Moments

[DrewNows]

36 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@DrewNows I started watching some j. krishnamurti videos this week. Great stuff. Thanks for the suggestion! It really hits the spot.

glad you like it! I find it quite meditative/insightful myself

 

[Forestluv]

Explaining emotions with thought is like playing a saxophone with a kazoo.

[Forestluv]

I've been looking into developing on the empathic line. My sense is that each human is on an empathic spectrum, yet that spectrum is not linear. In terms of SD, "tier1" empathic development can manifest as absorbing the energy of others - feeling what others feel. This can lead to confusion about what are my feelings and what are their feelings. In an unhealthy dynamic, the empathetic person can take responsibility for the feelings of others and detach or try to people please. A healthy manifestation would be a sense of emotional connection, feeling "vibes" and a type of soul connection.

Yet, I'm starting to get the sense there is a trans-personal realm within this empathic line of development. I'm looking into how to explore this development. This is beyond setting up personal boundaries so energy vampires don't suck you dry. It comes after that is in place - up into Tier2. The vast majority of articles online I've read address "tier1" levels of establishing boundaries to protect yourself. I'm now more interested in what comes next. To develop these abilities as far as I can. The below articles gave me a sense of a transitional level. They both address the importance of boundaries as a foundation and give us glimpses into the next levels. . . 

https://www.psychedelicadventure.net/2016/04/being-empath.html

https://www.openhandweb.org/what-spiritual-empaths-and-catalysts-might-learn-from-each-other

[Forestluv]

Just Be

[Zigzag Idiot]

I watched this video from the second link you shared. Good stuff and so true. It's really interesting how many forms of this exist among different spiritual traditions or approaches. It's a very important message and to me the actual process and reality of it is always more difficult than the description but I think with each new way of expressing how to sit with, open up and allowing, can initiate healing the shadow and possibly adds to opening up this morphogenetic field around the process. I may be stretching it to say there is a morphogenetic field around the process,,, but maybe not,,, it's movement towards the light anyhow.

I almost immediately recognized a parallel with Almaas' Theory of holes in the Diamond Approach and the process of sitting with deficient emptiness in order to process and allow an essential state or quality to emerge. It can often be a very uncomfortable process but very much worth the effort.

[Forestluv]

@Zigzag Idiot I think that speaker is delving into deeper layers of conditioning and healing one’s self. He’s got an interesting mix of awakening and personal development. . . And yes on morphogenic fields. I think awareness of collective conscious will continue to increase.  I’m coming to realize there is a lot of exploring to do in this area. Like learning a foreign language.

[Forestluv]

Anticipation is such a curious human emotion. It’s based entirely on the timeline, Can anticipation exist in pure Nowness? What is anticipation without the story line? . . . While I prepared my cat a tuna fish dinner, he experienced anticipation. There was desire, yet I sense more than that. A form of anticipation. Yet I think humans experience it differently - there are more variations and the human story within a timeline seems to fundamentally change anticipation. I’d like to drop the storyline and experience anticipation in Now. I ask the Universe to express this through my mind-body. I’m so curious what may arise.

Now I’m anticipating what may arise. So cool. This song just appeared. The first time I’ve ever heard it. So beautiful. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DcsP4TDOcRc

[Forestluv]

I’m observing the process of stress and healing within me. How it is stored and how it is released. Amazing.

[Forestluv]

I’ve noticed quite a bit of banter along the lines of “This is enlightenment” , “no, this is enlightenment”, “I’m enlightened, you’re not enlightened”.

This dynamic reminds me of a similar dynamic I observed while living in S. America. When I was in Peru, I met the most amazing tour guide. This guy wanted to be a tour guide since he was a child. He had so much interest and passion. He spent decades working and training in this area and was unbelievably experienced and knowledgeable. He had deep knowledge, experience and understanding of so many aspects of Peru: the history, the culture, the geography. He recognized various Peruvian accents, spoke native Peruvian languages like Quechua, understood Peruvian shamanism, religions, ayahuasca - he could play traditional Peruvian pan flutes - and on and on. 

During a tour of Machu Picchu, the guide told an amazingly poetic story that interwove history, geography, humanness, essence, mysticism of Macchu  Picchu. The scenery behind him of Macchu Picchu was breathtaking. A the end of his beautiful story, he extended his arms out wide and said “This is South America”. Most of the tour group traveled to South America from distant lands. There was this heartwarming sense that “‘This is it. We have arrived to South America”. . . The tour guide made a few more references to “this is South America” and “I am a (true) South American”. I noticed not everyone found him heartwarming. I noticed minor conflicts between the guide and South Americans outside Peru. The guide seemed to brush them off. There was a turning point when a Colombian man told the guide that “Colombian salsa dancing is more South American than Macchu Picchu”. This escalated things as the tour guide suggested Colombian culture was not as South American as Peruvian culture - as if it wasn’t “real” South America. This stirred up tension and the Colombian man tried to communicate the essence of Colombian dancing and cuisine. The guide mentioned how he has spent decades working and studying this and the Colombian man has not. He also suggested he was a “real” South American and others from outside Peru were not. This vibe irrated some of the South Americans in the group.

