So...cheating

[DizIzMikey]

Lets just say... all is one, and so if all is one..uuuhhh....

All is me so whoever I woo woo is me no matter what

So I wouldnt be cheating on my wife if I woo woo someone else because thats me no matter where I go, and her too!

No one has a lady!

Sorry.. been in the brain for the longest time I had to do it!!!

 

P.S.

Cannot "cheat" on her, wouldnt do it.

[Frankie]

Cheating is just happening because free will doesn't exists at all. ;-)

(^^ Inspired by Paul Smit who said the sentence "Hitler was just happening".)

[Draconis Chaser]

I suppose it just comes down to how you define cheating. 
But that may very well be an ego's defence and justification.

I think we should think about others first.

If you hypothetically woo woo with someone else, and your wife is hurt and feels betrayed, that is cheating right there.
If she doesn't give a duck, it's fair game.  

[FindingPeace]

'Cheating' is just a label. Whether it is appropriate or not comes down to the context. Which comes down to the understanding and values that exists between you and your partner and the person you cheat with. In fact it really comes down to the integrity of the relationship you are supposedly 'cheating' on.

Cheating happens for a reason. I don't judge it. In fact there are probably a chain of reasons that involve several people including the one being cheated on. Like many things in life, there is much more too it than black-and-white thinking, judgment and ethics.

[Psychonaut]

Thoughts about "cheating on your wife":

What would happen in a perfect world? What would happen if everyone could let thoughts that don't serve them not affect them. What would happen if a girl has the thought that she has been betrayed but doesn't feel bad about it. She doesn't feel sad, doesn't get angry at you. She even takes you back without even judging you and you could just continue your relationship like nothing happened. That would be amazing and that would be a girl I would like to have as a wife.

But what happens if you have sex with lots of different women all the time and you return to your wife and every time it is like nothing has happened. You know there is a thing called polygamy. Not something we really know much about in a western world. But in african countries it does exist. Take the president of South Africa, a country that seems like one of the most "civilized" african countries. The president Jacob Zuma has 6 wifes and 21 children. Polygamy is legally recognized in South Africa. I'm not saying I advocate polygamy, but there is nothing inheritently evil about it. I just want to show you that there are places were having sex with multiple wifes at the same time is okay and not condemned.

According to a survey in this article 83% of woman don't agree with polygamy. Point being the majoriy of the woman would prefer monogamy. Why is that? Why can't there be multiple wifes for all these woman that disagree? Because they think they will get negative emotions. They are resisting the idea that their husband could be attracted to other women. They are resisting that they are not perfect and never can be. They are not the most beautiful, they are not the most intelligent or the funniest. You could take any character trait, you will find a "flaw" something that you think could be improved upon. Noone is perfect, noone can ever be perfect. It is impossible. To be perfect you need infinite time. The world is changing all the time. Once you think you have done everything you could do to become perfect, you have read every book, have talked to every wise person, have visited every major landmark on planet earth the world has changed a lot. In that time double the amount of new books have been created. You are up for a race against time and have set yourself up for failure.

Your wife has flaws. The friends of your wife know that, your daughter knows it, her parents know it and the most important part is that you know it. It's okay, you never expected her to be perfect. There is only one thing you can do. You let it go, you love her. That will make you forget about all these things.

So you obviously love your wife. You always have and you always will. That is the point of marrying someone. So why don't you want to have sex with another woman? You could, it's very simple. You just take of your ring and forget about it. There are lots of things that are very simple in life, but yet you would never do them. It is very simple to kill someone, having sex with a girl is usually also pretty simple and hurting another person is also very simple. But you don't want to do any of those things. You do not want to hurt your wife, your daughter or your friends. You don't want to see your wife cry, shout at you or even start hating you.

So where is your suffering coming from? Why did you even write this post? You are obviously suffering. Do you even know how suffering works? I don't know... But somewhere I read this: "suffering = pain * resistance". Does this make any sense to you at all? Is there something you have noticed? What role does resistance play in suffering? You see that "suffering = pain * resistance". The more you resist the more you suffer. Why does a child cry when it falls and there is a small scratch on its leg? You can see that it is suffering a lot more than you. If you fall and there is a scratch, a bit of blood, maybe even a lot of blood. You might not even flinch, you will most likely not cry and probably suffer a lot less than a child. What happens if there is no resistance? "Suffering = pain * 0" -> "suffering = 0". You do not suffer anymore. So how do you remove resistance?

The key to resistance is to learn to let go. When someone hurts you, insults you or spits in your face. What does the bible tell you? You are supposed to forgive that person. You are supposed to let go. You can observe the event that someone spit in your face totally neutral. You can try to think about why that person did that to you. You can find an answer, you could fail to find an answer. If you find an answer let it go. The same goes for if you don't find an answer. You let it go. You don't spend the rest of the day thinking about why the person hurt you. You could do that. But I would only advise you to do that if your thoughts and emotions are completely separate. But this is hardly the case for anyone and after some time you might get dragged down by your thoughts and feel bad.

Why do humans even want to marry a other person? Why don't they want to marry a piece of wood or a spinning top? There is one fundamental difference between a thing that is alive and a thing that is just a thing. The dead thing doesn't change. It can only be changed by things that are alive. You can break a stone in two halfes. The stone won't automatically repair itself. If you lay it one the ground it won't move either. It can only be moved by other living beings. What happens if you break a twig of a tree? Lots of things will happen. The tree will try to close the hole where the twig originally was. It might even start to grow a new twig. So why did you marry your wife and not a tree or a stone? Because you can probably have more fun with your wife than with anyone else. She always changes, she can put on different clothes, start a new hobby. There is always the possibility of something new and exciting or unexpected to come out of your wife.

