A Female Persective On The Friendzone

[Emerald]

13 hours ago, smd said:

Most guys are like this, if a woman is ready to move that quickly into the bed.  I figure that's why you date & put sex off for a later time.  But then again, I know a guy who remarried with a gal he met on Tinder.  They slept together just after the first date.  I figure the marriage will fail, not only because most of the stuff I've read about it says such relationships fail, but because I know the guy's relationship history for the past 20 years & it's always the same:   get laid fast, get into a relationship, couple years down the road the woman leaves him.  Rinses and repeat.

That's unfortunate that you think that most men will lie simply because the woman would be willing to have sex on the first date if she believes his lie that he's interested in a relationship. That's not what I've experienced in my circle of male friends/acquaintances/family members/lovers. There's a sizable minority of men who have poor character and will deceive people to get what they want. I've certainly met some. But luckily, most men that I've met and associate with have strong principles and good character. But I guess this just comes down to who a person decides to associate with. Maybe you hang out with a lot of men with weak principles and character to the point where you've come to see it as the norm. But if you see it clearly from the outside, it's just a really immature and petty kind of behavior to deceive others.

[Emerald]

9 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Emerald Cool. It took me a while to sort through some old beliefs I had. This perspective is sitting better with me. Thanks for your help.

You're welcome.

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, ajasatya said:

to men: there is no friendzone. you're just too needy.
to women: there are no assholes. you're just too needy.

Well, that's not exactly true. There is a friend-zone, and there are definitely assholes. It's just that people don't understand how either of these things work. So, there are a lot of confusion around these topics.

[LaucherJunge]

@Emerald

I like what you said but there is much more to it.
I will admit that i have issues around this subject but not in this way. I guess im too far out in the extremes, too much black and white thinking on this subject. I guess my defense mechanism behind this is very deep since the only reason I got into spirituality was the pain caused by a lack of love, i have been very very emotional in the past and fell in love instantly and very deeply for years and years with girls that were in my class could not really help it. It is very painfull to be so deeply in love for such a long time without getting back anything. This was my old view on this now it is way different.
I know now that true love is unconditional it is just compassion and i show this compassion towards my surroundings. This doesen't cause me pain like the old way of seeing it did. And im afraid if I start to try to get into a relationship i will end up in the old pattern again because of the influence of society. That is why I don't want to get anything back and try to stay away from women.
I don't see a reason to change this. I am very happy with my life as it is and rarely is anything that happens painful compared to the pain I already have been trough I live in paradise for almost 2 years now already. And even if i feel a little bad from time to time i already learned to embrace it a long time ago. The time spans of feeling bad for me reduced drastically over the last 2 years now i don't even remember how many weeks ago i was not totally happy.
Even when I am lazy at meditating and don't do it daily for a time and also don't try to be aware troughout the day I am on a level where i can't really fall deeper than feeling well, I think it is simply that i transformed my unconscious patterns which may take over without being aware into healthy ones compared to before. I may be stuck in a kind of comfort zone on this but I don't really see why this is bad in any way when im happy with it and continue to grow my awareness, some day it may change automatically of course. And I don't say that if there is a chance for a good relationship i will not take it, it is just that i didn't meet any women so far that seemed to be spiritual in any way and even if that still doesn't mean that i find her attractive and resonate with her.
So for me this is just calculations that pretty much makes me see this as just a "dream".
Without being exact on this. Lets say there are about 2 million people that live close enough to me now lets take just half of it because its supposed to be a women. 1 million left now the age will have to be 18-24, since I don't have a number on this i will be very generous and say its 300 thousand.
How many of those are attractive enough for me? not only looks obviously. Lets say 100 thousand which is probably also generous. Of those 100 thousand we have at least 30 thousand muslims who wouldn't be allowed to have a relationship with me, their family might even try to kill them for such things, it happens regularely in germany it is called ehrenmord(honorkill). 70 thousand left. How many of those would be okay with a guy who is 1,71m or 5'6" difficult to answer but surely not more than 40 thousand probably way less but lets say she gives me a chance. How many of those are actually spiritual or wouldn't think im crazy, maybe 5 thousand? Now how many of those 5 thousand have a boyfriend? more than half of them. Now we are at 2 thousand and now try to see if we even fit together in any way which would again sort out a big chunk now find those few within 2 million people while there are tons of guys willing to approach any women that comes their way. While I try to be friends with them, they will have pretty much free choice while i don't even have an alternative.

