Moments

[Forestluv]

A principle of magic: Things which have once been in contact with each other continue to act on each other at a distance. 

I've recently started reading the book "Psychic Witch" by Mat Auryn. It's a book about developing sensitivities and abilities. It's mostly exercises. The first exercise is to practice focus by counting down from 100 down zero - with complete focus on the number, without any invading thoughts. Before starting, you make the statement "When I reach zero, I will be in an alpha brainwave state of consciousness". This is done three times.

The alpha brainwave state is one of relaxation, visualizing, daydream. Alpha is the state of consciousness that is most associated with insight, extrasensory awareness and psychic perception. Yet it is not a deep dream state like Theta brainwave. 

So last night I went into a forest to try it out. As soon as a made the statement "When I reach zero, I will be in a alpha brainwave state", there was a shift. The forest become a little more magical. Lush greenery, birds chirping, streams flowing. This is the power of open-mindedness, curiosity, intention and exploration. It felt like I was on a low psychedelic dose and I was reminded of psychedelic experiences. As I counted down, there were some "invading" thoughts and stimuli. It felt like they were pulling me out of "Alpha wave magic" into normal "Beta wave thinking". Some of it was generic thinking like what I was going to do later that night, how I wanted to share this experience with others, if I was doing the countdown correctly. I was also distracting by bugs coming after me. . . Yet there were also some "invading" thoughts that were more insightful and creative. For example, my mind wanted to imagine that if I let go, this could be any forest in the world. It would have no "location". I saw a deer and a thought appeared about making contact. In terms of the exercise, this would be considered "invading" from my complete focus on the number. There were different degrees of the intensity of the pull away and how far I was pulled away from the number. At times, the number was still center and the thought/imagery was background. Yet there were times in which the thought/imagery became center and the number was in the background. I never got pulled so far that I lost track of the number. Yet there were times, the countdown number was distant and I was very close to losing track. Also, the energetics of "commitment" and "sticking with it" emerged. This has also emerged during many of my breathwork sessions. 

For my mind, doing this exercise three times in a row without a single invading thought or image would take a lot of practice and work. And it not just worrisome, analytic type thinking. It's also imaginative thinking, which I may be useful down the line. Overall, observing how my mind is working and and what is "pulling me away" is helpful when moving toward getting into the zone. 

I think I will use exercise as an entryway toward getting into the alpha brainwave zone. Exercise number 2 is titled "Psychic Immersion" and involves permission, affirmations and neuroplasticity. So far, I like how the author integrates traditional psychic realms, witchcraft, psychology and neuroscience. That's right up my alley. 

[RendHeaven]

32 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

I never got pulled so far that I lost track of the number. Yet there were times, the countdown number was distant and I was very close to losing track. Also, the energetics of "commitment" and "sticking with it" emerged. This has also emerged during many of my breathwork sessions. 

"Most often attention is confused with a kind of muscular effort. If one says to one's pupils: 'Now you must pay attention,' one sees them contracting their brows, holding their breath, stiffening their muscles. If after two minutes they are asked what they have been paying attention to, they cannot reply. They have been concentrating on nothing. They have not been paying attention. They have been contracting their muscles.

We often expend this kind of muscular effort on our studies. As it ends by making us tired, we have the impression that we have been working. That is an illusion. Tiredness has nothing to do with work. Work itself is the useful effort, whether it is tiring or not. This kind of muscular effort in work is entirely barren, even if it is made with the best of intentions. Good intentions in such cases are among those that pave the way to hell. Studies conducted in such a way can sometimes succeed academically from the point of view of gaining marks and passing examinations, but that is in spite of the effort and thanks to natural gifts; moreover, such studies are never of any use.

