Why Are Men So Concerned With How To Be A Man?

[Damir Elezi]

@Emerald you had a transcendental experience at age 20?? That's pretty damn early how did you get there?

[Emerald]

8 hours ago, Damir Elezi said:

@Emerald you had a transcendental experience at age 20?? That's pretty damn early how did you get there?

I had a really impossible ego structure that was over-developed to the point of crisis. And my life was always one step away from falling apart. And my ego structure was basically revolving around my ability to juggle all the impossibilities in my life and still come out on top in my studies and as a resilient person. So, I was carrying around a very heavy burden all the time.

Then, I tried Ayahuasca just for fun and to add another experience to my identity. I was not spiritual. I was an agnostic leaning heavily atheist. I just wanted to see some interesting colors and hallucinations to have a novel experience to be able to say that I did. Doing illegal/edgy/iconoclastic things was part of my identity.  So, I wanted to be able to do it in order to add to that part of my identity and to be able to tell the story. I always lived my life back then like someone was going to make a cult classic movie about it. So, I always wanted lots of interesting stories, vices, and virtues to make myself a more compelling character in that story. I derived my sense of self-worth from my ability to be a big personality. And so I attracted a lot of interesting positive and negative experiences to myself. This was why my life was falling apart. But I saw it as positive because my desire to have a big personality rooted from deep feelings of pain and inferiority. And this self-creation helped me to feel above it and like I'd really come forward in life.

Then, when I took the Ayahuasca, I just so happened to transcend my ego as a result. No one else I took it with had this experience. I didn't even know it was possible. So, I wasn't ready for it. I had no framework for the experience. I just knew that it was the most natural state and that I was deeply connected to everything as part of the perfect tapestry of God. And I didn't need to do all the things I'd been doing to be valid or valuable. My validity stemmed from my very existence. Nothing I could do could ever diminish me. And my deepest fear (dying and being forgotten in the sands of time) was no longer a serious threat to me. I was perfectly okay with being forgotten by everyone once I die. I just felt so grateful to even be part of the beautiful process of life and death. And I loved everything, including myself. This was a feat that I was never before capable of, and I still am not. Then after the experience, my ego structure came back. And my life fell apart even more rapidly during the following five months, to the point where everything I valued in my life was a big failure. I had built my ego on my ability to always succeed in face of adversity. And I would walk 400 miles out of my way, just to achieve that. But I was no longer able to succeed. I just failed and failed and failed at everything that I ever valued.

So, I decided to do the Ayahuasca again. This time, I did it simply to mitigate feelings of failure, despair, and worthlessness. I felt like laying down in traffic, and that was a really big relief to think about just resigning and falling down in the middle of the crosswalk. So, because of the extreme negative feelings I was having at my life situation, I decided to do the Ayahuasca. When I did it, the experience was different. I transcended my identity structure again that time, but it was a much more insight-heavy experience. But I was okay again because I realized that the identity was just a burden. It made it much easier to change my entire life afterward. But it's been rocky since then. I still haven't been able to feel like I'm really thriving in life. But at least I have myself mostly oriented now to what happened. And I know how to function in life in an average way. But the whole experience really shattered me and I fell down many rabbit holes. It's been difficult to get back on solid ground. This is why it's so important to be prepared if you happen to have a spiritual awakening experience.

[Steph1988]

@Emerald That sounds like a much better strategy. I want to leave competition behind as much as possible it drives you mad and i also think you are incapable of loving someone while in that state at least seems that way for me.

[Emerald]

9 minutes ago, Steph1988 said:

@Emerald That sounds like a much better strategy. I want to leave competition behind as much as possible it drives you mad and i also think you are incapable of loving someone while in that state at least seems that way for me.

It's much more fun to create yourself than to try to fit into a competitive mold. You can really grow yourself in that way. And you won't have any issue finding someone who will be attracted to you because if you do it well and authentically as possible, you'll be very interesting.

But you want to have strong principles that you really stick to. One thing that I did well back then was to engage in all "beneficial" and "neutral" behaviors but to leave all "negative" behaviors. So, beneficial behaviors were behaviors that were virtuous in some way or help other people. You want to cultivate a decent amount of personal virtues and gifts of competence for yourself. Try to be well-rounded. Discipline and inspiration go a long way in creating these things.

Neutral behaviors were behaviors that might socially be seen as negative but actually caused no harm to anyone. Engaging in these will help you be relatable and likable. People don't want to be around a perfect person. It will make them self-conscious. So, it's important to be very human in your presentation and to be open about your folkways and flaws.

Negative behaviors are behaviors that cause emotional or physical harm to others. So, these should be avoided at all costs, even if they're social norms. You should be willing to within yourself, stand firmly against things that are social norms that you find detrimental and not get swept into them. You can't have a strong ego if you have weak character.

So, basically resolve to develop strong character based on principles that you value. Then, develop basic skills in a variety of areas so that you're well-rounded, and develop expert degrees of skill in one or two of your strongest areas. And then become aware of your interests and personality quirks, and weave all of these things together into a cohesive persona. It should feel very natural and inspiring. Then you'll have a strong ego.

[Steph1988]

sounds like a plan!

[Buba]

On 10/12/2017 at 1:46 AM, Emerald said:

It's much more fun to create yourself than to try to fit into a competitive mold. You can really grow yourself in that way. And you won't have any issue finding someone who will be attracted to you because if you do it well and authentically as possible, you'll be very interesting.

But you want to have strong principles that you really stick to. One thing that I did well back then was to engage in all "beneficial" and "neutral" behaviors but to leave all "negative" behaviors. So, beneficial behaviors were behaviors that were virtuous in some way or help other people. You want to cultivate a decent amount of personal virtues and gifts of competence for yourself. Try to be well-rounded. Discipline and inspiration go a long way in creating these things.

Neutral behaviors were behaviors that might socially be seen as negative but actually caused no harm to anyone. Engaging in these will help you be relatable and likable. People don't want to be around a perfect person. It will make them self-conscious. So, it's important to be very human in your presentation and to be open about your folkways and flaws.

Negative behaviors are behaviors that cause emotional or physical harm to others. So, these should be avoided at all costs, even if they're social norms. You should be willing to within yourself, stand firmly against things that are social norms that you find detrimental and not get swept into them. You can't have a strong ego if you have weak character.

So, basically resolve to develop strong character based on principles that you value. Then, develop basic skills in a variety of areas so that you're well-rounded, and develop expert degrees of skill in one or two of your strongest areas. And then become aware of your interests and personality quirks, and weave all of these things together into a cohesive persona. It should feel very natural and inspiring. Then you'll have a strong ego.

Cant we live without ego? What will happen if we dont create ourselves? I thought you regretted for creating yourself and having a strong ego. But now I see you recommend someone to do so. I am confused.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Buba

[Emerald]

On 10/25/2017 at 3:56 AM, Buba said:

Cant we live without ego? What will happen if we dont create ourselves? I thought you regretted for creating yourself and having a strong ego. But now I see you recommend someone to do so. I am confused.

It's better to have no ego than to have an ego. But if you're going to have an ego (and most people will), it's much better to have a strong ego than a weak ego. Also, I happened to temporarily transcend my ego from the stand-point of having a very strong ego. So, my suspicion is that this contributed to my ability to see through it because it was so pronounced and really heavy to carry. So, I'm not sure but I think that a person develops their ego to the pinnacle and then they can transcend it. There's a lot of "ifs" here but this is my line of reasoning.