It then occurred to me that the guide was unaware that Peru is within South America. This was mind boggling to me. He was so attached/identified to Peru that he actually believed Peru was South America. I don’t have any attachments/identifications to South America, so it was easy for me to see, yet he couldn’t see it. If pressed on this, he would acknowledge that (technically) there are other countries in South America. Yet it was clear that at a human level he essentially believed that “real” South America was Peru. I’m not saying the guide is “wrong”. As I’ve mentioned, he was amazingly skilled and had deep understanding. It’s just that he was contracted within Peru and was not open to anything outside of Peru as being authentic South American. This limited his expansion. As well, when he dismissed other aspects of South America, it often caused inter-personal tension.

A month later I was in Medellin Colombia and encountered a woman who invited me to go salsa dancing. I said absolutely. We went to various bars and clubs and salsa danced to amazing live music. Salsa dancing is so integral to their culture, it is an expression of their beingness. At one point I felt so immersed and connected to this essence. I thought “This is it. This is the South America I’ve been traveling and searching for. I have arrived. This is South America”. . . And it is. Yet so is Macchu Picchu. Neither is South America and both are South America. The Peruvian tour guide is unable to truly realize and embody this because he was immersed, identified and contracted within Peru. Similarly, the Colombian man was immersed, identified and contracted within Columbia. There is nothing “wrong” with that, it’s just contracted. I was not attached or identified with either. This allowed openness and space for exploration and expansion. 

I see this same dynamic play out with enlightenment. A being becomes attached/identified to an aspect within enlightenment, yet believe this aspect is enlightenment. This mindset will keep a mind-body contracted to an aspect of enlightenment within enlightenment.

[Forestluv]

Nature is so genuine. Nature has no demands, expectations or agenda. Nature is simply an expression of itself. The river flows, the chipmunks scamper, the breeze moves, leaves flutter and birds sing. All in harmony together. Pure Genuine. 

[Forestluv]

The ocean contains all fish, seaweed, water etc. If a fish thought "I am a fish within an ocean 'out there' and I am having an experience as a fish", it has created a dynamic that fragments itself (a separate fish) from not itself (the rest of the ocean). It is no longer being the totality of the ocean. . . There is nothing "wrong" or "false" with this because the fish is both a fish within the ocean and the ocean. 

Of course, fish don't create these thought stories. Yet humans do. In fact, they live 99.9% of their existence within a thought story in which they are fragmented from the whole. This is partially true, yet when a human is constantly within this fragmented thought story, it creates all sorts of turmoil and conflict. 

Notice how deep down humans desire relief from this fragmented thought story. To "lose" themself. They may become immersed in a book or a movie. They may lay out on the beach for hours to forget their self. They may use drugs and alcohol to temporarily free themself from fragmentation. Yet these seem to be fleeting glimpses. They "snap out of it" and must return to the "real life story" - their beliefs, responsibilities, identity, plans - what "he said" and "what she did". Yet without identification, such personal stories and memories are eerily similar to the stories and memories of our dreams. . . 

[RendHeaven]

Dude you are seriously awesome (insightful) 

[remember]

@Serotoninluv thank you for the pre/trans fallacy hint - i just recived a tarot card deck and i realized how people interprete the fool sometimes as the prepersonal. although the prepersonal in a sense is purple. but there is a deeper connection about the falling back into the fool while awakening to the spiral and personal religion and transpersonal religion as we all start out as fool. sometimes it`s maybe good to understand that we also remain fools, even as magicians

the personal/spiritual remains as the prepersonal, and it`s maybe the hardest to overcome even if we divide into it deeply it will maybe ultimatively guide us deeper into the flames of what was burned, awakening to the high priestess or the mystical religion our feminine and in that sense caring and preserving aspect that preserves the magic to be given from generation to generation is the same as the historical one. where knowledge is burned, the feminine is too. the paradox of course is that the books also are used to burn the mystical aspect of knowledge. the same as the magician still is keeping a dagger on the table when not able to heal the prepersonal, maybe even needs to keep the dagger on the table in the transpersonal when arrived at the more female aspect. red is very difficult to overcome in any person.

so i just wanted to tell you that your teaching aspect is protected by sophia and saraswati she`s with you also in the meditation room, not only on the paper , but because you transcend them. i didn`t know how to tell it differently to tell you that i appreciate it tremendously that i can bring this into more understanding. I´ll try to work with it some more. so at one point we maybe can return to the source with no regrets.

