The "one" Thing Wrong In Life...

[Extreme Z7]

On 9/29/2017 at 8:22 PM, SuperLuigi said:

So, this is an interesting one.

I don't want to go into great personal details, but I have what many would consider a very good life. Good money, job, house, married to someone I get on great with and 2 cool cats

I practise meditation daily, exercise and do yoga daily and study foreign language daily.

So much done on the exterior, the interior is ignored.

Actually, you do seem to have some work done on yourself, it's just that it's mostly peanuts.
 

Why are studying foreign languages daily anyway? Do you actually have a really big ambitious goal with learning those skills? Or is it just a hobby of yours? If it's the latter, then it's probably a distraction.

I mean, what are you after in life, really? Just living the life you have now or are you pursuing a Life Purspose or Enlightenment? Meditation don't mean jack if you ain't using it to pursue enlightenment or to better your existential pondering skills.

[SuperLuigi]

18 minutes ago, Extreme Z7 said:

So much done on the exterior, the interior is ignored.

Actually, you do seem to have some work done on yourself, it's just that it's mostly peanuts.
 

Why are studying foreign languages daily anyway? Do you actually have a really big ambitious goal with learning those skills? Or is it just a hobby of yours? If it's the latter, then it's probably a distraction.

I mean, what are you after in life, really? Just living the life you have now or are you pursuing a Life Purspose or Enlightenment? Meditation don't mean jack if you ain't using it to pursue enlightenment or to better your existential pondering skills.

Foreign languages is my passion and when I'm learning a language, I live it. I think, read, write and immerse myself in it. Much more than just a hobby  

I'm not after anything in life. My life purpose as defined by myself is to teach other the skills I have and will continue to acquire, especially those concerning helping others become financially independent and foreign languages and methods to acquire them in a fun but efficient fashion. 

Thank you for reading! 

[Quader]

If you are interested in re watching Leo's videos, I would recommend going over the guided meditation/mindfulness topics as those are designed to be revisited consistently as a practice. 

[Extreme Z7]

11 minutes ago, SuperLuigi said:

Foreign languages is my passion and when I'm learning a language, I live it. I think, read, write and immerse myself in it. Much more than just a hobby  

I'm not after anything in life. My life purpose as defined by myself is to teach other the skills I have and will continue to acquire, especially those concerning helping others become financially independent and foreign languages and methods to acquire them in a fun but efficient fashion. 

Thank you for reading! 

That's really good. Just making sure 'cause I had no way of figuring out whether you we're just using foreign languages as filler for your life or had an actual purpose for it.

You could do with a more ambitious life goal, though. You'll be dead someday, ain't much room to be fuckin' about without a truly profound Mission Statement.

[SuperLuigi]

1 minute ago, Quader said:

If you are interested in re watching Leo's videos, I would recommend going over the guided meditation/mindfulness topics as those are designed to be revisited consistently as a practice. 

Personally, the problem with meditation is that it is quite easy. For example, yesterday I did 'Strong Determination Sitting' for 1 hour no problem.

I made another post asking about the progression of meditation for this reason... 

[SuperLuigi]

2 minutes ago, Extreme Z7 said:

That's really good. Just making sure 'cause I had no way of figuring out whether you we're just using foreign languages as filler for your life or had an actual purpose for it.

You could do with a more ambitious life goal, though. You'll be dead someday, ain't much room to be fuckin' about without a truly profound Mission Statement.

This is true. I think the LP course may be what I'm looking for in that department, although I think I'll come to the same conclusion. I enjoy teaching others and don't see it as unambitious. Although, I can see why one might - it is not hard to achieve I guess. 