Will power, the kind that, if need be, makes us set our teeth and endure suffering, is the principal weapon of the apprentice engaged in manual work. But contrary to the usual belief, it has practically no place in study. The intelligence can only be led by desire. For there to be desire, there must be pleasure and joy in the work. The intelligence only grows and bears fruit in joy. The joy of learning is as indispensable in study as breathing is in running. Where it is lacking there are no real students, but only poor caricatures of apprentices who, at the end of their apprenticeship, will not even have a trade.

It is the part played by joy in our studies that makes of them a preparation for spiritual life, for desire directed toward God is the only power capable of raising the soul. Or rather, it is God alone who comes down and possesses the soul, but desire alone draws God down. He only comes to those who ask him to come; and he cannot refuse to come to those who implore him long, often, and ardently.

Attention is an effort, the greatest of all efforts perhaps, but it is a negative effort. Of itself, it does not involve tiredness. When we become tired, attention is scarcely possible anymore, unless we have already had a good deal of practice. It is better to stop working altogether, to seek some relaxation, and then a little later to return to the task; we have to press on and loosen up alternately, just as we breathe in and out.

Twenty minutes of concentrated, untired attention is infinitely better than three hours of the kind of frowning application that leads us to say with a sense of duty done: 'I have worked well!'

But, in spite of all appearances, it is also far more difficult. Something in our soul has a far more violent repugnance for true attention than the flesh has for bodily fatigue. This something is much more closely connected with evil than is the flesh. That is why every time that we really concentrate our attention, we destroy the evil in ourselves. If we concentrate with this intention, a quarter of an hour of attention is better than a great many good works.

Attention consists of suspending our thought, leaving it detached, empty, and ready to be penetrated by the object; it means holding in our minds, within reach of this thought, but on a lower level and not in contact with it, the diverse knowledge we have acquired which we are forced to make use of. Our thought should be in relation to all particular and already formulated thoughts, as a man on a mountain who, as he looks forward, sees also below him, without actually looking at them, a great many forests and plains. Above all our thought should be empty, waiting, not seeking anything, but ready to receive in its naked truth the object that is ready to penetrate it.

All wrong translations, all absurdities in geometry problems, all clumsiness of style, and all faulty connection of ideas in compositions and essays, all such things are due to the fact that thought has seized upon some idea too hastily and being thus prematurely blocked, is not open to the truth. The cause is always that we have wanted to be too active; we have wanted to carry out a search. This can be proved every time, for every fault, if we trace it to its root. There is no better exercise than such a tracing down of our faults, for this truth is one to be believed only when we have experienced it hundreds and thousands of times. This is the way with all essential truths.

We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them. We cannot discover them by our own powers, and if we set out to seek for them we will find in their place counterfeits of which we will be unable to discern the falsity.

The solution of a geometry problem does not in itself constitute a precious gift, but the same law applies to it because it is the image of something precious. Being a little fragment of particular truth, it is a pure image of the unique, eternal, and living Truth, the very Truth that once in a human voice declared: 'I am the Truth.'"

- Simone Weil, a Christian Mystic. Passage taken from her book, Love in the Void: Where God Finds Us 

Edited May 27, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Forestluv]

I agree with Simone Weil in how "muscular effort" and exerting "will power" can be counter-productive. In terms of entering "zones", I would consider it overly-yang and a block. Here, relaxing and letting go becomes of value. Ime, when "invading" appearances arises, trying to fight them insn't helpful, since I have now entered a zone of conflict rather than the intended zone. For me, letting go can be important and this often involves "returning". Sometimes returning means not giving up. There is a sense of commitment, yet it doesn't have an overwhelming muscular, will power energy. 

For example, some balance postures require focus and attention. If the mind wanders, I will lose my balance and fall. When this happens, there may be an energy to give up. Here, I need to let go and return to the posture. To relax and become one with the posture. There is effort, yet it isn't an imposing my will type of effort. 

Thank you for posting this. It's prompted me to explore various forms of effort and nuances. 