[zeroISinfinity]

@SerotoninluvGreat Journal.

Empathy, maybe this will sound harsh but most of it is survival and fear based. 

Maybe this will help I dunno. But notice when You create and You do these emotions in relations with perceived others and Try to pinpoint What You gain from creating these emotions. 

With enlightenment maybe 70% of my empathy was washed away. That suprised me so much. 

So only 30%of it really was genuine feelings of perceived others and 70% was Just made up. 

Problem with empathy is that you are a bit robbed off your own unique expression. 

Other problem is that people Will notice That survival weakness and abuse it for their own survival gain. 

My advice to all empaths is learn street game. Learn to be badass es. Don't be afraid. 

Edited September 17, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[Forestluv]

Here I will write about "seeing" other perspectives, loss of self, multi-self, hyper-empathy and other paranormal abilities. 

Seeing other perspectives has become one of my natural abilities that has developed over time. I now can go into groundless states in which there is no perspective to hold and noone to hold it. This can lead to an amazing dynamic in one's own mind and the relationship with others. When my mind is not holding a perspective, it is open and free. The filters dissolve. There is empty looking and empty listening. With empty looking and listening, there is no judgement, there is no interpretive filter, there is no conflict, there is no "my' position and "your" position. There is no desire to be right or to be understood. It is an extraordinary state of consciousness. There is a shared energy. At more advanced levels, it is as if one can almost become the other person. It is extraordinarily beautiful.

Sometimes I contemplate abilities, such as "paranormal" abilities. Are we born with them? Can they be developed? Can they be learned? Over the last several years, I've met several people with paranormal abilities. I seem to attract them know. There are lots of abilities I seem to completely lack. For example, astral projection and seeing auras. I can't do it at all. Zero. Nothing. And there are abilities I have just a hint of ability - such as Reiki. Yet it is barely perceivable. Abilities I'm moderate at - such as lucid dreaming. I only have one ability that I am a natural at: empathic abilities. I'm not just talking about having compassion for another or feeling bad for another. High level empathic abilities go into paranormal zones and it can get bizarre. 

Back to seeing various perspectives and developing this ability. I would say there are various components that come together: integral thinking/imagery, curiosity and empathy. Earlier in my life, I was often attached/identified to "my" perspective and I often got into debates. I wanted to be right and I wanted to be understood. These were often emotionally charged debates in which noone changed their opinion. Yet a higher desire would often appear. An energy of wondering. As well, there was often a sense that I was only partially right yet I was trying to be completely right. This was very unsettling to me. For example, I used to be highly contracted into science and logic. I got into debates about the existence of god, ghosts, the paranormal etc. I would always take a hard logical. rational position and expose their irrational beliefs. Quite often, I had a sincere desire to help them. They were believing in irrational things. Yet later that night I would be lying in bed unable to fall asleep. It just didn't feel right. The energy of our conversation and me being right. There was a sense I was missing something. Then the desire to discover that arose. I would think about how someone could believe those irrational beliefs. I wondered about their upbringing in life. The purpose it serves them. How they feel inside. I'd wonder what I would be like if I had had a similar upbringing. 

Over time, the wondering turned to imagining. I imagined what it would be like to be a woman, a transexual, gay, insane, a Chinese person, schizophrenia. I started asking people "what's it like?". What's it like to be able to play the piano? What's it like to have autism? Yet I didn't want to know theoretically. I wanted to know what actually holding the perspective and experience is like. Sometimes this led to uncomfortable situations. One time I was with a woman who had a combination of bipolar and schizophrenia issues. I really wanted to enter her world. I kept asking "Is it like this? I've experienced this before, is it like that? I would also try to feel it and enter her mind. I felt really close, like I was actually getting it and experiencing it. Like I was becoming her. Then she freaked out. I felt really bad I put her in distress and I realized I needed to tone it down and have better awareness of the stability of the "other". However, this would not be the last time things got so intense the other person couldn't handle it. I would also watch documentaries like criminal minds and multiple personalities. One time I was watching a documentary on serial killers. I don't resonate with the details of crime solving. I resonate with minds and conscious states. There was one show in which the killer talked about his experience of desiring to chase a victim, capture them and kill them. He was describing "what it was like" and I got so immersed. There was no "me". There was no filter that said "Killing is bad and this guy is demented". There was no filter saying "You are messed up for watching this" or "You better stop watching. You could become like him". Nothing like that. Just intense curiosity and wonderment of his experience and perspective. What it is like. As he described his experience during one of his sprees, I went deeper and deeper into it and started connecting empathically to him - as if I was him. Then he reached described the experience of when the victim took their last breath and the life force left their body. And I "got it". There was a "knowing" of what it's like. A knowing of his perspective and experience. That moment freaked me out. For a moment, I could not tell if I had killed someone or not. I didn't know if I was a murderer. . . When I returned to "me", I was really shaken up, yet I also realized I had some ability to do something I didn't know existed and had never seen in another. . . And it's not just with serial killers. I've gone into that space with multiple personalities, autism, forced feedings, insanity and solitary confinement. I tend to resonate stronger with darker dynamics for some reason. I probably wouldn't enter that hyper-empathic space watching someone describe the joy and freedom of being weightless in outer-space. Yet maybe I could if I work on it. 

