"i'm Worthless"

[Tightrope Walker]

I discovered a deep ingrained belief that is omnipresent in my life: I don't have any value. I'm Worthless.  
                                
It was quite an experience unearthing this belief. I had never even thought these words. But they are reflected in my every step.
                                                
It was an important discovery as it turned out to be a root cause of most of my problems. I connected it with my whole past and now everything is easier to explain.

The thing is, I feel this pile of horrible emotions: I feel defenseless, unprotected, Extremely insecure, easy to manipulate.
                                            
All my relationships fail, except those where the other person exercises power and control over me.

I am needy and lonely. I don't trust myself and I ruin every chance I have to reach my desires.
                              
I feel kind of hopeless because I'm not sure if I will be able to change this belief. It's so deep in the subconcious it impregnates everything I do. Even how I walk.

And if I can do it, in the meantime I feel in terrible danger. I don't even want to be near anybody. I see myself as a potential easy prey/víctim to anyone who would push me just a little bit.
                                                            
What would you do? And if you've ever experienced something like this, how did you deal with it?

Thank you for reading.

Edited October 2, 2017 by Tightrope Walker

[Brimstone]

You are not alone @Tightrope Walker , it is a common plight.

We live our lives conditioned towards being worthy, when in essence what we think life should be is actually worth-less. Your condition as such is simply a reflection of what is true and beyond value pushing up against your conditioning, which is false.

If you are sincere and honest with yourself and others, you will look back at this time with fondness as you will see that it actually helped shape you. Just like the grand canyon, all change begins with a trickle until the true beauty of what you are is revealed, meaning no matter what you or anyone ever says about you, you will never be worth-less than anything else.

On a practical level, exercise and meditation are useful tools in over coming the dread as they bring you out of your and into the moment. 

[Nahm]

@Tightrope Walker A belief is a thought we keep repeating....so you discovered a thought you keep repeating. Start repeating thoughts about yourself that feel good. Look some up, write some done, whatever you need to do to get them in front of you, and be patient for a few days while you experience the slow subtle power of repetition. Think about it this way...the low way you feel is solely from the thoughts you've been repeating. You can feel equally as high, just from the thoughts you'll be choosing to be repeating. Repeat them everyday. Otherwise we remain victims to our very selves, and that party is no fun. 

[Orange]

On 03/10/2017 at 7:30 PM, Nahm said:

@Tightrope Walker A belief is a thought we keep repeating....so you discovered a thought you keep repeating. Start repeating thoughts about yourself that feel good. Look some up, write some done, whatever you need to do to get them in front of you, and be patient for a few days while you experience the slow subtle power of repetition. Think about it this way...the low way you feel is solely from the thoughts you've been repeating. You can feel equally as high, just from the thoughts you'll be choosing to be repeating. Repeat them everyday. Otherwise we remain victims to our very selves, and that party is no fun. 

This is good advice but like @Brimstone said you don't want to condition yourself further. If you want you can bring both Nahm's and Brimstone's advice together and it would look something like: your life is worth- less, it has no inherent value in reality. But this doesn't necessarily have to be experienced negatively. It can be liberating and bring peace in a way too. You can chose your thoughts wisely; by choosing those who are true and that feel good at the same time.  

Edited October 5, 2017 by Orange

[Damir Elezi]

Watching Leo's video about understanding meaning, purpose and value really helped me see this in a different light. You gotta ask yourself what "worth" even means. After some contemplation you will notice that purpose or worth doesn't even exist outside of human society. It's a construct to label different things more or less important. If it is a construct, the saying "I am valuable" is false, just as "I am worthless" is also false. Because it doesn't make sense. How do you define worth? What is worth to you? The fact that you feel bad about being worthless shows that you have some expectation of yourself (probably socially conditioned) that you are not living up to. Who do you think you SHOULD be? What do you think you SHOULD do? Why do you think that and why aren't you doing that? Think deeply about these questions, think it all the way through and I think this belief will dissolve, at least from the logical, conscious mind. The subconscious however will still hold this belief in some way, but you can reprogram the subconscious through certain techniques like affirmation. 

[Toby]

It is not something personal but more a collective thing: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-the-core-wound-of-unworthiness.html

[Coraline]

To me the key is observation. It is just because nothing else has ever worked for me.

