Wife Hates Me For Doing Consciousness Work. Please Help...

[Anakin]

My wife hates what i'm doing nowadays: meditation, self inquiry, and even (especially) watching leo's videos. She thinks i'm into some kind of cult. I've been trying quite patiently to get her to be more open about it, but i think at this point she completely refuse to hear anymore.

A main reason why she hates it so much is because she thinks i'm turning into some kind of emotion-less robot, which is true to a degree because i generally feel more peaceful and hardly ever get angry or too emotional these days (not sure if this is completely normal), and i have generally lost interest in many things which i previously cared much about: food, games, certain friends.

She threatens to divorce if i don't agree to permanently drop all this. I love my wife, but consciousness work is just too important for me to not pursue in my entire lifetime.

i basically see 2 options:

• 1) Divorce.
• 2) Fake agreeing to drop it, and focus more on family for the time being (i have a very young kid). Then coming back to it in a few years, hoping that my family is more stable then and my wife might change her mind about it.

(1) will make me very sad, but on the other hand i fear that i could cause my family more pain if i choose (2).

Is there a 3rd way? What should I do?

Edited September 27, 2017 by Anakin

[Elisabeth]

@Anakin Try working it out by being more loving. That might be your third option. Don't push consciousness work on her if she isn't interested (or at least forget Leo and let her find a more empathetic source ... in time ... not now, when she hates all of it!). You're doing your case a great disservice by pushing. 

Look, this is a generalization, but when a woman gets angry at you, it's because she's missing something . Usually your attention, love, care, support, emotional openness. What did she say - you're becoming emotionless? Have you also become cold and distant in your expressions of love? Did you pour all your attention in the inner world neglecting your relationship and your kids? Are you two unable to share passion for anything?

If you want to keep her, show her that you care and offer to work on your issues. If you can. There's no point if you can't do this sincerely. Try couples counselling if you need help communicating, and overall, find out what it is that your relationship needs. I can almost guarantee that "dropping Leo's videos" is not what it is. 

Edited September 27, 2017 by Elisabeth

[SFRL]

@Anakin "A spanking a day keeps the brattiness away."

After that she needs some Vitamin D to treat the rest of her symptoms. 

You see she gets upset because you are not getting angry with her anymore. From your post intuitively I can tell you are turning into a little fairy.  

And an emotional flat line. Watch Leo's video's "What do women want" and "Why do women fall for assholes". Those are two of the very best videos on the web. Absolute gold-nuggets. 

You should just drop the fairy stuff for a while and start doing/developing masculine stuff. That is self-development as well. 

Edited September 27, 2017 by SFRL

[SFRL]

 

@AnakinWatch those three.

Edited September 27, 2017 by SFRL

[Forestluv]

I've never been married and never had kids. So, your commitment level is higher than mine was in this example:

A dated a gal for over a year. We had several key things in common, yet she lacked the spirit of introspection, a seeker of The Truth. It wasn't much of a problem as long as I kept it to standard meditation and Yoga stuff. She had a strong negative reaction the use of psychedelics and I didn't tell her about these experiences. Last June, I did an Ayahuasca retreat in Peru - it was perhaps the most profound experience of my life. It felt like the nearest I have been to The Truth. I tried to share this part of me with her and communicate the experience. She immediately flipped out about dangerous drugs and how I am using drugs to escape and could ruin my life. She pleaded for me to promise that "What happens in Peru stays in Peru". I'm thinking "this is just the beginning". She did not evolve the next couple of days and it was clear how far apart we were in this key area. I broke up with her that week and have never regretted it.

Again, your commitment level is higher. I don't know how I would have behaved the same if we were married with a kid.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[Anakin]

Thanks so much, guys! All are super helpful answers!!

15 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

Look, this is a generalization, but when a woman gets angry at you, it's because she's missing something .

14 hours ago, Mad Max said:

The problem lies elsewhere; she's afraid that you might lose interest in her, that's what's really going on.

@Elisabeth @Mad Max I think both of you are spot on in that she might not be mad for consciousness work per se, but something else. With some reflection, i do think i have placed family at lower priority and had at time neglected their needs.

 

13 hours ago, SFRL said:

You see she gets upset because you are not getting angry with her anymore. From your post intuitively I can tell you are turning into a little fairy.