 

 

[RendHeaven]

Yes, I am also fascinated by how quality spiritual practice involves effort of some kind, in the sense that we are genuinely trying in some way. Otherwise, we would just not do the practice. After all, why hone awareness at all? To simply say: "there is no reason," is misleading (even if it's true in the broadest sense). Maybe we do not hone awareness for the sake of some other, but certainly we at the very least hone awareness for the sake of awareness - and this is valuable in some way, whether it grants us Peace, Love, Truth, or God. Even the enlightened, no-self and/or God realized "person," I would say, expends effort, or tries in some way insofar as they hone awareness at all. Because again, they are always free to simply be unaware - to coast through life as a zombie - but some faculty within them gravitates towards awareness nonetheless.

At the same time, you're absolutely right that this effort in its purest form is absolutely not forceful. It is only yang insofar as there is equal yin present. Release is just as (if not more, depending on context) effortful and fruitful (than control) on the path towards awareness. But even still, this is a different kind of release than entirely ceasing the spiritual practice, and abandoning awareness altogether. The release that we seek to understand is pure surrender, but it never comes in conflict with the desire to stay attentive. I think that Simone would say that this elusive "desire" or "sense of commitment/sticking to it" is (at least in part) our way of calling down God "long, often, and ardently."

[Forestluv]

Alpha Wave

[Forestluv]

[Forestluv]

When I breathe I am as old as the Grand Canyon and as young as a blossom.
I am two dragonflies dancing in the sun’s rays
I am delicate as a falling feather and as sharp as a razor’s edge
I am the roots of an oak tree and a leaf fluttering in the breeze
I am the the stillness of earth and the motion of wind and smoke
I am the warmth of an ember and the chill of snow
When I breathe I am wisdom that knows everything and emptiness that knows nothing

[Raptorsin7]

Welcome back

[RendHeaven]

Wow. We missed you!

[Forestluv]

When the self of self melts and becomes fluid, it can flow into new spaces - like a river.

In my mind space, there is awareness of patterns that arise - like certain types of behavior. For example, there is a pattern of uncomfortable feelings associated with being the center of attention in public spheres. As well, there is a pattern of opening up deeply with someone I resonated with. Even if I just met that person. However, there is no longer a self that identifies with those arisings. For example, there is no engagement with thoughts like "I don't like attention in public" or "I like to have deep conversations with others". Those thoughts may appear and I can say those things to others, yet the identification isn't there. And even if identification appeared, there is awareness of it. 

The lack of identification opens up expansive space for exploration. Identification goes very deep into both conscious and subconscious mind spaces. What I describe next is quite simple, yet not easily accessible. . . If a mind space is not attached to a personal identity, it opens the possibility of many personal identities to arise. . . And curiosity is a key to experiencing and exploring that. For example, I watched a documentary about a woman with multiple personalities. I got so curious what that was like. Having a fluid mind means that the mind state of "me" watching "her" can exist or cease to exist. . .

The next day, I was hiking in nature and the mind space was clear. Then, different aspects of personality began to arise. If there was a strong sense of "me" these personality appearances would have seemed foreign and invasive. There might be anxiety and arising thoughts like "Where are these bizarre voices in my head coming from? How do I make them stop? Am I going crazy?". Yet with a fluid, curious mind those appearances are allowed to exist without resistance or fear. The allows for an experience of a mind with multiple personalities. . . Here, the mind's eye can learn what the experience is like and to observe how the mental dynamics work. 

One thing I've learned is that there can be traps within personality dynamics. I have a good sense of being trapped within what would be considered "insane". It takes skill to enter that space and not get trapped. The trick is how deep I go. At first, I'd just dip my toes in then pull out. Yet over time, my mind has become fluid enough to let that personality structure go as well. It's sorta like having a dream in which you dream that you have multiple personalities. You wake up shaking and in tears because it was so real and you still believe you are insane. Then the mind realizes "Oh, it was just a dream. What a relief". Then there is a miraculous shift to the regular personality and there is no lasting effect. The person moves on with their day. Sometimes, I can do that in regular awake life. There is a "dream" during the day that becomes real - there is no questioning it - just like you wouldn't question whether is dream is real while sleeping. 