So why are you longing for a different woman? You should be asking yourself that question and I don't know the answer. You have to think about it yourself. Once you have found the answer, let it go. Try to fix it if you can. If you want someone more beautiful buy her new clothes. If you want her to be more interesting try to somehow get her interested in something. If you want her to be sexier buy some lingerie you like, buy some outfits. You can try cosplaying, different positions. I don't know. There are lots of things you can do.

There might be a possibilty that you will still be attracted to another woman. Sometimes you can do absolutely nothing about it. I have to admit that I am attracted to certain women that I will never be allowed to have sex with. I was trying to blame myself, made myself feel terrible about it. I resisted a lot and suffered a lot. I had to let it go, accept the fact that I am attracted and move on with my life.You have to let it go. I'm not telling you to have sex with another woman. Certainly not. You don't let go of your resistance to have sex with another woman. You let go of the thought of having sex with her which will remove the resistance. By letting go I don't mean you have to totally remove the thought from your brain. That would cause even more resistance and therefore suffering. You let go of the attachment between the thought in your brain and you. Afterall it is just a though flowing past. You have to realize that you can have a desire for another woman and not act on it. You don't have to feel bad. You don't have to think about all the things that could happen if you have sex with her. All the pain you could cause.

What could potentially help you is this. Imagine there are two ways of a thought coming into your brain. One is that the thought just gets randomly generated in your brain. Somehow human brains just generate random thoughts and noone knows why. The other way is that another person put the thought into your brain. Either by talking to you, writing text or just by their body language. If someone else tells you you should have sex with this woman, what would you do? You could just say no and forget about the thought. Afterall it was not your thought. You can let it go very easily. So what holds you back of letting go of your own thoughts? I don't know. You can treat them like thoughts of another person and just watch them past by. I think that is an important ability and the main reason I meditate.

I know this is long. It was not meant to be like this. It's just my thoughts. Random blabberings.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Psychonaut

[Phocus]

Go ahead and run that one by your wife.  Let us know what her thoughts are on the subject

[Dhana Choko]

In terms of cheating, the most important question is: "Can I be happy with me if I cheat?" Most people can't.

[walterwego]

I looked at Leo's video on jealousy and he seems to suggest something is wrong with your psychology if you hurt from being cheated on...you feel jealous because you lack that self love or you want to feel more loved...however, I have been cheated on and it hurts like fuck....

That said, Leo's videos have brought me a long way back to healing....

Edited February 26, 2016 by walterwego

[Avi]

@Dhana Choko Isn't that just a believe and conceptual construct that we made up? How does cheating relate to enlightenment? AHHH soo confused. 

[walterwego]

I dunno...what I do know is since I started working on self...and putting my wife second to my needs our relationship has improved...I have reduced my neediness, become detached and overall started acting more like a man rather than a pussy.... Leo was right about the nice guys and their failure rates.

[Emerald]

On February 21, 2016 at 4:55 PM, DizIzMikey said:

Lets just say... all is one, and so if all is one..uuuhhh....

All is me so whoever I woo woo is me no matter what

So I wouldnt be cheating on my wife if I woo woo someone else because thats me no matter where I go, and her too!

No one has a lady!

Sorry.. been in the brain for the longest time I had to do it!!!

 

P.S.

Cannot "cheat" on her, wouldnt do it.

There are higher truths and lower truths. Using a higher truth where a lower truth is more appropriate is foolish not wise. On this same line of reasoning, because all is one I'm going to go live with bears. We are one... well you will be soon.

Edited February 27, 2016 by Emerald Wilkins

[DizIzMikey]

@Phocus She didnt like the post, got pissed a little.

 @A Lone Wanderer The reminder that everything ive been taught is not me helps a lot, thanks... even if my brain manifesta my wife cheating on me or imagines her getting fucked by her ex ill try my best to let it go, but im so frozen. 

@Dhana Choko When I was younger it did not matter, now it does.

@walterwego If I ever get divorced I think I will stay a free man, I actually like being alone for the most part.

@Emerald Wilkins  Were you hurt by someone? Anyways.. bears will kill you more so than a wife, although she did say she would cut my dick off while im asleep. 

 

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, DizIzMikey said:

 

@Emerald Wilkins  Were you hurt by someone? Anyways.. bears will kill you more so than a wife, although she did say she would cut my dick off while im asleep. 

 

Nope. Never been cheated on before. Knock on wood. But I do have a tendency to idealize and rationalize wiser choices away. I'm the living with bears person from time to time. Haha.  

[Truth]

Sounds like an excuse to lie to yourself that it's okay.

[DizIzMikey]

@Truth sounds like? Ahh.. ok

 how ironic your name is Truth with a statement like that! HEHEHE

[Truth]

1 minute ago, DizIzMikey said:

@Truth sounds like? Ahh.. ok

 how ironic your name is Truth with a statement like that! HEHEHE

Yeah I was being nonchalant haha.

[Amplituda]

@DizIzMikey I know some happy open marriages where both partners do it and talk about it with each other with no issues or conflicts. They have a different definition of cheating though and it's not related to sex.

 

[DizIzMikey]

@Amplituda  You've spiked my interest, will look it up, thank you. 

[Psychonaut]

Yeah I don't even know why you are talking about this with some random strangers on the internet that you don't even know. Shouldn't your wife be more trustworthy than us?

[DizIzMikey]

@A Lone Wanderer Because I do not follow the limited belief that you should not discuss this with random strangers on the internet, and... she saw the whole fucking post. 

Should my wife be more trustworthy? I will think about at a later time when I feel like it.