The Cost To Work Towards My Life Purpose Doesn't Seem Worth It...

[kieranperez]

Before I go on I also want to add that I don't even think my Life Purpose would likely even work out...

I've just set myself for what feels like such a miserable situation for myself. I'm 22, didn't go to college or anything. My life purpose is to be a coach for elite/professional + sub-elite runners. I have no credibility. I have quite literally $2.27 in my bank account. I'm horrible with money. I feel like I can't break out of my victim mindset. I'm still living at home. I have no real skill sets so the only real work I can get is just low end shit which isn't enough to live on your own in the San Francisco Bay Area... and I live arguably the most expensive district in the heart of San Francisco. I'm tired of doing shit work. Out of 3 years of retail and 6 months of washing dishes at a pizza joint, I've had so many instances where I cry on my breaks because I thought I'd be so much more than this. How I'm so upset that I let myself get to where I am. I cry and just feel so disgusted and upset with my life. I currently don't even work now because I don't want to keep working feeling so fucking miserable where I cry on my breaks and hate my life and myself. In yet, I don't really have another way of making money now. Even if I did work enough in those shit jobs to move out, my ultimate passion right now is wanting to actualize my ultimate potential as a runner myself. I have the capability to qualify for an Olympic Trials most likely in the next 7 years but I know if I go down this path of shit work and misery, I'm going to inevitably sacrifice my running. Why is that the case? Simply because I already commit myself to running 90 miles per week and additional strength training every single day, watching nutrition, stretching, waking up early as it, running mostly 2 times per day, etc. This takes up SO much time and emotional energy. I'm already struggling with my running because I'm so depressed and sapped out of mental and emotional strength and energy. Topping crazy hours of work on top of it where I'm going to be even more fucking miserable is just going to make everything crash even harder? Why? It happens every time. I'm in the prime years of my life and it feels like it's all going to go to waste. I don't want to sacrifice my Life Purpose and my own personal running but I don't see how this is going to be worth it, much less possible. 

I feel like I'm in such a hole right now and don't know what to do. I keep watching @Leo Gura's videos such as How To Stop Being a Victim Part 1 & 2, took the Life Purpose Course, 100% Responsibility, etc. This cost of hating my life more and more, sacrificing my running, and not even living my Life Purpose for so many years just doesn't seem worth it anymore. In yet, I don't feel like I have any other options...

[SFRL]

Get certified as a fitness trainer/personal trainer at an organisation like NASM. (Put NASM in Google you will get the website). 

It's a certification so you can knock that out fairly quick. Also it doesn't cost as much as a four year degree. 

And then you can work in that field and combine it with your training. 

 

[Slade]

I'm curious as to why you posted this? Are you looking for someone to give you some magic pill? Are you looking for someone to hold your hand? What're you a girl or something!? Lmao I'm kidding... Sort of. Follow your bliss man. Clearly your body is telling you something if it makes you that upset to work a job you don't like. Listen to your body. Listen to your heart. 

[kieranperez]

@SFRL coach. Not personal trainer. 

[SFRL]

1 minute ago, kieranperez said:

@SFRL coach. Not personal trainer. 

Yes well it all sort of hits the same area. Those are skills and experience that translate from one to the other. 

Beats working at Starbucks, or flipping burgers. Goodluck finding the energy to go  running 90 miles a week after you work those shifts. 

[Achilles]

Your first sentence answers the question... 

Why do you love to run? 

[Wouter]

@Slade That seems crappy advice to me.

[Kevin Dunlop]

On 24/9/2017 at 10:54 PM, kieranperez said:

This takes up SO much time and emotional energy. I'm already struggling with my running because I'm so depressed and sapped out of mental and emotional strength and energy.

I want to ask you, what is life for? You want to do this international competition for running deal - the olympics - but you arent even enjoying your daily life. Shift back into the present, you can - the peaceful empty present moment, let the stress drain away, this situation, your mind as filtered through your identity is imagining is happening, is one small limited perspective in a place of thousands of posibilities. You are in a beautiful place - go to the beach and enjoy the sound of the waves, the wind, the sun ,the birds nothing more - until you feel better. This may be better than winning a gold medal one day, today is your day to enjoy the gift of simply being alive - no judgements, no schemes. I have been to your area - its full of gardens of flowers and fancy properties. I suggest you get a job in landscaping, charge good money, and work with good people. Work 3 days per week no more, enjoy your free time - run for the pleasure of running not into a depression 

 

[heisenburger]

@kieranperez the best way to win at purpose is to enjoy the training so much that even if you didn't get any recognition or money from it you'd still do it. If you could never be famous form running would you still do it? If not maybe consider finding a different passion. Try letting go of the wanting approval for being a famous runner and see if you'd still do it. Maybe it isn't really your goal. The work towards purpose should be a reward. 

 

Also there's no point beating yourself up. 

Has beating yourself up and disapproving of yourself helped your situation? Have you ever disapproved your way out of a problem? Likely not!

And since you're the one disapproving of yourself you can stop at any time. 