The next big jump in deepening this ability was with psychedelics and cannabis edibles. This amplifies my empathic ability big time. I actually have to be careful because it's real and there are spaces that can traumatize my mind and body. Same as if I was "actually" going through it. After a lot of hyper-empathic trips, my baseline ability increased and new variations of it appeared. The thing with psychedelics is that the other person is no longer needed and I started to be able to do it on my own. For example, one trip went to a space that was so genius that it met insanity and I could no longer differentiate the two. I became that and I know what it's like. I know there are people in the world with this dynamic and I know them, their perspective and their experience. 

Over time, I started to be able to do it to an extent on my own. For example, I take long walks in nature and all sorts of perspectives, realities and experiences appear and disappear. There is no "me" present to hold onto "my" perspective, "my" experience or "my story". For example, I may be walking in the woods and various characters I've met in my life would arise in my consciousness. Not memories like a memory of someone I dated and how she would get angry. More like an appearance of a person I met and they were actually appearing, yet not in physical form. Or that I become that person. For example, I watched a documentary of a woman who developed multiple personalities as a child to cope with abuse from her father. She wasn't faking, it was real. As I hiked, she entered and I explored the different regions of her mind. Yet it was no longer "her" mind "I" was looking at. Perhaps psychedelics have led to my ability to do this. . . . I started to see how the mind is partitioned and multiple personalities started appearing. Lots of different people, perspectives and experiences started appearing. They were as much "me" as "my real story" is me. At first, this type of stuff would send me into full-on fight or flight panic. Yet now I'm cool with it. I can flow with it and I even immerse into it. 

For those that may have hints of an ability they want to develop deeper, I think one of the keys is letting go of skeptical questioning and analysis. Also, not trying to make it happen. It never works for me in that direction. For example, I cannot go into an ancient building and "turn it on". I can't think "I want to turn on my empathic abilities and detect if there is some energy lingering from a bad event that took place here". Or "I want to empathically communicate with this tree". Perhaps that will come at higher levels, yet that's not how it works now. I can only go blank and whatever appears, appears. . . When something appears, there can be mind chatter of resistance. For example "Is this real or am I just imagining it?". or "Is this occurrence like the one I heard about on YT?".  Thinking that tries to demystify it, kills the energy. It is a different mode and dimension in which there is no difference between real and imagined. 

Also, if you have an ability you will be able to recognize others with that ability. 

Below, Ananta describes "empty looking and listening". This is a pretty good description of the emptiness that allows for appearance of paranormal. 

[Lento]

@Serotoninluv

I really appreciate you man! You've made my week. I think you are exceptional! You seem to be able to, almost evertime, step into other people's shoes. I look forward for becoming more like you.

Hey, do you think this ability has something to do with the teacher/student dynamic you're practicing at your work? Does this transcendence come from going full-circle with that dynamic? Have you become both and neither the teacher and student? And finally, do you think it is related to your empathetic abilities? I mean do you feel empathy for your students? And do you feel respect for others as your teachers? How do these feelings work? Have they become more intense?

Please keep your journal active.. You inspire me! ?❤️

[Zigzag Idiot]

As Lento related, I as well appreciated your sharing. I don't see auras either or experience astral projection except possibility on one isolated occasion but I went ahead and related a bit of the paranormal phenomena which I have experienced in the last few years in my Journal last night. ?‍♂️✌️

[Inliytened1]

On 1/15/2020 at 6:59 PM, Serotoninluv said:

Seeing other perspectives has become one of my natural abilities that has developed over time. I now can go into groundless states in which there is no perspective to hold and noone to hold it. This can lead to an amazing dynamic in one's own mind and the relationship with others. When my mind is not holding a perspective, it is open and free. The filters dissolve. There is empty looking and empty listening. With empty looking and listening, there is no judgement, there is no interpretive filter, there is no conflict, there is no "my' position and "your" position. There is no desire to be right or to be understood. It is an extraordinary state of consciousness. There is a shared energy. At more advanced levels, it is as if one can almost become the other person. It is extraordinarily beautiful.

