Meditation For Enlightenment

[phoenix666]

@Serotoninluv because I don't trust my mind. I've always been a thinker, my mind is very conceptual.. and I am afraid that I construct all those nice theories in my head and that those theories create a false sense of security and trust. just another trick of my ego, you know? difficult to explain  

but I actually just came up with the answer to this: less theory and thinking, more of the real work: meditate, meditate, meditate ..

[cetus]

@phoenix666 Is that a yes? It's going to scare the shit out of the ego.

[phoenix666]

@cetus56 still a hell yes! 

I actually want to feel this fear so many are talking about

[cetus]

Alright. Here we go. This plane we're on (these bodies). It's slowly running out of fuel. There is nowhere safe to land. The plane will eventually crash. How long will you hold to a doomed plane?

[phoenix666]

@cetus56 I have the desire to let go off this doomed plane and I trust that it will happen sooner or later!

[cetus]

@phoenix666 I know what I said is shocking to the ego. But your still in control if you felt the effects of freefall starting. You can decide when it's right for you to take the complete plunge. If you would have done a drug, you wouldn't have that control of backing out. Take your time. No rush.

[cetus]

@phoenix666 Know this. When you do decide to take that leap of faith. You will find there is a safety net there that is waiting to catch you. Only you can experience what that is. It can't be conveyed in words. But it's there. It always has been.

[Forestluv]

47 minutes ago, phoenix666 said:

@cetus56 still a hell yes! 

I actually want to feel this fear so many are talking about

Psychedelics brought me there. I did an Ayahuasca retreat in Peru last June. The second ceremony was the most terrifying and illuminating experience of my life.

Edited September 26, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[cetus]

20 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Psychedelics brought me there. I did an Ayahuasca retreat in Peru last June. The second ceremony was the most terrifying and illuminating experience of my life.

@Serotoninluv I can't even imagine how many doors that must open at one time. Look out!

[cetus]

28 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Psychedelics brought me there. I did an Ayahuasca retreat in Peru last June. The second ceremony was the most terrifying and illuminating experience of my life.

@Serotoninluv I have never partaken in Ayahuasca ceremony.  From what I gather there is much knowledge and wisdom that becomes available. Just to ask from your experience. What exactly is that body of knowledge? Does that even make sense to ask? If it does. What holds that wisdom? Could it be released from our own DNA or something within us? A cellular blueprint of the universe?

[phoenix666]

@cetus56 I just meditated on letting go, facing whatever comes. I had some moments of peacefulness and some feeling of expansion here and there, like usual the last couple of weeks. I know my problem: it's the wanting, the trying to achieve. the doing instead of being. but I'll just go through this process, like you described beautifully in one of your posts: sooner or later my mind will probably surrender and let itself fall. I'll keep the safety net in mind 

@Serotoninluv I can relate to that. my most terrifying and illuminating experience was during a shroom trip. I heard about ayahuasca and its immense mindfuck-ability...god, that really must have been something you experienced there but it seems like you have been integrating it well, you've surely grown from it!

I really feel like it's time to do some psychedelics again..like I need that push. but I don't have any possibility right now. I'll just have to trust that when the moment is right, a chance will pop up.

Edited September 26, 2017 by phoenix666

[Kevin Dunlop]

4 hours ago, phoenix666 said:

I know it's probably needless to ask, but I can't deny it to my ego nevertheless  

how do you 'take a leap of faith'? how do I decide to just jump?

You get bored with the limitations of living a life filtered through your identity. You give up on it -you let it go - you realize you dont want it and you dont need it. You let yourself experience without the filter of the learned identity. When you get into these experiences meditation is the best place to visit - you get it

 

[phoenix666]

@Kevin Dunlop I hope I will get bored of the limitations soon. but I don't want to force it, I guess this needs its time. 

thanks for your beautiful description

[Forestluv]

Before my first ceremony, I asked one of the guides what the experience would be like. She told me that everyone has unique physiology and life experience and will be shown what they need to know in that moment. Each of my three ceremonies was unique and I talked with several participants and they too had unique experiences.

My first ceremony was mentally easily and physically hard. There was a blissful energy that swept me away and there was no struggle to hold on my ego or control. It was like "So, just let go of the ego to experience this bliss? Cya ego!". There weren't really "lessons". It was like a semi-lucid state with semi-awareness. There was a sense of being on a foreign planet and oneness within the temple. There were visuals of people I had encountered in Peru and there was a different sense about them. I was connected and enamored with this energy or vibe they had. I felt such appreciation and love for them. Afterword, I felt love for everyone there. It was just being and experiencing. It wasn't like there was knowledge or wisdom. . . Like have you ever had a moment when time stops momentarily and you are present for a beautiful moment? Maybe something like a person playing with their dog on the ground and the dog spontaneously jumps on the owner licking their face - they smile and laugh and roll together. You witness it yet also momentarily lose yourself for a moment and experience that beautiful energy and connection - and feel it. Kinda like that but 100X as intense for four straight hours of various beauties. It wasn't like knowledge.