[ElenaO]

On 30/09/2017 at 0:00 AM, Emerald said:

My husband has the same problem. He's a good person, and he's a really loving and dependable father and husband. He would give his right arm for his family. And he works so hard. But he is very critical of me and blows up in fits of rage multiple times a day at me and everything else. And it doesn't take much to make him blow up. He's wired to perceive anything as an attack. I can ask him an innocent question like, "What did you buy at the store?" And his mind will automatically interpret it as, "I bet you didn't get the right things at the store you idiot loser asshole. Go die in a ditch!" So, he's always on the defensive because he feels attacked by me and everything else. And this is not because I actually attack him. I do my best to walk on eggshells as to not set off that reaction... which is really not good for me. I shouldn't have to do that. But that's just a side note. It's just that the world is full of imaginary boogie men for him that he just can't handle. And I'm boogie man number one because I'm his significant other.

So he has a lot of anxiety and low self esteem that results in a really bad anger problem. It used to be much worse three years ago to the point where I thought of leaving him. Which is really serious since we have children together and it is my number one priority to give them a loving and stable home with both parents. So, I'm glad that since that time he has been really trying to work on himself and figure why he is the way he is and to work this issue out. So, it got a lot better, even though it's still really bad.

Some of the revelations that he's had in the past few years, is that he is constantly anxious. This is because his childhood was very rough. He grew up poor in Hungary. And he and his sister were raised by his mother who had a terrible issue with anxiety herself. This resulted in her abusing alcohol to the point where she would pass out every day. So, he had to take care of his mother as a child instead of the opposite. His father was mostly absent except for when he came around to take money from his mother which created even greater darkness and instability. His sister also had issues with alcoholism and anxiety and would go missing for days. His mother was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when he was 14, and she was suicidal because of her delusions. He just lived a very dismal life that was in constant threat of upheaval. So, when he came to America at age 23, he completely left his old broken down self behind and he adopted a very strong work ethic and rigid standards for himself to abide by. And if he fails to meet these high standards this also causes him to go into fits of panic and rage.

He also suspects that he incurred some serious early childhood trauma that he doesn't remember. His fits of rage are essentially like a two year old's temper tantrums... except in a 40 year old. He feels anxious and out of control, so he unconsciously attempts to get control of reality through aggression and anger and nit-picking every detail of me... since I'm the person that he most associates with himself. So, it's like part of himself got repressed away when he was a toddler and never grew up. And now it gets triggered any time it perceives that he needs to protect himself against any perceptions of threat... which to a two year old, everything adult looks threatening. It's too much for him to handle emotionally even the most basic of adult activities without being completely overwhelmed by frustration and anger. He pushes himself into things anyway and it really grinds him down every day. He looks very high functioning from the outside. But part of him is really just a toddler doing his best to pretend like it's an adult

@Emerald I find this comment really valuable for me personally. I see a lot of features described above in myself, unfortunately. By no means my "symptoms" are as strong as in your husband's case, but I do share some of it. I was raised in a rather good family. Of course, not without problems, but not even close to the degree that your husband had to endure. However, I notice that I've also set some very rigid standards (waking up early, getting things done, etc.) and if I don't manage to fulfil that what I've set, I become anxious and very annoyed. Angry, even. It's not very fun to be around me at those times. This has improved over time, but it's still rather serious.

I admire your patience and loyalty! 

[How to be wise]

On 03/10/2017 at 8:50 PM, ElenaO said:

@Emerald I find this comment really valuable for me personally. 

How did you find that comment valuable it was just somebody's experience?

Nobody's interested in your neurosis, unless you have some real advice stop parroting @Emerald

Edited October 4, 2017 by How to be wise

[WaveInTheOcean]

On 29/9/2017 at 11:00 PM, Emerald said:

My husband has the same problem. He's a good person, and he's a really loving and dependable father and husband. He would give his right arm for his family. And he works so hard. But he is very critical of me and blows up in fits of rage multiple times a day at me and everything else. And it doesn't take much to make him blow up. He's wired to perceive anything as an attack. I can ask him an innocent question like, "What did you buy at the store?" And his mind will automatically interpret it as, "I bet you didn't get the right things at the store you idiot loser asshole. Go die in a ditch!" So, he's always on the defensive because he feels attacked by me and everything else. And this is not because I actually attack him. I do my best to walk on eggshells as to not set off that reaction... which is really not good for me. I shouldn't have to do that. But that's just a side note. It's just that the world is full of imaginary boogie men for him that he just can't handle. And I'm boogie man number one because I'm his significant other.