Beautiful.  This is the key that unlocks the highest wisdom.

[Forestluv]

Thank you for your words. It is nice to connect with others.

Now I am contemplating about attention, awareness and creating our reality. I like integrating what others categorize. At times I like to drop the categories of "physical vs nonphysical", "science vs metaphysics", "reality vs imagination". This allows for loosely held ideas and fluidity in the mind. This allows exploration. 

What is attention? What is awareness? What is happening now? What is existence? Is the reality of Now limited to what we can sense, perceive and imagine? 

From a "physical" perspective, we have a brain that acquires information from our environment, processes that information, interprets the information and creates perception. For example, our eyes absorb environmental information - this is sent to the Thalamus which processes the information and sends it to the visual cortex of the occipital lobe. Consider how much is involved in visual perception. There are colors, motions, depths, shades, textures, sizes etc. There have been cases in which a blind person has their sight restored with stem cells. One might think "Presto! They can see again". Nope. Eyesight is only one component. That blind person never set up the neural circuitry to process visual information. They will need years of therapy to adjust to this new reality. 

Evidence for this model comes from stroke patients and brain scans. A stroke is caused by a temporary oxygen deficiency to part of the brain. Neurons die only in this part of the brain. Neurologists and psychologists can then examine what part of the brain died and what deficiencies the person has. As well, we can do brain scans on people in real time. When can observe what parts of the brain are active during different activities such as speaking, imagining drawing, fear responses etc. Together, this has given us a map of the structure and function of the brain. Higher resolution technology is allowing higher resolution maps. 

Let's assume someone's visual system is working properly. Eyes absorb external information. The thalamus and visual cortex are working fine and can process information. Can this person "see" their environment? In a sense, the person can "see", yet there is one more step. . . There is a region of the parietal lobe involved in attention and awareness. If the visual system is "seeing", but we don't pay attention to it (or are unaware of it) are we "seeing"? . .  .Right now, your sensory systems are processing lots of visual, auditory and tactile information - yet your parietal lobe is not active and you are not paying attention to it and are unaware of it. . . We may ask "Does it exist if I have no attention or awareness of it?". Also, does the sensory information I don't pay attention to get incorporated in "me" subconsciously? Can I increase my level of attention and awareness? 

There is a condition called "Hemisegment neglect". These individuals have had a stroke in one side of their parietal lobe. Thus, they lack attention on one side of their sensory reality and lack perception. Their eyes and visual cortex are working fine, so they can "see" in that sense. However, they are unable to pay attention to it. What would the experience be like? In this sense, they are blind and deaf on half their perceptual field (e.g. they cannot see other hear anything on the left side). Their visual and auditory systems work fine, yet they cannot pay attention to it and are deaf and blind in this regard (for half of their perceptual field). If someone had this condition in both sides of their parietal lobes, it is a form of a coma. They would not pay attention to anything in their perceptual environment - which is a form of coma. Yet would this person still have any awareness? Could they be aware that there is existence that they can no longer sense and perceive? Could they create a new imaginary reality while lying in a bed in a coma? (And totally unaware they are lying in a bed). I'm not aware of anyone having this condition and that recovered and remembered it. My guess is that this person would be considered in a vegetative state and would not be considered conscious. Yet it would be extremely unlikely for a person to lose function in both hemispheres.

Below is a video of two people with hemisegment neglect. A few things I find particularly interesting:

-- There are two forms of hemisegment neglect. In one form, the person is aware they can no longer perceive one side and are missing something. This is easy to relate to in direct experience. Close your left eye. You are no longer perceiving the left side of your visual field and you are aware that there is something there. Now imagine you had a stroke and you permanently loss perception on your right side. You would be aware of this and could compensate to function in life. . . There is another form of hemisegment neglect in which the person has attention neglect and cannot perceive one side, yet they are unaware of this - they are unaware they cannot perceive something. Imagine having a stroke and being unaware that you are missing any perceptual ability. People tell you that you can no longer see to the left, yet this sounds strange to you. You can only perceive 50% of your potential visual field, yet that 50% is all you know. So in a sense, it is 100% of what your are perceiving. The old center point is now your new "left side". If someone said "you are missing seeing something on the left side" it would seem very strange - your subjective experience is that you can see the left side. However, your "left" is relative to you, relative to other people it is the center point. . . To experience this directly, cover your left eye, stretch out an arm and stick up a finger so it is aligned with your nose. Is your finger at the center point or the left point? This depends on awareness. If you are aware there is a left side you cannot see, the experience will be that your finger is the center point. You have been conditioned to perceive this way and even with your left eye shut, it may seem like your finger is the center point. Now imagine you perceive/believe/experience your finger as being the left side. From one perspective this is true. Can you imagine it as such? Now imagine people telling you that you can't see to the "left" and you think "I can see left, what is she talking about?". The two people are using two different meanings of the word "left" and it will cause confusion. In a sense, the normal person can perceive something that the hemisegment neglect person cannot. You might as well tell the person that they cannot perceive something in the "6th dimension" that they are unaware of. 

