People Better Off Than Me Aren't Doing Personal Development Though...

[kieranperez]

I know this is really basic stuff but I just feel so dumb when I try to even get myself to do personal development because I have VERY successful friends in so many different fields who don't do this stuff. When I say success I'm talking about financially, athletically, socially, relationship/sex wise, etc. I also don't mean on the mega scale that we can call success such as being multimillionaires and even billionaires that I know. I'm referring to success on pretty much all levels above where I'm at.

I'm just not going ANYWHERE with my life and everybody is telling me this self-help stuff is just a distraction. Normally I would overlook that criticism. However, in the part of my life I know I need to advance the most right now, I can't help but feel like they're right. Like, how many people who achieve anywhere from moderate to high levels of success do the stuff we're talking about? I mean, I don't even work right now and I'm still living at home and feel like I'm quitting on my life and I will be honest enough to say that yes, I am ACTING like a victim. However, I don't think it makes sense to only model those whom are orders of magnitude ahead of where I am and not look at those who aren't the most successful of them all but are still doing much better than me. None of whom do personal development. 

Even my father as an example. Yes, he has a ton of neuroses and what not. However, he is successful without a doubt. He could make 1000x more money if he wanted to. However, he doesn't feel the need to go to such extremes just to achieve a certain level of material success. I bring him up though because he constantly get's on me on how all this stuff is a waste of money and a waste of time. How, this isn't something he needed to do to get to where he is. He and I both of ADHD to pretty much the same degree, and yes I do have depressive disorder on a clinical level, but still. There are plenty of people in my situation or much worse that aren't stuck like I am and don't do stuff like affirmations, visualization, contemplation, subconscious reprogramming, meditation, journaling, read self-help, etc. 

So I feel so conflicted because I can't help but feel like they're right to a very large degree, given what I need to work on right now. I'm not talking about overall. I'm talking about this area of my life in terms of what we can call "success" at least on a general level. 

Keep in mind - I'M INTENTIONALLY LEAVING OUT LEVELS OF FULFILLMENT, HAPPINESS, & SUCH! I - I want to make that very clear so as to assure you all that I'm not overlooking that nor taking those important things out of consideration.

 

[Saarah]

@kieranperez You will never really know everything that may have gone into shaping another person and what influences helped them, and everyone comes into life with their own sets of challenges. Not everyone comes to the same place in the same way, we all have our different routes to take, but at the end of the day you've got to make the right choices for yourself whether it was the same route as someone else or different. You also never know if someone else's route is best for you or others, sometimes appearances change or results may not reveal what is in store for the big picture. Maybe there are some psychological blocks you have to work on that others don't and you just haven't seen them or noticed. 

Heres some questions to help you 

What are you trying to achieve specifically and concretely? What do you want to change? What are the obstacles or blocks? What are you doing that isn't working to sort this out? What could you do that would work to get the ball really rolling? What high leverage things could you do? Why are your new solutions going to work better? What issues are you avoiding or not confronting? Where can you find real solid techniques that work? Are you doing the most effective thing or are you just doing the productive thing? Are you following the rules too much, could you try relaxing a little and tapping into intuition to give some clues, some gut instincts? How much more do you need to learn about an area of your life that isn't working? Can you sort the advice that is helpful vs unhelpful for your life specifically? What are you not seeing or noticing? Where have you made assumptions that might be false or misguided? 

[aurum]

@kieranperez

Nothing you just said matters.

Is it unfair that you don't have to inject insulin into your body everyday because you're not diabetic? Is it unfair that you have an internet connection instead of living in a third world country? Is it unfair that you were lucky enough to even find self-help?

No. It's just the cards you were dealt.

If success doesn't come naturally to you and you have to work on it, what other choice do you have? You have to accept where you currently are at. Just admit that your situation sucks and to get better might take years of grueling effort. Then you can actually get to work.

Other people's experience has nothing to do with yours. Comparing yourself to others in this way only serves one purpose: reinforce your victim identity.

 

[smd]

@kieranperez Let's start with a few questions to get a proper diagnosis:

1.)  How long have you been in self-development?

2.)  Are your successful friends really your friends?  How often do you see them?

3.)  Have you ever thought about joining your Father's trade since you are out of work?

4.)  Who tells you that your self-development is a distraction?

[Forestluv]

If You are a career seeker, go for it. BE that career seeker. Express your truth. Let go of the resistance. Don't let others project their values on you. Why try and live somebody else's life? BE Your Truth. 