[Forestluv]

I just realized I projected something I value onto another. I highly value awakenings that are transcendent and integrative. Yet for others, their intention may be realizations related to personal development and practical life issues. 

I'm usually very in tune with encouraging others along their own path, whatever that may be. It's interesting to watch how my mind assumed that what I value is of inherent value. My intentions were good, yet I was on the wrong wavelength.

Edited September 26, 2023 by Forestluv

[Inliytened1]

24 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

I just realized I projected something I value onto another. I highly value awakenings that are transcendent and integrative. Yet for others, there intention may be realizations related to personal development and practical life issues. 

I'm usually very in tune with encouraging others along their own path, whatever that may be. It's interesting to watch how my mind assumed that what I value is of inherent value. My intentions was good, yet I was on the wrong wavelength.

Welcome back ? 

[Forestluv]

I haven't taken 5-meo-dmt for over a year, perhaps two years. Over the last week a got a sense it's time. Mind, body and spirit felt aligned toward it. I didn't even know if my stash in the refrigerator was even good anymore. So I decided to take 20mg - a dose that used to have a moderate effect on me. 

In the past, 5-meo would dissolve everything into a state of clarity, a space of emptiness, of omniscience. Yet last night was very different. It was sooo different than ordinary reality. I can't create context with it because there is nothing similar here. It was like an alien world.

From a human perspective, the ramp up was ok. There was moderate physical discomfort, probably due to having a full stomach. Yet no mental struggles. Yet in terms of awareness the deepest part was mostly a black out. There was very little cognitive awareness. It wasn't until the come down that awareness began to return. There was awareness of so much, so unique. It felt like too much expansiveness, uniqueness. Thought arose that the mind cannot handle this much and the mind-body began to get anxious that it couldn't be handled. New awareness that there is a "me" and a "normal" mindspace somewhere. That "me" desired to return to it - yet the mind-body was unable to. There was a space in which psychosis entered and anything could have happened. The anxiety increased and I was very close to spiraling downward into an insane panic zone. 

One thing that got me grounded, was an arising awareness that these are temporary effects that will wear off. Before this time, there was no sense of time. Yet now there was awareness that I was under the influence of a chemical which will wear off. Or, we could say that mental imagery / story was created. I looked at my watch: it was 9:23pm. Thoughts arose that this is 5-meo and the effects will lessen rapidly - perhaps in 10min, so hold on. It's amazing how much this helped the mind-body to settle down. There was a desire to do something normal to get grounded - like yoga. Yet I jut couldn't get into a semi-comfortable space.

Once there was a sense of being somewhat together, there was a desire to go outside for a walk. Then, I knew I was returning ok and there were thoughts like "Oh, my god. Wow! Oh, my god". Everything in this normal reality was seen differently. It seemed so odd that I live immersed in this reality and interact with it - as if that's all there is. . . There was a sense of gratitude that I was able to explore so far in consciousness. There was a sense of knowing that I ventured to a place very very few minds have. There is a sense of  grounded confidence when I speak to others of mind and forms of reality - it's not theory. There is a sense of knowing that comes with direct experience. 

From a personal perspective, most of the trip was in a blackout zone. And, most of the space with presence of mind was uncomfortable. Yet there was also something so fascinating and curious to an explorer of consciousness. Tonight, I do it again at half the dose. I'm curious if half the dose will give me access to last nights "realm" yet also allow presence of mind and a settled mind-body.

[Forestluv]

I like to live in a mindspace in which every human has a unique superpower. . . I love to spot them in people. Once I spot a unique superpower, it opens a new door and expands my mind. I highly value that.

