subsystem that passes judgement is an entirely different system than the one that wants to stop judging. The main point is to realise that these judgements are not your fault, and just something the mind does on its own. The way you change the functioning of subminds, ouside of direct conscious control,  is by finding some way to train them, the same way you would train a wild animal.

Step one is being mindful that judging is happening. Step two might be something like cbt. It depends on the details tho. Can you give some recent examples of times you have judged others? 

[Christian]

You cannot stop your judgements because you do not exist. Surrender to the fact that you have zero control and it might get better. Maybe this will not change your tendency to judge, but at least you will stop percieving yourself as bad for judging others. 

Do not moralize yourself for judging others. That is not the way to go. Become mindful of the judgement as it happens and love yourself when you judge. 

[Nathalie]

@haai14 I also think you can't stop judging, you can't stop thinking either (at least for a Long time..) 

but you don't have to believe the judgements and the thoughts which pass through your mind

you can sort of pat them on their head (figuratively speaking) and tell them it's just irrelevant

you'll see it lessen them a lot 

[HelloThere]

Depends what you mean by judging. When you see someone doing well and you "judge" by coming up with fantasies how they are actually some form of an "asshole" to make yourself feel better in comparison to them then... Then I guess you should try to stop comparing yourself to others and being insecure by actually finding things you love about yourself. 
If you mean you judge people for actually being shitheads and causing harm to tohers then... Then perhaps you could try to emphatize with them and try to understand what could have gone wrong in their life for them to end up as toxic, suffering people and wish for them to get better. I can't imagine someone wanting to grow up as an asshole doing harm, something destructive might have happened to them that broke them. Putting more negativity on an already broken person won't make him rise up to your level. Compassion seems like a safe bet. Think Leo has a vid on judging others too. Not sure what you meant though.

Edited October 6, 2017 by HelloThere