I spent a week with a tribe in a remote area of Peru. Several of them quit successful jobs and moved across the world to live in this village. To sings songs, play musical instruments and drink Ayahuasca together. At first, I was like "wtf, that's messed up." But by week's end it was clear they were living their truth and fulfilled lives. I've never been part of such strong human connections in my life. I wanted to stay longer and will likely return.

Edited September 19, 2017 by Serotoninluv

[Leo Gura]

1) Material success != personal development.

2) Successful people are not happy (see my video by the same title).

3) Don't compare yourself to others. You have a unique path you must walk.

4) If what you seek is material success, then studying a lot of personal dev theory can indeed be a distraction. Theory is a tricky thing. The Devil loves to use theory as distraction from action.

[Elisabeth]

I'm a tiny bit sceptical about the claim that your successful friends don't do personal development. People do stuff and don't call it "techniques" or "personal development", but it still has the same core idea. 

While it might be true that "don't do stuff like affirmations, visualization, contemplation, subconscious reprogramming, meditation, journaling, read self-help", they've probably done stuff like: educating themselves, learning business and social skills, setting routines and good habits (excercise, work), reviewing their mindsets and overcoming anxieties regarding the area where they are successful. You would not know, and they would not call it personal development, but they've all had and followed this calling to be better at something. 

Another example of people who "don't do personal development" but in fact they do are imho often religious people - through prayer (which can be close to contemplation, or to concentration practices) and in general striving to live a good life they sometimes get to extraordinary levels of acceptance and empathy. 

Now, if you're depressed you may need more journalling, reviewing your thoughts etc. than someone who's been born with a strong psychology and given the right mindsets in their family environment so that they are not depressed. You're starting below average. You have to at least get to average in certain areas of your life to be able to follow the examples of those who are successful there. Sorry man. But you have and you'll gain a certain advantage in other areas as you go through the process - you've discovered a whole another dimension than the one of success already, I guess. 

At least that's how I choose to view this dilemma. Do formal personal development if you like it and/or feels it helps you. 

[smd]

@Elisabeth Exactly.  How well does he know his successful friends?   What I've heard & learned is that if they're your friends & successful, they want to pull you up with them.  If they're not your friends though, they're not offering anything.  All of the friends he's discussing probably have some techniques in place...the goal would be to find out what they are & steal it where applicable. 8-}

[Sagatarius]

@kieranperez if you keep doing personal developement, for 5 or 10 years you will overtake them in your results and progress. It's a matter of numbers in your case. If you keep doing all the inner work, you'll see that by the time you are your fathers age, you'll be much happier and fulfilled then he'll ever be. 

Feel sorry for those people who are "successful" by the worlds standards. They are likely very miserable.

[Erlend K]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

1) Material success != personal development.

2) Successful people are not happy (see my video by the same title).

3) Don't compare yourself to others. You have a unique path you must walk.

4) If what you seek is material success, then studying a lot of personal dev theory can indeed be a distraction. Theory is a tricky thing. The Devil loves to use theory as distraction from action.

There are some research showing that success and happiness is correlated. The main causality seems to be that happiness leads to successfull, not the other way around. 

[Joseph Maynor]

5 hours ago, Erlend K said:

There are some research showing that success and happiness is correlated. The main causality seems to be that happiness leads to successfull, not the other way around. 

What does success mean when you are dying?  The Ego does not want you to even explore this.  The Ego will probably dismiss this as just another wacky point.  But it goes to the heart of things.

What is the difference between a bum on the street going through the process of death and a billionaire going through the process of death?  The only way to experience this is to go through a true ego-death experience yourself and find out.  It's scary, but it's very worth it.  You'll see life differently afterwards.  Since my ego-death experience, all my values have fallen to the ground, and now I'm looking around on the ground trying to pick up the broken pieces.  I'm not sure what to do!  The only thing that seems mandatory is Being.  And I want the body to be healthy to minimize suffering caused by pain in the body.  And I want the mind calm.  Those seem to be the basics of what my new values are.  I'll build up from there.  I get so much more out of meditation now and love just Being.  The Beatles should have wrote a song -- "All you need is Being."  All you need is Being, da' da da da da!  Doesn't rhyme as well haha.  You need Being more than love.  Human to human love is optional in fact.  Being is true love; True love is Being.

Edited September 19, 2017 by Joseph Maynor