This dynamic is not limited to visual perception. It is much broader. To a person that is only aware of 50% of the visual field may be unaware and assume this is 100%. In a sense, that is true (it is 100% of what they can see). In other sense it is false (they can only see on one side). The mind often holds one piece of a greater whole, yet are unaware it is only on piece of a greater whole. If I hold one grain of sand in my hand, only pay attention to that one grain of sand and I'm unaware of the rest of the sandy beach - then that single grain becomes 100% of sand. That will be my experience and reality. Letting go and becoming aware of the greater whole can be extremely challenging for several reasons: 1) Who cares? The person may be more interested in survival needs and desires. They may be paying attention to seeking a girlfriend, to pay the bills and get a good job. Within that existential reality, the questions posed above don't "exist" because they are unaware. Becoming aware can be a huge hurdle to get over. Imo, curiosity is super important to get over this barrier - also having one's basic survival needs met. . . 2) Even if the person is informed of a greater expansion, there can still be a lot of attachment/identification to get over. If I am attached/identified to the grain of sand I hold, it becomes "me". Becoming aware of the sandy beach can seem like "I" am dying. 

-- In the video below, I also find it interesting that lack of attention in hemisegment neglect has degrees and preferences. As well, a person can improve to expand their perception. This is revealed in two places. 1) During the finger bending exercise, notice how the man can see the finger bending when it is at the "center point". Yet when both "center" and right fingers are bent, he can only perceive the right side finger. We know he can perceive the "center" finger, yet he is giving attention preference to the right side finger. . . How much of our potential do we miss. Things that we have potential to perceive, yet give attention preference to something else? Perhaps we may have an ability to perceive a paranormal essence, yet we give attention preference to logical theories?. . . 2) The man expanded his visual perception. Notice the line exercise. When he first did it, he drew a "center" dot waaay to the right. Look how narrow his perception is. It is a tiny fraction of the whole line. After doing exercises and practices over a long time, he expanded greatly. His "center" point is now much further to the left, indicating his attention / perception field has expanded. . . Now imagine the psychology needed for this improvement. If this many said "I can already see everything. I don't believe in this "left" side or "expanding stuff". How do I know you are right and I am missing something. Show me evidence with the type of evidence I want". This would have kept the man contracted in one side. The man had to admit he was missing something, get curious and willing to expand. He also needed "trust" that there is "something" others can see that he cannot see. To the ego, this can be very difficult to overcome (myself included).

Also notice how important his direct experience is. He could read lots of theory about hemisegment neglect - that is one form of understanding. There is also is direct experience of expanding. I'm curious if this man is aware of his expansion. These are realizations. If the man is aware of his perceptual expansion, it will be a realization in direct experience. It would be like "whoa!!! I can see more now! I was unable to see something and now I can see it!". This is very different than the psychologist pointing to the line test and saying "look how much more you can perceive". The man may understand this in a symbolic sense, yet not realize it in a direct experience sense. 

For those that resonate with this type of model making. . . In terms of SD, I would consider this a yellow level. Some minds are more in tune with this type of thing than others. It can also be developed, yet some minds are naturally oriented this way. If so, I think it's important to realize this - it will greatly improve your quality of life and allow full potential to be actualized. In brains terms, multi-level integrative abstractions involves the most evolved portions of the frontal lobe - which develops up to about 23 years of age. So if you are younger than this, the good news is your brain will get better at doing it. . . Another point about SD development: for minds evolving from a scientific/logical/analytical orientation - one will first resonate with yellow,. They will be attracted to it. For example, years ago I was interested in Leonardo Da Vinci. I just liked the way his mind thought. The next stage for me recognizing it and making distinctions. For example, I could recognize Richard Dawkins and Da Vinci have different orientations. And not just in a analytical way of comparing traits from a list. There is also a "getting it" kinda way because you are embodying it. You can just tell. . . For a while, I resonated with this type of yellow beingness, yet I couldn't do it on my own,. I could see it in others, yet couldn't create it. When I tried to create it, I would default to other yellow level thinkers. I would read their stuff and try to put it together, yet my mind couldn't do it on its own. Over time, these appearances in my mind just started arising naturally. I would start seeing connections and new creations would arise. For someone that resonates with Yellow, this is one of the greatest joys in life. What I wrote above appeared in my mind last night while walking in nature. It's not anyone else's theory (although others have probably come up with pieces of it). These were all appearances that happened while in "zone". 