My superpower is that I can go 'prior' to anything. . . Any thought, idea, construct, identity, belief, image, perception, sensation, feeling and emotion. . . I can go 'before' it. This mindspace can observe how things arise and the formation of mental constructs. . . For me, this is effortless and ordinary. It so normal to me that I've assumed everyone can do it - yet I'm now aware that they can't. In rare cases, I've seen others access it briefly. Yet for me, it's like breathing. It's always in the background and I can access it anytime I want.

It allows for a very fluid mind with immense possibilities. All sorts of ways to see things and combine things. For example, my mind can inter-relate mysticism, neuroscience, memories and energetics. . . because my mind can go prior to all those things. The trade-off is that this fluidity doesn't allow for the grounding necessary to build sophisticated constructs. Whenever my mind begins to add structure and details - it begins to melts and new forms arise. . .

This mindspace doesn't have a lot of traditional 'knowing' of facts, nor the intelligence to create intricate masterpieces. Rather, there is a 'knowing' of origin, allowing for an understanding of all expression from that origin. For example, knowing the origin of Sacred allows for an understanding of all forms of Sacred. . . . As well, an awareness of how energetics interact with personality, behavior and social systems (if the mind wants to explore there). Then that can start to melt down and new dynamics arise. 

A few musings on a Friday night :-)

[RendHeaven]

On 9/7/2024 at 11:45 AM, Forestluv said:

I like to live in a mindspace in which every human has a unique superpower. . . I love to spot them in people. Once I spot a unique superpower, it opens a new door and expands my mind. I highly value that.

My superpower is that I can go 'prior' to anything. . . Any thought, idea, construct, identity, belief, image, perception, sensation, feeling and emotion. . . I can go 'before' it. This mindspace can observe how things arise and the formation of mental constructs. . . For me, this is effortless and ordinary. It so normal to me that I've assumed everyone can do it - yet I'm now aware that they can't. In rare cases, I've seen others access it briefly. Yet for me, it's like breathing. It's always in the background and I can access it anytime I want.

It allows for a very fluid mind with immense possibilities. All sorts of ways to see things and combine things. For example, my mind can inter-relate mysticism, neuroscience, memories and energetics. . . because my mind can go prior to all those things. The trade-off is that this fluidity doesn't allow for the grounding necessary to build sophisticated constructs. Whenever my mind begins to add structure and details - it begins to melts and new forms arise. . .

This mindspace doesn't have a lot of traditional 'knowing' of facts, nor the intelligence to create intricate masterpieces. Rather, there is a 'knowing' of origin, allowing for an understanding of all expression from that origin. For example, knowing the origin of Sacred allows for an understanding of all forms of Sacred. . . . As well, an awareness of how energetics interact with personality, behavior and social systems (if the mind wants to explore there). Then that can start to melt down and new dynamics arise. 

A few musings on a Friday night :-)

INFJ spotted 👋

[Forestluv]

16 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

INFJ spotted 👋

Very close! (INFP). I can do the J, yet it takes effort.

What is your type?

[RendHeaven]

5 hours ago, Forestluv said:

Very close! (INFP). I can do the J, yet it takes effort.

What is your type?

I am INFJ.

It felt like you were describing my unique gift above, so I assumed we would have personality overlaps. Oops!

I hope this adds to the discussion - I would like to share with you a passage I sent to my best friend a while back.

This was an earnest attempt to describe what it's like to cognize the world from my vantage point, in response to him musing that nobody could ever convert me to any religion - because according to him, I am too meta to be sucked into consensus constructs.

And he's exactly right, but I had never fully spelled this out. So I gave it my best go.

Miraculously, after reading all of this, he validated me and made me feel understood, but with the caveat that he himself does not and never will operate in this way. So it's interesting how he can "see where I'm coming from," but nonetheless refuse to wear my shoes. But then again isn't that what we're all doing in one way or another?

Here goes:

I have clear biases, preferences, unconscious habits, assumptions, thought loops, identities, etc. but my MO is to hold those in an honest light and to notice the relativity of them at all times. My own preferences ESPECIALLY are subject to the most hardcore deconstruction lol.

