Psychosis Vs. Spiritual Awakening

[zenjen]

@Outer interesting article, I feel I had symptoms of both the mystical and psychotic. I actually wrote an entry in my journal on here not too long ago about how my grandfather was diagnosed with schizophrenia and had gone catatonic twice. There is probably a connection with my genetics and this experience, I suspect.

[Brimstone]

That is really beautiful @zenjen , you clearly know what is going on.

You don't get a diamond without pressure, the truth being that you were never not a diamond from the very beginning. 

Bless

[AlwaysBeNice]

I've experienced psychosis and openings.

Spiritual opening consists of emotional openings, perception opening, sensing opening, consciousness opening.

It is what it is, an opening.

Psychosis is just believing strongly in thought/story (usually related to fears around the mystical/God), which can project itself perceptionally from the subconscious through imagination sometimes, you just have to learn to get to know yourself to distinguish whether you are doing so or whether it's genuine perception.

[Forestluv]

I have experienced this several times. Ego dissolution / nondual experiences seem like insanity/psychosis to me. Yet doesn't that make sense? The perspective is so far away from the conventional, how could it not be considered psychosis?. . . I also thought of how many brilliant people have lived that have been categorized as insane.

[Brimstone]

I have a friend who I haven't seen for a while who told me his story where he went and lived in India for a number of years. He lived a completely clean life didn't drink, didn't smoke, abstained from sex, which lasted about 10-12 years. He used to work in an ashram preparing food for everyone. After he became enlightened he was sent to a temple in India where he was the first white holy man in the temple. His job was to basically look after the temple and give advice to the villagers. After some time he went completely mad by his own definition and started running around the village naked scaring everyone. There were other aspects to the story and he knew what was going on. After the experience his life turned completely inside out whereby he started living for himself, started using drugs, and started f*cking anything he could get his hands on. 

Edited October 17, 2017 by Brimstone

[Gabriel Antonio]

I have experience with that. Part of what we call "spiritual awakening" is in reality a sharpening of our senses. In my first awakening experience (2015), I became highly sensitive through the practice of yoga. I was also smoking cannabis in a ritualistic way. Dude... I became highly aware of everything. Very alive, you know? I was so freaking mindful... Anyway... what blocked me in my "monk phase" was the fact that I got aversed to the world. That is, I would not be able to desensitize. Therefore, I was picking up on everybody's vibes; I would think everything was personal... It wasn't looking good... I was becoming the environment... So imagine what type of energy I was embodying... The lowest kind. 

 

Let me share with you my story. 

I had my first big samadhi in nature. Then, I went directly to the chaotic city of Santa Rosa (which is literally in total chaos right now due to firings). When I was in nature, I had that profound and mystical experience. I became extremely sensitive. This is great! You gotta be tune in to your senses fully to savor the details of life. But... the problem was I did not know how to turn off that sensitivity button. And trust me, sometimes we simply gotta numb ourselves... especially when we are in a busy city. Otherwise, it is simply too much stimuli... we are not supposed to handle so much... Our number 1 obligation is with ourselves. Period. Fuck other people and fuck the world  

Long story short, I wanted to sustain a samadhi experience in the city, but I did not have enough foundation to do so. So instead of feeling Absolute Peace, I was in a complete chaos. Why? Because I became everything, yet I still needed emotional healing. so I was projecting my own pain onto the world around me. So I feel like what I could have done is to simply take it easy and... seek emotional support before it is too late. I am not saying to go to a psychologist nor a psychiatrist.

Solution: What helped me the most was a meditation group I go to every week at the local park. Some folks there have been meditating for more than 20 years. So they know what they're talking about. And... it is almost impossible to get crazy when you have a strong sangha. This means, going to the meeting every single week. To me, group meditation is much more important than solo meditation. Sure, group meditation is not enough by itself. But at least you get some emotional support, which is what 99% of the world desperately needs. 

 

I feel like the best way to deal with so-called psychiatric disorders is to own them. I owned my paranoia hahaha. Now it works on my behalf. I also owned my shyness. Your inner demons can become your inner guides. Haha.. Strangely enough, I owned paranoia through psychedelics. In some trips, I have gone SO FUCKING CRAZY that I am just not afraid anymore. I have seen the worst. And it ain't that scary, seriously... So it turns out my "self-referential and psychosis" crisis were actually a part of me that needed healing right away. It could not wait any longer. So right now, in 2017, I am working on building a strong foundation so that I can handle the Infinite Power that I saw that it is readily available for us right in the present fucking moment. Not in 10 years of hardcore meditation. Not with 100 psychedelic trips. Nah, nah... Right now... But anyway... sometimes we simply cannot see the miracle right before our eyes, but it is there... It has always been there, and it will always be there. Ha... whether you "believe" in it or not... 

 

But, anyway, my point is that there are some basic things you should keep in mind... Some red flags for False Awakenings: 

- You are not taking care of your basic needs (not brushing your teeth for example)

- You are being extremely harsh and rigid with yourself and others

- Huge neurosis (A lot of pain, and it feels like you are not easing them. It feels like you are the one causing that pain to build up.) 

 

Anyway... we do not need to awake quickly. This ain't a race. To me, freakouts happens to people who are attached to perfectionism. Spiritual obedience is a fucking joke... God is always laughing his ass off... Just look at the fucking sun. BOOM! 

But anyway... this is a touchy subject. It is really weird to stay sane when you are one with your college professor. Hahaha... seriously.... it is fucking weird. That happened to me in 2015... I was sitting in class and then... BAM! I was the whole room. Hahahaha... it is super fun if you can handle that. If you are mentally weak (like I was)... it is freaking scary as fuck! Hahahahaha....