One other point: all of this is just one expression of Yellow. It does not define yellow. If you resonate with this and your mind is thinking of new ideas to expand this model - you are resonating with yellow. If your mind is inter-connecting what I wrote above with other points about sensation/perception/metaphysics/awareness - that is yellow. Notice how fluid your mind is with ideas - with the interplay of form and formless. What I wrote is an expression of Yellow, yet Yellow is much more expansive and includes many other expressions. So if this doesn't resonate with you, it does not mean you have no Yellow. Think of yellow like the essence of traveling. What I wrote here would be like describing my travels through Honduras. That is just one expression of travel. Just because you don't resonate with this Honduras expression, doesn't mean you don't have a love of travel - you just have a different form.

What might be indicators of Orange resistance? One thing to look out for is rigidity to terms, desire for concrete grounding and defaults to authorities. For example, a mind might think "Wait a minute. He is saying there is a difference between attention and awareness. But Rupert Spira said that attention and awareness are the same. Who is right? I think Rupert is right because people say he is enlightened." Or "This guy thinks a brain actually exists! He is still contracted in the materialist paradigm! This can't be right.". This would be appearances of a rigid mind looking for objective truths in relative contexts - a thing that is right and a thing that is wrong. . . These are blocks to Yellow development,. It is better to hold ideas loosely and in context. I am not attached to defining the terms "attention" and "awareness" as a specific thing that applies to all situations. For example, I may be having a conversation with someone who says "Let's say attention and awareness are the same thing. It doesn't matter where I'd like to explore. I'd like to explore the different dimensions of attention/awareness the mind can enter while lucid dreaming. A fluid mind could go with that flow. If something arose in the conversation that could be referred to as "attention" the mind would be using another term like "recognition". 

Well, that's a lot for today. Below is the video on hemi-segment neglect.

 

[Forestluv]

Today I've been thinking about various neuroses and wanted to share a few I have experienced. I know a lot of people on the forum are trying to work through various neuroses at times it can seem unbearable with no hope. When I was working through them, it was helpful to know that I wasn't the only one and that there is hope in moving beyond them. . . Below are three of my major neurosis that I've made a lot of progress on.

1. OCD. I've had acute OCD episodes with locks and leaving electrical items turned on. I have broken more locks by checking than I can count. My front door handle still doesn't work - I've broken it so many times by checking I gave up on fixing it. I just use my side door. I haven't destroyed that lock yet. As well, I broke my lock at work. This is a very strong lock and handle. The repair guy was dumbfounded and asked me what happened to the lock. I played dumb. I was embarrassed to say that I had cranked that handle thousands of times to make sure it was locked. 

There can be an energetic obsession that the mind and body wants relief from. It's as if checking the lock will relieve the obsession, yet it doesn't and a loop can result. For example, I would leave my home to go to work and the thought would arise "Did I remember to lock the door?". Then a desire to double check. I've often returned and turn the handle 5-6 times to really make sure it's locked. Then I go off to work. As I go down the street, I may think "Is my memory of locking the door just now? Or was that yesterday?" I may sit in my car going back and forth whether to return home to check. If I continue to work, I will have to carry this OCD energy all day - if I return home, I will likely be late to work". It's a bad place. I've also done this with my car. I have been standing in a parking lot, pressing the "lock" button on my car and my car gives a short "beep". Then as I'm walking toward the store I think "Did I remember to lock my car?" or "I know I locked it, yet I may have accidentally pressed the unlock button. I better recheck for sure". There have been times I've been standing in a parking lot obsessively checking the car lock and people are looking at my weird. One time someone approached me and asked me if I was "ok", which was very embarrassing.

I would say my OCD frequency and intensity has been reduced by 80%. It is now fairly infrequent and I generally can get through it when it arises.