You think I'm anal about poking holes in other people's biases? You should see my self-talk around anything I hold as even slightly important! I've even deconstructed deconstruction such that I'm able to truly appreciate how limiting it is to carte-blanche annihilate all constructs.

In a strange-loopy way, by allowing yourself to get lost in mental constructs, you gain unique insight which is otherwise lost if you were to bulldoze all constructs with deconstruction. Or another way of framing it: By going endlessly meta and jailbreaking all limited perspectives, you actually end up LIMITED because to be TRULY meta and unlimited means you would explore limited perspectives, keeping the shackles on, because only then will you feel the depth of that predicament which is otherwise lost by incessantly "going meta."

But even after understanding that, I can't bring myself to honestly BE "a Christian" (or any other group affiliation/title) because there is something so obviously unessential about these group affiliations... I've always wanted to know what I AM Eternally independent of any interchangeable surface-appearance.

If you take everything away from me, what remains? That "core" is the only thing I desire to discover, know, and celebrate. This burning need for the truth is honestly born of pure pain and fear.

I've felt small and scared my whole life, and I just wanted something to grab onto which will never let me down. But recently I've realized that there is nothing to grab onto. Literally nothing. Anything I grasp will shapeshift and fall through my fingers like sand.

Even declarations such as "I am Cosmic Love!" are nothing but sand and dust. Like, yeah, right, You're Cosmic Love, huh? Lets pit you against Eternal darkness and that notion falls apart real quick like the pathetic construct it is. And then you're just writhing and dying to the darkness over and over and over onto Eternity... until in one moment you become so Conscious that you realize the darkness IS Light, and that you are fundamentally inviolable no matter what happens to you or to anything else. And then it hits you that THIS truly is "Cosmic Love" i.e. that which You Are; and yet it was nothing like what you envisioned previously, because previously you just had a stupid idea you regurgitated from a book or a video accompanied by fantasy-polluted pseudo-awakenings, and then you forcefully cemented this notion of "I Am Love" through a self-hypnosis so that you can distract yourself from the fact that REAL LOVE is NOTHING - DUST SLIPPING THROUGH YOUR FINGERS. AN ETERNAL FREEFALL WITH NO FLOOR. When will you realize that True Love is Absolutely Nothing? Only after releasing all of your concept-anchors surrounding Love.

You have to dare to be in no-man's land where you no longer even have a signpost or a reminder that Reality = Love. Even the memory of having studied mystic traditions and enlightened masters will burn to dust - either through your earnest self discovery, or through the inevitable expiration of your fantasies.

Rewinding a little bit - I feel like I am Japanese, I love the idea of being Japanese, I love Japan (and everything that entails), I want to go to Japan, I dream of Japan. I will talk all day about Japan. But I also understand that Japan is pure fiction, and I'm deepthroating a fantasy. At the end of the day, I am not "Japanese," I am Consciousness LARPING.

That's a really shallow example though. Most intelligent people can separate their sense of self from their nationality. But then even intelligent people will willingly choose to join pre-established factions because nobody wants to FLOAT FOREVER IN NO MAN'S LAND IN UNDEFINED ISOLATION.

And yet I always seem to end up back in said no man's land whether or not I like it. I've tried joining groups and taking on various identities: it never works. My construct-awareness always breaks me out (sometimes against my will) and I'm back in the dreaded ambiguity of NULL.

Until recently I cursed this aspect of myself. Many times I wished I were born ESTP rather than INFJ. I would think, "Life would be so much easier if I could just turn off my construct-awareness and join preestablished group dynamics!"

5-MeO-DMT helped me see for the first time that no man's land is the best place I could possibly be. No man's land is my Eternal Home which I have never had adequate gratitude for.

I was always headed in the right direction, but without societal encouragement or personalized role models and plagued with self-doubt, I couldn't see that I was aimed at Heaven the whole time.