Deconstructing Good Habits.

[The Monk]

Hey Guys, you read that title right. I seem to be deconstructing my good habits by backsliding. This means that I find myself doing well with a good habit for X months, then I fall back into bad habits and begin playing video games again for X days for 10/11 hours  a day. 

Then I stop performing the habit that I was doing well with a replace it with a bad one, but I don't feel fulfilled by it and I know that it's homeostatsis. So, I then want to go back to the good habit and try recreate it, but want I want to know is can I go back into the habit doing 40 minutes, similarly to how I was before, or should I start low then build it up, (personally I hate this because I backslide regularly, so no real progress would be made)

Also, if I dropped 6 good habits for x days , do I have wait and build 3 (which will take 3 months) then wait to build another 3 again.  I would also hate that since it would take way too long. 

What do you guys think? I'm really struggling with this, so I need all the good advice I can get   @Leo Gura @Max_V @ajasatya @Nahm @Loreena @Annetta 

Thanks for your suggestions.   @cetus56

Edited September 27, 2017 by The Monk

[The Monk]

@Mad Max That's generally how long it takes to build up a habit? And Leo always emphasizes to start slow and build 2/3 rather than 6 or else it will be too hard.

@Leo Gura I would love some help from you Leo since I'm really struggling with this and you seem to know a lot about this

Edited September 27, 2017 by The Monk

[Girzo]

Hah, it's funny and sad at the same time. I do it all the time.

I always try to start as low as at the very beginning, like for example 5 minutes of meditation. But I am OK if it spontaneously turns out to be 40 minutes and I am OK if it's only those 5 minutes that I have had in my mind when I started.

The best advice I can give is to try to avoid binge actions at all cost. It's not a problem if you came back to your bad habit and played games for 1 hour, but it becomes a problem when you start to use that as an excuse to play one more hour, and one more, and one more... until you end up playing for 12 hours straight. And you tell yourself: "It's only today." It's much worse than playing for an hour two days in a row.

And regarding your last question, I would try to do the smallest thing realted to those habits everyday, so you don't forget about them and maybe some day it will spontaneously turn out to be a good day for that practice and you will easily come back to it.

[Saarah]

@The Monk If you're worried about numbers it's best to choose habits that give you the biggest results or leverage, the most important ones that create most change first

Try to understand why you backslide, are the motivations effective ones? Do you have obstacles that make it difficult to upkeep the habit? 

 

[The Monk]

@Saarah I know why I'm backsliding and I'm going to distance myself from the things that make me. But now I'm in the process of rebuilding that's why I'm asking should I rebuild them one by one or go straight back in to all of them? Since I've previously already made them?

[The Monk]

@Girzo so Saitama, what you're saying is, that I should begin to pick up all the good habits I've put in place (which is 10) but start of low with all of them again e.g. at 5 minutes a day for each habit, then build them up again by adding 5 minutes each day I do them. 

Is that correct?

Also, let's hypothetically say that I do actually do. But, what would I then do with the 10/11 hours of my day that are free?  I will create an excuse to spend the rest of my day binging off video games and movies, so I'll relapse to the point from which I came.   That's what happens when I spend low amounts of time on good habits, as I have too much free time then! 

 

[Max_V]

This vid might help. 

 

Saw it in another thread but it might be something relevant here too.

About implementing new habits, not really know too much about that process 

[cetus]

@The Monk Just go with it for now. Let it run it's course. No rush to do anything.

[Girzo]

@The Monk Nah, I don't think that doing bad habits is that bad, if you keep on doing your good habits everyday and consistently improve at them, even by a little, slightiest bit. It should gradually build enough awareness to discourage you from doing things you don't really want to do, aka "bad habits".

Don't worry about it and test this idea in action, it's the only way to know if it will work for you. It works for me, it may work for you. Is it the best approach? Probably not, but it's relatively easy.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Girzo

[The Monk]

@Max_V Thanks bro I'll watch it. 

@cetus56 what do you mean by go with it? 

@Girzo my main concern is, what will I do with all my free time then? Time that I'm spending not building up good habits, because you suggested that I start of them easy then build them up?

Edited September 27, 2017 by The Monk

[BjarkeT]

Maybe this could help

https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-art-of-solving-problems-permanently

from experience when i tryed to form new habbits it was really difficult to keep track of them if i did more than one at the same time so maybe just focus at one at the time for 66 days (some research shows that's how long it take to form a habbit :))

 

[cetus]

@The Monk Just go with whatever is happening. Except it. If you backsliding, your backsliding. Ever consult the Tao Te Ching? Maybe your surrounding circumstances aren't conducive for positive results at this time. If that would be the case, all you can do is ride it out.

[Nahm]

Tape what you want to your wall.

[Saarah]

14 hours ago, The Monk said:

@Saarah I know why I'm backsliding and I'm going to distance myself from the things that make me. But now I'm in the process of rebuilding that's why I'm asking should I rebuild them one by one or go straight back in to all of them? Since I've previously already made them?

In that case choose however many you feel comfortable with and what your time allows you to focus on 

I'm currently working on 3 new habits and stopping one old habit and it's working out easily. As long as you have that initial 'click' of motivation and knowing that you can do it, the process isn't much of a hassle. You don't need willpower for the entire process of a habit it's only needed for the decision to do it 

[ajasatya]

@The Monk go slowly. drop one bad habit and stay clean for at least 2 years.

we come back to bad habits when we cannot connect deeply with the good ones. it takes time.

the motivation is stronger if you understand that you're not doing it just for yourself. of course it's your life that will improve first, but by purifying ourselves we are building a better world as well.

[Tightrope Walker]

I've been struggling with the same problem. I have been trying to build new habits and I just backslide with a couple of them. One thing that is really helping me is trying to bring awareness to this bad habits when I do them. I even went on binges with some of them and I even got a bit worried. However the chains of cause and effect are becoming clearer and it's getting a little bit less hard to apply will power here. Try watching Leo's video awareness alone is Curative.