Extreme Loss Of Awareness, How To Get It Back?

[Nadosa]

Hi,

I am asking for help because I've gradually lost my awareness for 2 months triggered by self-destructive thought patterns and my belief in them.

Since this loss, I've been constantly aware of being unconscious and definitely not in the moment. Does that actually exist? Being aware of non-awareness? It's bascially the incapability of staying present with a feeling of doing everything unconsciously. Observing myself is only possible after some time of intense meditation, but during daily tasks I feel the unconsciouness slowly creeping in. Also what helped me staying present (before those negative thought patterns manifested) - namely the mindset that future and past only exist in my head - doesnt work anymore, it's weird.

Well, I actually started daily meditation last week, for 20 mins per day, but sometimes when I am unconscious I am not aware of my thoughts and actually observe nothing but blankness in my mind. I dont see thoughts arising, but I know that there is something, unconsciously.

Do you have any suggestions? It's a very crippling state.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Nadosa

[LaucherJunge]

First of all 20 minutes a day may not be enough at some point anymore.
This video explains it perfectly i also had this a few times it got shorter in the time spans though.
 

 

[Nahm]

@Nadosa eat well. exercise. everyday.  later, come back to this.  perspective is everything.   

[Nadosa]

The only thing that makes me feel comfortable is meditation, i could meditate the whole day, the whole week, it wouldnt bother me. But  I dont want to be a monk, it's just that I am unconscious while doing other things, that feeling makes me depressed and incapable of feeling joy or so. 

 

But well, maybe I shouldy intensify my exercising.

[Nahm]

@Nadosa foundation, then enlightenment (imo)  Watch out for traps. There's a million. The result of what I could do is a thought. The result of what I have done is an experience. 

[ThinAir]

48 minutes ago, Nadosa said:

 it's just that I am unconscious while doing other things, that feeling makes me depressed and incapable of feeling joy or so. 

Sounds like you think you have to be councess all the time. Drop the notion, its ok to regress at times. Progress isnt linear upwards. 

[pluto]

Find ways that help you remember what you have forgotten.

[Saarah]

@Nadosa It might be a sign of progress and not the activities themselves, keep doing what you're doing without giving up or changing anything. It's probably the dark side of meditation cropping up, you don't feel as good but it's because you're moving past a threshold. Another reason could be certain activities are just not suited to you now particularly if they dull the mind and you may just be noticing that. Finally not every activity has to be mindful, certain things that use the mind like intellectual work or creativity means you have to be less mindful and use that monkey mind instead which again you will probably notice more sharply when coming out of it because of meditation benefits. 

 

[dorg]

@Nadosa , you are doing well.

 

5 hours ago, Nadosa said:

The only thing that makes me feel comfortable is meditation, i could meditate the whole day, the whole week, it wouldnt bother me.

This is because there is no one doing meditation.

 

5 hours ago, Nadosa said:

But  I dont want to be a monk, it's just that I am unconscious while doing other things, that feeling makes me depressed and incapable of feeling joy or so. 

No one is being anything nor doing anything.  Being unconscious is going into thought/unreality/imagination - ie time and space.

It does not feel good to be defined and located. How could it feel good when you are so limited, defined, confined.
 

Edited September 24, 2017 by dorg

[ajasatya]

6 hours ago, Nadosa said:

during daily tasks I feel the unconsciouness slowly creeping in

 

[Max_V]

@Nadosa But see, how is it possible to be aware of not being aware? Can awareness ever not be present? How would a moment of non awareness look like?

 It cannot be done. Awareness is there and it will always be there. You cannot leave the now either. Even when you are sucked into your thoughts, you are doing it now! Have you ever experienced living in the future or the past? 

Notice how the presence of awareness never leaves you. Become interested in that. 

What is it that knows my experience?

What is it that has always remained with me ? In deep sleep, when there are no thoughts in your mind for a split second, etc.

Explore that 

[WelcometoReality]

@Nadosa if possible do several 20 minutes meditation sessions through out the day. When you start feeling like you are going unconscious do some meditation to ground yourself. It might be hard to do depending on work etc. Look into some mindfulness exercises that can be done at any time.

[TimStr]

@Nadosa

My advice would be: Don't worry about it too much. 

I guess, you are getting to the point where your enlightenment work tries to teach you the lesson of no free will. You can not be conscious 24/7 because, there is no you in the first place. Letting go of the need for control might be the way to go. 

Joshu Sasaki Roshi's (one of Shinzen Youngs teachers) definition of enlightenment gets to the root of the issue:

Quote

[Enlightenment is] the disappearance of the difference of being enlightened and not being enlightened.

It's not about forcing to maintain max. level awareness all the time. But to tune into the "natural" changing flow of your consciousness more. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Ah awareness.  This is the most important thing to cultivate. 

Cure: Mindfulness meditation.  Do for at least 15 minutes per day for 30 days.

This video also has some nice insights in it about awareness:

 

Edited September 28, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Toby]

The process is not a "fight" where you loose ground and gain ground... it is about going deeper than loosing / gaining. Investigate where loosing and gaining arise in and make peace with things changing all the time.