It is a very valuable knowledge to understand that in reality worth does not exist. But this knowledge might not help you with your problem unless it became a real insight. I do not think, you can forth this insight to happen within yourself on a level where you not only understand but feel that worth is nonexistent.

Also, it is very important to see that the thoughts you have, influence the way you feel. But can you choose your thoughts? Can you control them? Most likely not. Who would choose a thought that says "You are worthless"? Or a thought that triggers a feeling of worthlessness?

But you can definitely observe yourself. What thoughts come up in what situation? How do they make you feel? What are the sensations in your body? Try to really face your inner world. Try to keep that distance between what you are and the thoughts that arise. As already mentioned above, meditation is a good way to practice this. When you start to clearly see these self harming thoughts (literally as a voice in your head), you will be able to deal with them and see that they have no legitimate reason to be there. They will soon loose their power. Of course, patience is necessary, it will take some time. :-) 

[Forestluv]

"Worth" is just another vague label.  Just like "meaning", "value", "success" etc.

Early on the path, those types of terms and beliefs had a huge impact on me. I spent two decades developing a positive self image. Now that positive self image may be strong enough to be killed off and done with.

[vizual]

You have that belief because it is true. You are worthless, you are not good enough and never will be. You are a failure, and as a matter of fact, you have never done anything good in your life.

I'm talking to the ego. That is always looking to compare, it's always looking down on people, and at the same time feeling inferior to others. It always wants more; more money, more status, tighter abs, more whatever. It always takes the credit for the good things that have happened in your life, and it talks degrading to you when something bad happens. If you are going to play the comparative ego game in this day and age you better be on top. Or else you're going to be in hell all the time.

You have to learn to relax, meditate. Let go of your foolish comparisons, let go of your limiting beliefs. Stop seeing life as a game you have to win. Life is just life, and it's very enjoyable if you let it be what it is, and let it flow where it wants to go. Stop seeing yourself as a part in some kind of rat race, the rat race is all in your mind, and you are losing the race. But it's a stupid race anyway because - by definition - everyone loses in the end.

[Tightrope Walker]

Hi guys, reporting a bit three months later. First of all let me thank you all, I have read all your responses and listened to you all, in silence. Each insight you have given me has helped me deeply, even though I hadn't said anything until now. I'm really grateful to you all. Thanks a lot for sharing.

I am really glad to tell you that I'm so much better now. That momment really helped me after all. I felt a bit tired of feeling sorry for myself after that and I initiated a new process where everything I had been learning in theory I started applying it in practice. 

I made some changes, I left behind a few habits, I tried implementing new healthy ones, I failed but I tried again and again. 2017 was a year where I meditated for a whole 365 days in a row, so that was kind of a success, and it is really helping me a lot.

So you'll be hearing more from me this year. Happy 2018 my friends!

[star ark]

Perhaps your had the wrong social groups pushing you into this way of thinking. I also think age may be a factor, people in their 20's like to BS about how successful they really are and if you are honest you may feel worthless. Then people get a bit older and everyone discovers that some of their friends are BSing their way up the social ladder and parents and grand parents are buying those mansions, and that ultra buff beautiful couple with twins at private schools and a mansion are not earning the money to pay for any of that, they spend half their day at the gym. 

Whenever I meet someone who reminds me of your personality type I try so hard to be their friend. I want people like you in my life and maybe you're older or whatever but I think you will feel comfortable in your own skin roughly around the same time the ego driven people start to look old and less sexy and they start to regress due to poor self image.  

[Faceless]

Your not worthless just confused ?‍♀️ 

[pluto]

Start your day with a new mindset and keep it up

[Nahm]

On 10/5/2017 at 6:03 AM, Orange said:

This is good advice but like @Brimstone said you don't want to condition yourself further. If you want you can bring both Nahm's and Brimstone's advice together and it would look something like: your life is worth- less, it has no inherent value in reality. But this doesn't necessarily have to be experienced negatively. It can be liberating and bring peace in a way too. You can chose your thoughts wisely; by choosing those who are true and that feel good at the same time.  

Yes!!!!!    Also, consider not choosing ‘those who are true’, but rather, you just be true. That will always be enough.  Might need to sit through some purification, but that itself wouldn’t even be an opportunity, if you weren’t tapping into this honesty.