 

Also remember it's ok to feel uncertain at 22. You're doing fine honestly, don't worry about it. It's easy to feel like everyone around you knows what they're doing and you're the only one that doesn't but trust me that isn't true. Seriously at your age everyone is as confused and uncertain as you may feel, don't worry about it so much, you've got so much time to work all this out, you can even relax a bit and take some more time to figure things out.

 

I recommend finding a self help book on whatever issue you're facing. If you're feeling depressed read a good book about mastering emotions (I reccomend Byron Katies book loving what is), or maybe one about finance. Reading a book can change your state as your exposed to the voice of someone in a more certain state than you and it can lift you up from apathy or grief however you're feeling.

Edited September 26, 2017 by heisenburger

[smd]

@kieranperez  "Life purpose is to be a coach for elite/professional + sub-elite runners"

Do you have any coach's names or organizations for this type of job?  Have you tried writing, emailing, or calling these people to ask what it would take to break into the field?   At least then you would have an idea of what you need to do.

Based on your description, you're in the lower part of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs.  You need to get the safety part under control.  If you only have $2.27 at age 22, then you need to be figuring out ways to save more and/or earn more cash so you can do more than just subsist.  Maybe it's time to live someplace cheaper?   You need to be frugal with your money.  Leo has a video on setting up a budget & that has a downloadable spreadsheet.  That can give you an idea of how much money you are spending on a monthly basis for the year & you can use that to adjust your budget and/or trying to find a better job.

Maybe you need to go to college & learn a trade so you can get better pay in the interim.  I went to Community College in my late teens/early twenties & just about everyone there were older people with families & jobs.  They were all studying to either change jobs or do better for themselves.  They too, probably felt like they had missed the boat or were wasting their lives.  Being in college was their way of taking action to address the issue at hand.

You have to setup the infrastructure to make all of these other things happen in your life.  Getting out of high school & being able to run isn't going to land you a coaching job.  I imagine most coaches probably have college degrees as well (perhaps easy ones).  I'm pretty sure some of these things were covered in Leo's Life Purpose course.  At any rate, you need to lean towards practicality because being piss-poor isn't going to get you anywhere.

[thehero]

hey man, 90 miles is excessive. In the book "spark" it talks about 40 mins of rigorous training being good enough. I do 20 mins of rigorous training and i found that to be good enough for me. good luck

[Girzo]

1 hour ago, thehero said:

90 miles is excessive

I don't know a lot about running, but it logicaly seems so. Just imagine the amount of energy it burns and how much repair body has to make in order to sustain that regimen. No wonder you feel miserable after such training, you basically destroy and have to rebuild yourself every week.

I have such a feeling that what is said in this video directly addresses the root of your emotional struggle and it's just about 3 minutes, so there's no reason not to watch it right now.

 

[Moreira]

I've studied personal trainer and got lots of formation, because I love fitness but that have'nt make me successful in this area an I'll tell you why.

Nowadays it doesnt matter how much passion you've got in sport. Being a coach or a trainer is being a salesman, persuade people, make them thing they need your service so bad, and that is against my principles.

I hate sales and going behind people trying to trick their mind, I just want to coach people who are truely interested.

If you are franchisee with a gym you have the pressure and stress to recruit lots of customers. And if you work for yourself the insurance is gonna kill you, and there are going to be months without benefits.

It depends on the facilities which your country has for enterpreneurs. I live in Spain and here it's a suicide.

You are right that it's hard to get credit when you are young with zero to little experience. Try to get a inferior job and when you got a full idea of how this world works go for it.

[kieranperez]

@thehero this isn't just about maintaining health. Elite marathoners usually tend to put in 100-140 miles per week + daily strength work that takes awhile + naps + a lot more stuff. I'm talking about maximizing an individual's potential in this specific domain of athletics. Kobe Bryant trained 8 hours minimum everyday while in the NBA. You want to be one of the best in the world? That's what it takes.

[thehero]

oh okay. I thought it was for health. My apologies 

 

i only skimmed your post lol

Edited September 28, 2017 by thehero

[kieranperez]

All good

[Nahm]

 

Sounds like you've got plenty of ambition, but are still developing your navigation. Are you meditating every morning? I relate on the drive and desire, and before I started meditating I had little to no internal compass going. After some time, I started writing my vision on the wall. Then I painted a large wall with chalkboard paint and wrote lists, plans, things I wanted, people / relationships I wanted, travel destinations, my favorite quotes, my insights, my trip highlights, book outlines, business plans, investment strategies. I was dreamin big time & reading a lot about what I wanted, industries, successful people.  And then like magic I found all the opportunities were already there. One after another.  I say like magic because I changed how I saw things.  I've done most of what I put on the wall and I just keep adding to it. I was not born in an environment like that. Anybody could do anything I'm doing. Letting thoughts go is an art and the awesome creative thoughts, ime, are closer to the bottom, and very worthwhile.

http://list25.com/25-inspirational-rags-riches-stories/

 

Edited September 28, 2017 by Nahm

[Timotheus]

@NahmThank you!