@SFRL You're absolutely right about that. i think i'm giving my wife very little emotional stimulations, which is exactly what she had complained about.

 

3 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

I'm thinking "this is just the beginning". She did not evolve the next couple of days and it was clear how far apart we were in this key area. I broke up with her that week and have never regretted it.

@Serotoninluv Thanks for sharing your story! That's part of my fear too — i'm destined to want to go on some retreat at some later point, and there will be no way for me to hide it. So if consciousness work itself is the friction point, i don't know if we'll be able to work it out...

 

i think my overall conclusion is that i will first work harder to find out and address my wife's (emotional) needs in a more loving fashion, while being very open about my pursuit, and see where it leads us...

Thanks again guys!

Edited September 28, 2017 by Anakin

[smd]

@Anakin You'll destroy the child by having him raised by a Single Mom.  If I were you, I'd find a way to make this work.  She has to be the priority in your life.   It's actually kind of interesting because most women usually focus on the child & stop paying attention to their husband after giving birth.  This includes having less or no sex.  So it's very interesting that she's paying attention to the Cult of Leo. 8-}  My Mom said the same thing about me watching the videos but there were no ultimatums. haha.

If you weren't already at the breaking point of your marriage, I would've suggested that you ask her to pick some of the videos in Leo's list that she might want to listen to or even pick out some female self-help coaches for her to watch on YouTube to get a female perspective & see if she likes it.

Right now however, you should try to save your marriage.  Otherwise your son might be growing up with some half brothers & sisters when your wife remarries.  You should really be caring about this & taking it very seriously in the present moment.  This divorce isn't something that is going to happen down the road in a few years.  A black swan is rushing before you. Right now.  The ultimatum is on the table.

[Spiral]

On 2017-09-27 at 10:43 AM, Anakin said:

A main reason why she hates it so much is because she thinks i'm turning into some kind of emotion-less robot, which is true to a degree because i generally feel more peaceful and hardly ever get angry or too emotional these days (not sure if this is completely normal), and i have generally lost interest in many things which i previously cared much about: food, games, certain friends.

I can really resonate with this, sorry to hear that about that, that's really unfortunate. Perhaps the rest of us should keep our "cult behaviors" to ourselves.

[Elisabeth]

@Anakin How is it going?

[Anakin]

@Elisabeth  It's going well! Thanks for asking!

After working with her, understanding and addressing what she felt was missing — like more more attention, love, and security exactly as you and others have suggested — she is much happier now. We've also started a 1-month vacation (previously planned) which is also helping 

I've learned the lesson that i need to invest more time into ensuring my wife's emotional needs are satisfied.

Let's hope it last! 

[Elisabeth]

@Anakin Glad to hear that  

I have been part of a forum focused on relationships for quite some time now. Along with honest communication and emotional openness taking care to "date" your lonterm partner is often recommended there, meaning that every couple needs focused one on one time, where they are not just problem solving things about kids and stuff, but indeed have time to focus on each other and go out/be romantic/try new stuff... 

You might have a little trouble backsliding when you get back from vacation to your usual routines. So if things aren't working organically, setting up a date night every week (where you arrange for child care) might be an extra tip for you.  Good luck

[Anakin]

2 hours ago, Captain Flint said:

@Anakin Please, also inform us if/when she will join Leo cult, LOL.

@Captain Flint Haha. Yup, will work on it

 

2 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

@Anakin Glad to hear that  

I have been part of a forum focused on relationships for quite some time now. Along with honest communication and emotional openness taking care to "date" your lonterm partner is often recommended there, meaning that every couple needs focused one on one time, where they are not just problem solving things about kids and stuff, but indeed have time to focus on each other and go out/be romantic/try new stuff... 

You might have a little trouble backsliding when you get back from vacation to your usual routines. So if things aren't working organically, setting up a date night every week (where you arrange for child care) might be an extra tip for you.  Good luck

@Elisabeth Yeah sounds good, will do! Thank you again for the great tips! 

[heisenburger]

@Anakin read I need your love is that true by byron katie

read the way of the superior man 

easy solutions.

[Spiral]

Learn some tantra, practice it with her. Practical things is clear to the untrained eye. She will see the potential.