College Life Is Ending!! Pain Is Increasing! No Friends

[Miguel Oliveira]

Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. 

Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and  I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me..

 

I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships..

This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad..

Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad..

I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't.

Feels like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up..

 

So much anxiety, so much pain..

[How to be wise]

5 hours ago, Miguel Oliveira said:

Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. 

Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and  I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me..

 

I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships..

This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad..

Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad..

I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't.

Feels like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up..

 

So much anxiety, so much pain..

http://thework.com/en

[smd]

@Miguel Oliveira Are you the only one going to graduate?   When I joined the workforce after college, I found myself working with other people in the same age demographic.  The people I still know & work with over nearly 20 years are the same age as me.  We didn't go to public school or college, we just showed up at the job & we were all the same age.   Just look for a new company, or a startup, & try to work there & you'll usually find younger people your age working there.  As you move around from job to job, you'll see some places have older people than others, but generally I've found most teams are all the same or similar age.

And Woody Allen said:  "80% of life is just showing up."  All you need to do is get out of your dorm or wherever you live and hang out in your area.  Get to know the people around you.  Learn their names and interests.  Write it down if you have to so when you see them again, you can call them by their name & ask how their shit is coming along.  It's a great conversation starter to get ppl talking about themselves.  Become a regular at nearby bars & restaurants _until_ everybody knows your name when you walk through the door...even if you rarely say a word to anyone, you showed up. Congratulations!   Showing up is 80% of the effort, the other 20% you can work to improve.

[Maria Nunes]

I feel you so much. I attend college, no friends, I just go to class and come home. I feel like I'm wasting all the fun and social part of college. I see everyone connecting with each other except me. You still have one year left to get along with your colleagues, during class sit next to the people you want to meet and talk with them, go have lunch with them. I know it's hard but if you were social before, you can be social again. And of course your social life doesn't end in college!! You can create amazing friendships at work or other ways!! Also, I was depressed and lost so many opportunities because of that, so I think the most important thing is to improve your depression and ocd. You need to feel good about yourself first!! After that is when you can create good lasting relationships. Wish you all the best!

Edited September 20, 2017 by Maria Nunes