So he has a lot of anxiety and low self esteem that results in a really bad anger problem. It used to be much worse three years ago to the point where I thought of leaving him. Which is really serious since we have children together and it is my number one priority to give them a loving and stable home with both parents. So, I'm glad that since that time he has been really trying to work on himself and figure why he is the way he is and to work this issue out. So, it got a lot better, even though it's still really bad.

Some of the revelations that he's had in the past few years, is that he is constantly anxious. This is because his childhood was very rough. He grew up poor in Hungary. And he and his sister were raised by his mother who had a terrible issue with anxiety herself. This resulted in her abusing alcohol to the point where she would pass out every day. So, he had to take care of his mother as a child instead of the opposite. His father was mostly absent except for when he came around to take money from his mother which created even greater darkness and instability. His sister also had issues with alcoholism and anxiety and would go missing for days. His mother was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when he was 14, and she was suicidal because of her delusions. He just lived a very dismal life that was in constant threat of upheaval. So, when he came to America at age 23, he completely left his old broken down self behind and he adopted a very strong work ethic and rigid standards for himself to abide by. And if he fails to meet these high standards this also causes him to go into fits of panic and rage.

He also suspects that he incurred some serious early childhood trauma that he doesn't remember. His fits of rage are essentially like a two year old's temper tantrums... except in a 40 year old. He feels anxious and out of control, so he unconsciously attempts to get control of reality through aggression and anger and nit-picking every detail of me... since I'm the person that he most associates with himself. So, it's like part of himself got repressed away when he was a toddler and never grew up. And now it gets triggered any time it perceives that he needs to protect himself against any perceptions of threat... which to a two year old, everything adult looks threatening. It's too much for him to handle emotionally even the most basic of adult activities without being completely overwhelmed by frustration and anger. He pushes himself into things anyway and it really grinds him down every day. He looks very high functioning from the outside. But part of him is really just a toddler doing his best to pretend like it's an adult.

I don't know if this describes you in any way. But my husband is definitely dealing with the same issue. So, I figured that I should share. Does this ring true to you?

Ever thought about taking 120mg MDMA together with your husband? Just in your home. Let someone take care of the kids for the evening/night.

[Emerald]

9 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

How did you find that comment valuable it was just somebody's experience?

Nobody's interested in your neurosis, unless you have some real advice stop parroting @Emerald

She wasn't giving advice or copying me or anything like that. She was just saying that my sharing my husband's experiences were helpful to her because she was noticing some of her own behaviors in what I shared.

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Ever thought about taking 120mg MDMA together with your husband? Just in your home. Let someone take care of the kids for the evening/night.

I don't think MDMA would quite have the effect that would really help him. I have recommended that he consider doing an Ayahuasca retreat. But he's not interested in taking anything.

[Forestluv]

4 hours ago, How to be wise said:

unless you have some real advice stop parroting 

Who decides what is *real*?

[Nahm]

I am so moved by the volnurability here.  If someone hurt me in my childhood, and it made me think I am weak, I would blame everything. I would blame every little sound. I wouldn't face that pain cause fuck you. I'd construct a world out of it. I would never admit it to anyone, ever. I would make damn sure I appear strong, and I would blame.  Furthermore, if my wife was open and comfortable with her vulnerability, it would piss me off. I'd married the very resolve I needed, and the hurt would shelter me from hearing it.

[SuperLuigi]

20 hours ago, How to be wise said:

How did you find that comment valuable it was just somebody's experience?

Nobody's interested in your neurosis, unless you have some real advice stop parroting @Emerald

Your username is "How to be wise"...