 

Edited September 29, 2017 by LaucherJunge

[Forestluv]

@LaucherJunge @EmeraldSeveral of my "deep loves" turned out to be fantasy and not true love. When I'm living in a world where we are in love and deeply connected while she is cheating behind my back - it's a wakeup call that I'm in fantasy land.

That sweet, vulnerable part of me had been beaten up and I try to protect it. Learning to love myself and live happily solo is great. Yet, being solo to avoid heartbreak is not great.

[smd]

On 9/28/2017 at 8:25 PM, Emerald said:

That's unfortunate that you think that most men will lie simply because the woman would be willing to have sex on the first date if she believes his lie that he's interested in a relationship. That's not what I've experienced in my circle of male friends/acquaintances/family members/lovers. There's a sizable minority of men who have poor character and will deceive people to get what they want. I've certainly met some. But luckily, most men that I've met and associate with have strong principles and good character. But I guess this just comes down to who a person decides to associate with. Maybe you hang out with a lot of men with weak principles and character to the point where you've come to see it as the norm. But if you see it clearly from the outside, it's just a really immature and petty kind of behavior to deceive others.

1

I don't know if they're lying to the women or lying to themselves.

[Heart of Space]

Guys who talk about the friend zone are whiny and salty because a girl they like is simply not attracted to them, but is nice enough to keep interacting with them in a platonic friendly sort of way.  

It's also a way for guys to psychologically cope with the rejection because being put in the 'friend zone' is more mysterious and less harsh than simply thinking she didn't like you because you're just unattractive.  The friend zone sounds like a location you can figure out how to move beyond with a girl as long as you can just figure out how.  It's just more comfortable to the ego.  I've never personally used the phrase.  

On another note, I've 'friend zoned' plenty of women.  In reality, I didn't do anything at all, I was just simply my normal friendly self minus sexual or romantic attraction to the person.  It's really that simple.  

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Heart of Space said:

Guys who talk about the friend zone are whiny and salty because a girl they like is simply not attracted to them, but is nice enough to keep interacting with them in a platonic friendly sort of way.  

It's also a way for guys to psychologically cope with the rejection because being put in the 'friend zone' is more mysterious and less harsh than simply thinking she didn't like you because you're just unattractive.  The friend zone sounds like a location you can figure out how to move beyond with a girl as long as you can just figure out how.  It's just more comfortable to the ego.  I've never personally used the phrase.  

On another note, I've 'friend zoned' plenty of women.  In reality, I didn't do anything at all, I was just simply my normal friendly self minus sexual or romantic attraction to the person.  It's really that simple.  

I find this all to rings true to me.

[Forestluv]

On 10/3/2017 at 2:23 PM, Heart of Space said:

Guys who talk about the friend zone are whiny and salty because a girl they like is simply not attracted to them, but is nice enough to keep interacting with them in a platonic friendly sort of way.  

It's also a way for guys to psychologically cope with the rejection because being put in the 'friend zone' is more mysterious and less harsh than simply thinking she didn't like you because you're just unattractive.  The friend zone sounds like a location you can figure out how to move beyond with a girl as long as you can just figure out how.  It's just more comfortable to the ego.  I've never personally used the phrase.  

On another note, I've 'friend zoned' plenty of women.  In reality, I didn't do anything at all, I was just simply my normal friendly self minus sexual or romantic attraction to the person.  It's really that simple.  

I’ve gone on dates where neither of us started in the friend zone. We meet on Bumble or Tinder. We exchange messages about ourselves and what we are looking for in a relationship. We agree there is potential for romance and go on a date. We arrive in the prospect zone and could move into the romance zone, friend zone or never-see-each-other-again zone.