Heading into the second ceremony I felt good. Too good. I actually gave some first-timers advice about letting go and surrendering. Little did I know. . . My intention was to be aware and be shown my blocks to my deeper self. Early on, I tried to steer the experience back to blissville and lost control. I struggled and experience fear, insecurities and panic at times. This time was the most clear-headed, aware experience I've ever had. It's awkward to call it "lessons" or "knowledge" because it wasn't about thoughts. There was no analysis, good/bad, "I get it". Yet, there was this essence/truth/awareness regarding fears, insecurities and beliefs. There was a sense of some kind of being, yet not a source I can pinpoint. There was no "I" or thinking there - so all this I write now is not the actual experience - I'm just trying to put it into words (which were not part of the experience). . .  There was a phase at the insanity threshold that nearly went into a full-on panic. I had brought a benzo in case of an emergency - the idea to take it came up - followed by an absolutely clear sense of DO NOT TAKE IT. The prospect of taking the benzo was much more frightening than just experiencing the experience. It was like my ego wanted to regain control with a secret weapon from "my" world. There was an extremely strong sense of "don't fuck with this" and I caught a glimpse of the energy changing to something really dark if I took the benzo. I think my ego surrendered a bit more at that point.

After the ceremony, I asked one of the experienced participants if this experience and "lessons" need to be processed or have they just become part of me. I didn't fully understand his response - but it included both.

Edited September 26, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[Kevin Dunlop]

13 minutes ago, phoenix666 said:

@Kevin Dunlop I hope I will get bored of the limitations soon. but I don't want to force it, I guess this needs its time. 

thanks for your beautiful description

small experiences to begin with shouldnt take too much time away from your busy life

 

[cetus]

52 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

After the ceremony, I asked one of the experienced participants if this experience and "lessons" need to be processed or have they just become part of me. I didn't fully understand his response - but it included both.

@Serotoninluv I would have asked the same question. The response is certainty something to contemplate. Just a shot in the dark, maybe the person already knows the 'processing of lessons' is something the mind will never do. Therefore it's not quite like that. Could there is more integrating happening than the mind is consciously aware of? Just something to think about.

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, cetus56 said:

@Serotoninluv I would have asked the same question. The response is certainty something to contemplate. Just a shot in the dark, maybe the person already knows the 'processing of lessons' is something the mind will never do. Therefore it's not quite like that. Could there is more integrating happening than the mind is consciously aware of? Just something to think about.

There does seem to be some lasting effects that didn’t need processing. Once you see that kind of thing, you can’t unsee it. 

One thing that has lingered is that during a couple high anxiety spots there was a thought off in the distance saying “don’t worry in 4 hours I’ll be back and everything will be back to normal”. And when the Aya was wearing off, I could feel the self returning and there was realization that my mind would try to explain the unexplainable and “own” the experience. I saw my self chatting with others back home and using the Aya experience as part of my identity. As my ego returned it seemed quite humbled and weakened, and there was almost a pleading “please let the essence of the experience remain beyond thought and analysis”. I’ve tried to honir that request by not trying to make sense of the experience. For me, the “processing” has come in spontaneous insights or flashbacks. That “something” at the ceremony seems to have a seat at the table in my head. Sometimes when I am conceptualizing it rises up saying “thoughts: Not It”. That’s enough that my ego iften backs down. I mean my ego got the living shit kicked out of it. It may act like a tough guy, but deep down knows who’s boss in a showdown.

[Emptystickfigure]

I didn't do meditation at all. I just got really depressed. Tragic, but kind of pushed me into awakening.

[phoenix666]

@Serotoninluv wow, what an experience you had there. but you see, something in you kept you save, or better gave you security, like it just knew what you were doing. something in you kept you there, stopped you from breaking out of that powerful experience. that should give you trust!

someone once told me that retreats can be very messy at the end. returning 'home back to normal' can be difficult and confusing. but slowly, with time you will keep getting presents to unwrap. little insights and changes, little shifts in awareness. all aftershocks of the retreat falling into place, slowly, so that you have time to process and integrate everything. I guess it's the same for trips! at least, I experienced it exactly like this. so, don't worry, you probably know already everything, you just have to slowly become aware of it. everything will fall into place