The main point is don't take it all so seriously... It is a joke after all... And nothing special is supposed to happen. 

 

If you are going through a rough moment on your spiritual journey: 

> slow the fuck down

> watch stupid shows on netflix with a sloppy posture 

> binge on your favorite food without guilt 

 

Remember: not taking showers and being mean to people have nothing to do with spiritual awakening hahha... self-torture is the opposite of True Freedom (a.k.a., enlightenment)... 

I feel like the worst thing you can do is to play the role of a depressed person, or a schizophrenic person. I have met many perfectly healthy people who act out on a stupid role of a disorder. The schizophrenic guy. The depressed girl. The shy teenager. 

 

> You are much more than labels. You are everything. So do not limit yourself. <

 

At the same time, learn how to tame your inner-dragon. If it is totally out of control, turn it off completely until it is not overwhelming you any longer. Then, start again... Hahahaha... that is a very subjective subject  In essence, the inner dragon has to work on your behalf. You are the boss here, okay? 

 

 

 

4LL Y0U N33D 1S L0V3 

8D 8) ;D 

 

 

IDK if anything that I wrote makes sense... but I felt an urge to share... 

 

Stay safe children  

[phoenix666]

@Gabriel Antonio what you write about sharpening the senses totally resonates with me. I wasn't exactly stoic and cold, I was actually very emotional when it came to my feelings. but I couldn't handle people in pain. for some reason when I saw someone crying or suffering, I had to laugh. it was horrible. I felt very bad because of it, I thought I was a bit of a psychopath. at funerals it was so hard for me to keep a straight face. I didn't actually feel it funny when someone came crying on my shoulder asking me for help. I just felt a barrier between me and other people and the laughing was a reflex.

during a retreat that barrier broke down completely and I realized that it was all a defense mechanism. I realized that I was actually extremely empathetic to the point that I had to defense myself because I wasn't strong enough at that time. a woman started crying during a group meditation. I could feel her pain like waves washing over me and started crying as well. that's when I discovered my very sensitive and empathic nature.

I specially feel it with my mother. I don't know why. she is a beautiful, loving, caring and sensitive soul underneath layers of political and materialistic bullshit. she seems very shallow at times and is always so stressed and agitated. when she enters the room, my body tenses up, I can literally feel her own inner distress. that's what made me be kind and loving to her. I can feel her suffering soul underneath all the bullshit she carries around on the outside. I love her <3

(sorry, that kind of went off topic, but I just had to write it down)

I also made this experience of facing my insanity on a trip. it helped me overcome one of my biggest fears (that of being different, weird and just insane. of not being normal)  I don't think I solved this issue completely yet. I still sometimes worry about not being 'normal', so I expect some further insanity experiences on future trips..

but we're all in this together <3

 

[zenjen]

@Gabriel Antonio @phoenix666 the empathetic side of my experience definately felt profound.

The day before the hospital I told my mother some of what I was feeling, I told her that I experienced God and that everything felt new again to me (which it did). She didn't really question it too much because she is spiritual herself (she had a dream where she was told by spirit guides that I was a 'seer' and is convinced that I'm special). I was absorbing almost more than my mind could handle that day. I asked her to take me to a department store, so that I could experience what it felt like for the first time, even though I've been there hundreds of times. I shed a tear looking at the inspirational messages in the home decor section and while carefully inspecting the Christmas ornaments. God has a sense of humor for sure. I was thinking, "everything here is made of so much love and suffering, it's all so beautiful". I thought of the kids in the factories working to make everything in the store and the happy shoppers smiling at me as they passed. I could feel absolutely everything that day, I was able to absorb feelings as well as apply whatever meaning to whatever I wanted.

Edited October 17, 2017 by zenjen

[phoenix666]

@zenjen wow, so beautiful <3 sounds incredible. I hope I'll experience something like this as well sooner or later. one day you will be strong enough to take on all that suffering from others and morphing it into love <3

[Markus]

If you need anti-psychotics take anti-psychotics, to do otherwise would be irresponsible and potentially disastrous. Don't worry about it.  If you have chronic mental illness you need to be taking them. If it is temporary you can come off when time is due.

Love ya,
Markus

[Nahm]

@zenjen they know you’re diets blows because your current mental health blows. I think you’re wise to pursue getting your good rituals going again. 

[khalifa]

Will drop this here since i feel like it may help explore it deeper

 

https://frontiertherapymagazine.com/2017/04/19/crazywise-between-psychosis-and-spiritual-awakening/

 

 

 

[Pelin]

@zenjen First of all, I don't think this phase will last quite long, so hang in there

I think what you're experiencing is similar to the fear that people experience after their third eye opens(call it awakening, enlightenment, you get the point). It doesn't have to come very peacefully. If you're not quite ready, it might come as a shock, and sleep deprivation may be the brain's way of reacting and trying to make sense of what's happening. Letting go of fear, is easy to say but hard to do. When you let go of fear, you'll be much more open and you won't need the drugs anymore. I hope you'll get there in a short time. 

[Principium Nexus]

@zenjen Can I ask what bothers you the most at the moment? Your around similar age so I wonder what troubles you.

In general finding a career, choosing the right study, friends, finding a longterm fullfilling life purpose is a hard thing to do. So it's not weird to see people in their 20's with mental problems like depression, anxiety or being overwhelmed in general.

[zenjen]

@khalifa the documentary looks fascinating,  thank you so much!