2. ADD. I have most of the symptoms of ADD, such as a mind jumping all over the place and not being able to stay on task. For most of my life, there was no diagnosis of "ADD" and I wasn't even aware of it. I formed all sorts of coping mechanisms. For example, I was a straight "A" student as an undergrad, yet put in an immense amount of time and effort in due to being unaware of my ADD. For example, I could not maintain my attention in any of my classes. It wasn't that I was bored. It was that my mind would go off on tangents. The professor might say something about bird migrations and my mind would go off on how birds migrate. If birds in Australia migrate differently than in the US. Then I would think about Australia. Koala bears. Then musical groups from Australia. My coping mechanism was to audio record every lecture. I would then listen to the lecture over and over again. Sometimes I could only pay attention for 30 seconds. At times, I would write down every word to force myself to pay attention. 

Another feature is forgetting. I can't tell you how much time I've search for misplaced items, such as my keys. Yet also bizarre incidents. Like I will set up to brew coffee, yet forget to put the glass pot under the filter. I return 10 minutes later and coffee is all over the place. Another time, I couldn't find a notebook. I looked all over for it and couldn't find it and gave up. Later that day I found it. . . in the refrigerator.

Another feature is poor "executive memory". When someone is doing a task and is interrupted, they can shift their attention to the interruption and in the back of their mind executive memory remembers what they were doing. For example, suppose someone enters a laboratory to set up an experiment. Someone else comes in and asks where they can find test tubes. The person gets up and helps them find test tubes. The person then returns to their work space and continues where they left off. Most people have about 10min. of executive memory storage. I have less than 1min. In the above situation, after showing the person where the test tubes are, I would be standing clueless in the lab. I would wonder "why am in the laboratory? What was I doing before this person entered?". I may start looking around the lab for clues what I was doing. Or I may start doing something new. Or I may leave the lab. 

These features are still part of my life, yet I'd say with coping mechanisms and training, I've reduced the impact by about 60%. The consequences are now much less severe and I'm often able to pay attention for an hour stretch.

3. Anxiety. I've had various forms of anxiety disorders, yet the worst one - by far - is harm anxiety. When this one appears, it is a living hell. Plus, I don't feel comfortable telling anyone about it. It's very rare I discuss it. Yet part of the suffering is the belief that I am the only one and people would think I was crazy and dangerous if I told them. . . One form of harm anxiety that most people have heard of is post-partum syndrome in which the mother has thoughts and impulses to harm her child - even kill her child. Yet the mother also doesn't want to do this, yet feels like she is losing control and may actually do it. There is an intense impulse to actually do it, since this seems like the only way to relieve the terrible energetic impulse. The mother may run out of the house and leave the child behind, so she doesn't harm the child. She thinks she is a monster, yet can't tell anyone she has impulses to kill her child. She can't go to a psychologist for fear that her child will be taken away from her or that she will get locked up. It is terrible terrible suffering. She may hide or get rid of all the knives in her house. She may avoid being around her child. There can be thoughts of "I am eventually going to do it, I might as well do it now and get it over with" and then "Omg, I'm actually going to do it. Omg, I can't stop"

I have experienced what I described multiple times. It can be absolutely horrific. Similar to post-partum, it usually involves a person I deeply love and that is vulnerable. . . Similar to how a mother deeply loves her child and the child is vulnerable. For some reason, this intensifies the harm anxiety dynamic. I don't want to describe specific situations because it comes across as very shocking and appalling to most people. 

Another dynamic is doing something that is very inappropriate. For example, while sitting in a large audience an impulse to stand up and start screaming slurs may arise. It feels like I can't control myself and it's going to happen, that I can't stop it. Another time, I was sitting on a train and a security officer stood beside me. I had an insatiable impulse to grab his gun. For no reason, just to grab it and take it. The impulse was so strong that the only way to relieve the terrible feeling would be to actually grab his gun. 

A couple things I learned was that harm anxiety is not that rare. There are plenty of people sharing about it online and there have been psychological studies and therapy. Also, people that experience harm anxiety are less likely to actually act on the impulse than the general population.

I'd say the frequency and intensity of harm anxiety has decreased by about 80% such that it is no longer an issue in my life. It rarely appears and at low intensity. I think one thing that helped was psychedelics. One of my resistances during a trip was harm anxiety, as I approached "ego death" and lost control, the harm anxiety would be triggered. What if I surrender, lose control and harm someone? A few trips, it was extremely intense. I think I should stop here and not give more details. Yet I think working through that level of harm anxiety intensity, with no harm occurring, helped me deal when it arises in sober life. It's less intense now and I'm more able to think "yea, yea whatever" and let it go before it spirals. Almost like a scary demon that I wanted to avoid because it is so awful. Yet then standing in absolute terror and facing it face-to-face. It takes a lot of intensity out of the demon. 

If anyone relates - feel free to share experiences, give tips or ask questions.