What The Fuck Was That?

[Rookie]

I had a 'different' experience of meditation from what I'm used to. I've only been meditating for almost 2 and a half years so I doubt it's anything too deep. 
 

During the start of my 2nd meditation sit of the day, I had a pretty intense sensation of pain around my solar plexus, and as I started to meditate I immediately felt overwhelmed by it and wanted to lay down. A minute later as I continued, the sensation intensified, I felt this sense that I was dying. Then some weird shit happened. My sense of hearing felt like it was rapidly disappearing. I opened my eyes and noticed that my visual field was becoming increasingly 'covered' by this darkish green light; like what I'd normally see if I closed my eyes, but here it was flickering rapidly and it 'covered' everything in sight. While this was happening the pain expanded, every breath felt increasingly more difficult to take in, my head started to experience mild pain and I felt increasingly overwhelmed. A few seconds into this experience, I got up, moved my pillows over, and spent the rest of the 50 minute session in the fetal position wondering what the fuck happened. 
While laying down, my sense of hearing slowly came back, I could breathe easier, the pain in my solar plexus felt manageable, and my visual field calmed the fuck down to what I'm used to. I tried to sit up and go through this 2 more times before giving up and just noting in the fetal position. 

It's been 40 minutes since that session ended. I still feel the pain in my chest, and I'm scared as fuck to try and sit upright again. I have no idea what I experienced but it's REALLY hard to sit through, and it feels like I'm dying or becoming overwhelmed with pain. Can anyone shed some light on this? 

Thank you. 

[Nahm]

@Rookie what thoughts were arising and what is your diet & exercise like?

[Rookie]

@Nahm I don't remember too well what thoughts I experienced. It was a gradual mix of "fuck this hurts", "this is too much", "what the fuck is this?", "I'm dying", etc. When my hearing started disappearing and my vision started changing, these thoughts had a more fearful tonality. 
My diet is vegetarian - almost vegan, but it's still full cheap and not the healthiest foods. 
Exercise includes around 30-120+ minutes of walking a day 65 minutes of Hatha Yoga on weekdays and 22 minutes on weekends. 

[Nahm]

@Rookie fears in general? Are you afraid of dying? Or maybe there is a suppressed past event your brain leads you to think you'll have to deal with in this more advanced place of practices? Is there some unsettling uncertainty about something in your future? Like where your job or relationship is headed?

[Rookie]

The fear of intense suffering (like this experience), going homeless, going broke, bullying and ostracism are pretty strong themes in my life, as well as I do carry a tonne of regrets about how my life has gone up to this point and how I've wasted my youth, but I didn't realise how strong my fear of death actually was until this experience. Still probably don't. 
I've had no steady income for 2 years so there's a tonne of financial uncertainty in my life. I've got no relationship history to sort through. 
Your responses tells me this wasn't some sort of spiritual attainment like I hoped it was. 

[Nahm]

@Rookie  every experience is spiritual attainment. You're doing great. Isolating  thoughts and letting them go is spiritual attainment 

[Rookie]

@Nahm Thank you. I appreciate your words of encouragement. 
This experience really blind-sided me though; I don't think I was watching thoughts as much as I watched the pain expand and overwhelm my senses. 

[ajasatya]

2 hours ago, Rookie said:

pain in my chest

you need some serious practice of yoga to open the structure of your chest.

[Rookie]

5 hours later and the pain in my chest and headache have lingered. I decided not to meditate a 3rd time today out of fear. 

@Mad Max Thanks for replying, but I already read a lot throughout the day. 

@ajasatya Do you know any specific schools of yogas or techniques to accomplish this?

[ajasatya]

6 hours ago, Rookie said:

@ajasatya Do you know any specific schools of yogas or techniques to accomplish this?

straightforward hatha yoga. some postures in particular:

• Urdhva Mukha Svanasana
• Adho Mukha Svanasana
• Virabhadrasana I
• Virabhadrasana II
• Ustrasana
• Matsyasana

to perform those postures and to benefit from them, you need the guidance of a competent teacher. preferably someone who's transformed his own body with yoga before starting to teach.

[Nahm]

@Mad Max ?

Edited September 25, 2017 by Nahm

[Rookie]

One week later and I'm back to my old set point. I continued to experience lingering fear, apathy, and a major loss in appetite. until I experienced some harsh diarrhea 4 days ago, so maybe that was it. No idea what caused it though. Thanks again for all the replies and reassurances, I love you guys. 

[AlwaysBeNice]

Emotional suppression are stored in contracted muscles